Questions and Concerns about Masturbation

As you probably know, masturbation is a highly controversial topic. The Bible never directly addresses it, and Christian leaders differ widely in their understanding of its spiritual and moral implications. It's important to acknowledge these divergences in opinion before saying anything further on the subject. This is an area where we have to be careful about laying down hard and fast rules or making definitive statements about the mind of God (though Scripture does clearly address behaviors that are often related to this activity). In particular, it seems to us that there's little to be gained by labeling the act of masturbation itself a "sin." In fact, in some ways, we think it misses the point.

The point, as we see it, is the larger meaning and purpose of human sexuality. The Bible has two important things to say about this: first, sex is central to the process by which husband and wife become one flesh (Genesis 2:24); and second, sex and marriage are intended to serve as a picture or symbol of the union between Christ and His Church (Ephesians 5:31, 32). Sex, then, isn't intended to be "all about me." Rather, it's designed to function as part of the give-and-take of an interpersonal relationship.

These theological perspectives should inform and shape our approach to the practical problem of masturbation. It's important that we avoid heaping guilt on teenagers who find the urge to masturbate almost uncontrollable, and who might be driven to spiritual despair as a result. At the same time, we should do everything we can to help adolescents, young adults and married couples see that self-gratification is inconsistent with the purpose, goal and basic nature of sex. We shouldn't condemn anyone for masturbating, but neither should we encourage them to continue in the habit. Why not? Because God has created men and women to experience sexual fulfillment on a much higher level - within the context of a marital relationship - and we don't want anything to jeopardize their chances of knowing that joy to the fullest extent.

In connection with this last thought, it's important to add that masturbation, due to the powerful hormonal and psychological components of human sexual behavior, can often become extremely addictive. Individuals who fall prey to this addiction may end up carrying it with them into adult married life, where it can become a serious obstacle to healthy marital intimacy. Further, masturbation is frequently involves indulging in sexual fantasy; and fantasy, if we are to believe the words of Jesus (Matthew 5:28), does represent a very serious breach of a person's mental and spiritual purity.

What can be done to break this pattern? In many cases, masturbation originates as a self-soothing behavior. In other words, it's a way of coping with pressures and seeking to meet the basic human need for peace, security, comfort and reassurance. If you have a problem with masturbation, you may want to keep this in mind and ask yourself whether it might be possible to replace this negative behavior with a more legitimate method of addressing the underlying need. For example, by talking things over with a friend, reading an engaging book, listening to music, pouring yourself into a constructive project or serving other people. Ultimately, the pain a person is trying to anesthetize through the practice of masturbation is just another manifestation of the "God-shaped vacuum" that exists at the center of every human heart. Only a relationship with the Lord can fill that empty space in a deep, lasting and satisfying way.

If you need help working through these concepts, it might be a good idea to consider the option of discussing your feelings with a counselor. We have a staff of trained Christian therapists here at Focus on the Family who are available to consult with you over the phone - you can call one of them at this number.

Resources
Boom: A Guy's Guide to Growing Up (book)

A Chicken's Guide to Talking Turkey with Your Kids About Sex (book)

Check out our Web area on Sex & Intimacy as well as additional materials from our Family Store. IsNotTheProblem

Preparing for Adolescence: How to Survive the Coming Years of Change (book)

Referrals
Boundless - Boundless Webzine for Christian Singles

Articles
God's Design for Sex

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