Breathe
So, your girlfriend is pregnant??? What a bombshell! Slow down and take a deep breath. While you’re at it, take several deep breaths. I’ll even breathe with you.
Hundreds of thoughts are flooding your mind right now, and you may find it difficult to think about much else. Calm down, sit down and breathe.
You and your girlfriend may be surprised by this pregnancy, but God, the Creator of Life, is not. He sees and knows all and is busy forming your son or daughter in your girlfriend’s belly right now!
Now, think about how your pregnant girlfriend must be feeling. I’m sure she’s terrified, overwhelmed and doesn’t know what to do either. She needs you to step up now more than ever. You can do this!
Psalm 139:13-14 (ESV)
“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well."
This baby will be a blessing. Think about this, some couples pray for years and never get pregnant: but God has blessed you and your girlfriend with this baby right now.
Our Heavenly Father not only sees and knows all, but He’s in control, and He invites us to bring every fear, challenge and decision to Him.
“Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.” (Hebrews 4:16 KJV)
What Will People Say and What Will You Do?
This might sound harsh, but this is not about them. This is about you, your girlfriend and your baby growing in her belly. Friends and family may provide encouragement, and they may not. Whichever the case may be, you and your pregnant girlfriend will live with the consequences of your decisions long after their voices fade.
One of the best things you can do right now is listen to your girlfriend! Her emotions and responses may be all over the place, but ride that emotional roller coaster with her and seek to be a calming influence in the midst of it. Don’t abandon her during her time of need, because after all, you played a significant part in how the two of you got here. Let her know you will be there, and that you will figure this out together. She may be the one that is pregnant, but you both have a responsibility now.
Personal Experience
I haven’t experienced having a pregnant girlfriend, but my daughter became pregnant before she was married. I’m grateful she chose to give birth to our oldest granddaughter, who is now 7 years old and is a tremendous blessing to us. My daughter said she never considered having an abortion, but she was afraid of what I would say.
Our words matter. Countless women say they would have chosen life for their baby, instead of abortion, if their boyfriend would have been supportive. Will you step up?
A Defining Moment…
I love and I will stand by my family until my last breath. I say this because my granddaughter’s father is not currently playing an active role in her life. This is a defining moment for you, and your baby’s life depends on it.
Unlike my oldest granddaughter’s father, you have a chance to do the right thing. I hope he will do the right thing while she’s still young and deeply desires to know him.
Take a look at the National Fatherhood Initiative’s infographic entitled: The Father Absence Crisis in America.
Moving Forward
Next Steps for You & Your Girlfriend
I played a lot of sports growing up. One thing all winning teams have is a good game plan. Now it’s time for you and your pregnant girlfriend to develop a plan that works for you.
Key questions to consider
Here’s some things to consider as you speak with your families, your pastor and maybe even a counselor. As you explore these things, remember to keep your baby’s best interest in mind.
There will be other things to also consider, but this will get you started:
- Does your girlfriend want you to be there when she tells her parents?
- Does she want you to come to the doctor’s visits?
- Is she leaning toward parenting this baby, or are you considering creating an adoption plan?
For answers to adoption-related questions from an organization that has a proven track record, please visit https://nationaladoptionhotline.org/
- Is this the right time for marriage? If so, what might that look like?
- If now isn’t the best time for marriage, what might a co-parenting or custody arrangement look like?
- How will you manage finances and childcare?
- What are your individual and collective goals?
Next Steps for You
I suggest that you make some critical changes now. Skipping this step may cause you to be right back here in the future. If not with your current girlfriend, it may be with someone else. Man up and make serious changes, because your future depends on it.
Coaching & Teamwork is Essential
Good coaching and teamwork wins games, so let’s get you on a winning team.
If you’re not involved with a Bible-believing, Bible-teaching church with strong leadership, find one as soon as possible. It’s important for your future.
Build relationships with men of integrity that you can be accountable and mutually submitted to.
“Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counselors there is safety.” (Proverbs 11:14 NKJV)
Here’s a link to a chat line, where you can interact with certified support agents who encourage men in the same situation as you, every day https://optionline.org
Breath Again
Your girlfriend is pregnant and you have some decisions to make. Take a deep breath and ask God to help you! You can do this, and it’s best when you do it together!
