Wife Disturbed by Husband’s Request for Suggestive Photos

Is it even appropriate for a man to have suggestive pictures of his wife? My husband is in the process of recovering from a long-term addiction to pornography, and he thinks this might be a good way to speed up his progress. I’m not entirely sure what to think, but his request disturbs me. What’s your reaction?

ANSWER:

Our advice? Don’t do it.

One of the first things to realize about this practice is that it’s full of risks and concerns — one being that it’s potentially illegal. Also, keep in mind problems that could happen due to workplace or other public accommodations policies about pornography and electronic devices.

That’s not to mention that his plan would place you at serious risk of exposure, embarrassment, pain and even sexual harassment.

Understand how porn affects your marriage

It’s easy for your husband to claim that he would never show these pictures or videos to anyone else. But once a digital image is released into cyberspace there’s a very real sense in which it passes beyond the control of any individual.

What would happen if your husband’s cell phone were lost or stolen? What if your kids picked it up or a friend borrowed it to make an emergency call? What if he inadvertently sent these videos and pictures to a wrong number?

These are just a few of the ways in which the recorded material could fall into the wrong hands. If your husband has any regard for your feelings and the sanctity of the marital bond, he’ll have to conclude that the risk is too great to take.

He’d be running another, more serious, risk as well: demeaning and objectifying the person he’s promised to love, cherish and protect for the rest of his life.

God’s design for sex in marriage

Marital sex is meant to be experienced within the wholeness of a person-to-person relationship. It’s a question of man and wife becoming one flesh (Genesis 2:24).

By separating out the purely visual aspects of this holistic experience without regard for their relational context, your husband would be cheapening that one-flesh union and reducing you to a mere fetish. Whether he realizes it or not, he’d also be introducing distance and alienation into your relationship.

We’re here to help

Your objections to your husband’s proposal are valid, and you can tell him there are better ways for the two of you to spice up your marriage and enrich your sex life.

Not sure where to start? We encourage you to browse the resources we have specifically for spouses affected by pornography and dig into others listed below.

Also, please call our professional and pastoral counselors for a free consultation at 1-855-771-HELP (4357). They’d be glad to talk with you, and they can give you referrals to trained therapists in your area and intensive marriage counseling options.