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Focus on the Family Broadcast

Choosing the Right Attitude

Choosing the Right Attitude

Author Deborah Pegues encourages listeners to embrace God's promises and focus on His divine perspective as a way of cultivating a more positive outlook on life.

Opening:

Excerpt:

Mrs. Deborah Pegues: First of all, we were created for a purpose. And by faith we are saved. By faith we understand the promises of God. By faith we believe that what God has said, He’s going to do. And when we believe, if affects our behavior and our attitudes.

End of Excerpt

John Fuller: Well, that’s Deborah Pegues, and she’s our guest today on Focus on the Family. Your host is Jim Daly, and I’m John Fuller.

Jim Daly: You know, you’ve – likely have seen these motivational posters or signs that say, “Attitude is everything.” And, you know, it’s true. Attitude makes a big difference in how you look at life. Our attitude affects so much about who we are. That’s one reason I think Paul tells us in Philippians 2:14 and 15, do all things without grumbling or questioning. Ouch, that hurts. And then he goes on to say that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world. Now, what a powerful scripture for today because there’s so much twistedness and crookedness. A positive attitude brings glory to God – that’s for sure. And here at Focus on the Family, we want to impart that to you. If you’re living in negativity – and I’m not talking about just that kind of self-help thing. This is about a deeply rooted Christian faith that you can put on the armor of God every day and have an attitude that depicts his character to a culture that’s hurting and needing to see him. That’s what you can do each and every day.

John: Well, Deborah Pegues has been with us before. She’s a popular guest. And our conversations often receive a very positive response from you, our listener. She is a certified behavioral consultant, a Bible teacher, a speaker. And she’s written close to 20 books, including this one – Choose Your Attitude, Change Your Life… In 30 Days. And, of course, we’ve got copies of that at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast.

Body:

Jim: Deborah, welcome back to Focus.

Deborah: Well, thank you so much. I’m really excited about today’s topic.

Jim: I’m practicing a very positive attitude.

(LAUGHTER)

Jim: I love it. I don’t know – and this may be one of the things. Temperament must play a role in this. I mean, I like to wake up every day. I’m joyful. I want to go to work. I want to do those things. And I – you know, I just sometimes struggle with the negativity that some people have. It’s, like, come on. The world’s bigger and more important in terms of doing what God wants us to do than our petty arguments.

Deborah: Absolutely. You know what I say – attitude plays a role. Attitude is everything. I don’t really just teach positive thinking as much as biblical thinking…

Jim: Yeah.

Deborah: Because our attitude comes out of our beliefs.

Jim: Let me ask you this because these are all truisms. What is attitude? What is it?

Deborah: It’s a mindset. It’s how I choose to frame the experiences that happen to me.

Jim: OK. That’s good.

Deborah: Yeah. So, it’s a mindset. But I let the Bible determine how I frame my experiences.

Jim: Yeah.

Deborah: So, here’s a Scripture that you’ll probably get tired of me saying – Romans 8:28.

Jim: I love it.

Deborah: And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God and are called according to his purpose. Now, if you really, really, really believe that – and our challenge is to practice believing that, embracing that. So, no matter what’s going down, it says, in everything, give thanks. This is the will of God concerning you. In it – not for it, but in it – in it.

Jim: So, I agree.

Deborah: Yeah. Yeah.

Jim: I love those scriptures. But when you apply those, people can get uncomfortable.

Deborah: Well, that’s OK.

Jim: (Laughter).

Deborah: We’ve got…

Jim: Right?

Deborah: People have got to get comfortable believing God.

Jim: Well, that’s true.

Deborah: Really.

Jim: But as a believer, we shouldn’t be uneasy with those. And if we are, we’re letting our circumstances dictate our joy, our attitude.

Deborah: Yes.

Jim: Correct?

Deborah: And it sounds so trite to say it, but it is so true, and is a matter of practice. What am I gonna embrace? I think I’m qualified to talk about this because of my background growing up in Texas.

Jim: Well, describe it quickly.

Deborah: Well, it was – I – you know, I’m black (laughter). Well, but I grew up during the time where the – and 1964 was when the Civil Rights Bill was passed.

Jim: Yeah.

Deborah: I was 14 years old.

Jim: Oh. I was 3.

(LAUGHTER)

Deborah: But before then, there were no real privileges afforded to black folks. But, you see, I have never had a bad attitude. I embraced these scriptures early on in my life – that everything is working together for my good. So, I have a couple of hallmark scriptures that shaped my belief. Isaiah 14:27 – behold, the Lord has purpose. Who can thwart him? And who can stop my career (unintelligible)…

Jim: That is an awesome statement.

Deborah: Who can thwart – it says, who can thwart him? His hand is outstretched. Who can turn it back? Nobody. Who? Name somebody. So, I’m – you know, I don’t say I’m positive. I have a biblical perspective, and I try to maintain it. Now, listen – sometimes it’s a challenge. Sometimes I don’t believe that. Well, sometimes I act like I don’t believe that.

Jim: OK. And in those situations, what do you do when you feel like you’re falling short, and you’re not honoring God with believing that?

Deborah: I’ll stop and ask myself, what am I believing? Because sometimes we don’t go back to the core beliefs of saying, I’m believing something here that’s causing me anxiety, it’s causing me frustration, causing me to become angry. If so – if – when I was in school, then I – this man discriminated against me when I was a senior in college. And he said, you need to retake the English exam because you and Miss Patmore have tied for the A in the class. I was re-examined, and I didn’t get the A. Now, that could have scarred me. I didn’t know that – from that point on, I decided – listen, I read English books for my casual reading. I didn’t know God was positioning me to be a writer 20, 30 years later.

Jim: Amazing.

Deborah: You see what I’m saying?

Jim: Yeah, absolutely.

Deborah: That worked together for my good because it motivated me to go even deeper. So, everything works together for my good. I’m never a victim.

Jim: But Deborah, that – you know, in our culture, the difficulty, I think, to embrace the Christian faith – A, it’s not a Western faith. It’s a Eastern faith. It’s Jewish in its origins. And so, you apply it into a Western culture where I’m on top of the heap. It’s a – you know, a competitive environment. It’s capitalism. And there are many good things – I’m not anti-capitalist because I think it’s the best system for humanity to flourish. But I’m just saying in the Western culture, you want to be on top. How do you balance these things with those influences from the culture with the reality that what God is about is your internal thinking, your heart and how you approach life and even the blows of this life?

Deborah: That’s why you have to get good teaching, stay under good teaching in church. Teach – you need to be on the teaching that tells you not to conform to this world, not to conform to the culture. Listen – there are a lot of things we do that would be – that we – could cause us to conform to the culture. Listen – and we would be up a creek. Even being in debt, we’re conforming to the culture. We’re consumers. We’re not resisting all of the consumerism that goes on. You have to deliberately, intentionally say, I’m going to get this Bible, and this is gonna be my guideline. Now, I know that that’s almost a rare message. But that’s why we have programs like yours – so we can bring people back to what the core motivations should be.

Jim: OK. Well, let’s hit some of those things, those adjectives that describe things that impact our attitude negatively. Just give us a list of a few that you’ve counseled people on.

Deborah: OK. I counsel people on – mostly people who are facing adversity.

Jim: OK.

Deborah: OK, so you don’t say, why me? I say, listen – the Bible says all the days ordained for you are written in his book.

Jim: He knew it before.

Deborah: He knew it before. And he’s well able to handle it. He can give you the grace to handle it.

Jim: Yeah.

Deborah: So that’s a – if you’re facing something where you don’t feel qualified to do it, I go back to Daniel 2:20 (Daniel 2:21 is the correct reference). He gives wisdom to the wise, knowledge to those who have understanding. So, don’t shy back because you don’t have the experience. Don’t do that. Show up and let God show himself strong.

Jim: So, when you look at the story of Job, for example, and – you know, let’s just put that in a modern-day context. This poor man loses everything – his business, his family. And Job comes to you – knock, knock, knock. “Deborah, I need help. I’m in a bad place.” What are you going to say to Job to make him feel better or to get the right perspective?

Deborah: I said, what do you know about God? Job knew his God. He knew something about God. And that’s why the Bible talks about casting down imaginations and everything that’s rising up against what you know about God.

Jim: Especially your friends.

Deborah: Yes, yes. Right. And you can’t listen to everybody ‘cause everybody’s autobiographical in their approach to you. They’ll say, well, if I had to do it – or, you know, that’s not a very good thing to do because they’re going from their own perspective.

Jim: Right.

Deborah: So, we have to realize we are connected to an omniscient God. He knows everything, and he dwells in you. He is all-powerful. I don’t have to try to curry favor with certain people so I can get ahead. God knows everybody. He’s everybody’s father. He’s not everybody’s Lord, but he’s everybody’s father.

Jim: Wow. That is good.

Deborah: See? So, he’s connected to everybody. So when you take, again, a biblical perspective, a divine perspective based on the word of God – it’s amazing how few people read the Bible these days, but I can tell you, you will be at another whole place with your mindset, with your goals if you embrace what the Bible has said and don’t limit God to your experience, your education.

Jim: And that’s kind of that vertical relationship that so many pastors will teach us about. And now let’s move to that horizontal. Why is it important to have friendships that lift us up, that do the right thing? Maybe not the Job friendship, but something better. How should you act as a friend to somebody who’s down in the gutter?

Deborah: You don’t judge them, first of all. You know, you don’t do like – who was the one who said – Elihu, who sat there – that fourth man who came to visit Job. Remember the three friends?

Jim: Yeah.

Deborah: But there was a fourth person there. He sat there for 32 chapters, said nothing.

Jim: (Laughter).

Deborah: He said, “I sat here all this time, and I listened to all these icons of wisdom.” He said, “But I realized something. You know, everybody who’s old ain’t wise, so you’ve got to watch who you listen to.” Because they started off doing well. I mean, they came, they sat, they listened. They sat for seven days and didn’t say a word. I could never do that. So…

(LAUGHTER)

Jim: I would struggle, too.

Deborah: You know, I would struggle with that. But you know what? They started out well, but, you know, after a while, they got impatient and tried to blame Job because we’re always trying to rationalize God’s behavior. We have to understand that we – there are some things we will never understand. His thoughts are higher than ours.

Jim: Yeah.

Deborah: And so – but what do we know about him? That he loves us and that he wants the best for us. We’ve got to embrace that as the truth that shapes our attitude.

Jim: Yeah. You use the term aloofness, which I really appreciate that word. It’s not used very much anymore, but it describes a very particular type of behavior. Tell us more about aloofness in that connection with our relationships.

Deborah: Well, there are people who just don’t feel like they can trust people, so they remain emotionally apart. They don’t like to connect. You know how in church sometimes, they’ll say “Hug your neighbor” – I know people who’d say, I hate that. Or they’ll say, say this to your neighbor.

Jim: Well, I don’t feel aloof, but I don’t particularly like that either.

(LAUGHTER)

Deborah: I don’t really like it, either. I don’t say that when I’m speaking, like, say this to your neighbor. I just – I may say repeat after me, but I’m right.

Jim: Right.

Deborah: Some people hate talking to their neighbor.

Jim: But it’s that emotional distance that’s…

Deborah: Yes.

Jim: And they don’t want to be hurt, probably.

Deborah: Right.

Jim: And so, they pull in, and you don’t risk.

Deborah: Yeah. Right. Because they don’t know if you’re safe.

Jim: Right.

Deborah: You know, and maybe their experience has been that they’ve connected with people who were not safe, and so their best approach, then, is not to connect. And so that’s not a great way to be if you want to be involved with people.

Jim: So, if you’re that person – I’m assuming, you know, with millions of listeners, there are people out there that are saying, yeah, that’s me – what can you do to overcome that fear? That’s what it is.

Deborah: Yeah, but you get connected with a group. That’s why I believe even if you don’t have an official small group in your church, you need to be connected with a Sunday school class or some group…

Jim: Yeah.

Deborah: …Where you can get to be known. You need to know people, and you need to be known.

John: Deborah Pegues is our guest today on Focus on the Family, and what a great book, Choose Your Attitude, Change Your Life: …In 30 Days. And it’s an easy read. It is going to be a great resource for you or someone you love. And, uh…

Jim: (Laughter).

John: …We’re gonna encourage you to call and get a copy or stop by the website. Our number is 800-A-FAMILY; 800-232-6459. Online, we’re at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast.

Jim: Uh, let’s move to the value in others. I love this. And I think I try to do this where you – even in a conflict situation, where you’re trying to find the value in that person that you’re either trying to, uh, confront or what have you. But seeing value in others is so critical.

Deborah: It is. Because everybody brings something to the table.

Jim: Yes.

Deborah: Everybody. It may not be something that the world exalts. But everybody brings something to the table that can add value to other people’s lives. And so, you want to recognize that.

Jim: Hmm.

Deborah: You know, you want to recognize a person’s sensitivity to other people. Uh, there are people who are just naturally helpful. There are people who are generous. So, you want to recognize that and applaud it. You know, the world applauds education, size, whatever (laughter), you know?

Jim: Yeah – football. I played football (laughter).

Deborah: Well, you know, extraordinary talent. But find the things that God – what counts to God? I have a friend who just witnesses to whomever comes in her sight. You know, she’ll witness to them. I’m thinking, like, “That’s great.” I don’t tend to do that. I’m a Bible teacher. I don’t mind teaching you the ways of God. But I’m really not one to just go up and say, “Do you know Jesus? (Laughter)”

Jim: Right.

Deborah: You know what I mean?

Jim: It starts with relationship.

Deborah: In relationship – but she’s very bold.

Jim: Yeah.

Deborah: And I like that.

Jim: Yeah.

John: You’re talking about dialing into character traits…

Deborah: Yes. Yes.

John: …The things that really matter. Yeah.

Deborah: Yeah – not the performance…

John: I appreciate that.

Deborah: …You know, those kind of things but character traits.

Jim: Yeah. You know, something that caught me in your book is this issue of sarcasm…

John: Oh.

Jim: …Because I can…

John: Me too.

Jim: Yes, John…

John: Me too.

Jim: …Are you a little that way?

John: Yeah.

Jim: I mean, that – it kind of is a way that we banter. And certainly, in my family, we do. And yet it can go over the line. And…

Deborah: It can go over the line because the goal is really, obviously, not what you’re saying, right? Like…

Jim: Yeah.

Deborah: “…Way to go, Einstein,” you know?

Jim: Right.

Jim: What you really mean is that was – you were acting like a dummy. But that really means you might need to confront something. If there’s some behavior that’s causing you to be sarcastic then you need to address it.

John: Yeah. I remember, um, after college, I was hanging out with some friends pretty consistently. And we fell into a pattern of sarcasm. And it was – it was biting sarcasm.

Deborah: Mmm…

John: And I – you know, the Lord really got a hold of me. It’s not because there was some spiritual giant or something. But I think his Holy Spirit just said to me, “Enough of that.” And I had to come clean in front of a group and just say, “We have a tendency to diss each other and be really super sarcastic. Let’s – let’s not do that anymore.”

Deborah: Yeah. That takes…

John: Or at least, I’m going to stop doing that.

Deborah: Yeah. Yeah. It takes on a life of his own.

John: Yeah.

Deborah: I was thinking something the other day. I was upset with Darnell because I had to tell him…

Jim: Your husband.

Deborah: Yeah – my husband. And I had the television on – up really loud because I was listening in two or three different rooms.

(LAUGHTER)

Deborah: So, he came to the door, you know? And he said, “Why do you turn the television up so loud and then you leave the room?” And I’m think, like, you never start a question – a confrontation with why…

Jim: (Laughter) Yeah.

Deborah: …Because now I’m on a defensive. But I went back in the room. And I said, “I’m never gonna talk to him again.”

Jim: (Laughter).

Deborah: And then I started thinking – you know, just being off-the-chart crazy, right? – “I shouldn’t ever talk to him again. Or I’m never gonna turn on television again.” And you know what? I heard the Holy Spirit say to me. He said, “Get off with that train.” I’m like, “What train?” “That train of thought – you need to get off of that train.”

Jim: And that kind of takes us toward the anger issue that you cover in the book.

Deborah: Ooh.

Jim: I mean, this can go – you go retaliation. Then you probably are very close to its neighbor called anger.

Deborah: Oh, listen.

Jim: And, you know, that’s a tool that devastates.

Deborah: That’s another whole book (laughter).

Jim: Yeah. Yeah.

Deborah: Let me tell you why. Anger is a secondary emotion. You don’t feel anger first. You feel something else first. You may feel disrespected. You may feel minimized. Anger is an emotional protest. I’m protesting the fact that you just made me feel something other than anger. You know, you made me feel put down…

Jim: Embarrassed.

Deborah: Embarrassed, so I’m angry about that. So, you have to understand the source of the anger. So, I’m protesting. What am I protesting? And how am I responding?

Jim: Yeah.

Deborah: Yeah.

Jim: And so, the next big question is how do we get rid of that anger? How do we get it out of our lives?

Deborah: Well, OK. It’s gonna always be there because it’s gonna – you don’t have to respond to it in a dishonoring way to God.

Jim: And something’s gonna trigger it in different ways.

Deborah: Something’s gonna trigger it. And you’ve got to say, “Now, why – why – why is that a button for me?” Because I always say, “Disable those buttons.” You know, if a button for me is for people to say, “Oh, you talk too fast. You were on that show. And you talk so fast. I didn’t know what you were saying.”

Jim: Hmm.

Deborah: Well, hey, I was on the show. OK. You weren’t.

(LAUGHTER)

Deborah: Well, I can’t say that (laughter).

Jim: Right – because that would make somebody angry.

John: Yeah. But we think it though, don’t we?

Deborah: Yeah. We can think it. But I can cast that down, too. I can cast it down, that imagination. I love that scripture. Cast it down. Just cast it down. Get off that train of thought. Make yourself think about something else. Well, what else can you think about? See. Everything is in the Bible.

Jim: Yes.

Deborah: Philippians 4:6-8 – These are the things that think about. This is the sifter. Whatever things are good and just and honest and – and God honoring. It says, “Of a good report” – whatever’s of a good report. Think on these things. If it’s true, think on that. So, force yourself. Make yourself. Be a good manager, a steward of your thoughts. You know, we think about stewardship as being over money, time, talent, treasure. Listen. We have to learn how to manage our thoughts. If you don’t, you’re going to have a nasty attitude.

Jim: Hmm. That is really good. And it’s important for us. The – the other thing I’m thinking about is expectations.

Deborah: Ah…!

Jim: So, you got – you know, we’ve dealt with the anger thing.

Deborah: Yes.

Jim: And I remember, I think, in my book I wrote, Finding Home, uh, you know, just talking about my childhood and things – somebody who reviewed it – Publishers Weekly or something said, “Well the best advice Jim Daly can give is to keep your expectations low.” That wasn’t entirely my point.

Deborah: Right.

Jim: My point was more spiritual, in that, if you keep your expectations in a Godly context, that people are sinful by nature – uh, this is after my father had let me down. My stepdad had walked out.

Deborah: Yes.

Jim: And my foster father had accused me of trying to murder him, which was not true. So that was the evidence for me that, you know, sometimes adults don’t speak the truth. But I wasn’t bitter about it. But it created in me this, you know, reasonable expectation that people aren’t always going to do the right thing. I think it was a great tool for me growing up and realizing what humanity is like.

Deborah: And it helps you to get through that. And yet we don’t want to paint everybody with the broad brush to say…

Jim: Sure.

Deborah: …It’s not safe to have any expectations because I know that wasn’t your goal. But you know what? Expectations are real tricky because sometimes we have self-imposed expectations. We have expectations that we haven’t even expressed to others. And then we have unreasonable expectations.

Jim: Right.

Deborah: And so, I say, listen. Don’t get caught in that trap of trying to meet other people’s expectations. Because, if you do, I’m telling you, you’re gonna be tired. You’re gonna run yourself raggedy. And yet, I want to set a standard for people in my family. This is what I expect. I’ll give you an example. When I had one of my birthdays – I must have been 40 – we were moving into a new house or whatever. And nobody remembered my birthday except my one brother. He brought his little girl over. She was about 4 or 5. And another couple stopped by. But we were moving and packing. And she said, “Auntie Deborah, I feel so sorry for you that only five people came to your birthday party.”

(LAUGHTER)

Deborah: And I’m thinking, like, “Yeah. Nobody…” You know, I wasn’t having a party. But, you know, in her little head…

Jim: You’re right.

Jim: …She’s used to a big party. And I tried to play it off. I said, “Oh, no, no. Sweetheart, this isn’t a party. I just made punch. But this isn’t a party.” And she said, “Listen. You have to feel bad because it’s not even enough people here to have fun with.”

(LAUGHTER)

Deborah: So, what she’s saying – like, “Don’t play this off,” you know?

Jim: It sounds like she’s sowing in the seed here for a little bit of bitterness – is what it sounds like.

(Laughter).

Deborah: Yeah. They could have remembered my birthday. They could have done something. But I let them know that I was disappointed that nobody remembered my birthday or acknowledged it.

Jim: You know, Deborah, the – probably the most critical aspect of all of this when it comes to attitude and what the scripture has to say about it is this area of pride and humility.

Deborah: Mmm…

Jim: Humility is crucial to a positive attitude. And pride, as the scripture says, always goes before the fall.

Deborah: Yes.

Jim: And that is really good. I remember a funny example of that. My two boys were learning how to ride bicycles, and they were getting pretty good at it. And, all of a sudden, the older brother, Trent, started letting go of the handlebar. And I remember saying to him, “You know what? Be careful. Pride goes before the fall.” And he goes, “Oh, right, Dad.” Bam. And he crashed it instantly.

Deborah: (Laughter).

Jim: I mean, the timing could not have been – I think it was a God thing. And his little brother Troy looked at him and said, “See? Dad’s right.”

(LAUGHTER)

Jim: But it is…

Deborah: Yeah.

Jim: …That kind of thing.

Deborah: I’ve walked in pride before.

Jim: Yeah. And then it takes on more adult contours…

Deborah: Yes.

Jim: …When you get older. And it’s in relationships…

Deborah: Yes.

Jim: …And the whole bit. But speak to that issue of pride and humility as being fundamental to your character.

Deborah: Well, God hates a proud attitude. And, uh, I was once worked as a venture capitalist with a bunch of guys, and they always had me analyze the deals. And they’d go out to the – and present it to the powers that be. But one deal was so complicated until – the way we had structured it, you know, they weren’t going to be able to explain it. So, they were going to bring me to the meeting. I knew I was gonna be going, and I tell you, I was dressed to the nines. And I had my little stuff ready…

Jim: (Laughter).

Deborah: …And I had my handouts ready. I’m, like, I am gonna be the star of this meeting. So, I walk out to the car, throw my briefcase in the car – I thought – and backed up. And I heard this clunk.

Jim: (Laughter).

Deborah: Well, what had happened – I ran over the briefcase.

Jim: (Laughter).

Deborah: And in my effort to get it – and it just demolished the briefcase. But in my effort to get the papers, I got black grime all over this white cream suit.

Jim: Oh, no (laughter).

Deborah: By the time I got to that meeting, I just kind of, like, wanted to sit in the corner and just say nothing.

Jim: You didn’t want to be the star of the show?

Deborah: But you talk about pride goes before…

Jim: Yeah.

Deborah: …Destruction at a haughty spirit before a fall…

Jim: Right.

Deborah: Listen – God hates pride because that’s the tempter of the flesh to take God’s credit.

Jim: Hmm..

Deborah: Well, God’s not gonna share his glory.

Jim: Yes.

Deborah: He’s not going to share his glory. So, if you are proud, you just need to back it up and say, you know what? Everything I have came from God. I love the Scripture talks about, what do you have that you didn’t receive?

Jim: That’s it. I mean, that really is it.

Deborah: That’s it.

Jim: It kind of rolls into the next, and perhaps the last, question I can ask you, and that is this area of servanthood. You know, again, in our me-focused culture, we don’t like rolling up our sleeves and serving others. I mean, we do it maybe on the superficial level. Speak to the value of having a servant’s heart toward others.

Deborah: That’s the heart of Jesus. Serving others is the heart of Jesus. Even as a leader, you have to serve others. No man is an island. We can’t be an island unto ourselves. And I’ve seen people who had maybe a death in a family, but they weren’t the type of person who served others. And so, when it’s their time to be served, nobody knows them. They don’t have any capital built up with others. We had a friend whose brother died, and everybody was so – this guy had been such a servant, that – the person who died. But his brother – all of our…

Jim: Yeah.

Deborah: He was a friend of all of ours – everybody came to that guy’s side. It was just amazing to just to see the support. What can I do? Because he had earned that with his service. And so, listen – we can’t be like that. We can’t be me, me, me, me, me, me. We’re going to have to really look for ways to serve others but in a balanced way…

Jim: Yeah.

Deborah: Because I see people go to the extreme with that as well. They volunteer for everything in church…

Jim: Yeah.

Deborah: Because they’re trying to get everybody to like them. You’ve got to understand your motive and make sure it’s God-honoring when you serve people.

Jim: Deborah, some people who don’t have a relationship with Christ listen to “Focus on the Family.” I’m glad they do. They want marriage advice, parenting advice. And I’m glad they’re coming for that advice. But in this area of attitude and who you are in your core. Man, faith plays an amazing role. And I’d like to end here with you speaking to that person who maybe walked away from the Lord or had never really knew the Lord or have a relationship with God in that way. What do you say to them about the central role that faith plays in shaping your attitude?

Deborah: First of all, we were created for a purpose. And by faith, we’re saved. By faith, we understand the promises of God. By faith, we believe that what God has said, he’s going to do. And when we believe, it affects our behavior and our attitudes. And so that’s why if you’ve walked away from God because you’re disappointed in people, don’t take it out on God. He still has a plan for your life. God has a wonderful plan. And it’s up to you to decide, no matter what people have done, I’m going to embrace what God is saying. I’m going to read the word for myself, and I’m going to start to walk it out.

Jim: Yes.

Deborah: I’m just gonna believe it. I’m going to do it, and I’m going to – my expectation is gonna be of God. The psalm says in Psalm 62:5, “My soul weighed only upon God, but my expectation is from him.” Expect God to begin to show himself strong in your life. He will do it. He will send people in your path to do so. God uses people, so don’t cut people out.

Jim: Yeah.

Deborah: Just cut the negative experiences out. Remember them as a lesson learned and expect God to do what he’s gonna do in your life.

Jim: Deborah, I so appreciate that. I think one of the things that I will say to people who say to me I haven’t committed my life to the Lord because I knew this Christian, and he didn’t pay me the money he owed me. That is such a common statement.

Deborah: Yes.

Jim: And I look at them with all sincerity, and I say, “That is foolish.” And I say that with deep respect. If a human being has let you down, and that keeps you from a relationship with God, keeping you from eternity with God…

Deborah: Yes.

Jim: You’re making one of the most foolish choices by choosing a human being who disappointed you over the God who will never disappoint you.

Deborah: And people are human, and we’ve disappointed people. We have to understand that goes both ways.

Jim: We fall short.

Deborah: We fall short.

Jim: Deborah, awesome. This is a great challenge. And it’s called Choose Your Attitude, Change Your Life… In 30 Days. Might take me 35 – I’m not sure, but I’m going to try. Deborah, it’s been great having you with us.

Deborah: Thank you so much for having me.

Closing:

John: Well, this has been a wonderful and kind of convicting conversation with Deborah Pegues. She always has, Jim, such a great perspective.

Jim: She does, John. And we all can use a reminder now and again of how to have a more positive outlook and a good attitude. Because, as we’ve said, ultimately, it’s a reflection of our faith. And, uh, that brings God glory.

Uh, Focus on the Family is here for you. We want your relationship with the Lord to be as a strong as possible. Vibrant and healthy. We want you trust Him and to live in joy, as we’ve been talking about today with Deborah. If you need guidance in that regard, which I think we all do, we are here for you. Just call us. We have a fantastic e-book called, Coming Home, that will help you take those first steps in trusting Jesus as your Lord and Savior. We also have Deborah’s book, Choose Your Attitude, Change Your Life: In 30 Days that will walk you through that commitment to changing your attitude for the better. And I’d also like to ask you to consider supporting the ministry of Focus on the Family. Each and every day, thousands of people reach out to Focus on the Family for help. Many are in full-blown crisis. Others are just looking for some practical help and wisdom. God is already working through friends like you to bring healing and hope to couples on the verge of divorce. Mothers considering abortion. Families in crisis. Parents who are struggling to raise their kids, and children who are waiting in foster care for a forever home. But of all of those who benefit from Focus on the Family resources, like this radio program, only a small percentage support the ministry through prayers and financial giving. Families from across the country, and from around the world, they need you. It’s that simple. Think about how many more people God could help through your support of Focus on the Family today. And when you donate today a gift of any amount, we’ll send you a copy of Deborah’s great book, Choose Your Attitude, Change Your Life: In 30 Days as our way of saying thank you for doing your ministry through Focus on the Family.

John: Donate today and get your copy of that book by Deborah Pegues at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast. And while you’re there, be sure to take our listener survey. It’s your opportunity to tell us what you like about these broadcasts, and share ideas for future interviews.
You can also call us to get in touch. Our number is 800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY. 800-232-6459.
Well, next time on this broadcast, Gary Chapman is with us. And he has some pretty strong words for those who might be involved in an extra-marital affair.

Teaser:

Dr. Gary Chapman: There’s only one right thing to do with an affair. You break it off. “Oh, but I’ll die if we can’t be together.” No, you won’t die. We’ve studied that, too. (Laughter). No one in the history of this nation has ever died from breaking off an affair. Not one.

End of Teaser

Today's Guests

Choose Your Attitude, Change Your Life ... in 30 Days

Receive Deborah Pegues' book Choose Your Attitude, Change Your Life … in 30 Days for your donation of any amount! And when you give today, your donation will be doubled to support the Gift of Family.

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Cover image of the book "The 40-Day Sugar Fast"

The 40-Day Sugar Fast: Where Physical Detox Meets Spiritual Transformation

Welcome to the 40-Day Sugar Fast, a fast that begins with us giving Jesus our sugar and ends with Jesus giving us himself–the only thing that can ever truly satisfy our soul’s deep hunger. On this 40-day journey you’ll learn how to stop fixating on food and other things you use to fill the voids in life and instead fix your eyes on Christ. Anyone who runs to sugar for comfort or a reward, who eats mindlessly or out of boredom, who feels physically and spiritually lethargic, or who struggles with self-control will discover here not only freedom from their cravings but an entirely new appetite for the good things God has for us.

Understanding the Root of Your Child's Misbehavior - Part 1

Often, children act out because they are used to getting attention through bad behavior. Dr. Kevin Leman offers advice to help parents transform their child’s behavior. He discusses the benefits of allowing your kids to learn from real-life consequences and describes the importance of understanding your child’s temperament based on his birth order.

Dr. Kevin Leman

Dr. Kevin Leman

Dr. Kevin Leman is an internationally known family psychologist and an award-winning, New York Times best-selling author. He is also a popular public speaker and media personality who has made countless guest appearances on numerous radio and TV programs. Dr. Leman has written more than 50 books including The Birth Order BookHave a New Kid by Friday and Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours.

Bundle of Why Your Kids Misbehave

Why Your Kids Misbehave and What to Do about It

Tantrums. Talking back. Throwing toys or food. Meltdowns. Slamming doors. Kids know just how to push your buttons. You’ve tried all sorts of methods, but nothing seems to work. In this book, Dr. Kevin Leman reveals exactly why kids misbehave and how you can turn that behavior around with practical, no-nonsense strategies that really work . . . and are a long-term win for both of you.

Understanding the Root of Your Child's Misbehavior - Part 2

Often, children act out because they are used to getting attention through bad behavior. Dr. Kevin Leman offers advice to help parents transform their child’s behavior. He discusses the benefits of allowing your kids to learn from real-life consequences and describes the importance of understanding your child’s temperament based on his birth order.

Dr. Kevin Leman

Dr. Kevin Leman

Dr. Kevin Leman is an internationally known family psychologist and an award-winning, New York Times best-selling author. He is also a popular public speaker and media personality who has made countless guest appearances on numerous radio and TV programs. Dr. Leman has written more than 50 books including The Birth Order BookHave a New Kid by Friday and Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours.

Bundle of Why Your Kids Misbehave

Why Your Kids Misbehave and What to Do about It

Tantrums. Talking back. Throwing toys or food. Meltdowns. Slamming doors. Kids know just how to push your buttons. You’ve tried all sorts of methods, but nothing seems to work. In this book, Dr. Kevin Leman reveals exactly why kids misbehave and how you can turn that behavior around with practical, no-nonsense strategies that really work . . . and are a long-term win for both of you.

Loving Your Spouse Through the Seasons of Marriage - Part 2

Debra Fileta has identified the four seasons of marriage that correspond with our natural seasons – spring (new life and new love), summer (things get hot!), fall (showing our true colors), and winter (long days ahead). In this interview, she will help couples better understand the four seasons of healthy relationships, what to expect during each one, and how to carefully navigate them for a stronger marriage.

Author Debra Fileta in the Focus on the Family broadcast studio

Debra Fileta

Debra Fileta is a licensed professional counselor specializing in relationship and marital issues. She is also a public speaker and the author of multiple books, including Married SexChoosing Marriage: Why It Has to Start With We > Me, Love in Every Season, and Are You Really OK: Getting Real About Who You Are, How You’re Doing, and Why It Matters. Debra’s popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, and her Love + Relationships podcast reach millions of people each year offering guidance on topics including love, sex, and marriage.

Love in Every Season: Understanding the Four Stages of a Healthy Relationship

Every relationship goes through four life-changing seasons: Spring. Summer. Fall. Winter. Each season plays an important role in taking your relationship to the next level. And depending on how you navigate each season, your relationship will either flourish and grow, or it will slowly die. Whether you’re single, dating, engaged or married, join licensed professional counselor and relationship expert, Debra Fileta as she takes you on an eye-opening psychological and spiritual journey through the four seasons that she has observed in every healthy relationship.

Reconciling Faith and Science in a Medical Crisis

Dr. Lee Warren is a neurosurgeon who has faced many heavy challenges in his life – from serving in the Iraq War to removing deadly brain tumors to experiencing the loss of a teenage son. He’ll share about his difficult quest to find answers to some of life’s toughest questions, while holding onto his faith in God and the sure hope of heaven

Headshot of Focus on the Family broadcast guest Dr. W. Lee Warren

Dr. Lee Warren

W. Lee Warren, M.D., is a brain surgeon , inventor, Iraq War veteran, and author of I’ve Seen the End of You: A Neurosurgeon’s Look at Faith, Doubt, and the Things We Think We Know, winner of the Christian Book Award®. His previous book, No Place to Hide, was included on the 2015 U.S. Air Force Chief of Staff’s Recommended Reading List. Dr. Warren has appeared on The 700 Club and the CBS Evening News, and his writings have been featured in Guideposts magazine. His Dr. Lee Warren Podcast, which is heard in more than 60 countries, helps listeners use the power of neuroscience, faith, and common sense to change their lives.

Cover image of Dr. Lee Warren's book "I've Seen the End of You"

I've Seen the End of You: A Neurosurgeon's Look at Faith, Doubt, and the Things We Think We Know

This gripping inspirational memoir grapples with the tension between faith and science—and between death and hope—as a seasoned neurosurgeon faces insurmountable odds and grief both in the office and at home.

Praying Scripture Over Your Child’s Life - Part 1

Jodie Berndt loves to pray for her children. She’s been doing that for the past thirty years. Now she helps other parents to talk to God, asking for the salvation of their kids, and for wisdom, self-discipline, purpose, a future and much more. She offers fun and practical encouragement that moms and dads can put to work immediately in their daily lives as they prepare their children for a life in Christ.

Headshot of Focus on the Family broadcast guest Jodie Berndt

Jodie Berndt

Jodie Berndt is a public speaker, a Bible teacher, and the the author of 10 books. Find out more about Jodie and get some free resources (including printable prayer cards and calendars) at her website, jodieberndt.com.

Cover image of Jodie Berndt's book "Praying the Scriptures for Your Children"

Praying the Scriptures Over Your Children

You will discover how using the Bible to shape your desires and requests opens the door to God’s provision—and frees us from things like worry and fear in our parenting! This expanded edition of the bestseller features updated content on issues like technology and identity, and comes with new material designed to invite children into the family prayer circle. Purchase now and receive 10% off your product.

Mothers and Sons: Being a Godly Influence - Part 1

Rhonda Stoppe describes her early motherhood challenges of raising a son, which was intimidating to her. She found help through group of older women mentors. She urges moms to see their role as ministry in shaping sons to be good and godly men. Rhonda outlines several practical suggestions to moms about spiritual training, how to communicate with boys, and supporting the father-son relationship as a wife.

Headshot of Rhonda Stoppe

Rhonda Stoppe

Drawing upon 35 years of experience as a mentor, pastor’s wife, and homeschool mom, Rhonda Stoppe offers encouragement and guidance to women as an author and public speaker. She is popularly known as the “No Regrets Woman,” as she is especially passionate about helping women live life without regrets. Rhonda’s books include Moms Raising Sons to Be MenReal Life Romance, and The Marriage Mentor, which she co-authored with her husband, Steve.

Cover image of Rhonda Stoppe's book "Moms Raising Sons to be Men"

Moms Raising Sons to Be Men

Mothers of boys have the special calling to shape future men of God. Popular speaker Rhonda Stoppe, mom to two sons, knows this opportunity is a challenge, a joy, and probably the most important work of a woman’s life. Drawing from years of experience, this inspirational resource will revive the faithfulness and fortitude a woman needs to partner with God as they shape the character and heart of a future godly man.

Identifying Triggers in Your Marriage Part 1

They were both convinced they had married the wrong person. From almost the very beginning of their marriage, Amber and Guy Lia experienced various tensions and personality clashes related to house cleaning, backseat driving, workaholism, and intimacy. In this two-day Focus on the Family broadcast, Amber and Guy discuss how they bravely faced the triggers head-on, and committed to working on their own relationships with Jesus. As you listen to the Lia’s story, you’ll feel hope that you, too, can see real marriage transformation!

Headshot of Guy and Amber Lia

Mr. and Mrs. Guy and Amber Lia and Mrs. Jean Daly

Amber Lia is a work-at-home mom, blogger, public speaker, and co-author of two best-selling books. Her husband, Guy, is a former TV, feature film, and VFX development and production executive who has worked on popular TV shows and films. Guy and Amber own Storehouse Media Group, a faith- and family-friendly TV and film production company based in Los Angeles,

Cover image of the book "Marriage Triggers" by Guy and Amber Lia

Marriage Triggers: How You and Your Spouse Can Exchange Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses

A husband-wife team offers practical advice for married couples to end the cycle of reactionary arguments by examining the most common issues that trigger disagreements and apply God’s Word to radically transform relationships.

What to Do When You're Not Okay - Part 1

Life can be pretty stressful. Between work, relationships, and other obligations, the pressure builds, and we lose sight of who we are. Counselor Debra Fileta helps you better understand your emotions, assess your mental, physical, and spiritual health, and intentionally pursue a path to wellbeing. In dealing with anxiety, depression, and panic attacks, Debra understands the importance of self-examination as well as the benefits of seeking professional help. She offers biblically-based advice, tools, and encouragement to help you get on a path toward healing and wholeness.

Author Debra Fileta in the Focus on the Family broadcast studio

Mrs. Debra Fileta

Debra Fileta is a licensed professional counselor specializing in relationship and marital issues. She is also a public speaker and the author of multiple books, including Married SexChoosing Marriage: Why It Has to Start With We > Me, Love in Every Season, and Are You Really OK: Getting Real About Who You Are, How You’re Doing, and Why It Matters. Debra’s popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, and her Love + Relationships podcast reach millions of people each year offering guidance on topics including love, sex, and marriage. Debra resides in Pennsylvania with her husband, John, and their four children.

Are You Really Okay?

Are You Really OK: Getting Real About Who You Are

In Are You Really OK? author and licensed counselor Debra Fileta challenges you to get real with who you are and how you’re doing spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically so you can recognize where you need growth and healing.

Navigating a Toxic Culture with Your Daughter - Part 1

As a pediatrician, Dr. Meg Meeker has seen thousands of girls come through her office through the years. They struggle with eating issues, sexual identity, social media…and many other challenges in this toxic culture. Dr. Meeker will encourage parents to invest love and time in their daughters and develop their character to give them the best opportunity for a bright future, all rooted in a spiritual foundation. The discussion also includes healthy feminism vs. toxic feminism

Mrs. Meg Meeker

Dr. Meg Meeker is a pediatrician who is widely recognized as one of the country’s leading authorities on parenting, teens and children’s health. With appearances on numerous nationally syndicated radio and TV programs, her popularity as a an expert on key issues confronting families has created a strong following across America. Her work with countless families over the years served as the inspiration behind her best-selling books which include Strong Fathers, Strong DaughtersStrong Mothers, Strong Sons and The Ten Habits of Happy Mothers

Cover image of Dr. Meg Meeker's book "Raising a Strong Daughter in a Toxic Culture"

Raising a Strong Daughter in a Toxic Culture: 11 Steps to Keep Her Happy, Healthy, and Safe

Meg Meeker has been a pediatrician for more than thirty years, is a mother and a grandmother, and has seen it all. She knows what makes for strong, happy, healthy young women–and what puts our daughters at risk. Combining that experience with her famous common sense, she explains the eleven steps that will help your daughter–whether she’s a toddler or a troubled teen–to achieve her full human potential.

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Newest Release - Episode 1: The Truth About Life!

In this episode, we will tackle tough questions like, “When does life begin?” and “What does the Bible
say about Life?” You’ll discover and understand the stages of pre-born life and that babies are more than
just a clump of cells!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!

Thank you for committing to pray for the pre-born!

Sign up below for your free seven-day prayer guide. This daily guide will help give direction to your prayers for the pro-life movement. We will be praying with you!