Custom CSS of Section contains Conditional Preview for See Life Campaign Elements

How to Stop Being Insecure in a Relationship

Share:
Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on pinterest
Share on print
Share on email
iStock/Deagreez

You have an internal dialogue that no one else hears. If you repeat thoughts that you're not good enough, you can provoke harmful responses and behaviors, inadvertently hurting your spouse and marriage.

As a professional Christian counselor for more than 20 years, I believe insecurity is the No. 1 struggle of both men and women in America. No one is immune. Here’s how a typical scenario plays out for my clients:

“Honey, I just saw on social media that Jim got a promotion!” Anne says. “Isn’t that fantastic? This is an answer to prayer!”

“Why do you care so much about Jim’s promotion?” Gary scoffs.

“Well, Carol and I have been praying about this for a while,” Anne says. “Jim has been working diligently, and it looks like his hard work finally paid off. This will make things much easier for them.”

“Yeah. Sorry I don’t have anything like that to offer you. Maybe you should just find someone like Jim,” Gary murmurs.

“What?” Anne asks. “What just happened? Why can’t I share the successes of someone else without you feeling belittled? I’m so tired of this!”

“Just forget it, Anne.” Gary slams the door as he retreats to his basement workshop.

They don’t speak the rest of the day.

Insecurity is common

Gary’s response may seem unreasonable, but it’s incredibly common. Gary feels threatened by the successes of others. It’s not that he doesn’t want to share in their celebration; it’s that he can’t. Insecurities have stolen that pleasure. Perhaps insecurities have robbed you and your marriage, too.

We live in a competitive culture, and we all wrestle with comparisons. Many of us struggle with the feeling that we don’t measure up, that we’re not good enough. If insecurity can affect us significantly on an individual level, it can also have an impact on our marriage. Insecurities can even
become so out of control that they trigger toxic behaviors.

You may be enduring serious marital challenges resulting from the deep-seated insecurities of your spouse. If you can identify addiction or a controlling and dangerous jealousy in your husband or wife, then he or she will likely need assistance to break free from the patterns that keep him or her stuck. Don’t hesitate to involve law enforcement and professional counseling if your situation is characterized by violence.

Or you may be able to work through your insecurities by becoming more self-aware and seeking help. Here are some suggestions to get you started:

Confront lies born from insecurity

If your husband struggles with self-worth like Anne’s did, reassure him. Let your husband (this is equally likely to be the wife) know you want the marriage to work and encourage him to begin a journey toward healing. Be aware of his sensitivity to criticism and his need for gentle validation and affirmation. Partner with him in this journey, but also remember that this is his journey. Volunteer to join him in a discussion with a trusted pastor or counselor, but he will have to take the lead. Pieces of his past have left him vulnerable to insecurities, and you will not be able to heal his struggle. Provide support and encouragement along the way.

If you struggle with self-worth, begin your journey to relinquish your insecurities. You likely have negative thoughts like: I’m not good enough. I’m such a failure. I’m fat. I’m worthless.  You may also have negative thoughts about your spouse like: He’s probably tired of being with me or I don’t deserve her. These thoughts rob you of joy and damage your marriage.

Everyone has an internal dialogue that no one else hears. If you rehearse and repeat thoughts that you’re not good enough, you’ll feel anxiety, anger, jealousy or depression. Your destructive thoughts, combined with these negative emotions, will provoke harmful responses and behaviors, inadvertently hurting your spouse and marriage.

Believe God’s truth about self-worth

To break free from insecurities, address your destructive internal dialogue. Here are some practical tips:

  1. Write out your most familiar negative thoughts.
    Most people have three to five on autoplay. Remember, insecurities are born out of destructive thoughts. Seeing these written out instead of just keeping them in your head is a powerful way to prepare you for freedom.
  2. Have an honest conversation with yourself.
    Consider how destructive thoughts have affected your emotions. Examine how personal insecurities have trickled into your marriage.
  3. Challenge destructive thoughts in light of scriptural truth.
    Reject and correct false charges against yourself, remembering that God
    alone defines you. Write out a scriptural truth beside each negative thought you had written in step No. 1.
  4. Fight against your negative thoughts
    (which will continue to harass you in the beginning of this process). Work to abolish false beliefs by meditating on the truth in God’s Word. Allow your brain to heal as you acknowledge that you are God’s child (Romans 8:14), you are chosen (Ephesians 1:4), you are holy and blameless in His sight (Colossians 1:22), you are forgiven (1 John 1:9). Allow God to rescue you from the oppression of your false beliefs. Allow His to be the solitary voice that defines you. Let Him alone measure your significance.
  5. Embrace your weaknesses while also acknowledging the gifts God has
    given you to fulfill His purpose in your life.
    The good news? Much like a destructive belief, a healed identity will spread into every area of your life and marriage. Imagine what your marriage would be like void of doubts, comparisons and the dark cloud of inadequacy.

Donna Gibbs is a licensed professional counselor supervisor and the author of Silencing Insecurity: Believing God’s truth about you.

A variety of marital issues can lead to challenges or even hopelessness for one or both spouses in a marriage. Gaining a sense of hope and direction often requires understanding the underlying issues and relationship patterns which may have led to the crisis. Reach out to well-trained helpers even if you are the only person in the marriage willing to take action at this time. We can guide you as you seek a referral and take your first steps toward recovery. You can contact us Monday through Friday from 6 a.m. to 8 p.m. (Mountain time) at: 855-771-HELP (4357) or
[email protected] www.FocusontheFamily.com/Counseling

Dynamic CTA Template Below

Your Teen Needs You Most of All

No parent of teens is perfect and even the best can learn how to better connect with their son or daughter. Get practical action steps to better connect with your teenager in 8 Essential Tips for Parenting Your Teen in this FREE video series!

There Is Still Hope for Your Marriage

You may feel that there is no hope for your marriage and the hurt is too deep to restore the relationship and love that you once had. The truth is, your life and marriage can be better and stronger than it was before. In fact, thousands of marriages, situations as complex and painful as yours, have been transformed with the help of professionals who understand where you are right now and care deeply about you and your spouse’s future. You can restore and rebuild your marriage through a personalized, faith-based, intimate program called, Hope Restored.

There Is Still Hope for Your Marriage

You may feel that there is no hope for your marriage and the hurt is too deep to restore the relationship and love that you once had. The truth is, your life and marriage can be better and stronger than it was before. In fact, thousands of marriages, situations as complex and painful as yours, have been transformed with the help of professionals who understand where you are right now and care deeply about you and your spouse’s future. You can restore and rebuild your marriage through a personalized, faith-based, intimate program called, Hope Restored.

There Is Still Hope for Your Marriage

You may feel that there is no hope for your marriage and the hurt is too deep to restore the relationship and love that you once had. The truth is, your life and marriage can be better and stronger than it was before. In fact, thousands of marriages, situations as complex and painful as yours, have been transformed with the help of professionals who understand where you are right now and care deeply about you and your spouse’s future. You can restore and rebuild your marriage through a personalized, faith-based, intimate program called, Hope Restored.
Emerson-Eggerich4-840w

Understand How to Respect and Love your Son Well

Why doesn’t my son listen to me? Have you ever asked that question? The truth is, how you see your son and talk to him has a significant effect on how he thinks and acts. That’s why we want to help you. In fact, we’ve created a free five-part video series called “Recognizing Your Son’s Need for Respect” that will help you understand how showing respect, rather than shaming and badgering, will serve to motivate and guide your son.

Reconnected: The Digital Experience

Is the love there, but not the spark? Reawaken fun in your marriage and move from roommates to soulmates again with the help of this 7-part online video experience. Learn how to connect emotionally and spiritually as husband and wife using techniques such as dreaming together and establishing deep, heartfelt communication. The Digital Experience includes 7 teaching videos, an online study guide and access to additional tools and resources to help spouses reconnect.

Next Steps: Marriage Assessment

We want your marriage to be thriving and healthy. Take the free Marriage Assessment from Focus on the Family to learn how to strengthen your bond with your spouse and get the tools to help you need to grow closer together. 

Next Steps: Fruit of the Spirit Devotionals for Couples

The Fruit of the Spirit Devotional is a free series of nine short videos to get you into God’s Word and inspire you to seek the Holy Spirit’s help in loving your spouse.

Share:
Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on pinterest
Share on print
Share on email

About the Author

Read More About:

You May Also Like

Three kids playing together outside
Emotional Health

5 Emotional and Relational Intelligence Skills

Emotional and relational intelligence is one of the most critical, yet often overlooked, areas of development in our children. These five characteristics can help your child succeed in developing their relational intelligence.

Kid lacking emotional control having a meltdown
Behavioral/Emotional

4 Steps to Teaching Your Child Emotional Control

With your guidance and practice, your kids can learn to control their emotions. Here are four steps for helping your children regain the upper hand when intense emotions threaten to spiral out of control.

Play Video

Newest Release - Episode 5: It’s Going to be Amazing!

After a couple has chosen life, hear the heartwarming stories of children that culture would have cast aside, yet are making tremendous impacts in their communities. Whether the diagnosis was adverse or the circumstances were difficult, these stories will inspire you to come along side of families who have chosen life!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!

Play Video

Newest Release - Episode 4: Sometimes the Choice is Hard

Hear real life stories of parents who have made the decision to choose life even though the circumstances were overwhelming. You’ll see why “ALL” life is precious to God and why choosing life is always the right decision!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!

Play Video

Newest Release - Episode 6: Families Helping Families!

So, after all you’ve seen through the SeeLife ‘21 Episodic journey; what can you do now? We’ll share how you can partner with some amazing organizations that are making significant impacts in the pro-life movement! You want to Celebrate Life!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!

Play Video

Newest Release - Episode 3: The Power of a Picture

Have you ever wondered what a baby looked like in the womb? With today’s technology, Moms and Dads can see the baby’s heartbeat, facial expressions, and movements! You’ll find out why more women choose life once they hear their baby’s heartbeat and realize it’s a real living human!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!

Play Video

Newest Release - Episode 2: Heroes Providing Hope

Discover the amazing work our PRC’s Directors, Nurses, and Volunteers are making in their communities! You’ll see firsthand testimonies of a PRC in action, and that there are other options outside of abortions! You’ll also discover how your family can support your local PRC!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!

Play Video

Newest Release - Episode 1: The Truth About Life!

In this episode, we will tackle tough questions like, “When does life begin?” and “What does the Bible
say about Life?” You’ll discover and understand the stages of pre-born life and that babies are more than
just a clump of cells!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!