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Intelligence: Discovering Your Child’s Unique Gifts (Part 2 of 2)

Intelligence: Discovering Your Child’s Unique Gifts (Part 2 of 2)

Dr. Kathy Koch explores the eight facets of human intelligence and explains how parents can identify and cultivate their child's unique gifts. (Part 2 of 2)
Original Air Date: August 4, 2016

Excerpt:

Dr. Kathy Koch: I’ve had picture-smart and music-smart children say to me, “Dr. Kathy, I knew I was talented and creative and artistic, but I didn’t know I was smart. I thought my brother was the smart one.”

Jim Daly: Huh.

Kathy: Jim, it changes their whole perspective on the giftings and on their tomorrows.

End of Excerpt

John Fuller: A great observation from our guest on the last Focus on the Family radio program. That’s Dr. Kathy Koch and she’s back again to share more insights on what she calls the multiple intelligences that we all have. I’m John Fuller and your host is Focus president and author, Jim Daly.

Jim: John, Dr. Kathy Koch, she shared some really remarkable material last time as we looked at the eight different types of smarts. That’s an easier way to say what you just said and, uh, that’s the title of her book, 8 Great Smarts and we’re gonna cover more of that today. If you missed the program last time, I’d encourage you to get the CD, get the download. Um, get it on your smartphone. That’s an easy way to listen to Focus on the Family. Just get the app and you can hear it on your own time and at your own pleasure. But I am really thrilled to have Kathy back on the program today.

John: And she is a very popular speaker. She’s an author. She’s written a number of books and, Jim, pretty much every time we have Dr. Koch here, we have a lot of response from listeners who are saying, “That really, uh, was something I could take and apply in my own parenting situation right today.”

Jim: It’s true and I think it’s because her heart is so big for children. And you know what? We Christians parents, our hearts are big for our kids, too. And what Kathy does so wonderfully, is she opens up our understanding of how God has wired us, our personality, our giftedness, our talent. And you know, as parents, sometimes it can irritate us to see kids acting in different ways from us and we’re gonna give you tools today to calm down, recognize this genius in your children and let it blossom. Kathy, welcome back to Focus.

Kathy: Thank you. I’m thrilled to be here.

Jim: Ah, hey, we were talking last time about the eight types. We kinda went through them real quickly. Um, we covered body smart and we did that one pretty well. Let’s turn to the other seven now. Let’s start with school smarts. I think you defined it as word and logic. Um, I know as a father of two teenagers, word and logic seems to be not part of the vocabulary.

(LAUGHTER)

Jim: So, what do I gotta do?

Kathy: Yeah, first let me say that, the reason I call those “school smarts” is that we talk, read, listen, write and ask and answer questions all day long in school. And so, children who have more brain cells for these two smarts will find school a friendlier, easier, more successful place to be. And yet, all of us know people who were very successful in school and are flunking life.

Jim: And vice versa.

Kathy: And vice versa, which is evidence that all eight matter. So, if you want to raise, um, “good kids,” kids who enjoy life, kids who embrace life, kids who have a successful life, make sure that you awaken, strengthen, focus and train all eight. And yet, I understand the heart of the dad and the mom this time of the year in particular, possibly is that school smart focus of word and logic. So, we need to help them with the vocabulary. We need to help them with how to ask good questions; how to answer questions thoroughly; the difference between why and how; the difference between describe and defend; or the difference between judge and evaluate; or the difference between compare and contrast, because those will be essay words used in our junior highs, middle schools and high school. And what if kids don’t know those vocabulary words? Then they don’t do as well.

Jim: Well, and you know, Kathy, the system is pretty much set up for people with word and logic smarts – school smarts as you call them. Um, how do we beat the rigging of the system for our kids, be advocates for our children who maybe struggle in that area? They’re not stupid kids.

Kathy: No.

Jim: I don’t even know if there is such a thing as a stupid child.

Kathy: No.

Jim: Um, we need to allow them to blossom and to move in a – maybe in a more fruitful way. But how do we help our children overcome the system?

Kathy: If your children have teachers who go out of their way to teach eclectically, with a variety of methods and a variety of assessment options, say thank you, thank you and thank you again, because it’s really hard work. Because the system may be flawed toward the word and logic. So, I praise God for teachers who get this and understand that we’ve gotta give kids a chance to prove that they know it and that they’re well off in school.

Jim: Even if they take a different path getting to the knowledge.

Kathy: Absolutely, my friend. And we can teach the – you know, kids who aren’t very logic smart for instance will really struggle with vocabulary possibly if they’re not very word and logic, but what if they’re very picture smart? We can let them draw the definition. What if we have these kids draw an apartment building, a condo, a house, a ranch-style home, a factory? What if we have them draw a cul-de-sac, a highway, a street, right? And we prove through the drawing that they understand the differences. What if we could correct that and say that was well done? And parents can help kids study at home with those smarts that they have more brain cells in. Even if they go back to school on Tuesday and take a written vocabulary test, your son who is picture smart, when having to write out the definition of an apartment building, will remember, oh, wait, I drew that taller and wider, with all kinds of windows. That’s the building that a lot of people live in, in independent units and they pay rent to somebody. That will work for these kids.

Jim: I mean, that’s unbelievable and I – I’ve not experienced that, ‘cause I don’t believe, uh, I’ve hit that as a parent. How about you, John? Have you?

John: Uh, as you’re talking, Dr. Koch, I’m thinking about, uh, my youngest, who is pretty word smart, but he memorizes by looking at the list. Uh, we’ll be going through schoolwork this past, last school year. We’re checking Latin and so, he’s – he wants to know the order that they’re all in…

Kathy: Hmm.

John: …Cause he’s got it figured out. There are pictures of the words in his mind of what that, uh, study list is. So, I think you’re onto to something that just, uh, might help me there.

Kathy: That’s great. And here’s another one. What if the kid isn’t very word, but is very music? How do we spell Mississippi?

Jim: Yeah, with a tune.

Kathy: M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I. And you will never not know that. The ABC’s, the books of the Bible in order by songs.

Jim: (Laughing)

Kathy: Music is very powerful for long-term memory, so if you’re parenting a child without a lot of word and logic and is struggling with math facts and spelling and the order of events for history tests, they can put it to song and they’ll take that test and hum the song and they’ll do much better. That’s effective. And even if a teacher doesn’t understand this and doesn’t assign that, when parents and grandparents teach this to their children, children can go off into their room and they can make up a song, because they’ve been empowered to be smart the way that they are created to be smart.

Jim: It’s – I laughed because I’m thinking of how many times in my 20’s and 30’s, people would say, “Which comes first, the Q or an R?” And I’d start, (singing) A, B, C, D…”

(LAUGHTER)

Kathy: Exactly.

Jim: And that – that’s how much rhythm is in that.

Kathy: Sure.

Jim: Hey, the other thing that I love about the book and we’re gonna continue into the other, uh, traits, the other smarts, but is this idea of character challenges…

Kathy: Hmm.

Jim: …You might have with that particular bent or that particular smart. So, with the school-smart child, what are those, um, character challenges that you might find?

Kathy: Great question. You know, those of us who are word smart, we can gossip, tease, name call.

Jim: So, you use words to destroy.

Kathy: Exactly, we use a gift from God for harm. We, um – we always want to have the last word. Or we could impress someone with our vocabulary. So, anything well done, badly done, is not well done, we need to be really careful of that. Um, the logic smart kids, one of the strengths that we have when we’re logic smart is solving problems. But guess what? We can also create problems for other people to solve if we’re logic smart. We can often figure out how to get into trouble and not get caught…

Jim: Oh.

Kathy: …Because we’re logical and we think ahead, and we reason our way towards something.

Jim: So, for that parent that has that child – I mean and I would think these are the honor roll kids for the most part.

Kathy: Mm hmm.

Jim: You know, you put the bumper sticker on…

Kathy: Yeah.

Jim: …And we’re really praising their academic ability, their verbal ability, their vocabulary. But there is that danger they will either become or maybe already are verbal attackers.

How do we recognize the gift and then say, “But Johnny…”? “But Mary, here’s what you gotta do with other people that maybe struggle here”?  Play that our for us. What does that parent do to recognize they’ve got brilliance in a certain area, but at the same time, it comes with a weakness?

Kathy: Mm hmm. This is why I wrote in the book so much about developing the character, developing the heart along with the mind. And what’s very interesting, Jim and John, about school smart kids, if I can call them that – those who find school easier to be – they sometimes don’t feel they need character. They don’t need to learn to persevere. They don’t need to be diligent. They don’t need to be teachable and to ask for help, because it all comes easily to them. And then the day that they’re struck by something that’s challenging and difficult and now they feel stupid all of a sudden and they don’t know how to handle it and that’s when the misbehavior will often ramp up, because of the stress that’s internally within. So, if you are raising these kids who find school a safer place to be, you must establish the dialogue about character immediately when they’re young, so that they don’t put all of their eggs in the basket of brain…

Jim: Right.

Kathy: …’Cause one day they may not feel as smart as they are feeling today. They’re gonna find out somebody is smarter and then they’re gonna want to be egotistical and prideful and competitive and judgmental and you’re not gonna want that kid. So, we talk about character the whole time. And then as a parent, when you see a child tease or gossip or name call or – or argue, which is logic and word together – we – we call sin “sin,” but we call strength “strength,” okay? And we look at them, especially if we’ve taught them this, and we say, “Elizabeth, you’re proving again how word smart you’ve been created to be, but sweetheart, you’re not using your words well.”

Jim: Hmm.

Kathy: “Think about it, sweetheart. We’re talking to you about self-control and self-respect and living in community and – and giving life to your brother and sister. You’re not doing that today and we’re disappointed. Now we don’t want you to stop talking, ‘cause it’s a gift, but you’ve gotta learn how to use y our words well.” We have those conversations.

John: But – but there are parents who are saying, “Oh, I’ve had that conversation…”

Kathy: Oh, no.

(LAUGHTER)Jim: Well, I was gonna say…

John: And over and…

Jim: …Timing…

John: …Over and over again.

Jim: Yeah, timing is another thing. You can – parents can get weary of saying, this is what, you know, being verbally positive means for your word-smart child.

Kathy: Mm hmm.

Jim: When can – don’t stop investing in that area, right? Because 13, 14, they may – they hear you, but they may not, um, deploy the advice, but it doesn’t mean it’s lost.

Kathy: Absolutely. And children tell me all the time they want parents to speak life over them. A lot of kids are not gonna come and say, “Daddy, what do you think of this?” They’re just not unfortunately, but they still care, even though their behavior may not indicate it.

Jim: It’s more…

Kathy: They still …

Jim: …Passive.

Kathy: Absolutely. But they still value your opinion. They still want to know. Remember what my parents did? They enrolled me in children’s theater. They wanted me exposed to other children like me, using the gift in a healthy way. So, that’s another thing to consider. Mentors. Who do you know who’s a lawyer, who’s a politician, who’s a great expositor of Scripture, who you have over for dinner to talk to your son about the positive use of this logic smart, word smart argumentative brain you have?

Jim: Hmm.

Kathy: How do you use that to solve problems? How do you use it to research and to…? You might be the one that creates the tool we need to solve a real issue, but we – we don’t want to paralyze him. We don’t want you rejected by your peer group, because you’re so verbose. You know, we have to learn. I’ve had to learn to listen.

Jim: (Laughter).

Kathy: Those of us who have a lot of word smart and logic smart gifts, tend to not like small talk. So, I can be out with friends and I consider that we’re having small talk and I’m thinking of a powerful question to ask so we can get a bit more serious. I’ve had to learn to not ask it all the time.

Jim: Hmm.

Kathy: To honor my friends and to just have fun and to talk about things that aren’t all that significant. But there’s joy there.

Jim: Yeah.

Kathy: And I choose to go there. Now I’ve had to learn to do that and I’ve watched other people and I’ve learned to receive the modeling and – and be able to have a healthier attitude.

Jim: Well, and that sounds like where Paul writes about being content in all things.

Kathy: Hmm.

Jim: I mean, you’re sitting at that table. That – that applies. Paul…

Kathy: Hmm. Good point.

Jim: …Is saying, “Yeah. Be content with the people around you and listen.” And I – I like that. You touched on picture smart. Let’s most to that one, so we can get through, uh, the items here. But picture smart, um, I think I may have one child that does that. He’s very good at art. I don’t know that, that necessarily connects it, but…

Kathy: Mm hmm.

Jim: …Is a typically a good artist as a child someone who is picture oriented?

Kathy: Yes. See, that’s interesting, Jim, because the smarts never work alone. So, someone who is body smart thinks by movement and touch and has good control of their hand-eye coordination and is also picture smart, will often be able to build with clay…

Jim: Huh.

Kathy: …And maybe watercolor well. Somebody who’s just picture smart and isn’t as body smart would never do the clay or the crafting.

Jim: Interesting.

Kathy: Okay, so there is art as a component. The other thing that shows up for picture smart kids, who think with their eyes and pictures, would be fiction and history, because they read it and they see it. Or they hear a lecture and they see it and it gives life to that subject matter.

Jim: So, for that picture-smart child, who really sees the world that way and communicates that way, what would be some of their potential character issues?

Kathy: Judging a book by its cover, meaning judging a person by appearance. Their eyes are very powerful. They observe and they think.

Jim: So, non-verbal inputs are maybe weighted too heavily for them?

Kathy: Excellent. And I’m not saying it’s irrelevant. I love that you said, “too heavily,” ‘cause it’s not irrelevant, but they would be quick to judge based on what they see. Pornography…

Jim: Hmm. Wow.

Kathy:  …Is a huge sin obviously. It’s so sad, isn’t it, how many young children and people…

Jim: Yeah.

Kathy: …Find that? And what’s really tragic is that picture-smart children who find it will find it very appealing. Videogames that might be very dramatic and violent might actually be very appealing to the picture smart child, because the eyes matter so much. And once they’ve seen it, they have a very hard time not seeing it.

Jim: Oh, that’s interesting.

Kathy: And the tragedy with pornography, if I can go there, is I’ve met with people who haven’t actively sought porn for a very long time, but can still see what they saw and still feel like they’re sinning.

Jim: So, that would be a picture smart person.

Kathy: Oh, very much and this is why we have to help our children guard their eyes with the right boundaries. And you have to be the kind of parents who they can come to and say, “Daddy, I saw something.”

Jim: Hmm.

Kathy: I have tears in my eyes because it’s not their fault that they were attracted to that, because if you’re picture smart, you think in pictures. Your eyes are your power, not your ears and not your mouth and it’s attractive. And young children who don’t know it’s sin yet, right?

Jim: Yeah, but what a great context to have that parent-child discussion.

Kathy: In fact, when we say, this is why this is attractive, this is why – however you want to word it, it’s like Satan has you stuck here. This is why this is your sin issue, because the devil wants to take your strength and damage them and destroy them, diminish them and say to you, you are bad. And you are not bad…

Jim: Wow.

Kathy: …Because you are picture smart and creative and imaginative and you see things. You are smart in a unique way, but you must be careful and let me help you.

Jim: Hmm.

John: Well, that, uh – that should speak to the heart of every parent listening right now and, uh, that is from her heart, Dr. Kathy Koch. And, uh, you’re listening to Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. You can find out more about Dr. Koch, her book, 8 Great Smarts, a CD or download or our mobile app so you can listen to us again. All of that information and lots of parenting helps at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast.

Jim: Kathy, let me – let me ask you this. Um, we’ve covered a handful of these now and music smart to me (chuckling) is a no-brainer, especially for a teenager. It seems like all teenagers are music smart beyond their parents’ ability. What’s happening there? Why is music smart, um, a gift? Many of us parents might think it’s not so much a gift.

Kathy: Great question again. I think it’s been awakened earlier, because music is everywhere, on apps that buzz and be-bop, on videogames and websites and just the – the…

Jim: It’s pervasive.

Kathy: …Music. It is pervasive and so, their ease of access would activate that part of the brain earlier and cause children to gravitate there. What I think is happening, Jim, is there’s a lot of interest. There’s not necessarily a lot of ability. Intelligences always start with interest. They will only be flamed into or fanned into abilities when the interest is affirmed when the children are maybe given private lessons. They’re taken to concerts. They’re, um, introduced again, to mentors, possibly who sing well or – or use music to edify the Lord. So, it’s a powerful, powerful thing. I’m actually very concerned about children who idolize music, who idolize musicians, who think it’s easy, who are allowed to keep pods in their ears and ignore the people. And that would be a very negative attribute. I’m very music smart. I went to the university I went to march in the band. I have no music on my phone, because I know my boundaries and I don’t want to go there. I – I don’t put pods…

Jim: Oh, interesting.

Kathy: I don’t put pods in my ear. In airports and airplanes, nowhere. My choice. I’m not saying that that’s right for everyone, but I want to invest in people.

Jim: That’s really fascinating. You know, and I – when I was a teenager in high school, I never listened to music. It didn’t’ appeal to me. In college I never listened. Uh, but now I listen to more Christian music – a lot of Christian music and I enjoy it. Third Day is a great…

Kathy: Mm hmm.

Jim: …Band that I like. And, uh, but back when I was a kid, I could care less. I was into sports and school.

Kathy: Mm hmm.

Jim: And I – you know, I would actually look down a little bit on people that were so into music that they – they couldn’t do other things.

Kathy: What’s interesting about that is, it’s proof that the brain can be awakened at any time. So, I believe your boys awakened more of that music smart in you.

Jim: Oh, that could be.

Kathy: Raising boys. They’re older. They’re teenagers. They’re into music. They’re coming to you and saying, “Dad, do you like this song?” And so, by choice, to interact with, to engage, to connect, to be empowered with your boys, God used them to awaken that part of your brain. And now you enjoy music often.

Jim: Yeah, you know, Kathy, um, last time we were together, you talked about the science behind this and, uh, I want to make a comment here that I think you would agree with. There’s research out there in academic circles where the brain is pliable at an early age. 6 to 12 I think is kind of the range where if you don’t get exposure to tone and foreign language, you actually will struggle as an older child after 12-years-old, to gain a sense of tone and to be able to do foreign language more easily. Is that – am I hearing that correctly when I read that literature? Is it that short a period of time that the human brain – I mean, it begins to harden, as I remember reading the literature, that your brain is pliable and at about age 12, it begins to harden literally.

Kathy: It does. We – we have until age 25 for total brain development, which is either really encouraging or really discouraging.

(LAUGHTER)

Jim: Depends on the day.

Kathy: Depends on the age of your kids.

John: How old are your children?

Jim: Right.

Kathy: So, if you have a 25-and-a-half-year-old, you’re really sad right now.

Jim: But that’s fascinating.

Kathy: it is fascinating. This is why we should never give up. But the thing that’s so cool is, that for young children, you’re correct. They have an easier time with learning different things, because their brain is more pliable and habits haven’t been set in and they haven’t received messages from the culture that have said, “You can’t do that.”

Jim: Well, we even say, that kid is soaking up stuff like a sponge.

Kathy: Mm. Right.

Jim: We have it – we say that.

Kathy: We do. The good news is, that the brain is pliable and can be developed through effort. It will take more effort and perseverance as you age, but it’s still possible. And I think if we’re motivated because of the connection factor, we’ll be able to do it.

Jim: Kathy, last time we covered body smart and again, if you missed it, get the download. But we didn’t touch on the character challenges of a body smart child. So, what would the – the character challenges be for that kinetic body smart child, who’s moving a lot and learns by being active?

Kathy: Touching everything, even though they’ve been told not to.

Jim: (Laughter) Oh, man.

Kathy: Um, touching sisters. You know, touching everything in the museum. Um, and kicking and punching and forcing their way to the front of the line, because they can make their body do that.

Jim: Okay.

Kathy: Using their body as their power.

Jim: Forcefulness.

Kathy: Forcefulness.

Jim: And then self smart. How about self smart?

Kathy: Self-smart kids crave quiet and peace and do a lot of thinking alone. They become very opinionated, because they’ve thought deeply about things. So…

Jim: Deeper than anybody else.

Kathy: Yes.

Jim: So, they can be a little egotistical about that as well?

Kathy: Egotistical. The lack of teachability, pride in their thoughts. Now all of us – pride can enter into all of these, but for the self smart mind, it is often that they don’t share. Their opinions matter and they can become bossy and argumentative in that regard, especially if they’re also logic and word smart.

Jim: Right. And, uh, people smart. You have that one. People smart’s interesting. What – what is that?

Kathy: You know, people smart people think well with other people, but they also have an ability to read body language. So, we’re the ones who can determine if you’re mad, happy, sad or glad.

Jim: Without a word.

Kathy: Without a word, so we walk toward a dad to ask for a favor and you have “No” written all over your body and so, we turn around.

Jim: Right.

Kathy: And then the dad is like, “Can I help you?” And the kid is like, “No, ‘cause I want you to say ‘yes’ and you’re going to say ‘no.’” So, we have a strength to observe and respond appropriately, but that also means we have the ability to manipulate you and or to motivate. So, the strength would be to motivate and to see you sad and to love on you or to see you frazzled and take advantage of that by knowing that you’re weak. And so, we’d get you to do something that otherwise you wouldn’t have done. And so, that’s a negative use of that people smart ability.

Jim: So, that’s people smart. That combination of things, let’s touch on that, um, because you’re right in saying that you’re not one thing, you know. This isn’t a personality profile test. You – you’ve got all of this. It’s a matter of developing it. Can a person actually be really smart in all eight smarts?

Kathy: Absolutely. I think if you’re raised eclectically, the earlier they’re awakened, the greater the likelihood they’re a strength for a lifetime. If you parent well when children are young, they’ll have a greater aptitude for all eight. And then if they’ve been exposed to a variety of people and a variety of experiences, variety of toys, a variety of books, all of that matters in the awakening process. So, yes, it’s possible. It’s not necessary though, so I don’t want anyone to listen and go, “I have to go and get smarter in this way.” Be who you’ve been created to be and accept who you are. I think that’s really important.

Jim: What about the parents who are saying, “Wow! Okay, my kids now are 15, 16, 17…” And you’re going, I had no clue this is how it was all working. Now it’s making sense to me. My – why my people smart child has been demonstrating this behavior his or her entire life. How do they back up and connect with that more thoughtful, almost adult-oriented older child now to say, “Hey, let’s talk about this. This is fascinating what I heard today on Focus on the Family”?

Kathy: That’s exactly what I would love for them to do, to be mature and to treat the child as more mature and to have the respectful conversation. “I’ve learned something about you. I’d love to share it.” Because what we’re giving people today is powerful language to explain what they’ve observed for years.

Jim: Well, you counsel these kids.

Kathy: Mm hmm.

Jim: What do they say to you when you open this window for them and they go, “Ah, now I know why I am the way I am?”

Kathy: I’ve had pictures mart and music smart children say to me, “Dr. Kathy, I knew I was talented and creative and artistic, but I didn’t know I was smart. I thought my brother was the smart one.”

Jim: Huh.

Kathy: Jim, it changes their whole perspective on the giftings and on their tomorrows. I’ve had people smart children raise their hand to say, “I can make my dad say ‘yes,’ when he should’ve said ‘no.’” And then I say, “Don’t ever be proud of that again.” And there’s whoom, instant silence and then there’s tears, as they recognize that a strength has been used in a negative way.

Jim: Wow.

Kathy: I’ve had self smart children and self smart moms and dads come to me and go, “Now I understand why I have to isolate sometimes. I’m not lonely. I’m not alone. I’m not bad. I’m not negative. I’m self smart and I need time and it is okay. I no longer feel like I’m a slow thinker. I’m a reflective person.” Identity controls behavior and language is powerful and this gives life to people. That’s why I’m so grateful to be here.

Jim: Kathy, we’re right at the forefront of a new school year. It’s leaning toward that logic smart, word smart child. You might have a child that’s not as well developed in that area. In a few weeks now, they may not do that well on an exam. You’re gonna start to worry. They got the D, maybe the F and you’re panicking, and you start putting pressure on that child. “Come on. You gotta study more.” I mean, I’m speaking a bit of experience here. How do we embrace that child for how God has made them, not let them get away with being lazy, but how do we balance all that?

Kathy: It’s a great question, because that’s the question of the age. I know when I do this in a live training, that’s why they come. We need to accept them for who they are and know that they’re not stupid. They’re smart differently. We need to believe that they can become smarter in word and logic. If your kid is in the type of a school where it’s a very word and logic smart school, get the book and support Focus on the Family and read those chapters and look for my ideas about how to help them study. Jim, don’t tell them to study. Help them study.

Jim: Oh.

Kathy: You know, buy the magnetic letters for the refrigerator and let them make their spelling words there. Let them do things creatively and differently at the same time that you say, “Look, you’re music smart. Let’s put it to a rhythm.” “Hey, you’re people smart. I know that, ‘cause I listened to this broadcast. It was revolutionary. You’re people smart. Come study with me. Ask me questions. Let’s talk together about it and learn together.”

And I need to say that if you want your kids to accept who they are, you have to accept who they are. You have to. They’re God’s creative miracle, uniquely designed with His intentionality. And it’s not always easy, but let me remind you of something we said in the first broadcast and that is, you can do really well in school and not do really well in life. And that’s not what we want for our kids. We want them to do well in school and well in life, so all eight matter.

Jim: (Chuckling) That’s well said. Dr. Kathy Koch, 8 Great Smarts: Discover and Nurture Your Child’s Intelligences. This has been really good, and I hope you will contact us to get a copy of the book and for a gift of any amount, help us put this resource into the hands of people who can’t afford it by supporting the ministry. Uh, send a gift of any amount. Request the book and we want to say thank you in that way by giving you this book when you help us. So, do it today. We need your help. People need your help.

John: And you can donate and find Kathy’s book and other helpful resources at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast. Or when you call 800, the letter A and the word FAMILY. 800-232-6459.

Jim: Kathy, this has been so good. Man, Jean and I are gonna read this and we’re gonna have the kids read it, too. And, uh, I just want to say thanks for being with us.

Kathy: It’s been a joy and an honor and let me suggest that parents buy copies of the book for grandparents, for the teachers of their children. What better way than to help the people who have authority over your children understand them better?

Jim: That’s a great idea.

Kathy: And a – and a great way to support Focus. We – we’ve gotta be on your side in that way.

Jim: Well, thanks again for being here.

Kathy: My pleasure.

John: On behalf of Jim Daly and the entire team, thanks for listening to Focus on the Family. I’m John Fuller, hoping you have a great weekend and inviting you back on Monday as we once more help you and your family thrive in Christ.

Today's Guests

8 Great Smarts

Receive Kathy Koch's book 8 Great Smarts for your donation of any amount!

Recent Episodes

Focus on the Family Broadcast logo

Simple Habits to Embrace in Your Marriage

Dr. Randy Schroeder has counseled thousands of married couples and has discovered simple tools that help couples avoid divorce and build a thriving marriage. In this broadcast, he describes practical habits to help couples navigate expectations in marriage, build emotional closeness, and resolve disagreements.

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How I Found God Through My Abortion Journey (Part 2 of 2)

Cynthia Wenz shares her incredible testimony of discovering God’s love and forgiveness. As a teenager, Cynthia lived recklessly and strayed away from the Lord. By age 29, she had three abortions, numbing herself from the reality of killing her children. After realizing her mistakes, Cynthia became pro-life and experienced many years of turmoil and grief before undergoing post-abortion recovery. She now advocates for pregnancy resource centers across the nation. (Part 2 of 2)

Focus on the Family Broadcast logo

How I Found God Through My Abortion Journey (Part 1 of 2)

Cynthia Wenz shares her incredible testimony of discovering God’s love and forgiveness. As a teenager, Cynthia lived recklessly and strayed away from the Lord. By age 29, she had three abortions, numbing herself from the reality of killing her children. After realizing her mistakes, Cynthia became pro-life and experienced many years of turmoil and grief before undergoing post-abortion recovery. She now advocates for pregnancy resource centers across the nation. (Part 1 of 2)

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Avoiding Shame-Based Parenting

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Joshua Becker discusses the benefits a family can experience if they reduce the amount of “stuff” they have and simplify their lives. He addresses parents in particular, explaining how they can set healthy boundaries on how much stuff their kids have, and establish new habits regarding the possession of toys, clothes, artwork, gifts and more.

Loving Your Spouse Through the Seasons of Marriage - Part 1

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Debra Fileta

Debra Fileta is a licensed professional counselor specializing in relationship and marital issues. She is also a public speaker and the author of multiple books, including Married SexChoosing Marriage: Why It Has to Start With We > Me, Love in Every Season, and Are You Really OK: Getting Real About Who You Are, How You’re Doing, and Why It Matters. Debra’s popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, and her Love + Relationships podcast reach millions of people each year offering guidance on topics including love, sex, and marriage.

Love in Every Season: Understanding the Four Stages of a Healthy Relationship

Every relationship goes through four life-changing seasons: Spring. Summer. Fall. Winter. Each season plays an important role in taking your relationship to the next level. And depending on how you navigate each season, your relationship will either flourish and grow, or it will slowly die. Whether you’re single, dating, engaged or married, join licensed professional counselor and relationship expert, Debra Fileta as she takes you on an eye-opening psychological and spiritual journey through the four seasons that she has observed in every healthy relationship.

How a Former Abortion Doctor Became Pro-Life

As an abortion doctor at Planned Parenthood, Dr. Patti Giebink believed she was helping women. Later, she began reading scripture and God gradually changed her heart on the abortion issue. Patti tells the story of her long journey from abortion doctor to pro-life and encourages listeners to share the message of life with compassion.

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Mrs. Patti Giebink

Dr. Patti Giebink is an OB-GYN who serves on the board of the Alpha Center, a well-known pregnancy center located in Sioux Falls, S.D. She also travels intermittently to work in mission hospitals in Pakistan and other countries. After completing her medical training, Dr. Giebink worked for Planned Parenthood from 1995-1997, during which she was the only abortion-provider in the state of South Dakota. She eventually experienced a radical change of heart on the issue of abortion after receiving God’s grace, forgiveness, and love, and she is now a passionate advocate for the pro-life movement.

Cover image of the book "Unexpected Choice: An Abortion Doctor’s Journey to Pro-Life"

Unexpected Choice: An Abortion Doctor’s Journey to Pro-Life

Unexpected Choice is told from the perspective of a doctor who actually performed abortions through Planned Parenthood. The book chronicles her journey from being a pro-choice physician to someone speaking on behalf of the pro-life movement.

Navigating a Toxic Culture with Your Daughter - Part 2

As a pediatrician, Dr. Meg Meeker has seen thousands of girls come through her office through the years. They struggle with eating issues, sexual identity, social media…and many other challenges in this toxic culture. Dr. Meeker will encourage parents to invest love and time in their daughters and develop their character to give them the best opportunity for a bright future, all rooted in a spiritual foundation. The discussion also includes healthy feminism vs. toxic feminism

Mrs. Meg Meeker

Dr. Meg Meeker is a pediatrician who is widely recognized as one of the country’s leading authorities on parenting, teens and children’s health. With appearances on numerous nationally syndicated radio and TV programs, her popularity as a an expert on key issues confronting families has created a strong following across America. Her work with countless families over the years served as the inspiration behind her best-selling books which include Strong Fathers, Strong DaughtersStrong Mothers, Strong Sons and The Ten Habits of Happy Mothers

Cover image of Dr. Meg Meeker's book "Raising a Strong Daughter in a Toxic Culture"

Raising a Strong Daughter in a Toxic Culture: 11 Steps to Keep Her Happy, Healthy, and Safe

Meg Meeker has been a pediatrician for more than thirty years, is a mother and a grandmother, and has seen it all. She knows what makes for strong, happy, healthy young women–and what puts our daughters at risk. Combining that experience with her famous common sense, she explains the eleven steps that will help your daughter–whether she’s a toddler or a troubled teen–to achieve her full human potential.

Cherishing Your Spouse Every Day

Do you love your spouse, or do you truly cherish them? Gary Thomas encourages couples to make a daily effort to go beyond the ‘duty’ of love, and combat the natural inclination to drift apart, by choosing to see the best in their spouse.

Mr. Gary Thomas

Gary Thomas is an international speaker and best-selling, award-winning author whose books include Married SexSacred Marriage and Sacred Parenting. He has also written numerous articles for several prominent national magazines. Gary and his wife, Lisa, reside in Texas and have three children. You can learn more about Gary by visiting his website, www.garythomas.com.

cherish front cover

Friends, Partners, and Lovers: What It Takes to Make Your Marriage Work

“Most marriages survive by gritting teeth and holding on. But marriages can and will not only survive but thrive when husbands and wives learn to cherish one another.” Those are the powerful words of bestselling author Gary Thomas in his newest book–Cherish. And in a world desperate for marriage redemption, it is needed now more than ever. Thomas shows that although there are a countless number of marriages consisting of two people just going through the motions, there are real ways this pattern can be reversed: when husbands and wives learn to cherish one another in proven, loving, and everyday actions and words.

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Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

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Newest Release - Episode 4: Sometimes the Choice is Hard

Hear real life stories of parents who have made the decision to choose life even though the circumstances were overwhelming. You’ll see why “ALL” life is precious to God and why choosing life is always the right decision!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!

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Newest Release - Episode 3: The Power of a Picture

Have you ever wondered what a baby looked like in the womb? With today’s technology, Moms and Dads can see the baby’s heartbeat, facial expressions, and movements! You’ll find out why more women choose life once they hear their baby’s heartbeat and realize it’s a real living human!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!

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Newest Release - Episode 5: It’s Going to be Amazing!

After a couple has chosen life, hear the heartwarming stories of children that culture would have cast aside, yet are making tremendous impacts in their communities. Whether the diagnosis was adverse or the circumstances were difficult, these stories will inspire you to come along side of families who have chosen life!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!

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Newest Release - Episode 6: Families Helping Families!

So, after all you’ve seen through the SeeLife ‘21 Episodic journey; what can you do now? We’ll share how you can partner with some amazing organizations that are making significant impacts in the pro-life movement! You want to Celebrate Life!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!

Praying Scripture Over Your Child’s Life - Part 2

Jodie Berndt loves to pray for her children. She’s been doing that for the past thirty years. Now she helps other parents to talk to God, asking for the salvation of their kids, and for wisdom, self-discipline, purpose, a future and much more. She offers fun and practical encouragement that moms and dads can put to work immediately in their daily lives as they prepare their children for a life in Christ.

Headshot of Focus on the Family broadcast guest Jodie Berndt

Jodie Berndt

Jodie Berndt is a public speaker, a Bible teacher, and the the author of 10 books. Find out more about Jodie and get some free resources (including printable prayer cards and calendars) at her website, jodieberndt.com.

Cover image of Jodie Berndt's book "Praying the Scriptures for Your Children"

Praying the Scriptures Over Your Children

You will discover how using the Bible to shape your desires and requests opens the door to God’s provision—and frees us from things like worry and fear in our parenting! This expanded edition of the bestseller features updated content on issues like technology and identity, and comes with new material designed to invite children into the family prayer circle. Purchase now and receive 10% off your product.

Effective Habits to Embrace in Parenting

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Headshot of Focus on the Family broadcast guest Dr. Randy Schroeder

Dr. Randy Schroeder

Dr. Randy Schroeder has spent more than four decades writing, counseling, speaking, and teaching. For nearly 25 years, he was Vice President of Student Personnel Services, Dean of Students, and a professor of pastoral counseling at Concordia Theological Seminary in Fort Wayne, Ind. He’s also led a successful counseling practice helping individuals, couples, and families to thrive in their lives and relationships.

Cover image of Dr. Randall Schroeder's book "Simple Habits for Effective Parenting"

Simple Habits for Effective Parenting

Effective parenting is now within your grasp! With this inspiring how-to comprehensive book, achieve extraordinary results in raising a child to be self-assured, self-reliant, and responsible! You will be able to successfully lead and lovingly encourage your child toward a Godly life!

The Spiritual Battle for Your Marriage

God designed marriage to reflect His love to the world; and because of this, the enemy wants to destroy God’s beautiful design. Based on his book, Defending Your Marriage, Dr. Tim and Noreen Muehlhoff share about the reality of spiritual warfare against marriages, and how to combat the enemy’s lies with the truth of God. Couples will be encouraged that they’re not alone in the fight for a godly marriage and better equipped to be a shining example for the world around them.

Tim and Noreen Muehlhoff Cropped

Dr. Tim and Mrs. Noreen Muehlhoff

Dr. Tim Muehlhoff is a professor of communication at Biola University in La Mirada, California where he teaches classes in family communication, interpersonal communication, apologetics, gender, and conflict resolution.  Tim and his wife, Noreen, are both on staff with Biola’s Center for Marriage and Relationships  where he is a co-host of The Art of Relationship podcast. 

Defending Your Marriage

Is your marriage under attack? Sometimes it can feel like the world is trying to tear your marriage apart. Internal conflicts or external pressures might make you wonder if something sinister is going on. How can you tell if you’re facing spiritual opposition? And what can you do about it? Tim Muehlhoff provides a straightforward resource for protecting your marriage from the threats of the evil one. He looks at what Scripture says about spiritual warfare and how our everyday struggles have deeper spiritual realities. And he provides practical steps for guarding our marriages with the whole armor of God.

Reigniting Your Passion for Jesus - Part 1

For those of faith whose passion has waned over time, Kim Meeder will reinspire you in your relationship with Jesus Christ as she tells powerful, true stories about God that will spark renewed joy in your heart and encourage you to share the Gospel with others.

Headshot photo of author Kim Meeder

Kim Meeder

Kim Meeder and her husband, Troy, are the co-founders of Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch, a non-profit organization in Bend, Oregon, that rescues abused horses and pairs them with hurting kids for mutual healing. Kim is a popular motivational speaker and the author of a half dozen books including Hope Rising and Bridge Called Hope, which feature inspirational stories from her ranch.

Revival Rising

With enthusiasm that will set ablaze your passion to reach the hurting, Kim Meeder encourages you to let the holy fire of God’s presence fill your heart, soul, mind and strength. As your fear and pride melt away, those around you who are losing their battle for hope will be transformed by encountering His redeeming love in you. This–this is revival rising.

Reigniting Your Passion for Jesus - Part 2

For those of faith whose passion has waned over time, Kim Meeder will reinspire you in your relationship with Jesus Christ as she tells powerful, true stories about God that will spark renewed joy in your heart and encourage you to share the Gospel with others.

Headshot photo of author Kim Meeder

Kim Meeder

Kim Meeder and her husband, Troy, are the co-founders of Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch, a non-profit organization in Bend, Oregon, that rescues abused horses and pairs them with hurting kids for mutual healing. Kim is a popular motivational speaker and the author of a half dozen books including Hope Rising and Bridge Called Hope, which feature inspirational stories from her ranch.

Revival Rising

With enthusiasm that will set ablaze your passion to reach the hurting, Kim Meeder encourages you to let the holy fire of God’s presence fill your heart, soul, mind and strength. As your fear and pride melt away, those around you who are losing their battle for hope will be transformed by encountering His redeeming love in you. This–this is revival rising.

Mothers and Sons: Being a Godly Influence - Part 2

Rhonda Stoppe describes her early motherhood challenges of raising a son, which was intimidating to her. She found help through group of older women mentors. She urges moms to see their role as ministry in shaping sons to be good and godly men. Rhonda outlines several practical suggestions to moms about spiritual training, how to communicate with boys, and supporting the father-son relationship as a wife.

Headshot of Rhonda Stoppe

Rhonda Stoppe

Drawing upon 35 years of experience as a mentor, pastor’s wife, and homeschool mom, Rhonda Stoppe offers encouragement and guidance to women as an author and public speaker. She is popularly known as the “No Regrets Woman,” as she is especially passionate about helping women live life without regrets. Rhonda’s books include Moms Raising Sons to Be MenReal Life Romance, and The Marriage Mentor, which she co-authored with her husband, Steve.

Cover image of Rhonda Stoppe's book "Moms Raising Sons to be Men"

Moms Raising Sons to Be Men

Mothers of boys have the special calling to shape future men of God. Popular speaker Rhonda Stoppe, mom to two sons, knows this opportunity is a challenge, a joy, and probably the most important work of a woman’s life. Drawing from years of experience, this inspirational resource will revive the faithfulness and fortitude a woman needs to partner with God as they shape the character and heart of a future godly man.

Identifying Triggers in Your Marriage - Part 2

They were both convinced they had married the wrong person. From almost the very beginning of their marriage, Amber and Guy Lia experienced various tensions and personality clashes related to house cleaning, backseat driving, workaholism, and intimacy. In this two-day Focus on the Family broadcast, Amber and Guy discuss how they bravely faced the triggers head-on, and committed to working on their own relationships with Jesus. As you listen to the Lia’s story, you’ll feel hope that you, too, can see real marriage transformation!

Headshot of Guy and Amber Lia

Mr. and Mrs. Guy and Amber Lia and Mrs. Jean Daly

Amber Lia is a work-at-home mom, blogger, public speaker, and co-author of two best-selling books. Her husband, Guy, is a former TV, feature film, and VFX development and production executive who has worked on popular TV shows and films. Guy and Amber own Storehouse Media Group, a faith- and family-friendly TV and film production company based in Los Angeles,

Cover image of the book "Marriage Triggers" by Guy and Amber Lia

Marriage Triggers: How You and Your Spouse Can Exchange Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses

A husband-wife team offers practical advice for married couples to end the cycle of reactionary arguments by examining the most common issues that trigger disagreements and apply God’s Word to radically transform relationships.

What to Do When You're Not Okay - Part 2

Life can be pretty stressful. Between work, relationships, and other obligations, the pressure builds, and we lose sight of who we are. Counselor Debra Fileta helps you better understand your emotions, assess your mental, physical, and spiritual health, and intentionally pursue a path to wellbeing. In dealing with anxiety, depression, and panic attacks, Debra understands the importance of self-examination as well as the benefits of seeking professional help. She offers biblically-based advice, tools, and encouragement to help you get on a path toward healing and wholeness.

Author Debra Fileta in the Focus on the Family broadcast studio

Mrs. Debra Fileta

Debra Fileta is a licensed professional counselor specializing in relationship and marital issues. She is also a public speaker and the author of multiple books, including Married SexChoosing Marriage: Why It Has to Start With We > Me, Love in Every Season, and Are You Really OK: Getting Real About Who You Are, How You’re Doing, and Why It Matters. Debra’s popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, and her Love + Relationships podcast reach millions of people each year offering guidance on topics including love, sex, and marriage. Debra resides in Pennsylvania with her husband, John, and their four children.

Are You Really Okay?

Are You Really OK: Getting Real About Who You Are

In Are You Really OK? author and licensed counselor Debra Fileta challenges you to get real with who you are and how you’re doing spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically so you can recognize where you need growth and healing.

Embracing Your Role as a Spouse

As a spouse, you have three roles to play—a friend, a partner, and a lover. On this one-day Focus on the Family broadcast, Pastor Kevin A. Thompson explores those different roles and challenges you to live them out by investing emotionally, physically, and mentally in your relationship. As friends, he suggests we learn to play and laugh together. As partners, he equips us with solid ways to handle conflict and communication. As lovers, he offers some thoughts on how to bring back the sizzle. He shares five keys to saving your marriage: humility, respect, mercy, communication, and resilience. You’ll be encouraged to intentionally invest in your marriage.

Headshot of Kevin Thompson

Pastor Kevin Thompson

Kevin A. Thompson (MDiv, Beeson Divinity School) is lead pastor at Community Bible Church, a growing multi-site church with four locations in western Arkansas. Every year he meets with nearly one hundred couples with a range of needs, from pre-marital counseling to navigating the most serious betrayals. A marriage and parenting conference speaker, he and his wife, Jenny, have two children and live in Fort Smith, Arkansas. He blogs at kevinathompson.com.

Cover image of Kevin Thompson's book "Friends, Partners & Lovers"

Friends, Partners, and Lovers: What It Takes to Make Your Marriage Work

With engaging stories and clear, simple language, pastor Kevin Thompson shows how to live out three distinct roles in marraige. Using solid biblical principles, he helps you and your spouse grow your friendship, be supportive partners through the good times and the bad, and develop a healthy and satisfying sex life.

Sharing Your Faith with Grace and Purpose

You can confidently and lovingly share your faith—you just need to learn some new tactics to do so! In this Focus on the Family Daily Broadcast, apologist Greg Koukl outlines the “Columbo” tactic of asking questions, the “self-defeating argument” tactic to find holes in your opponent’s arguments, and other specific methods for engaging in faith-building conversations with others. Greg pulls from his over 30 years of experience debating atheists and agnostics to help you share your faith with grace and truth.

Mr. Greg Koukl

Greg Koukl is a writer, public speaker and talk show host who’s spent 30 years advocating for and defending the Christian worldview. Greg has written or contributed to 15 books, including The Story of RealityTactics, and Precious Unborn Human Persons. Greg has published nearly 230 articles and has spoken on 80 college and university campuses in the U.S. and abroad.

Tactics front cover

Tactics, 10th Anniversary Edition: A Game Plan for Discussing Your Christian Convictions

In a world increasingly indifferent to Christian truth, followers of Christ need to be equipped to communicate with those who do not speak their language or accept their source of authority. In Tactics, 10th Anniversary Edition, Gregory Koukl demonstrates how to artfully regain control of conversations, keeping them moving forward in constructive ways through thoughtful diplomacy. You’ll learn how to stop challengers in their tracks and how to turn the tables on questions or provocative statements. Most important, you’ll learn how to get people thinking about Jesus.

Understanding the Root of Your Child's Misbehavior - Part 1

Often, children act out because they are used to getting attention through bad behavior. Dr. Kevin Leman offers advice to help parents transform their child’s behavior. He discusses the benefits of allowing your kids to learn from real-life consequences and describes the importance of understanding your child’s temperament based on his birth order.

Dr. Kevin Leman

Dr. Kevin Leman

Dr. Kevin Leman is an internationally known family psychologist and an award-winning, New York Times best-selling author. He is also a popular public speaker and media personality who has made countless guest appearances on numerous radio and TV programs. Dr. Leman has written more than 50 books including The Birth Order BookHave a New Kid by Friday and Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours.

Bundle of Why Your Kids Misbehave

Why Your Kids Misbehave and What to Do about It

Tantrums. Talking back. Throwing toys or food. Meltdowns. Slamming doors. Kids know just how to push your buttons. You’ve tried all sorts of methods, but nothing seems to work. In this book, Dr. Kevin Leman reveals exactly why kids misbehave and how you can turn that behavior around with practical, no-nonsense strategies that really work . . . and are a long-term win for both of you.

Giving up Sugar, Tasting God's Goodness

As a latchkey kid, Wendy Speake turned to sugar for comfort. Every Friday, she would pedal to the candy show and use her allowance to fill her bag with candy. And one day, when she was older and a mom of three young boys, she came to realize that she was still “pedaling” away from her stress and using sugar as comfort, instead of turning to Jesus. She was joyless, worn out, tired, and in need of a change. In this interview, Wendy will challenge Christians to take 40 days to focus on fasting from something they turn to instead of Jesus for comfort. She invited people to break free from a dependence on sugar and taste the goodness of God.

Author Wendy Speake smiling as she holds up her book "The 40-Day Social Media Fast"

Mrs. Wendy Speake

With a background in Hollywood as a trained actress, Wendy Speake ministers to women as a bible teacher by applying the power of drama, poetry and comedy to the study of Scripture and real-life application of biblical truths. She has co-authored two books with Amber Lia titled Triggers: Exchanging Parents’ Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses and their latest, Parenting Scripts: When What You’re Saying Isn’t Working, Say Something New. Wendy is also the co-author (with Kelli Stuart) of Life Creative: Inspiration for Today’s Renaissance Mom.

Cover image of the book "The 40-Day Sugar Fast"

The 40-Day Sugar Fast: Where Physical Detox Meets Spiritual Transformation

Welcome to the 40-Day Sugar Fast, a fast that begins with us giving Jesus our sugar and ends with Jesus giving us himself–the only thing that can ever truly satisfy our soul’s deep hunger. On this 40-day journey you’ll learn how to stop fixating on food and other things you use to fill the voids in life and instead fix your eyes on Christ. Anyone who runs to sugar for comfort or a reward, who eats mindlessly or out of boredom, who feels physically and spiritually lethargic, or who struggles with self-control will discover here not only freedom from their cravings but an entirely new appetite for the good things God has for us.

Understanding the Root of Your Child's Misbehavior - Part 2

Often, children act out because they are used to getting attention through bad behavior. Dr. Kevin Leman offers advice to help parents transform their child’s behavior. He discusses the benefits of allowing your kids to learn from real-life consequences and describes the importance of understanding your child’s temperament based on his birth order.

Dr. Kevin Leman

Dr. Kevin Leman

Dr. Kevin Leman is an internationally known family psychologist and an award-winning, New York Times best-selling author. He is also a popular public speaker and media personality who has made countless guest appearances on numerous radio and TV programs. Dr. Leman has written more than 50 books including The Birth Order BookHave a New Kid by Friday and Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours.

Bundle of Why Your Kids Misbehave

Why Your Kids Misbehave and What to Do about It

Tantrums. Talking back. Throwing toys or food. Meltdowns. Slamming doors. Kids know just how to push your buttons. You’ve tried all sorts of methods, but nothing seems to work. In this book, Dr. Kevin Leman reveals exactly why kids misbehave and how you can turn that behavior around with practical, no-nonsense strategies that really work . . . and are a long-term win for both of you.

Loving Your Spouse Through the Seasons of Marriage - Part 2

Debra Fileta has identified the four seasons of marriage that correspond with our natural seasons – spring (new life and new love), summer (things get hot!), fall (showing our true colors), and winter (long days ahead). In this interview, she will help couples better understand the four seasons of healthy relationships, what to expect during each one, and how to carefully navigate them for a stronger marriage.

Author Debra Fileta in the Focus on the Family broadcast studio

Debra Fileta

Debra Fileta is a licensed professional counselor specializing in relationship and marital issues. She is also a public speaker and the author of multiple books, including Married SexChoosing Marriage: Why It Has to Start With We > Me, Love in Every Season, and Are You Really OK: Getting Real About Who You Are, How You’re Doing, and Why It Matters. Debra’s popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, and her Love + Relationships podcast reach millions of people each year offering guidance on topics including love, sex, and marriage.

Love in Every Season: Understanding the Four Stages of a Healthy Relationship

Every relationship goes through four life-changing seasons: Spring. Summer. Fall. Winter. Each season plays an important role in taking your relationship to the next level. And depending on how you navigate each season, your relationship will either flourish and grow, or it will slowly die. Whether you’re single, dating, engaged or married, join licensed professional counselor and relationship expert, Debra Fileta as she takes you on an eye-opening psychological and spiritual journey through the four seasons that she has observed in every healthy relationship.

Reconciling Faith and Science in a Medical Crisis

Dr. Lee Warren is a neurosurgeon who has faced many heavy challenges in his life – from serving in the Iraq War to removing deadly brain tumors to experiencing the loss of a teenage son. He’ll share about his difficult quest to find answers to some of life’s toughest questions, while holding onto his faith in God and the sure hope of heaven

Headshot of Focus on the Family broadcast guest Dr. W. Lee Warren

Dr. Lee Warren

W. Lee Warren, M.D., is a brain surgeon , inventor, Iraq War veteran, and author of I’ve Seen the End of You: A Neurosurgeon’s Look at Faith, Doubt, and the Things We Think We Know, winner of the Christian Book Award®. His previous book, No Place to Hide, was included on the 2015 U.S. Air Force Chief of Staff’s Recommended Reading List. Dr. Warren has appeared on The 700 Club and the CBS Evening News, and his writings have been featured in Guideposts magazine. His Dr. Lee Warren Podcast, which is heard in more than 60 countries, helps listeners use the power of neuroscience, faith, and common sense to change their lives.

Cover image of Dr. Lee Warren's book "I've Seen the End of You"

I've Seen the End of You: A Neurosurgeon's Look at Faith, Doubt, and the Things We Think We Know

This gripping inspirational memoir grapples with the tension between faith and science—and between death and hope—as a seasoned neurosurgeon faces insurmountable odds and grief both in the office and at home.

Praying Scripture Over Your Child’s Life - Part 1

Jodie Berndt loves to pray for her children. She’s been doing that for the past thirty years. Now she helps other parents to talk to God, asking for the salvation of their kids, and for wisdom, self-discipline, purpose, a future and much more. She offers fun and practical encouragement that moms and dads can put to work immediately in their daily lives as they prepare their children for a life in Christ.

Headshot of Focus on the Family broadcast guest Jodie Berndt

Jodie Berndt

Jodie Berndt is a public speaker, a Bible teacher, and the the author of 10 books. Find out more about Jodie and get some free resources (including printable prayer cards and calendars) at her website, jodieberndt.com.

Cover image of Jodie Berndt's book "Praying the Scriptures for Your Children"

Praying the Scriptures Over Your Children

You will discover how using the Bible to shape your desires and requests opens the door to God’s provision—and frees us from things like worry and fear in our parenting! This expanded edition of the bestseller features updated content on issues like technology and identity, and comes with new material designed to invite children into the family prayer circle. Purchase now and receive 10% off your product.

Mothers and Sons: Being a Godly Influence - Part 1

Rhonda Stoppe describes her early motherhood challenges of raising a son, which was intimidating to her. She found help through group of older women mentors. She urges moms to see their role as ministry in shaping sons to be good and godly men. Rhonda outlines several practical suggestions to moms about spiritual training, how to communicate with boys, and supporting the father-son relationship as a wife.

Headshot of Rhonda Stoppe

Rhonda Stoppe

Drawing upon 35 years of experience as a mentor, pastor’s wife, and homeschool mom, Rhonda Stoppe offers encouragement and guidance to women as an author and public speaker. She is popularly known as the “No Regrets Woman,” as she is especially passionate about helping women live life without regrets. Rhonda’s books include Moms Raising Sons to Be MenReal Life Romance, and The Marriage Mentor, which she co-authored with her husband, Steve.

Cover image of Rhonda Stoppe's book "Moms Raising Sons to be Men"

Moms Raising Sons to Be Men

Mothers of boys have the special calling to shape future men of God. Popular speaker Rhonda Stoppe, mom to two sons, knows this opportunity is a challenge, a joy, and probably the most important work of a woman’s life. Drawing from years of experience, this inspirational resource will revive the faithfulness and fortitude a woman needs to partner with God as they shape the character and heart of a future godly man.

Identifying Triggers in Your Marriage Part 1

They were both convinced they had married the wrong person. From almost the very beginning of their marriage, Amber and Guy Lia experienced various tensions and personality clashes related to house cleaning, backseat driving, workaholism, and intimacy. In this two-day Focus on the Family broadcast, Amber and Guy discuss how they bravely faced the triggers head-on, and committed to working on their own relationships with Jesus. As you listen to the Lia’s story, you’ll feel hope that you, too, can see real marriage transformation!

Headshot of Guy and Amber Lia

Mr. and Mrs. Guy and Amber Lia and Mrs. Jean Daly

Amber Lia is a work-at-home mom, blogger, public speaker, and co-author of two best-selling books. Her husband, Guy, is a former TV, feature film, and VFX development and production executive who has worked on popular TV shows and films. Guy and Amber own Storehouse Media Group, a faith- and family-friendly TV and film production company based in Los Angeles,

Cover image of the book "Marriage Triggers" by Guy and Amber Lia

Marriage Triggers: How You and Your Spouse Can Exchange Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses

A husband-wife team offers practical advice for married couples to end the cycle of reactionary arguments by examining the most common issues that trigger disagreements and apply God’s Word to radically transform relationships.

What to Do When You're Not Okay - Part 1

Life can be pretty stressful. Between work, relationships, and other obligations, the pressure builds, and we lose sight of who we are. Counselor Debra Fileta helps you better understand your emotions, assess your mental, physical, and spiritual health, and intentionally pursue a path to wellbeing. In dealing with anxiety, depression, and panic attacks, Debra understands the importance of self-examination as well as the benefits of seeking professional help. She offers biblically-based advice, tools, and encouragement to help you get on a path toward healing and wholeness.

Author Debra Fileta in the Focus on the Family broadcast studio

Mrs. Debra Fileta

Debra Fileta is a licensed professional counselor specializing in relationship and marital issues. She is also a public speaker and the author of multiple books, including Married SexChoosing Marriage: Why It Has to Start With We > Me, Love in Every Season, and Are You Really OK: Getting Real About Who You Are, How You’re Doing, and Why It Matters. Debra’s popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, and her Love + Relationships podcast reach millions of people each year offering guidance on topics including love, sex, and marriage. Debra resides in Pennsylvania with her husband, John, and their four children.

Are You Really Okay?

Are You Really OK: Getting Real About Who You Are

In Are You Really OK? author and licensed counselor Debra Fileta challenges you to get real with who you are and how you’re doing spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically so you can recognize where you need growth and healing.

Navigating a Toxic Culture with Your Daughter - Part 1

As a pediatrician, Dr. Meg Meeker has seen thousands of girls come through her office through the years. They struggle with eating issues, sexual identity, social media…and many other challenges in this toxic culture. Dr. Meeker will encourage parents to invest love and time in their daughters and develop their character to give them the best opportunity for a bright future, all rooted in a spiritual foundation. The discussion also includes healthy feminism vs. toxic feminism

Mrs. Meg Meeker

Dr. Meg Meeker is a pediatrician who is widely recognized as one of the country’s leading authorities on parenting, teens and children’s health. With appearances on numerous nationally syndicated radio and TV programs, her popularity as a an expert on key issues confronting families has created a strong following across America. Her work with countless families over the years served as the inspiration behind her best-selling books which include Strong Fathers, Strong DaughtersStrong Mothers, Strong Sons and The Ten Habits of Happy Mothers

Cover image of Dr. Meg Meeker's book "Raising a Strong Daughter in a Toxic Culture"

Raising a Strong Daughter in a Toxic Culture: 11 Steps to Keep Her Happy, Healthy, and Safe

Meg Meeker has been a pediatrician for more than thirty years, is a mother and a grandmother, and has seen it all. She knows what makes for strong, happy, healthy young women–and what puts our daughters at risk. Combining that experience with her famous common sense, she explains the eleven steps that will help your daughter–whether she’s a toddler or a troubled teen–to achieve her full human potential.

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Newest Release - Episode 1: The Truth About Life!

In this episode, we will tackle tough questions like, “When does life begin?” and “What does the Bible
say about Life?” You’ll discover and understand the stages of pre-born life and that babies are more than
just a clump of cells!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!