Custom CSS of Section contains Conditional Preview for See Life Campaign Elements

SAVE LIVES!
See Life 2021
Double your gift now!
Yes, I will help save babies from abortion!
$

Mark Schultz: Finding Harmony

Share:
Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on pinterest
Share on print
Share on email
Husband and wife making happy faces to their son
Josh and Amber Ulmer
Read how musician and Dove Award winner Mark Schultz learned to be a better husband by studying his wife, understanding her love language, serving her — and watching her dad.

You need to be more like me. Musician and Dove Award winner Mark Schultz didn’t realize it at the time, but that’s the message he was sending his future wife, Kate. “I really love you,” he told her, “but there are just a few areas where I wish you were a little different.”

Kate’s response wasn’t what Mark had hoped to hear. “I really like who I am,” she said. “If I changed who I am for you to like me, I wouldn’t be true to myself — I would be somebody different.”

As the tension between Mark and Kate continued to grow, the couple finally decided to call off their relationship.

At the time, Mark was not particularly comfortable with who he was, he recalls. So after his breakup with Kate, Mark entered a difficult year of soul-searching, praying about his purpose and trying to learn who God really wanted him to be. Mark began to realize that he had a unique calling and personality, and that his future wife wouldn’t need to have identical characteristics for the two of them to be compatible. A pastor helped Mark understand that a spouse was someone to journey through life with, but God never intended that person to fulfill him.

After about a year, Mark saw Kate at a mutual friend’s wedding. This gave them the occasion to talk and consider dating again. Kate noticed a change in Mark, who seemed more confident and stronger spiritually. This time, Kate and Mark’s relationship kept growing, and they married in 2005.

Now, Marks says, “One of the greatest gifts that my wife has ever given me is being different from me. The same things that I [once] wished were different are the things that I celebrate now.”

The first year of marriage can be a challenging time of adjustment for many couples. But for Mark and Kate, the transition to married life was relatively smooth.

“I think we got our ‘first year of marriage’ out of the way before we ever got married — we realized we didn’t need to change each other, but could appreciate each other’s differences.”

Get me to the airport on time

After four years of marriage, Mark felt as though he and Kate weren’t spending enough time together. Kate was in residency to become an OB-GYN. Mark, who is known for writing and recording hit songs such as “He’s My Son” and “Remember Me,” was frequently traveling for performances. They both had been so busy in their careers that the couple decided to move to Europe to take a year off. “We were still in the honeymoon phase because we didn’t see each other much,” Mark says.

During that time, Mark realized the significance of Deuteronomy 24:5, which says, “When a man is newly married, he shall not go out with the army or be liable for any other public duty. He shall be free at home one year to be happy with his wife whom he has taken.” Mark says that time away gave him an opportunity to begin to truly know and understand Kate.

Mark worked to be more observant of Kate’s preferences and personality. They talked about love languages and differences in how they respond to certain situations. For example, Mark was in the habit of leaving for the airport about an hour before a flight, which made Kate nervous. Mark tried to reassure her that they wouldn’t miss the flight — they hadn’t missed one in the past.

But when Kate said, “My love language is to get to the airport early,” it struck a nerve with Mark. He vowed to be at the airport two hours early next time, if only to prove to Kate that she wouldn’t like to spend that much time waiting in a terminal. His plan backfired, though. Kate and Mark enjoyed that two-hour wait over a light meal, talking, laughing and spending time together.

Lessons in love

Mark says he has learned a lot about caring for his wife by watching her dad. On cold winter mornings, for example, his father-in-law would start Kate’s car to warm it up and would scrape the ice from her windshield.

“My father-in-law was the most loyal, giving person,” Mark says. “He was so good at things like that; it made me [want to] grow into those shoes. Now, hopefully, our son, Ryan, will start to realize, That’s normal. Husbands just do those things for their wives.”

Kate’s willingness to serve her husband in meaningful ways has also encouraged Mark to look for opportunities to serve her. Shortly after Mark and Kate were married, for example, Mark came home from a long trip, and a Kansas State football game was on TV.

“I walked in,” Mark recalls, “and the first thing she did was hand me something to drink, then she said, ‘Go sit on the couch. The game’s on. Don’t talk to me until a commercial is on. I know this is important to you.’ That blew my mind. So the natural thing for me to do was to find out what was important to her and start doing those things.”

Since their son, Ryan, was born in February 2012, Mark has developed an even deeper appreciation for Kate. Her skill as a mother inspires him, and he’s grateful that Ryan can grow up with a mother who has such strong character. “Character doesn’t fade,” Mark says. “It only grows stronger.”

Mark observes that he’s becoming more like Kate, and he’s realizing that Kate has developed—in many ways—the characteristics he believed were lacking when they were dating. “I think it’s because I’m not trying to bend her into being who I wanted her to be.”

Troy Griepentrog is the director of marriage content and an editor of Focus on the Family magazine. 

Dynamic CTA Template Below

Your Teen Needs You Most of All

No parent of teens is perfect and even the best can learn how to better connect with their son or daughter. Get practical action steps to better connect with your teenager in 8 Essential Tips for Parenting Your Teen in this FREE video series!

There Is Still Hope for Your Marriage

You may feel that there is no hope for your marriage and the hurt is too deep to restore the relationship and love that you once had. The truth is, your life and marriage can be better and stronger than it was before. In fact, thousands of marriages, situations as complex and painful as yours, have been transformed with the help of professionals who understand where you are right now and care deeply about you and your spouse’s future. You can restore and rebuild your marriage through a personalized, faith-based, intimate program called, Hope Restored.

There Is Still Hope for Your Marriage

You may feel that there is no hope for your marriage and the hurt is too deep to restore the relationship and love that you once had. The truth is, your life and marriage can be better and stronger than it was before. In fact, thousands of marriages, situations as complex and painful as yours, have been transformed with the help of professionals who understand where you are right now and care deeply about you and your spouse’s future. You can restore and rebuild your marriage through a personalized, faith-based, intimate program called, Hope Restored.

There Is Still Hope for Your Marriage

You may feel that there is no hope for your marriage and the hurt is too deep to restore the relationship and love that you once had. The truth is, your life and marriage can be better and stronger than it was before. In fact, thousands of marriages, situations as complex and painful as yours, have been transformed with the help of professionals who understand where you are right now and care deeply about you and your spouse’s future. You can restore and rebuild your marriage through a personalized, faith-based, intimate program called, Hope Restored.
Emerson-Eggerich4-840w

Understand How to Respect and Love your Son Well

Why doesn’t my son listen to me? Have you ever asked that question? The truth is, how you see your son and talk to him has a significant effect on how he thinks and acts. That’s why we want to help you. In fact, we’ve created a free five-part video series called “Recognizing Your Son’s Need for Respect” that will help you understand how showing respect, rather than shaming and badgering, will serve to motivate and guide your son.

Reconnected: The Digital Experience

Is the love there, but not the spark? Reawaken fun in your marriage and move from roommates to soulmates again with the help of this 7-part online video experience. Learn how to connect emotionally and spiritually as husband and wife using techniques such as dreaming together and establishing deep, heartfelt communication. The Digital Experience includes 7 teaching videos, an online study guide and access to additional tools and resources to help spouses reconnect.
Share:
Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on pinterest
Share on print
Share on email

About the Author

Read More About:

You May Also Like

Healthy Conflict

Is Your Marriage Worth Imitating?

Our kids are constantly watching us, and how we treat our spouse is probably how our children will treat their own spouse someday. Your marriage is your child’s blueprint for intimacy and relationships.

Tell Your Story

By sharing your struggles and triumphs, God can transform your courage into hope and faith for others.

see life episode 1 coming soon version

Newest Release - Episode 1: The Truth About Life!

In this episode, we will tackle tough questions like, “When does life begin?” and “What does the Bible
say about Life?” You’ll discover and understand the stages of pre-born life and that babies are more than
just a clump of cells!

Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!

Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!