Wife Is Being Asked by Husband to Spice up Sex Life With Porn

My husband wants us to watch porn together. I’m extremely uncomfortable about it, but he says I’m being a prude. Is his request reasonable?

ANSWER:

There are a lot of positive ways to spice up marriage. But using pornography isn’t one of them.

From what you’ve told us, we assume that your husband isn’t a Christian. Do you know Jesus? If not, we encourage you to learn everything you can about the biblical view of marriage and God’s intent for human sexuality. A good place to start is our article series “God’s Design for Sex.”

You may also want to call and discuss your question with one of our licensed or pastoral counselors at 1-855-771-HELP (4357). Each is a committed Christian whose views and approach are compatible with a biblical perspective.

How pornography hurts a marriage

Pornography undermines the meaning of the marriage covenant. When your husband asks to bring it into your bedroom, he’s basically saying that he wants to have multiple sex partners at the same time.

That’s bad enough, of course. But pornography is also powerfully addictive. Those who use it come to depend on partners other than their own spouses. They reach a place where they need images in videos and magazines to stimulate sexual arousal. And like any other drug, porn tends to lose potency over time. Eventually, an addict has to have more and more to achieve the same “high.” In fact, many users eventually gravitate toward hard-core erotic material and even violent porn.

If your husband can’t see that using pornography in marriage is dangerous, or if he won’t join you in getting counseling, you might need to use tough love. The principles of tough love will help you develop the strength and courage you need to confront this issue.