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Focus on the Family with Jim Daly

Charting a New Course for Your Marriage and Family (Part 1)

Charting a New Course for Your Marriage and Family (Part 1)

Pastor Ray Johnston and his wife, Carol, describe how they are striving to pass on a healthy family legacy to their children and grandchildren by modeling a thriving marriage. The couple also outlines seven ways listeners can find hope in God for the challenges they're facing in their own marriage and family. (Part 1 of 2)

Opening:

Teaser:

Jim: Every relative in Ray Johnston’s family for over 100 years has been divorced. But Ray and his wife, Carol have been married for over 30 years and I want to know why is it working for you?

Ray: You bet, well, first of all, some days it works well and some days it doesn’t (Chuckling). See, as a matter of fact, I love it when somebody comes out and says, “I just don’t believe Jesus, the Bible, the church, or anything makes that difference. All I have to do is take out my family tree and they go, “You kidding me?” He makes all the difference in the world.

End of Teaser

Jim: Well, we’re gonna talk about that today in greater detail with two wonderful guests, John. And you know, what? If your family tree is filled with divorce, you want to stick with us to hear how you might be able to turn that around.

John: Yeah, it’s a great message of hope from Ray Johnston and his wife, Carol. They’re from Granite Bay, California and have four adult children.  Ray is a pastor, a leader and founder of the Thrive Conference and is the founding pastor of Bayside Church in Sacramento. That’s been described, Jim, as a church for people who don’t like church.

Body:

Jim: Okay, Ray, let’s start there. How do you make a church for people who don’t like church? What does that look like?

Ray: (Chuckling) Two things happen. First of all, I was an atheist growin’ up. And I actually talked a guy out of becoming a Christian when I was 18-years-old.

Jim: Ooh.

Ray: This does not look good on the pastor’s résumé.

Jim: Right.

Ray: And when people came to us and said, “Would you start a church in Granite Bay?” I said no. Then there were two twin copycat teenage suicides in our town and we thought, we have gotta start a church that reaches teenagers. So, we went, okay. We’re gonna speak “teenager” and we’re gonna start a church for people that don’t like church. And people are starvin’ for Christians, kinda like your ministry here, they’re starvin’ for Christians that communicate that they care and they’re not afraid to get into the real world and bring the love of Christ right there.

Jim: Well, that’s a full show right there, I gotta tell you guys.

Ray: It’d be a fun conversation.

Jim: That excites me. Carol, we gotta work you in here. We heard a bit of Ray’s background and his family tree. Talk about yours.

Carol:  Well, actually I grew up in not a believing family, as well. I became a Christian when I was a junior higher from some friends who invited me. And then just began to grow in my faith. But during those years it was a little bit tricky in my home, because I was you know, made fun of by my family about my decision for Christ—

John: Hm.

Jim:  Uh-hm.

Carol: –things like that. It wasn’t easy and when I first, actually it’s kinda funny, when I first became a Christian, I asked to go to church a second time and my dad looked at me and he said, “Okay, this is fine for you, but don’t ever preach to me about it.”

Jim: Wow. How did—

Carol: And so …

Jim: –that make you feel? I mean, this—

Carol: It was—

Jim: –was your father.

Carol: –yeah, you know what? I don’t know. I think God just got ahold of my heart and what happened down the road was, I began to shift in terms of my thinking about my family as, this is now kind of my ministry, is being that example of Jesus in my own family. But after I graduated from high school and was in college, my parents went through a pretty rough phase of their marriage. And that was about the time when Ray and I were trying to decide whether we were gonna connect or not. And marriage was not that appealing to me at the time.

Jim: So Carol, you didn’t have a great example to look to in marriage either. And you know, frankly, I think you’re describing why some people today are delaying marriage, because they don’t want it to turn out like they saw modeled, you know, if I could say it, by their parents or by other role models that they had, particularly in the Christian community. But there’s another side to that. Our research shows that a kit if 20- and 30-somethings value marriage highly that they want to do everything they can do to get it right, almost I guess, perfectionistic. They have a high, very high expectations. And in fact, I think we all come in with a certain bundle of expectations, what it will be like.

Carol: Uh-hm.

Jim: You quickly learn that your expectations don’t match typically. I mean, I think (Laughter) it’s the rare newlywed couple—

Ray: Really?

Jim: (Laughter)—that may find out, hey, it’s all workin’ well for us. We are identical in everything I think you think.

Carol: Right.

Jim: It’s not typical. If you’ve got that kind of situation, boy, you have gotten a real blessing there in each other. But typically, for marriage, it’s this whole bundle of expectations. And when they start getting dashed, you start getting hurt and bitter. Where do you go with that, Ray, when you’re feeling like, hey, my needs aren’t being met?

Ray: Early in our marriage, well actually, we’re on our honeymoon.

Jim: That’s early. (Laughter)

Ray: And yeah, we’re on our honeymoon and comin’ out of our backgrounds, I’m sorta going, I hope marriage is a good deal. Okay, I love her enough to get married to her, but we’ll see.]

Jim: You’ve never seen it.

Ray: No, we go on our honeymoon. Go to Hawaii where God wanted us to go and (Laughter) minister to the people at the Sheraton. And what I realized is, two days into my honeymoon, I’m goin’ this is incredible. And we’re married this is gonna be 24/7 sex. This is awesome.

Carol: (Laughing)

Ray: And Carol’s thinkin’, “This is awesome, we’re married. It’s gonna be 24/7 conversations.” (Laughter)

Carol: Yeah. So, I should’ve been aware of that.

Ray: Slight expectation reality gap.

John: And then she’s cryin’—

Carol: Yeah.

John: –because she’s leaving everything and you’re …

Ray: Yes.

John: Are those the moments where you’re thinking, this is not gonna work?

Ray: That’s a great question. I was thinking, this is harder than I thought it was going to be, ’cause generally when you go with a bunch of buddies to vacation and play golf for three days somewhere, most people aren’t sitting around crying and not talking about your relationship. (Laughter) You’re on the fifth tee. And so …

Jim: You’re just havin’ fun.

Ray: Sure, and which, to me, I thought, this is gonna be awesome. My marriage is gonna be pure fun. And what turned for me though is, I went for a walk on the beach and what I realized is, I actually felt like God said, “Here’s the deal. If it’s going badly, chill out, okay? ‘Cause it’s not gonna last.” God also said to me, “And if it’s goin’ great, enjoy the ride, ’cause that’s not going to last either.”

And this has saved my life, saved my career, saved my marriage and just don’t make any decisions when you’re down. And if you’re listening and I can pastor you for a second, I just want to say, if I made decisions when I was down, we’d be divorced. I wouldn’t have my church. I wouldn’t have my kids, wouldn’t have my ministry. I mean, one of the most important things I’ve learned in life is, never make any decisions when you’re down, because they’re almost always the wrong and destructive decision.

The problem is, this is the way most of us are wired, me included is, the minute something goes south, I start makin’ all these deci[sions], I’m quitting. I’m running. I’m doin’ all this stuff.

Jim: Yeah, fix it.

Ray: Absolutely and so, for me, it’s never make any decisions when you’re down. That has been a life saver and I am glad we got through that honeymoon, because I wouldn’t want it any other way. But if I made decisions when I was down, we’d be in real trouble.

Jim: One of the things we talk about, I’ve mentioned it before, is trying to keep your expectations reasonable. I—

Ray: Uh-hm, uh-hm.

Jim: –think at one time I used the word “low” and somebody I think understandably said, that doesn’t sound very inspiring. (Laughter) But what I mean by that, is don’t put too much on your spouse that, you know, that he’s gonna meet all your emotional needs and all those things. And that’s a good place to be, but sometimes it takes experience, like you said, Ray, to learn that. How do we open the eyes of the newlywed couple to say, just expect that to be part of the process—

Carol: Uh-hm.

Jim: –to get your expectations in a reasonable place? Is that fair, Carol?

Carol: Oh, yeah, I’d say most of us go into marriage with unrealistic expectations. Don’t you think?

Jim: Absolutely.

Carol: And I would say we did, too. I mean—

Ray: Uh-hm.

Carol: –I remember that time. Yeah, we were both working in the same area and we were on our drive home, which was about a 30-minute drive. And we were listening to a ball game on the radio and kind of talking. But my background was, you know, I was livin’ with roommates. You know, we talked all the time with each other and we stayed up late and we came home and it was the first thing we did, was debrief our days and all that. And I thought that must be what marriage is gonna be like, you know. (Laughter)

Jim: With your girlfriends.

Carol: Every night … yeah, yeah. (Laughter) Every night I’m gonna come home and he’s just gonna ask me how my day was and we’re gonna talk about all these things. And we drove this 30-minute ride and he says to me, “What do you want to do tonight?” And I said, “Can we just talk?” And he goes, “Isn’t that what we’ve been doing?” (Laughter) And I was like …

Ray: Not a good move. (Laughter)

Carol: And I thought, no, we’ve been listening to a baseball game on the radio most of the time and you know, I was like, Shh … you know, like I gotta hear this play. And (Laughter) I … you know …

Jim: This gets better for you, Ray. (Laughter)

Ray: No kiddin’. (Laughter)

Carol: But we do go into it with unrealistic expectations and I think realizing and most of it is at our deepest core, right. It’s like we expect our spouse to meet all our needs in terms of, you know, our broken heart or our aloneness or our happiness. And we expect our spouse to meet all those needs, but in reality, there’s really only one person who meets those kind of needs and that’s Jesus.

Jim: Hm.

Carol: And if we don’t understand that up front, I think we are in for a lot of disappointment down the road, because that person isn’t Jesus. But we are walking with Him together, you know. And so, I think we can go into it with unrealistic expectations.

John: Well, words of wisdom from Carol Johnston. She and her husband, Ray Johnston are here on “Focus on the Family” with Jim Daly. I’m John Fuller and you can learn more about Ray’s book, The Hope Quotient at www.focusonthefamily.caom/radio . And when you get the book from us, you’ll find a code that you can use to take an online quiz so you can discover your own hope quotient. And uh … Carol, now as part of your story, early on with those expectations, you had a lot of self-imposed expectations, too, didn’t you? I mean, if I read correctly, you sort of felt that you had to be this right person for Ray to stay with you.

Carol: Oh, interesting, yeah, you bringing that up. (Laughing) I carried some of that background my mom and dad, actually my dad had an affair and they lived with that affair for about seven years. It was very devastating in our family and even though my parents stayed together and were married almost 52 years, that was a seven-year period that was very difficult and it was during the time when we first got married.

I think I had an expectation on myself that I if I am not kinda on my game and making sure our marriage is growing and doing, you know, that Ray might grow bored of me. And it was just a few years ago at our anniversary where we were sitting around talking at dinner and I shared with him, you know, I think I’ve carried a weight on my shoulders that says, I need to be a certain way in this marriage.

And I asked him, you know, do you feel this way at all? And he was shocked to hear I even felt that way and actually kind of combatted and said, “I was afraid you might, you know, I thought maybe you’d think I would be boring or something.” And I’m like, how could that be possible (Laughing), because of who Ray is. But it was very interesting discussion because what happened was, I think at that point, I took a weight off my shoulders that said, I needed to relax in this love relationship. I don’t need to perform. Obviously, we all have to take care of our relationship, but I think I was carrying a burden that I didn’t need to carry.

Jim: Carol, I think you’re speaking on behalf of many, many women, women who are listening right now, who feel that burden. Maybe they’ve been married more than five years or 10 years or 15 years. And sometimes husbands maybe unintentionally even, keep that in the atmosphere, kind of that string that, if you don’t do certain things, then I’m pulling the trap door. Extremely unhealthy—

Carol: Right.

Jim: –obviously.

Carol: Right.

Ray: When Carol speaks to women a lot on this one, she tries to reset it. You say this thing, “Marriage won’t end your aloneness.”

Carol: Right

Ray: Like I’ve heard her say over and over to women, “Marriage will not end your aloneness and it will not heal your brokenness.”

Jim: Hm.

Ray: Okay. And what we see a lot of times is, I’m unhappy being single. I’m unhappy being single. Good, so we have two unhappy people. Now we’re gonna get married . Two unhappy people does not equal one happy marriage, but at least now they have somebody to blame that on.

Jim: Hm.

Ray: And you’re right and then we walk in with all kinds of insecurities and for example, we just dragged all kinds of garbage into our marriage from our backgrounds.

Carol: Uh-hm.

Ray: I mean, my dad was a big, very successful … guys wanted to run him for governor of California. He turned them down and they ran Ronald Reagan instead years ago. And my dad ended up becoming … he was president of his company, ended up becoming an alcoholic, “rageaholic” and I would go home and when you walked into my home you had to go, okay, is it safe? And if it was safe, then you could relax. And if it wasn’t safe, you had to figure out how to deal with it, as well.

Jim: Well, what do you mean by that though, Ray? Help us better understand “being safe.” What was the retribution?

Ray: Oh, my gosh, am I gonna get screamed at? Is everybody gonna get screamed at? Am I gonna get hit? Is this a safe place or it could be one explosion after another.

Jim: So, walking on egg shells.

Carol: Yes.

Ray: Oh, my gosh, yeah. And so, what happens is, I then get married and I go home every day and I’m just kind of scouring Carol, to go, are we okay? Are we doin’ okay? And if she’s not really affectionate when I get home, I assume something’s wrong and finally about six months into the marriage, we sat down and had a conversation about it. And what I realized is, I was frustrated, ’cause I was goin’, I wish you were more affectionate. I wish you were more expressive, all this kind of stuff.

Then I realized, wait a second. This is not about Carol. This is about the family I grew up in and I went, I’m now in a place where I can assume it’s safe, but I wasn’t assuming it was safe. I was assuming it was unsafe till somebody proved that it was not okay. And so, things I was blaming Carol for had nothing to do with Carol. It had to do with garbage I brought in from my family background.

Jim: How does a person open up to that realization? I mean, obviously you caught up to that, but it probably took years for you to figure that out. How can you accelerate that for somebody else? What can they look at to say, okay, what am I bringing in? What’s the baggage?

Ray: Well, you know, a good starting thing is to say this. It’s usually not about what it’s about. So, when somebody comes in and goes, this is about this, bam. You know, like it’s about my wife not being affectionate enough. Or it’s about this. You should go, okay, if I assume it’s not about that, what’s it really about. And instead of attacking the other person, I start taking a look at myself. That’s a much healthier way to approach this thing.

Carol: Yeah.

Jim: Absolutely. Ray, if you look at it, give me an example in you and Carol’s relationship. I mean, when you were young, when you were developing this, Carol was kind enough to talk about your good listening skills. Were you always there? Or was that something you had to learn and Carol, something you had to remind Ray that it’s important for you that he listen well?

Ray: We’ve had great conversations about having conversations (Laughter), because …

Jim: What did that look like? (Laughter)

Ray: For one reason. I’m a guy. You get (Laughter) … well, for example, the first time we preached together on marriage, we speak—

Carol: Oh.

Ray: –at marriage conferences. Whenever we speak on marriage at Bayside, we always speak together, ’cause we’re goin’, women need equal time in this stuff. (Laughter) And so, we go out to prepare our very first message at a restaurant and we have a fight preparing the message. (Laughter)

Carol: Yeah, it seemed like every time when we prepare something for a marriage conference, that week before that is always difficult, you know. It’s always hard to stay connected in that way. But I remember that time. Yeah, we were at a restaurant and we were actually evaluating kind of the message. And Ray is actually very good at receiving feedback and getting input and all that and revising. But this is not my thing. I am not a preacher. I am not; I’m not doing this regularly and so, this is our first time speaking together. I had, you know, different parts that I had created on the talk.

And we got together and we were like, “That didn’t work. That didn’t work.” And he’s X-ing out all these sections that I had thought about.  And I was in tears by the end of the meal. Like I am crying, going, “Well, then I don’t want to say anything.” (Laughing) But you know, we kind of came back together at the end and figured out that actually the end result was much better than what we had started with. But I had to learn also, I think sometimes our pride just looks different.

Jim: Hm.

Carol: You know, as women, we may look like we’re soft about things, but in a lot of ways, we think, you know, we think we’re right and we think we know. And my pride was hurt a little bit, ’cause I had written down all these things and he was telling me those weren’t working in terms of communication.

Ray: Yeah.

Carol: And I had to go, okay, well, you’re actually the one that does this all the time, so I guess I’ll listen to that.

Jim: Well, no, that’s good. It’s good to understand strengths and weaknesses.

Carol: Yes.

Jim: In fact, as couples, typically we bring opposite gifting in. I think it’s quite amazing. I’ve said it before that God has engineered it this way, that opposites attract.

Carol: Uh-hm.

Jim: And then He puts you in something called “holy marriage.” (Laughing)

Carol: Yeah.

Jim: It’s for you to learn how to be sacrificial, I think and how to be more selfless. ‘Cause if you don’t do that, you’re really in trouble. But I do think it’s God’s end game here is to say, okay, I’m gonna take these two wonderful children that love Me and I love them. And I’m gonna put them together, so they can learn to give to each other. But it’s a process in learning how to do that. Talk about how opposites attract, even in your own relationship. Are you the same kind of people? Are you two different people?

Ray: We say, before the marriage, opposites attract. After the marriage, opposites attack. (Laughter) And we end up getting’ married and we’re goin’, we are so different. And that’s actually a good thing. I mean …

Jim: Give me some examples to get my hands around it.

Ray: Well I’ll give you a whole bunch of ’em, ’cause Carol got so frustrated one time, she made a list.

Carol: Yeah. (Laughter) And do you want to hear it?

Jim: Let’s hear the list.

Carol: Okay. I’m an early morning person; Ray’s a late night person. Ray’s a visionary; I’m a realist. Ray has lots of ideas; I have lots of reasons why they won’t work. (Laughing)

Jim: That’s always fun in marriage.

Carol: Yeah. To relax, I engage in conversation; to relax, Ray disengages. Ray likes to give money away; I don’t. I like to stop and smell the roses; Ray’s driving so fast, he runs over them. (Laughter)

Jim: I like that one.

Ray: That’s true.

Carol: You know, late at night, I like to sleep. Late at night, I want conversation. Late at night, Ray wants something else. He doesn’t want that.

Ray: That’s also true.

Carol: (Laughing) Ray likes to speak; I like to listen. Ray goes into a room and talks to dozens of people; I go in and talk to maybe two or three.

Jim: Oh, so introvert, extrovert, all that.

Carol: Any personality tests we’ve ever taken, we are on opposite ends of the spectrum, but I will say that my life has been completely enhanced because my weaknesses are his strengths. And his weaknesses are my strengths. So, we’ve been able to appreciate that difference.

Like on our honeymoon, we did things that I would’ve never done if it was left up to me to plan the whole thing. And vice versa. I think we’ve …

Ray: I will be forever grateful that I married somebody that slowed me down. I have better relationships. I’ve got better relationships with our kids. It shapes your life when you get to a more mature place going, this is a good thing they’re different. And the problem is this. Every couple that’s ever divorced that we’ve talked to, if you get to the bottom of it, most of the time you say, what happened? And they’ll say somethin’ like, you know, we’re just not compatible. And I’ll just go, No. 1, nobody is. No. 2, is incompatibility is grounds for a very rich marriage.

John: Hm.

Jim: Yeah, it’s the opposite.

Carol: Yeah.

Ray: It’s the opposite, because you grow and you’re developed. And you know, if you’re identical, one of you is not necessary.

Jim: But talk about that. I mean, people are listening that are in a difficult marriage—

Ray: Yep.

Carol: Uh-hm.

Jim: –or a difficult relationship. They’re struggling. It’s dark. They don’t feel that hope. He’s so opposite from me, the only oxygen I feel is if I’m in a different room and maybe then a different relationship or a different marriage. How does somebody committed to Christ, get a handle on this and say, okay, we can do it differently and we can have fun with this? How do they go about doing that?

Ray: Well, by the way, that’s the million–dollar question. And the first thing I would say to somebody is this. Don’t start with your marriage. Go right below it. So, No. 1, recharge your spiritual batteries. You can’t control a lot of things. You can control whether you and God are recharged. And if you are, you’ll react and respond differently.

Jim: How do you recharge your batteries that way?

Ray: I actually just study myself and okay, what drains me? And what recharges me? So, for me, I’m goin’, there are people I don’t hang out with, ’cause they’re just too draining. There are couples that are so discouraging to be with. They’re choppin’ each other down the whole time. We just don’t hang out with them. They’re too draining. I have a rule. Never play golf with a jerk. I mean (Laughter), you know, it’s just too draining. So, I’ve just had to eliminate a lot of things out of my life, because they’re just too draining. And then I’ve had to figure out, what recharges my bat … time with good friends recharges my spiritual batteries. Getting time with God. Reading a couple devotionals every morning recharge my batteries. So I think it’s different for every person, but …

Jim: Well, I was gonna ask Carol. Carol, how do you recharge then?

Carol: Uh-hm. Well, primarily you know, this year I’ve been doin’ a 365-day reading plan kinda thing. But it’s just key passages, not entirely every bit of Scripture. But for me, what recharges my batteries is that, getting with God. Secondly, just us getting time together, some quality time. Time with my kids recharges my batteries basically. I love hangin’ out with my kids, all of ’em. You know, my girls and I are great friends now and we do a lot of stuff together.

Jim: And they’re adult children now.

Carol: Yeah, they’re adult children, 22 and good friends really I think recharges my batteries, so …

Jim: Did divorce ever enter into your vocabulary with you and Carol?

Ray: Have we been frustrated enough to want to get divorced? Probably. Have we been angry enough or disappointed enough or hurt each other enough to want to get divorced? Absolutely. What I think has stopped us from ever goin’ down that road is, No. 1 is, I don’t want to repeat my family tree. I want three generations now to go, “Oh, that as solid. Somebody paid a price so we could have this.”

Second is, Billy Graham. Billy Graham was in Sacramento. We hadn’t been married that long. He was doin” a crusade. He was in a press conference and [it was] amazing. And somebody asked him the question, “Have you and your wife ever considered divorce?”

Jim: Uh.

Ray: And he said, “Murder, yes. Divorce, never.” (Laughter) And then, nobody heard the second part though. He followed that by sayin’, “Actually,” he said, “to be honest, my wife and I would never get divorced for one reason. We are committed to things more important than just pleasing ourselves.”

Jim: Well, and now you’re hitting the tone.

Ray: That’s deep.

Jim: That is it. I mean, that’s I think our self-centeredness—

Ray: Yes.

Jim: –is the core problem in our Christian community today, as well as the culture at large. You know, one of the great things I think that Focus is doing right now is the National Institute of Marriage and we have brought that into the Focus orbit now, but this is where couples that on the last rung of the rope, I mean, they’re headed toward divorce, maybe signed the papers. This group has an 85 percent success rate two years after the engagement and it’s intensive counseling, a straight four days where they really get to it.

And you know what? If you need help, call Focus on the Family now. Call us and see if the National Institute of Marriage is a place for you to get that kind of help and hope. And they would put you on the right track. We also have counselors if you’re not in that kind of situation, not that desperate. We can certainly help you and talk you through the issues that you’re facing in your marriage.

John: Yeah, it’s a great counseling team and you can reach them by calling 800-232-6459; 800-A-FAMILY. And you can also find a tool there at the website to help you connect with a counselor. That’s at www.focusonthefamily.com/radio .

Jim: And as those people who are in need are starting to call even now, I want to thank those of you who support this ministry on a regular basis. Your donations are making it possible for our counselors to be on the phones this very minute, as people are calling in. And in fact, when you sign up as a monthly donor, you’re not only pointing other families to the hope found in Christ, but we also want to say thank you and provide a resource to help you in your family as our way of saying thank you.

John: Uh-hm, one way we’re gonna do that is by offering kind of a selection from some trusted resources, Jim, including your book, The Good Dad. We … there’s an Odyssey CD set and also a collection of some of our best “Focus” radio programs and then throughout the year, special offers. And so, please call now and join that monthly support team. The number is 800-232-6459.

Ray: Jim, I also want to say this. It is a privilege for Carol and I to be here. We pastor a church in California where we just heard two weeks ago that the divorce rate is now 3 out of 4

Jim: Ah.

Ray: Comin’ from a background where I’ve got 150 years of divorces in my family tree, I actually got emotional driving on here this morning, because I went, there is a place that actually cares about marriages and cares about people that are hurting and cares about building a solid foundation, so that our country’s gonna have a much better foundation. I got choked up walking on here at Focus.

And I want to say two things. No. 1, thank you. On behalf of everybody listening, thank you. There are very few people that care about this, these days; thank you. And No. 2 is, stay at it. Step on the accelerators around here, because this is more needed, at least in California and I think the country, than it ever had been.

Jim: Well, Ray, I so appreciate that and Carol, thank you for your witness. Thank you for standing firm on marriage. I think you’re right. I think this is the biggest need that we have in the country, is healthy families. If we have healthy families, we have a healthy culture.

Ray: Absolutely.

Jim: And that’s worth wo

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Pastor Dave Carder offers couples practical advice for protecting their marriages from adultery in a discussion based on his book Anatomy of an Affair: How Affairs, Attractions, and Addictions Develop, and How to Guard Your Marriage Against Them. (Part 1 of 2)

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Affair-Proof Your Marriage (Part 2 of 2)

Pastor Dave Carder offers couples practical advice for protecting their marriages from adultery in a discussion based on his book Anatomy of an Affair: How Affairs, Attractions, and Addictions Develop, and How to Guard Your Marriage Against Them. (Part 2 of 2)

Focus on the Family Broadcast logo

Balancing Gender Differences in Your Marriage (Part 1 of 2)

Robert and Pamela Crosby help married couples understand and celebrate their gender differences so that they can enjoy a stronger bond and deeper intimacy. Our guests offer practical tips for improved communication, successful conflict resolution and offering affirmation to your spouse. (Part 1 of 2)