What Does Proverbs 22:6 Mean? Is It a Promise or Just a Hope?

We’re a Christian family, and we’ve tried to raise our kids in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Proverbs 22:6 seems to promise that if parents do this, their children will stay on a good path. But our college-age son walked away from his faith a year ago and started engaging in destructive behaviors. Now his younger sister is following in his footsteps. Where did we go wrong?

Answer:

First, know that you are not alone. Many parents wrestle with anguish and grief because of the issues you described. Some find themselves in an ongoing struggle with rebellious teens. Others watch adult sons and daughters reject Jesus despite everything they’ve done to lead their child to Christ.

Like you, most of these moms and dads carry a heavy burden of guilt and shame. With or without cause, they blame themselves and take full responsibility for the spiritual waywardness of their children. However, writes Gary Thomas in Good Parents, Prodigal Kids, we need to keep in mind two truths:

None of us can be such good parents that God becomes obligated to save our children’s souls. Yet, on the more encouraging side, none of us can mess up so badly that our children are somehow beyond the reach of God’s mercy.

Children have free will — just like their parents

Man is created in God’s image, which means we all have free will. God has to let us choose our actions, even when we choose unwisely or sinfully. Watching our children make willing choices that have real consequences is difficult. Still, whether their actions hurt them or us, we must recognize their right to choose.

It’s not a truth most parents want to dwell on, but being a follower of Jesus doesn’t guarantee our children will follow Him. In fact, Jesus says that He can actually become a “sword” of division, a clear line between parents and children, faithful and unfaithful (Matthew 10:34-36).

That’s not a mark of failure for Christian parents. And the reason Jesus says this — and perhaps one of the reasons God included it in Scripture — is so parents recognize that a child’s rebellion doesn’t mean they’ve failed as parents. In other words, Jesus said this not to condemn us, but to prepare us. (Good Parents, Prodigal Kids, paragraph spacing added)

So, what does Proverbs 22:6 mean?

Proverbs 22:6 is a probability — not a promise

We read in the Bible to “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6).

Many parents whose children have turned from their Christian faith think this verse condemns their parenting. They think that if they had done a better job of training up their child, that child would never have departed from the right path.

Yes, all parents make mistakes. However, drawing such a sweeping self-punishing conclusion based on Proverbs 22:6 alone isn’t fair to ourselves as moms and dads.

Why not?

A careful study of Scripture shows that Proverbs 22:6 was never meant to be understood as an absolute promise. Instead, it’s a statement of probability. And that view is held by many reputable theologians and biblical scholars.*

A quick overview of what a “proverb” is

Consider the following passage about Proverbs 22:6 from The Bible Knowledge Commentary, prepared by the faculty of Dallas Theological Seminary. (This institution is nationally recognized for its commitment to the literal interpretation of God’s Word.)

Some parents, however, have sought to follow this directive but without this result. Their children have strayed from the godly training the parents gave them. This illustrates the nature of a “proverb.”

A proverb is a literary device whereby a general truth is brought to bear on a specific situation. Many of the proverbs are not absolute guarantees, for they express truths that are necessarily conditioned by prevailing circumstances.

For example, verses 3-4, 9, 11, 16, [and] 29 do not express promises that are always binding. Though the proverbs are generally and usually true, occasional exceptions may be noted. This may be because of the self-will or deliberate disobedience of an individual who chooses to go his own way — the way of folly instead of the way of wisdom. For that he is held responsible.

It is generally true, however, that most children who are brought up in Christian homes, under the influence of godly parents who teach and live God’s standards, follow that training. (page 953, paragraph spacing added)

Keep your heart focused on God

It’s heart-wrenching to see your son and daughter turn away from the faith you worked so hard to teach them. Cling to the truth that God loves each of you, and work through pain and confusion in healthy ways:

• Do your best to stop blaming yourself for your children’s choices. You can’t make their decisions or control their relationship with the Lord. Remember who you are in Christ. Don’t let your personal worth be defined by your children’s acceptance or rejection.

• Surrender your children to God in prayer and watch for a future where hearts may soften. There’s always a chance that the relationship will change someday. In the meantime, remind yourselves that God is patient and redemptive.

• Remember that you haven’t yet seen the final chapters of your children’s stories. God can use sons’ and daughters’ mistakes to teach them valuable lessons and bring them to a place of humility and repentance. (We see this from the examples of many biblical characters such as Jacob, Joseph’s brothers, and Jonah.)

Gary Thomas summarizes the openhanded posture we should keep as parents:

Our children’s salvation never depended on us; the glorious news that gives us hope is that our prodigals’ return doesn’t depend on us either. God has many ways and many workers to bring His children home to himself.

It is our right and privilege to pray with hope and expectation while simultaneously allowing God to choose His preferred method to win our kids back — or win them for the first time. (Good Parents, Prodigal Kids, paragraph break added)

Where to find support

We know that navigating all of this can be complicated and sensitive. Call our professional and pastoral counselors for a free consultation at 1-855-771-HELP (4357).

They would be honored to listen to you, pray with you, and offer biblical wisdom and practical suggestions for next steps. They can also give referrals to licensed therapists in your area for ongoing support. In the meantime, we encourage you to browse the resources listed below.

*Note: Not all verses in Proverbs fall into the category of being a probability rather than a promise. For example, Proverbs 3:5-6 is neither a probability nor a promise. It is a statement of simple fact. It’s also worth pointing out that the style and content of Solomon’s proverbs change noticeably beginning at chapter 10. If you read them carefully, you will find numerous proverbs in this latter section of the book which can hardly be taken as absolute promises from God.