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Focus on the Family with Jim Daly

Experiencing True Intimacy with Your Spouse

Experiencing True Intimacy with Your Spouse

In this lighthearted workshop, Gary and Barb Rosberg explain how couples can enjoy more sexual intimacy by tuning in to each other’s needs, like affirmation for women and responsiveness for men. In the second half of the message, the Rosbergs discuss the importance of spiritual intimacy for couples, and demonstrate ‘conversational prayer’ on stage.

Day One

Barb Rosberg: Your husband, that gorgeous man that you’re married to, walks in the back door and he says, “Baby, your handsome dog is home.” And then-

Audience: (laughs)

Barb: … he gives you a kiss. The kind of kiss that you’re going. “Oh, no.”

Audience: (laughs)

Barb: “He’s number 201 on my list.”

Audience: (laughs)

John Fuller: Well, today on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly, we’ll be taking a humorous look at overcoming the challenges to marital intimacy.

Jim: (laughs)

John: Thanks for joining us. I’m John Fuller.

Jim Daly: That’s right, John. And we’re featuring a message from our dear friends, Dr. Gary Rosberg, and his wife, Barb. Uh, they’re a very dynamic, uh, couple who speak all around the world to help marriages thrive. And today we’re sharing a light-hearted workshop that they gave at a marriage event sponsored by Focus on the Family South Africa.

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: A lot of people won’t even know about South Africa.

John: We have an office there, yeah.

Jim: And it does so, so very well. Uh, Gary and Barb are authors, broadcasters, and the co-founders of America’s Family Coaches, coaching marriages for almost 40 years.

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Isn’t that amazing?

John: A long time.

Jim: And they have two daughters and a dozen grandchildren.

John: Oh, my goodness. What a legacy. And, uh, if you’ve got children or grandchildren nearby, uh, take note, please. You might want to use your earbuds or listen later via our Focus app or podcast or watch on YouTube because we do have some sensitive content we’ll be getting into. Here now, Gary and Barb Rosberg on today’s Focus on the Family with Jim Daly.

Dr. Gary Rosberg: How many of you are glad that God created sex? I just want to see your hands.

Audience: (laughs)

Gary: Yeah. I mean, think about it. He could have created cross pollinization or something. So sex is a good thing. It was created for our pleasure. But what we need to learn how to do is redefine sex. We need to learn to redefine sex. Barb, in Hebrews 13:4.

Barb: Oh, I, I love the Word of God. And He is for us. He is for us. Do you know He made us in such a way where he wants us to have great relationships, a great marriage. And yes, indeed, He wants us to really experience something great and wonderful in the bedroom behind those locked doors. And if your mama didn’t tell you, let me be the voice to tell you and to remind you that God is for you. He made us in such a way where this is a very, very good thing. In Hebrews, this is in the Word. A lot of these husbands are gonna become Bible students tonight.

Audience: (laughs)

Barb: In Hebrews 13:4 it says, “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure.” So we’re gonna be talking about what do we need from each other in order to have great sex in a godly marriage.

Gary: So Barb, one takeaway for women. Okay, so coach the men. Women need what?

Barb: What? We need affirmation. Are you gonna give me one takeaway tonight?

Gary: No, take, no j- just go-

Barb: Okay.

Gary: … for this.

Barb: Affirmation. Your wife needs-

Gary: Affirmation.

Barb: … to know that you still think, wow, she is beautiful. Oh, I am telling you, it doesn’t matter what age or what stage she is at. In fact, in fact, it is the other 23 and a half hours a day. It’s the way you talk to her. It’s the way you take the garbage out in the morning.

Gary: No.

Audience: (laughs)

Barb: It’s the way you pick up your clothes off the floor.

Gary: Oh, you’re meddling.

Barb: It’s the way you are carrying the laundry and fro- uh, from the-

Gary: (laughs)

Barb: … laundry room into the bedroom.

Gary: You’re killing us.

Audience: (laughs)

Barb: It’s the way you treat your wife the other 23 and a half hours a day. When you affirm her, when you build her up, when you say, “Honey, you are the best. You are beautiful. Do you know what a great mother you are to our children?” Ah, affirmation.

Gary: I think she knows.

Barb: Affirmation. It’s especially, especially important during that time of intimacy. Why? Because it keeps your wife, to speak into her, beautiful beauty. Remind her of how gorgeous she is to you both inside and outside. Why? When you focus on her during times of intimacy behind those bedroom doors that are locked… And if you don’t have a key on it, you, you get a lock right now tonight.

Audience: (laughs)

Barb: But anyway, it keeps her present. It keeps her focused because there’s so much that a wife has to do that sometimes she loves you, but she’s thinking of that list. You know, the list of laundry, the list of cleaning the kitchen, the list of going to the grocery store. You know, the kids.

Gary: You mean we’re on the list?

Barb: And so… No.

Audience: (laughs)

Barb: (laughs) You don’t wanna be on the list, but you want to keep her focused, you want to keep her affirmed, you wanna… You tell her when you’re behind those locked doors how wonderful she is and she will focus on you. And it will be wonderful. In the book of Ephesians it says, “A wife is to respect her husband and a husband is to love his wife.”

Gary: You know, this issue of, of affirmation. Uh, a number of years ago we were speaking and a man came up to me and he said, “Gary, I’m addicted to pornography. I’ve had many sexual partners. Um, I don’t know how to connect. You know, you talk about affirmation and connecting and intimacy. I’ve never experienced that intimacy. Do you have a word for me? Do you have anything that will encourage me?” And I said, “I ha- I have an idea. Here’s what I want you to do. The next time you’re having sexual intimacy with your wife, I want you to open your eyes very gently. Now, don’t go like that, okay?”

Barb: (laughs)

Gary: “Because if she senses it, it’ll scare her to death. But just, just open your eyes.” And he said, “Why would I do that?” I said, “Because if you open your eyes and you look at your wife during physical intimacy, you will remain in the moment. There won’t be comparison, you won’t be flashbacking on, on pornography or something else.” And he said, “Really?” And I said, “Yeah.” And so then, we went back into the second part of the evening, we talked about spiritual intimacy. And the guy came up to me, 45 minutes later, at the end of the evening, and he goes, “It worked.”

Audience: (laughs)

Gary: And, and, and, it was December, you know, and it was cold, and it was in North America, and I said, “What you, what did you do?” He said, “No, no, no, no, not sex, Gary. Spiritual intimacy.” I said, “What do you mean?” Now listen to this.

Audience: (laughs)

Gary: He said, he said, “At the end of the evening, you told us to take each other’s hands.” And I said, “Yes I did.” “And you said, now close your eyes.” And I said close your eyes. And I, I said now we’re gonna pray together, and we’re going to coach you all in a moment on this. And so, uh, they prayed together. And he said, “During the prayer,” he said, “I opened my eyes and I just started to look at my wife. And she kind of opened her eyes, and it was like, ‘Shut your eyes.’” You know?

Audience: (laughs)

Gary: You know, wives are like the junior Holy Spirit. You know, it’s just kind of-

Audience: (laughs)

Gary: And, and he said, “No, no, no.” And he looked at her while they were praying. And he said, “You know what, Gary, we had spiritual intimacy for the first time in our marriage.” He said, “I can’t wait to go home.” I said, “Okay, I got the rest of it.” All right.

Audience: (laughs)

Gary: You see, when we are admiring, when we’re connecting, we need to be in the moment. We need to be present. And guys, I a- and this isn’t, this isn’t funny because it’s hard. Because many of us as men, we are caught with all sorts of images. And Barb will talk about that momentarily. We’ve got all these images. And what we need to do is to, to have a, to release those images so that we are connected, and we are only committed to our wife. Barb, talk about takeaway number four. We’re gonna move around a little bit here, and talk about this issue of connection, sweetheart. And just let these guys, uh, catch some vision for that.

Barb: Well, they’re p- they’re probably confused on the numbering system that we just used.

Gary: That’s okay.

Barb: But I will go to that in my-

Gary: Okay.

Barb: … notes, okay?

Gary: That’d be fine.

Barb: And, and gals, you know, Gary just made a, a real fast reference to something. I am going to give you a secret in the next few minutes that will deal with something within your husband that you had no idea you could do to your husband. Where you can understand it doesn’t matter what he’s seen or who he’s seen or what he might be thinking about as far as something from the past.

I’m going to give you a secret that is guaranteed to absolutely redefine and give you power in your marriage relationship. So don’t you be leaving early because this is life changing. So on this, it says a wife has a need. And by the way, this is all based from the book, The 5 Sex Needs of Men and Women. And so women told us that if you wanna have great sex in a godly marriage, you’ve got to have connection.

Now, what’s that mean? It’s the end of the day. We call it between, um, between and 7:00 PM in America. This is when kids are getting out of school. This is when husbands and wives are getting home from work. This is when we’re thinking about making dinner. There’s so much to be done. And so we call this the valley of the shadow of death for every woman.

Audience: (laughs)

Barb: (laughs) And for that woman, we have got a list and it’s this list that we have made that has probably got 200 items on it that we want to do by the end of the day. And it’s everything from laundry to washing the dog to making sure there’s food, as I said earlier. Your husband, that gorgeous man that you’re married to walks in the back door and he says, “Baby, your handsome dog is home.” And then he gives you a kiss.

Audience: (laughs)

Gary: That’s my line.

Barb: (laughs) He gives you a kiss, the kind of kiss that you’re going. “Oh, no.”

Audience: (laughs)

Barb: “He’s number 201 on my list.”

Audience: (laughs)

Barb: Your husband has just entered the take zone. Guys, what do we need?

Gary: We can relieve your stress.

Barb: (laughs) Yeah.

Audience: (laughs)

Barb: You save your comments for your time of the talk, you good-looking dog. (laughs) What a man can do.

Gary: I think I’ll sit down here for a moment.

Audience: (laughs)

Barb: What a real man can do. No, come on up here-

Gary: Oh, okay.

Barb: … honey.

Gary: Yeah.

Barb: What a man can do-

Gary: Yeah.

Barb: … is he can come home and he can survey the home and he can go, “My wife has got a list.”

Gary: (laughs)

Barb: And so, what he can do is he can take part of that list that she’s got laying on that kitchen counter.

Audience: (laughs)

Barb: And he can look at that list all over her shoulder and he goes, “Oh, vacuum cleaning?”

Audience: (laughs)

Gary: That’s sexy?

Barb: So this is when a man gets the vacuum cleaner out. Are you with me?

Audience: (laughs)

Barb: Anything that has got a plug into it and is plugged into the wall and he vacuums the carpet. A woman will have her attention on her husband and he will never have looked so sexy in his life.

Audience: (laughs)

Barb: Because he’s lifting her load off that list.

Gary: This is sick.

Barb: She can-

Audience: (laughs)

Barb: Let me put it this way.

Gary: But go ahead, Barb.

Barb: Let me tell every man in this room the secret. If the list is done-

Gary: That’s my notes, Barb.

Barb: … and it’s out of her head. (laughs)

Audience: (laughs)

Gary: I need those for Durbin.

Barb: Oh, here, lean on me, I’ll do your talking.

Gary: Here, yeah.

Barb: Okay. Um, you know what, if, if he lifts the load, now this is heavy on her heart, this is like crashing into her brains. This is emotionally draining, draining, draining her. Guys, you knock off a couple of things on that list and you have just lightened her load.

Gary: Yeah.

Barb: And honestly, she can focus on you behind the locked doors because that list is done. Or, this hero of a man that walked in the back door wanted to do one or two or three things on that list. Oh, be still my beating heart.

Audience: (laughs)

Barb: So, if you want a focused wife, a connected wife, if you want-

Gary: (laughs)

Barb: … a wife that has got eyes for only you, ears for your words, who is fully wanting to give herself to you behind those locked doors, then pay attention to her list and lighten her load.

Gary: Okay, Barb, give them this one about non-sexual touch.

Barb: Okay, this is one that-

Gary: Because I don’t get it.

Barb: This is out of the book, folks. It’s out of the books. We asked women what it meant in order to have a great, uh, sex life in a godly marriage. And women came back and said, “Non-sexual touch.” And Gary’s goes, “Uh-uh, it’s not in there.” I said, “Yes it is.” Now, let me just ask you to do something right now.

Gary: Now, that’s foreplay, right?

Barb: Men, men, no, uh, now I’m going to be getting to you in just a minute. It is not foreplay. It may have a tone of arousal around it.

Gary: Yeah.

Barb: But gals, gals, gals, take, put your hands on your husband’s shoulders and just rub his shoulders. He may not know what non-sexual touch is.

Audience: (laughs)

Barb: So let’s just, let’s just show him-

Gary: What’s the point?

Barb: … our definition-

Audience: (laughs)

Barb: … of what non-sexual touch is. It may have a tone of arousal around it, but it is intimacy in and of itself. Gentlemen, give your wife just a little neck massage right now.

Audience: Woo.

Barb: Woo. I heard a woman talking.

Audience: (laughs)

Barb: Yes, I did. I heard a squeal.

John: You’re listening to Barb and Gary Rosberg on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. And you can find more great advice in their book, The 5 Sex Needs of Men and Women. Discover the secrets to great sex in a godly marriage. We’ll send that to you for a donation of any amount to support this show and this ministry. Make a monthly pledge or, uh, contribute one time, and we’ll include a free audio download of this entire presentation as well. Donate and request those at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast or call for details. 800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY. 800-232-6459. Let’s return now to more from Gary and Barb Rosberg.

Audience: (laughs)

Gary: Okay. Now, Barb, now here, here’s the problem with this, guys. Stick with me. You’re teachable men. How many of you guys are teachable men? Okay. So you’re saying, “Okay, okay. I started off. I wanna be a good husband. So I’m going to learn how to do non-sexual touch.” You’re minding your own business. You start doing, where’d you go, you start doing-

Barb: (laughs)

Audience: (laughs)

Gary: … non-sexual touch and all of a sudden you get aroused.

Barb: I think I heard a yeah.

Gary: Now, what do you do, Barb?

Barb: Somebody out there. Okay. Okay.

Audience: (laughs)

Barb: This is… (laughs) How are you doing out there?

Gary: How many of you remember Dr. Rue?

Barb: No, okay.

Gary: This is Dr. Rue Barb.

Barb: No, no, no.

Gary: Right here.

Audience: (laughs)

Barb: (laughs) I think I’m having a hot flash and it has nothing to do with menopause. All right.

Audience: (laughs)

Barb: (laughs) What happen… Okay, I don’t need to tell you what happens. Gals, this is what your husband is thinking. I’m still looking at my page here. You need to answer a question. And the question is this, if you need to say no you need to say when.

Gary: Yeah, baby.

Barb: So here’s the answer. No matter if your husband, he gives you the look, he gives you the touch, he’s got the signal going on, it’s only your signal. And by the way, we don’t want to see his signal. Okay.

Audience: (laughs)

Gary: There’s a guy in the fifth row kind of giving it to me, okay.

Barb: So if your husband-

Audience: (laughs)

Barb: (laughs) If your husband got-

Gary: Brother’s got something in his eye, I think.

Audience: (laughs)

Barb: (laughs) He comes home. He gives a non-sexual touch and, uh, anyway, you can fill in the blank. So, anyway, answering the question, I’m thinking, “I had the worst day at work. I am absolutely drained. I have gotten…” Okay, women are gonna understand this little dialogue right now. “I have got nothing inside of me emotionally.” And don’t make any comment. And so, (laughs) you know, it’s not about… And I’m thinking to myself, “It’s not about you, Gary.”

Gary: It feels like it.

Barb: It’s not about you. He’s feeling like it’s rejection, because what I wanna say as a wife is, “No, you’ve got to be kidding. I haven’t done my list. I am exhausted. The kids are in the other room. What are you thinking? You know, and the grandkids.” Anyway, when you sa- have to say no to your husband, and there are times when you really-

Gary: Yeah.

Barb: … have to say no.

Gary: Say when.

Barb: Say when. You know, for instance, if you say, “Ugh, I’m tired and I really had a rough time with my boss today. But baby at 8:00 tomorrow morning.” Or, “At 6:30 tomorrow morning, once I, uh, we, we get up in the morning, the kids aren’t around.” Give your husband a time of day because then he knows, “Phew, somebody else is thinking about sexual intimacy in our marriage.”

Audience: (laughs)

Barb: And it is a very strong physiologically. And Gary can talk about this because every man has a rhythm.

Gary: Yeah.

Barb: And I know you’d like to talk about it.

Gary: Yeah. L- le- so let me hit a takeaway here. It’s the issue of responsiveness, all right? Now guys, every man in this room, if, if you’re married, if (laughs) if you’re, I hope you’re married, because we’re talking about this, but, uh, you desire for your wife to be responsive. How many guys agree with that? That when your wife is responsive… Now, when she’s not responsive, you know what, then you feel rejected.

Now, here’s the scoop, every guy in this room has rhythm. Now, I haven’t seen you dance, I’m just looking at you, that would be a little frightening, but every guy in this room has rhythm. You’re an every 48-hour guy, every 72-hour guy, some of you are a once a week guy, okay, that you have a sexual rhythm. I was doing a men’s event one time I said, “Some of you are probably a once a year guy.” And there was a guy in the back row going, “Yeah, yeah, yeah.”

Audience: (laughs)

Gary: And I said, “You’re a once a year guy?” “Yes, yes, yes.” I said, “Why are you so happy?” “Because tonight’s the night.”

Audience: (laughs)

Barb: (laughs)

Gary: (laughs) Yeah, see, we just all have a rhythm. We all have a rhythm. Yeah.

Barb: Uh, yeah.

Gary: And so when a man initiates with his wife, he wants her, he… Don’t move over there, Barb.

Barb: Do I need to… (laughs)

Audience: (laughs)

Gary: So when a man initiates with his wife, and he desires to be intimate with his bride, okay, and she rejects him, okay, then she really, that man then is frustrated. Because here’s the scoop, and I’m going to get serious with you here. When I married Barb Rosberg, Barb Rosberg became God’s only provision in order to meet my physical needs in my marriage. When Barb married me, I became the only provision to meet the needs.

Now, how many of you believe that in a covenant marriage? That when you got married, that’s it, okay? That’s it. And we instruct you to guard your heart. So, 1 Corinthians 7:5, here’s what Paul says, and I love what he says. This is awesome. He says, “Do not deprive one another, okay, except for a time, with mutual consent.” Um, and the only time that you deprive one another is so that you can call your mother back.

Audience: (laughs)

Gary: Do not deprive one another except with mutual consent for a time so that you can do the dishes. Or have the valiant shout. That’s not what scripture says. Scripture says, “Do not deprive one another, except with mutual consent for a time, so you can devote yourselves to…”

Audience: … prayer.

Gary: “… prayer.” And then what Paul says, “Then come back together, lest you too be tempted by Satan because of your lack of self-control.” Now, I don’t have the time to break all this down but I wanna hit some highlights, all right? What scripture says is do not deprive one another. Now, that’s a hard issue. Because when a husband is loving his wife effectively, and she’s safe and she’s secure, and he’s a one woman man, and he’s only got eyes for his wife… Okay, that’s what we want to challenge you to be. To guard your eyes, guard your heart, and to guard this marriage bed.

And so, when a husband is sold out for his wife and he initiates, then if she is saying, “You know what, I need to hold off right now.” That’s okay. She can say no, because there are d- there are times of illness, there are times of preoccupation, there are times with other things, and that’s fine.

Now, it, but you need, then, I think, to be able to say to your spouse, “Okay, but then we will come back together so we can experience this intimacy.” Now, Paul gives provision in 1 Corinthians 7:5. Here’s what he says. He says, “If you need to set aside for something more important than physical intimacy, and it’s spiritual intimacy.” I love this. He said there are times when you step away from sex because there’s something more important and that’s connecting in that vertical relationship between you and Jesus Christ.

But he says, it’s got to be mutual consent. It’s not control. See, it’s not a wife controlling a husband, it’s not a husband controlling a wife, and it’s only for a period of time. Then he says, “Then get back together. Now get back together. Get back together because you’re going to get tempted by Satan,” he names him, “because of your lack of self-control.” That’s awesome scripture right there.

And you know what, if we would look at that and say, “Hmm, that reframes what we’re doing here. That reframes.” Now, we did research, we researched 1,200 people, and we asked them what they need to have great sex. Because we believe God created sex, and I don’t know about you, but I am sick and tired of the enemy and the culture and Hollywood, and, and the media, and everything else telling me what great sex looks like in a godly marriage. Because they don’t know. God created it. Amen?

Audience: Amen.

Gary: It’s a good thing. It’s a good thing. Now, some of you are going, “It doesn’t feel like a good thing.” Because there’s hurt, there’s disappointment, there’s all sorts of different issues. You need to deal with those issues. But when you are loving one another, and cherishing one another, and committed to one another, and wanting to learn how to connect with one another, and you initiate and you respond in a healthy, biblical way, it’s a good thing.

Initiation is another, another sex need that men have. Uh, I was speaking at a promise keepers, and later that night, my son, Scott and I, we, I don’t call them son in laws. I say, “There’s no in law about it. You’re trying to leave, your dead, okay?”

Audience: Yeah.

Gary: So I’m a little strong in this. But anyway, I…

Audience: (laughs)

Gary: So Scott and I were having some ice cream, and a dad walks up with his, his young son, he was eight, nine, 10. His name was Ryan, from Florida. And he said, “I want my son to meet you, Gary.” And I said, “Well, I’d love to meet him.” And the young man looked at me and said, “Dr. Gary.” He said, “You know what I learned today?” I said, “What?” He said, “You told all the men, including my dad, to guard his heart.” And I said, “Yes I did, son.” He said, “You know what me and my dad do, Gary?” I said, “What do you do, Ryan?” He said, “When we’re walking along and there’s a store, and I see some woman, she’s not dressed right, I go, ‘Dad, underdressed woman at 9:00. Turn.”

Audience: (laughs)

Gary: “Dad, underdressed woman at 2:00. Turn.” I mean, he’s like a little, you know, vigilant kid. And he’s out there. And, and I looked at the dad and he was grinning from ear to ear because he had a boy that loved him that knew that, that dad needed to guard his eyes. And I pulled the dad aside and I said, “When that boy turns 12, put a paper bag on his head, all right?”

Audience: (laughs)

Gary: You with me? But you know what? What we need to do is to be intentional because we as men are visual. We are visual. That’s how God wired us. But God also wired us to exercise self-control and discipline. And we need to take the responsibility to do that, guys. It’s a hard issue, women. It’s hard for us as guys. But we need to step up to the plate in order to do that with great sense of honor of one another. Let’s shift, Barb, to celebrating love spiritually.

And we want to just make sure that we highlight some of these issues. Because this is important. Takeaway number one is what’s the ultimate source of connection? It’s a relationship of three. When a husband and a wife are walking with Jesus Christ and experiencing that intimacy. And, um, you know, I didn’t grow up in a Christian home. And, um, and I met Barb on a blind date. She had just accepted Jesus. And a guy had just come to the place I was living, a fraternity house in Iowa, and told me about Jesus.

And for five months I tried to disprove the resurrection of Jesus Christ. Anybody else kind of like me? You’re just, you know, it was like, I couldn’t believe that God loved me that much that He sent His Son to die for me. I just couldn’t believe it. And so, for five months, I studied and I rejected and I would go to this guy’s house and I would pace his house.

And then one night in 1973, I was dating this young gal. I had asked Barb to consider marriage and she said, “I could never marry you, I’m marrying a Christian man.” And I thought, “Loser, right here.” You know, because I thought, “Well, I’m, I’m not a Christian man.” But women, I wanna tell you something. Barb had the courage to say no to me because she loved somebody more than she loved me, and that was Jesus Christ.

See, that’s a godly woman. And she’s a brand new Christian, but she knew that she desired to have a Christian marriage. And so, one night in 1973, I went and climbed on top of a big rock pile in a parking lot, because I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. You ever been there? You’re just fed up with yourself. You’re fed up with trying to fix it. You’re fed up with trying to manipulate your way through life. And you’re frustrated, and you’re out of control.

And I picked up a rock. In fact, I picked up this rock right here, 1973. And I remember hanging on to this thing, and I just said, “Dear Lord God, I don’t know why you would send your Son to die for me. I’m arrogant, I’m prideful, I’m out every night getting hammered. I’m just, I’m a mess. And I’ve met this cute little gal, and, and I want what she has, but I know it’s going to cause me to surrender, and I don’t want to surrender because I want to just control everything, but I am worn out.”

Anybody ever been there? And I remember that night I just said, “If I receive you as my Lord and Savior tonight, I’m going to hang on to this rock, not as an idol, but just as a memory.” And I’m showing it to you tonight. “But if I reject you, I’m going to throw this thing as hard and far as I can.” I’ll never forget as long as I live. And then I just bowed my head and here’s what I said.

“Dear Lord God, I love you. I confess that I’ve broken your heart. I confess that I’ve sinned against you. Would you forgive me and become my Lord and Savior. Come into my heart and make me the kind of man you want me to be.” And I got all done, I went to a pay telephone, I called Barb, and I said, “Meet me on the street, I gotta tell you something.” She met me halfway, and I remember, Barb, you looked at me, and you said, “You just received Christ as your Savior.” And I remember thinking, “How did she know that?” I mean, it was just kind of, it was strange. But you know what folks, I’ve never looked back.

John: Well, that’s where we’re going to have to press the pause button on this powerful message from Dr. Gary Rosberg and his wife, Barb, and we’ll hear the conclusion of their presentation next time.

Jim: Wow, John, I, uh, really appreciate the Rosbergs and their honest approach on this topic, which is very sensitive, but really good stuff. And for those of you who might be struggling in this area of your marriage, uh, please get in touch with us and request a call back from one of our caring Christian counselors.

We have an amazing team here that is ready and willing to provide a free consultation. It’s what we do as ministry. They’ll listen to you. They’ll pray with you and suggest some next steps, or maybe even some resources for you to look at. Uh, take advantage of this from Focus on the Family. Our donors and supporters make this possible. Uh, working together we can not only save marriages, but help marriages thrive.

And if you feel your marriage is hanging by a thread, please ask about our Hope Restored four-day intensives. Uh, miracles are literally happening every day in our Hope Restored locations from coast to coast. We actually survey all of the couples who attend, and after two years, over 80% say they are still married and doing well. We don’t know of any other program that delivers such great results. The Lord is working through this Hope Restored program.

John: Yeah, they’re really powerful. Uh, Dena and I attended a-

Jim: Yeah.

John: … Hope Restored session a number of years ago. We pretty much use the principles we learned then every day. It really has helped. Uh, give us a call if that, uh, is something you’d like to learn more about, or if you wanna connect with one of our counselors. Our number is 800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY. 800-232-6459.

Jim: And again, let me say thank you to the donors who make the resources available and possible for these marriages to get the help they need. You’re the, the rocket fuel for the jet engine in this Hope Restored program. If you’ve never donated to Focus on the Family, uh, may I ask you to prayerfully consider it. The best way to help us is by making a monthly pledge. Jean and I support Focus that way. John and Dena do it the same way.

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: It doesn’t have to be a large amount. It’s that consistency, the 12 gifts a year, that really help us to, uh, put the budget together and make things work. When you make a pledge of any amount, we’d be happy to send you the book by the Rosbergs on this topic. It’s called The 5 Sex Needs of Men and Women. Discover the secrets to great sex in a godly marriage. And if you can’t make a monthly commitment right now, we get it. We’ll send the book out to you for a one time donation as well. Uh, just get the book from us. That’s the key. And when you do, we’ll include a free audio download of this entire presentation from the Rosbergs.

John: Yeah, get the book and your free download at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast or call, if you have any questions or you’d like to donate over the phone. Our number is 800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY. Next time, we’ll hear more from Gary and Barb Rosberg.

Barb: Any one of us married more than a handful of years can tell you this, that life is full of seasons. There are times that we’re building our careers. There are times we’re building our families. There are times that we go through very, very hard times. But in every season we have the power of Jesus Christ to take us through. And it is in those times that we are weakest, He is made strongest.

John: On behalf of the entire team, thanks for listening to Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. I’m John Fuller, inviting you back as we once again help you and your family thrive in Christ.

Day Two

Barb Rosberg: I will pray that he would be a man that would be quick to say he is sorry. And he would be quick to say-

Audience: (laughs)

Barb: … he’s wrong. Because when a wife hears that, oh, is he a safe man.

Audience: (laughs)

Dr. Gary Rosberg: I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

Barb: (laughs)

John Fuller: Well, Gary and Barb Rosberg are our guests today again on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. Thanks for joining us. I’m John Fuller.

Jim Daly: John, we’re gonna continue a very upbeat presentation that the Rosbergs gave in Cape Town at a marriage event sponsored by Focus on the Family South Africa.

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: And if you missed part one yesterday, uh, please get in touch with us. We can send you the entire message on CD or audio download, or you can get the Focus on the Family app.

John: Mm-hmm. And the starting point is focusonthefamily.com/broadcast. Or give us a call, 800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY, 800-232-6459.

Jim: Today, the Rosbergs will explore the topic of spiritual intimacy in marriage. But they have a bit more to say about sexual intimacy as well, so we recommend that you use your earbuds or listen later via the podcast or like John said, the app. Or watch the presentation on the YouTube channel.

John: Yeah, we’re in a lot of places. And-

Jim: Yeah.

John: … listen or watch is the key. Uh, as we said last time, the Rosbergs are authors, broadcasters, and co-founders of America’s Family Coaches. Uh, they’ve been coaching marriages for about 40 years now. Here’s Gary and Barb Rosberg on today’s Focus on the Family with Jim Daly.

Gary: So, as we talk for the last few minutes, we want to talk about spiritual intimacy. And Barb, one of the most significant areas is the area of prayer.

Barb: It is. Uh, it’s so very important, and I want you to step in and, and talk with me-

Gary: Yeah.

Barb: … about that right now.

Gary: Well-

Barb: You lead, and I’ll follow. How about that?

Gary: … the first time I prayed with Barb, I just became a Christian. Again, it was 1973. She said, “Let’s go to a Bible study.” I’d never been to a Bible study. So, she took me to this Bible study. At the end of Bible study, one of the girls said, “Let’s pray.” I’m looking for the pastor, ’cause I thought there had to be a pastor in the room to pray. Anybody with me? And so all of a sudden, this girl bowed her head, and she started praying. We were sitting in a circle, and then a boy started praying, then another boy, then another girl, another boy. And you’re supposed to close your eyes, I think, but my eyes are wide open. ‘Cause I’m thinking, “I’m not praying. I’m not praying. I’m not praying. I’m not praying. I’m not praying. I’m not praying.”

Barb: (laughs)

Audience: (laughs)

Gary: It’s like, the Holy Spirit jumped right over me, and I thought… We walked out. I said, “I’m never going back to that deal.” And she goes, “Why?” I said, “They were praying out loud.” She goes, “Well, Gary, just talk to God.” I said, “I don’t know how to do that, Barb. This is brand new to me.”

So, we sat down on this bench, and we’ve taken our kids there. It was a, um, parking thing. It was a telephone pole. And, uh, she said, “Gary, just talk to God.” So, I remember, I took your hand, Barb, just like I’m doing right now. And I just said, “Dear Lord, I want to know you like Barb knows you. Amen.”

And I looked up, she had a little tear in her eye. She leaned over and kissed me. And I thought, “Pray, kiss. Pray, kiss.”

Audience: (laughs)

Gary: I started going to prayer conferences, you know? I…

Audience: (laughs)

Barb: (laughs)

Gary: I thought, “This is awesome.”

Barb: (laughs)

Gary: Now, here’s the scoop. You have been told all your married life to pray together, but here’s what I know about men. Whether it’s South Africa or South Iowa, it’s hard for guys to initiate prayer. So, we’re gonna coach you on how to do that. Okay? And this is called conversational prayer. You guys have been married six years. Okay? So, next time I come back to South Africa, I’m gonna ask you if you got it down. Two days, they still in here or they go home early.

Audience: (laughs)

Gary: All right. Yeah.

Barb: (laughs)

Gary: Hand went right up. Okay.

Barb: (laughs)

Gary: All right, brother, I’m gonna show you how to do this. It’s called co… And if you can get this in two days, or 50 years-

Barb: Yeah.

Gary: … or six years, it’ll change your marriage.

Barb: That’s right.

Gary: All right. So, Barb, let’s show them conversational prayer.

Father, I thank you for my bride that said yes.

Barb: Father, I am so thankful that South Africa invited us to come.

Gary: God, thank you for these great people that took a night to gather around a couple of people, that had no idea who they were. But they know who you are.

Barb: Father, I just thank you for every family represented in this room, whether it’s a couple or it’s a family. And we just, oh, we pray for them, Father.

Gary: God, we pray that you change this nation, but first, you change the hearts of each one of us.

Barb: And I would ask that you would absolutely change something in every woman and something in every man.

Gary: We’re crazy about you.

Barb: We love you, Jesus.

Gary: Amen.

Barb: Amen.

Gary: Amen. And that’s called conversational prayer. Okay, now, what’s it like? It- it’s like taking on a cowboy boot, and you kinda wiggle into it. Or, you know, gals, you ever, you know, kinda wiggled into your jeans? Barb says, “Don’t say that to women.” Right?

Audience: (laughs)

Gary: Well, I’m leaving, so you’ll never see me. But anyway, you- you kinda-

Audience: (laughs)

Gary: See, that… It- it’s like that. So, Ben, it’s not preaching a sermon during the prayer. Okay? You don’t have to have three points.

Audience: (laughs)

Gary: Okay? And women, it’s not your to do list. “Dear Lord, I hope my husband buys me a new dress, and paints the house, and-”

Audience: (laughs)

Gary: Okay. That’s not the deal either. It’s conversational prayer. It’s just a sentence, and a sentences, and a sentence, and a sentence, and a sen… And then you’re all done. And then just kinda look at each other and go into other rooms before you have a fight or something. Okay?

Audience: (laughs)

Gary: Now, I’m gonna… And now, a- a- and we’re laughing about it. But see, some of you, you know what? This alludes you. We’re not saying you don’t pray as men. We’re not saying you don’t pray as women. Of course you do. But sometimes, it’s hard to do this. And I’m gonna ask you a question. How many of you think you can do what we just showed you to do? Raise your hands.

Okay, now here’s what I want to say to you. Look at these hands around this room. If that happened in Cape Town, South Africa, it would revolutionize this country. I promise you. You start to pray together. And don’t get legalistic. Don’t get weird. You know? Wives, don’t sit at the door and go, “Are we gonna pray? We gonna pray? We gonna pray? We gonna pray?”

Audience: (laughs)

Gary: All right? Yeah, don’t do that. Okay? So, just, but just begin. So, guys, initiate it. Gals, initiate it. Guys, I promise you, you- you- you find this chair, and you sit down with your wife and say, “Hey, sweetheart, we’re just gonna sit down. Let’s just do that conversational prayer.” It’ll just take a moment. You’ll begin to take down that wall that’s dividing you to encourage you. Conversation prayer.

Barb: And I’d like to add something that’s a little off the note. You know, it was about a year ago, and we had been working, working, working, working, working, and I was exhausted. And Gary and I were just a little bit, we were like… We’d call it locking horns or just, a little bit… There was something under us. There’s something we couldn’t break through, and so I grabbed this woman’s magazine, and it said on the top, it said, there’s, you know, an article, How to Break Through Communication, in the magazine. And I was sitting in our kitchen in our two chairs, and I opened the magazine, and I started to read it. You will not believe this.

I had written the article two years before. (laughs)

Audience: (laughs)

Barb: And there was my picture. And I read it, and it was based, it was taken out of the book, Healing The Hurt in Your Marriage. There were four takeaways. And within it was one element, we’re supposed to pray. Usually, we get in conflict, we- we have written about, you get away from who you’re having the conflict with, and you take a moment and go before the Lord and talk. Well, we were… I’m telling you. We were, we were just not getting to the bottom of this. And it hit me, and I thought, “Here is God’s Word, and it works.” Because we literally write from what works in God’s Word.

And I called Gary in the kitchen, and I said, “We’re gonna break through this. But there’s something that is at the core of this that is so spiritual, we’re gonna change it around.” We sat down in those two chairs. We held hands together. We held hands.

Gary: Just like you wrote about.

Barb: That’s right. No, but we took it out of order.

Gary: It was good.

Barb: Together, we prayed, before-

Gary: And we broke the spirit. Yeah.

Barb: … before we talked. And I am telling you, there are times that only through praying together, can you bust it. And we broke through it. And I don’t even know what it was about. I mean, isn’t that how it goes?

Gary: I do.

Barb: (laughs)

Audience: (laughs)

Barb: Okay.

Gary: I don’t.

Barb: Stinker.

Gary: No, I really don’t.

Barb: But anyway, prayer is so important. Another thing we want to talk about is this. Take aw- it’s another take away. Daily time in the Word. It’s not like you have to. It’s not like you have to put it on you. And it’s certainly not something that, uh, needs to be on a list to do over you. Why do I choose to be in the Word every day? Because it changes me. Because it is as a shower in my spirit, when I read the Word. It is as though-

Gary: Yeah.

Barb: … I am in this intimate relationship with the king of kings and Lord of lords. And if you have forgotten about how great He is, then you just take a w- hike on up or- or take that little car on up to the top of Table Mountain. And you look over your beautiful Indian Ocean. And you capture the mountains that God has given to you, and remind yourself that the whole world is in His hands. And that when you utter a prayer, or when you have a cry in your heart, and you’ve got one of those help me God moments… That He is listening. And He has an answer. And it may not happen this day, but it’s gonna happen, and it’s gonna happen at the best timing possible.

It’s when we are in that Word, we are reminded through the psalms, how mighty our God is. That He is a fortress in time of need. That I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. That he who abideth… We’re in that Holy place, that sacred place, that dwelling place where no one, no one, and no thing can harm us. And it is when we are in that place, and there might be something in the spirit that is trying to come between you and divide you. You stand up, and you say no. Because the authority of Jesus Christ. Because what He did for us on that cross. He paid it. You’re done. You’re paid in full. You don’t have to do anything. But when you have the privilege of reading that Word, your life is changed. Your thoughts are changed. We are the only ones that have been made in the image of God forever.

Well, that means we can have the, the mind of Christ, through the power of the Holy Spirit. Be in the Word, every single day.

John: You are listening to Focus on the Family with Jim Daly, and our guests today are Gary and Barb Rosberg. And, uh, they have some great advice in their book called The 5 Sex Needs of Men and Women: Discover the Secrets to Great Sex in a Godly Marriage.

We’ll send that to you for a gift of any amount. Support this show and this ministry through a monthly pledge or a one-time gift, and, uh, we’ll send the book to you and include a free audio download of the entire presentation from the Rosbergs. Donate and request those at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast or call for details. 800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY.

Let’s return now to more from Gary and Barb Rosberg. And there are some visuals here that Gary will make note of. Uh, he holds up a cake, and in a few minutes, Barb demonstrates a- a prayer that she prays for Gary as she makes the bed each morning, and there’s actually a bed in the background of the stage there in Cape Town, South Africa, as they speak.

Gary: You know, Barb, um, and this is risky, but we’re gonna share this, ’cause we think that this can encourage you. You know what, folks? Um, we like to celebrate birthdays in the Rosberg house. Anybody else like to celebrate birthdays? And we like to celebrate birthdays, and we celebrate them for a whole week. I told these guys when they married my daughters, “You’re either marrying into a great family or your worst enemy, because we’ve treated them like princesses, and you gotta treat them like queens.” All right? Because we just celebrate, celebrate, celebrate.

So, when I make a cake, you know, for one of the girls, for Sarah, or Missy, or- or Barb. And usually, I mean buy a cake, not make one.

Audience: (laughs)

Gary: Um, I can make french toast, peanut butter and jelly, and ice. Um, and- and so-

Audience: (laughs)

Barb: And- and the, and the illustration that you’re giving this under… I’m just, I didn’t quite hear you say it. But I’m just your best friend, I got your back, and I-

Gary: Yeah.

Barb: … think it is, when we spiritually connect-

Gary: And so-

Barb: … we give all of ourselves to one another.

Gary: W- we sure do. A- and so you know what, Barb? It’s kind of like, and we’re gonna move into the sexual part of that as well. Because it’s kind of like, Barb, when I make a cake or give you… Oops. I give-

Barb: (laughs)

Audience: (laughs)

Gary: Yeah. So, we’ll just, and we’ll just pretend those are still lit.

Barb: That was so good. It was so good. Okay.

Gary: And we’ll just pretend those are still lit. And, and so, I’m bringing this cake to you, Barb.

Barb: Are we gonna dance? (laughs)

Gary: And this cake is all for you, and I’ve made it, and it’s beautiful. And I’m gonna pamper you, and love you, and give this all to you. But you know what happens sometimes, guys, is when we look at the sexual aspect of our marriage, we’re on our way to give our wife all of us. And you know what? Your wife is just like my wife. Barb wants all of me. She wants all of me. She doesn’t want a part of me. She wants all of me. How many wives are like that in this room? Yeah.

And so, if on the way to giving Barb this intimacy, if I’m saying, “Well, Barb, I want to give you some intimacy.” But you know what? On the way, my eyes got kind of distracted, and I just pulled out a little piece. It wasn’t a big piece. It was just kind of a small piece. And I give it her, and I go, “Barb, here, I have something for you, and let me give this to you.” And, and she looks at it. She might say, “Well, something’s missing.”

Barb: Yeah. Okay, ladies, are you with me? I’d be really sad if this was my birthday cake. And you know what? I’d like the whole thing. I like it beautiful. I like it thought about. I love it kind of perfect. I like it to be all about me.

Gary: Yeah, yeah.

Barb: ‘Cause that’s how we are.

Gary: And yet, when we take away that part… And you know what, guys? We can take away that part unintentionally. We can take away that part in a thought. We can take away that part in the reviewing of a screen. We can take away that thought when some gal’s walking down that street. And we may just minding, be minding our own business… Ladies, this is hard for you to understand. But when those images come into our mind, and they distract us, what we’re doing, is we’re robbing our wife of the intimacy that God created for her to have with having all of us.

And in order to combat that, we’re gonna show you a takeaway that we think can revolutionize some marriages in this room. That’s why we have this bed in this room. And Barb, I want you to just show these men and women what you do each morning, in order to guard the marriage bed as we move towards this.

Barb: That takeaway says this. When we spiritually connect, you know, when we give our whole selves to one another, we are taking back… What Gary said. Taking back from the enemy what he has tried to steal. The sanctity of the marriage bed. And we go back to that original verse in the Word of God, which is so amazing. In Hebrews 13:4, “Marriage should be honored by all and the marriage bed kept pure.” I told you a few minutes ago, I was going to give you a tool, ladies, that is so powerful, that will rock your world if you do it.

I was reading a book a number of years ago by a wonderful author by the name of Shaunti Feldhahn. And here I was, well into my 50s, and I read something. She’d interviewed men all across America. And she said this in her book. She said that men are wired visually. I knew that. Uh, men can see another woman, say walking down the street, walking at the mall, whatever. She’s not dressed real modestly. And this can be branded into our husband’s minds, even like, up to 48 hours later. When you’re behind those locked doors, having intimacy in your own marriage bed. I put down that book, and I thought, “You have got to be kidding me. 48 hours?” And I thought, “No. Absolutely not. I’m a grandmother. No way. I’m not gonna let it happen here. I’m not gonna let it happen in my kids’ marriages.” ‘Cause this stuff can travel down.

And even though God made our husbands wonderfully, wonderfully made. Wired through the eyes, it, anything can be branded into their minds. God made them. We respect and honor how God made our husbands. But I decided I was gonna take this to the Lord, if you know what I mean. And there is great power in prayer. And so, I decided, “You know what? We’re gonna do a little bit of… We’re gonna make this marriage bed holy and good.” And so, every morning, you know, we all want to have an appointment with God, to pray for our wives and pray for our husbands. But every day, I wake up, and it’s the funniest thing. The bed needs to be made. Isn’t that amazing?

So, this is where I have my appointment with God. And if you were in my home, you would overhear something like this. I always start with Gary’s pillow, because this is where his brain has been, laying on that pillow at night.

Audience: (laughs)

Barb: And I will say-

Gary: Well, it’s inside my head.

Audience: (laughs)

Barb: … “You know what, Lord Jesus? You know those women that he has seen in the mall, on television, in the commercials? In the name and the blood of Jesus Christ, I am asking for a divine delete.” That means this, there isn’t anything that’s gonna go in through his mind and end up in this marriage bed. Are you with me? I have, I am told that, uh, through the power of Jesus Christ, one woman is enough. Yeah. Who would want more than one woman? Let’s get, let’s get real.

Audience: (laughs)

Barb: I just tell the Lord… (laughs)

Gary: Oh, excuse me.

Audience: (laughs)

Barb: One man is enough. Amen. “Father, I would ask that you just delete anything visually. Anything in his thoughts. Anything his ears have heard that was not my voice. I would pray that there have, if there is any voice building him up that wasn’t mine… If there’s any voice sweet talking this man that was not voice. If there is anybody that thinks they could even come near this marriage. Because of the blood of Jesus Christ, I am praying for this man and my husband. And Lord, I thank you.” As I am making this bed, I will pray. I just walk down this bed and I’ll say, “Lord, Father, I would ask that you would give this man your heart, a heart that is guarded, a heart in a mind that is guarded through the power of Jesus Christ. Will you guard his heart? Because out of his heart will flow his life story? Lord Jesus, I ask that when He puts on his belt today, that Lord, He will remember to put the belt of truth around his waist. And I would pray that just that time he spent in the Word sitting in the chair in the kitchen, as he has had his coffee and read some Psalms this morning that he will be reminded of these life-transforming thoughts that come down today and make him even a better man, a better businessman, a better man that chooses to have great and clean relationships. And Father, I would pray for these legs and I would pray that they would be legs that would run to shed the gospel of peace. I would pray that he would be a man that would be quick to say he is sorry. And he would be quick to say-

Audience: (laughs)

Barb: … he’s wrong.” Because when a wife hears that, oh, is he a safe man.

Audience: (laughs)

Gary: I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

Barb: (laughs)

Audience: (laughs)

Barb: “I pray for those feet of his, that they will walk truly on the path of God. And I pray that he will not step to the left, and he will not step to the right. But he will hear a voice behind him, saying, ‘This is the way. Walk in it.’”

You know what’s amazing to me? If we want great relationships, we’ve got a great God. And if you’ve ever had a moment with God where He has spoken into your heart and shown you something that wasn’t right, it’s so full of grace.

And you’re sitting there going, “Tell me more. Tell me more. I just want to be clean.” It is beautiful. And I will pray, “Lord, you know that spirit of condemnation that I deal with so often? You know, some of those things that maybe I heard when I was a kid, or maybe those thoughts that the enemy wants to say to me. I will pray in the name of Jesus that I will think as Jesus thinks. And I will have ears that only hear his voice. And I will have the knowledge to know the difference between the seduction voice of the enemy and the true voice of God.” Every day, I pray over our marriage bed. Every day, the reason that we experience the goodness of God and the greatness of God, and if there is anything good going on in our lives, it is because of Him.

Gary: And- and you know what, folks? As- as we have talked about, emotional intimacy, and as we’ve talked about, sexual intimacy, spiritual intimacy… And again, we have just kind of given you the hor d’oeuvres of some of this material because of time. Um, but don’t you sense that the Holy Spirit is here amongst us right now? And, and you know what? Some of you are sitting back saying, “You know what, Gary and Barb? We have been hurt. We have hurt one another, and we don’t know if we can sit down and pray over that bed. We don’t know if we can do conversational prayer. We don’t know that we want to present ourselves holy to one another, sexually and spiritually. We don’t know that if at the end of the day, we want to learn how to connect and affirm one another.”

See, many of you did not grow up in families where you were taught how to forgive. In fact, the vast majority… We won’t have you raise your hands here, but the vast majority of people when we ask them, “How many of you saw your moms and dads exercise forgiveness?” Very rarely do many hands go up. But then we say, you know, 10, 15, 20 years from now, if your kids come to one of these events, and we ask your kids… Do you want their hands to shoot up and say, “You know what? We saw our mom and dad learn how to do it.” And that’s you. And for many of you, you will be the first chain in the link of restoring the generations to build up your marriages.

Everybody stand, please, as I close this. And Father, we stand in affirmation of the truth of Jesus Christ. And Father, as men and women, measly men and women, every one of us woke up this morning, put on our pants the same way. Whether we’re on this platform or sitting in the chairs, we’re no different, Father. We have need. We are needy, needy people. None of us got this figured out. If we think we got it figured out, we’re the most foolish of all. Father, you fill us with the power of the Holy Spirit. If we seek you, you have promised us that you will come into our heart. We don’t have to do marriage alone. And God, we claim those truths, and Father, we stand in unity tonight. We are locking arms in unity, crossing denominations, crossing races, crossing economic backgrounds, crossing what part of town our church is in. And what we’re saying is the body of Jesus Christ is standing tall tonight. And Father, we are standing in courage, and we are telling Satan, “You go back to hell. You got no place in our family.”

And Father, we are reclaiming the land. We’re reclaiming the biblical families in South Africa, and we give you the glory, the honor, and the precious name of our Lord, Jesus Christ. Amen, amen, amen. Amen.

John: Well, what an appropriate end to today’s presentation from Gary and Barb Rosberg on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly.

Jim: Wasn’t that great? And the Rosbergs gave that presentation in several cities across South Africa, and we want to tip our hat to the director there in South Africa, Graeme Schnell, for making it happen along with a great team in South Africa. Well done. Uh, Jean, Troy, and I had the chance to visit the South African office, um, not that long ago. And it was so powerful to see the impact that we together are having, uh, with families in that region of the world.

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: And you know, uh, when we say that Focus is having an impact around the world, that’s not just rhetoric, not big talk. Back in the ’90s, uh, I had the privilege of traveling to dozens of countries to help plant focus on the family offices. And now we are pleased to say, proud to say, on behalf of the Lord, that we’re reaching almost 18 million listeners in almost 100 countries. And that just goes to the credit of our Savior and the donors that have allowed to make that happen.

John: Yeah. God has been so gracious, hasn’t He?

Jim: So true. And I’d like to encourage you to be a part of the ministry by becoming a monthly donor. Those smaller, consistent gifts, really help us stay on an even keel. And when you make a monthly pledge of any amount, we’ll send you a great book from the Rosbergs called The 5 Sex Needs of Men and Women: Discover the Secrets to Great Sex in a Godly Marriage. And we’ll include a free audio download of this entire presentation from South Africa. And if you can’t make a monthly pledge, uh, we’d be happy to send you the book for a one time donation of any amount. And when you visit our website, look for a free PDF called Praying For Your Husband from Head to Toe, so that you can emulate the prayer that Barb modeled for us today.

Uh, you know, praying for your spouse is a great way to bring healing to your marriage. And if you need to talk to someone about what’s going on in your relationship, I hope you’ll call us. After 45 years, I think you won’t surprise us, and we do count it a privilege to pray with you and to hopefully give you some direction, advice, and maybe some other resources to help you in your marriage. Again, we’d be honored to help you in that way.

And let me remind you that our Hope Restored intensives are literally saving marriages from coast to coast. Um, many couples say they feel like they received a years worth of counseling in just four days. And John, you and Dena experienced this.

John: Yeah, it is intense, but it’s really, really good. Such a deep dive into what’s going on.

Jim: Yeah, and, uh, what we do, is we survey every couple that’s gone through the program two years later. And I am so proud to say 80% of those couples are still married and doing well. Best of all, scholarships are available for those who need some financial assistance. So, if your marriage is in trouble, please reach out to us. Risk it. Risk saving your marriage.

John: Yeah, call today to learn more about Hope Restored, or to request a call back from a counselor. We really are here to serve you. Our number is 800, the letter A and the word FAMILY. And of course, you can visit us online, uh, to get that free PDF of Barb’s prayer and request your copy of the Rosberg’s book, The 5 Sex Needs of Men and Women. Plus, we have an audio download of this entire presentation for you. All the details at the website, uh, you’ll find us at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast.

And by the way, that book is based on a survey of over 700 married couples. It’s very deep and rich, and it’s got some great reviews online. You’re gonna learn, uh, what you can do outside the bedroom in your relationship with your spouse in order to really foster the greatest intimacy inside the bedroom as God intended. We hope you have a great weekend with your family and your church family as well, and be sure to join us on Monday, as we have a reminder about why your vote in the upcoming elections really does matter.

On behalf of the entire team, thanks for listening to Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. I’m John Fuller, inviting you back as we once again help you and your family thrive in Christ.

Today's Guests

The 5 Sex Needs of Men and Women: Discover the Secrets to Great Sex in a Godly Marriage

Receive the book The 5 Sex Needs of Men and Women for a pledge or donation of any amount plus a free audio download of “Experiencing True Intimacy with Your Spouse I-II.” Plus, receive member-exclusive benefits when you make a recurring gift today. Your monthly support helps families thrive.

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