Husband Recovering From Porn Addiction, No Desire for Sex

Take heart – your situation is not unusual, and there is still hope that your marriage can be healed and restored to wholeness. There is nothing exceptional about your husband's behavior. As a matter of fact, many porn addicts are sexually anorexic when it comes to marital relations with their spouse. That's because, through habit and practice, their normal sexual impulses have been alienated from their natural context – i.e., a healthy, committed personal relationship – and re-oriented around impersonal objects or illicit lusts or fetishes. The good news is that, with time, patience, and appropriate treatment, these pathological patterns can be reversed and rehabilitated.

You say that your husband is in the process of recovering from an addiction to porn. If he's serious about this, he should be willing to do whatever it takes to make his recovery complete. Unfortunately, his behavior at the moment indicates that his resolve is weak and that full recovery is still a long way off. There's only one word for the pain and strain he's introduced into your marriage, and it's "sin." Bottom line: your current marital status quo is unacceptable. To save your relationship you're going to have to change your circumstances, and it's unlikely that you'll be able to do it alone. If your husband really wants to leave the past behind, he's going to have to join forces with you in an effort to get some outside help.

If the two of you are Christians, you need to sit down with your pastor and discuss the spiritual aspects of the marital troubles you're experiencing. The Bible has some very definite things to say about marriage as the one and only appropriate context for sexual activity. Even more to the point in this particular case, it states clearly that husbands and wives are not to "deprive one another" sexually, "except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control" (I Corinthians 7:5). There is a very simple and very important principle underlying this specific instruction; namely, "The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does" (I Corinthians 7:4).

In addition to spiritual counseling, it is crucial that you get the help of a licensed marriage therapist, a trained psychologist who can hold you and your husband accountable and guide you through the difficult process of breaking old patterns and healing past addictions. To get the process started, we urge you to call us. A member of our counseling staff will be happy to give you a free over-the-phone consultation and provide you with a list of referrals to qualified Christian family counselors in your area. When you call, we recommend that you ask about the benefits of Brief Intensive Therapy. Experience leads us to believe that this particular approach is most effective cases like yours.

In the meantime, you may want to consider installing some accountability software on your computer. Please be advised that software programs of this nature are not the ultimate answer to the serious and complex problems like those your husband is facing, but we feel strongly that they can play an important role in helping you keep tabs on the entire family's online activities.

Resources
The Last Addiction: Why Self-Help Is Not Enough

False Intimacy: Understanding the Struggle of Sexual Addiction

Breaking Free: Making Liberty in Christ a Reality in Life

Nothing to Hide: Hope for Marriages Hurt by Pornography and Infidelity

Digital Pornography Addiction: What You Need to Know and Where to Find Help

Referrals
Be Broken Ministries

Net Nanny

Articles
Pornography and Virtual Infidelity

Dealing With Pornography

Pornography

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