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Rebuilding Trust in Your Marriage After Infidelity (Part 2 of 2)

Rebuilding Trust in Your Marriage After Infidelity (Part 2 of 2)

Mark and Jill Savage share their personal story of rebuilding trust in their marriage after their relationship was devastated by infidelity. (Part 2 of 2)
Original Air Date: May 20, 2021

John Fuller: Well, imagine finding out that your spouse has been unfaithful. You just discovered, uh, he or she is cheating on you. Here’s Jill Savage recalling just such a moment.

Preview:

Jill Savage: I was on my living room floor, I was home alone, just bawling my eyes out, begging God to tell me what to do, and I heard one thing, one thing. I heard Him say, “I want you to love him.”

End of Preview

John: Well, you can hear the pain and anger and uncertainty and, uh, we have hope for you today because Jill, uh, did grab onto God and walk faithfully with Him and, uh, she and her husband Mark are here today with us on Focus on the Family. Um, I’m John Fuller. Your host is Focus president and author Jim Daly. A word of caution for our parents in the audience, if you have young kids, um, they really probably shouldn’t be listening to this program. We’ll be touching on some really tender topics.

Jim Daly: Uh, John, all I can say for those who are joining us today and didn’t hear the program last time, get it, because that really sets, uh, the emotional credibility for what we’re going to talk about today. And Mark and Jill were so open about, and transparent about, their circumstances back then. I think it’s worth going back, get the smartphone app if you haven’t already done that, and you can listen to the program from last time, um, or you can go to the website and download it that way. But it really … it was powerful and, in fact, we just didn’t cover the content we wanted to cover, so I’ve asked Mark and Jill to rejoin us for today-

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … so we can talk about the help and the hope for your marriage, especially if you are going through something or suspecting that your spouse, uh, may not be honest with you right now and may be in a relationship with someone else. It’s far more common than we want to admit and, uh, again, we want to give you the hope that is found in Christ.

Jill: Mm-hmm.

John: And Jill has, uh, captured a lot of the lessons that, uh, she and Mark have learned in a little booklet called Your Next Steps: What to Do When Your Spouse is Unfaithful. Uh, we have copies of that here at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast or call 800-A-FAMILY.

Jim: Jill and Mark, welcome back to Focus.

Jill: Thank you.

Mark Savage: Yes, thank you.

Jim: Um, it’s so good to have you back, and I mean that.

Mark: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Um, and thank you for extending our time together on the broadcast. Uh, as I mentioned, we spoke last time about that brokenness, what was going on in your relationship. Uh, Mark, for those just joining today, you’re in and out of this affair seven, eight times-

Mark: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … over the period of just over six months, trying to figure out what to do. You separated. You were living in an apartment. You have five children. And, Jill, you’re just hanging on by a thread-

Jill: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … I can imagine, and you expressed some of that last time. You begin to develop hope, not trust, but you had hope that God could heal your marriage, and it took Mark a little longer to get there. That’s the kind of the background as to where we’re at now and I do want to concentrate on those common barriers that couples have to overcome, that you overcame, uh, to fix your marriage and to move in a healthy direction and a Christ-centered direction.

Jill: Mm-hmm.

Jim: So, uh, how can a couple successfully avoid the blame game, which is one of those barriers? And we were into that a bit last time, uh, each having a list and, Jill, we can expand on this a little bit. Again, I’m so proud of women, and, again, this is a generalization, I know it’s not everybody, women have this incredible capacity to look at themselves. I mean, as a man, you know, it gives me tears because you’re so quick to say, “What have I done? Where have I fallen short? What’s my problem?” And, Mark, you typified the man-

Mark: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … “Hey, I got a list on you and it’s really your fault-”

Mark: Mm-hmm.

Jim: “… that I’m in this mess.”

Mark: Yeah.

Jim: I mean, we’re like little boys.

Mark: Yes.

Jim: “You made me eat it.”

Mark: Right (laughs).

Jim: “You’re the one that told me to do it.”

Mark: Right.

Jim: And, I mean, it just, it’s who, we’re, we’re made up that way.

Mark: It goes back to Adam.

Jim: It does.

Mark: “This, this woman you gave me-”

Jim: Right (laughing). “She’s the problem, God.” And so … and I’m glad we can laugh about it now, but I know people listening are maybe in that pitch of pain-

Jill: Yes.

Mark: Right.

Jim: … and you guys can laugh today, but you had to go through a valley, a pit. So, Jill, let me come your way again, let’s frame that at a little bit. What are these barriers? And one, obviously, is the blame game, speak to it.

Jill: Yeah. Well, you know, one of the things that was so very helpful, and I do write about it in Your Next Steps, is I, I was able to look at Mark through eyes of compassion and that kept me … there was plenty of blame at times, don’t hear me wrong on that, but when I was able to see that he was acting of his own hurt and his own confusion, that really helped me to resist blaming more than where I already was just naturally (laughs) going, um, because I realized he was, he was personally struggling, you know. Uh, this was an identity challenge. This was him feeling lost from leaving ministry for 20 years. And so that was really helpful for me was to see him through eyes of compassion and that kept the blame at least, um, at a lower level.

Jim: Okay. I get that-

Mark: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … and that’s helpful.

Mark: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Some women are saying, “You’re crazy.” I mean, seriously-

Mark: Right.

Jim: … ’cause we’re operating out of our flesh, I would say, in that moment and they’re justifying their own un-Christlike responses, right?

Jill: Mm-hmm.

Jim: It’s hard. I know we’re going to get lots of people tearing us up here.

Jill: Oh, it is. And I will tell you, um, (laughs) I can remember one particular night after Mark left, the toilet overflowed on the second floor of our home and the water came down onto the main level and down into the basement. Um, I did a lot of blaming that night. I was angry.

Jim: I’m sure. You didn’t do that on purpose, did you, Mark?

Mark: Mm-mm. (Laughing).

Jill: He was gone.

Jim: Okay. I thought he set, uh, a trap there [crosstalk] house.

Mark: No.

Jill: Yeah, he had left and, and I was home with, you know, two teenage boys and I don’t know how to fix, you know, plumbing and I was really angry and there was a lot of blame that went on that night.

Mark: Mm-hmm.

Jill: So without a doubt, you know, there was, uh, a fair share of, um, me throwing blame his way, him throwing blame my way.

Jim: Well, let me ask Mark to jump in on that-

Mark: Mm-hmm. I’d like to.

Jim: … I mean, your perspective on the blame game.

Mark: Well, uh, my reality was I was led by my flesh and I didn’t understand that then. Uh, I totally get that now, but I was led by my flesh, I was following my flesh, and what was powerful from Jill is I saw a … it was not an easy transformation for her, but it was an intentional decision on her part to love me well and to love me in a way that she had never done so and that was spirit-led.

Jim: And that, that kind of leads to the mismatched emotions, I think. And, and let me set it up-

Mark: Right.

Jim: … this way, uh, once the affair is confessed, uh, the guilty spouse begins to feel better, you know. You’ve got it off your chest, so to speak. It’s out in the open.

Mark: Mm-hmm.

Jim: That part of the hard road is done-

Mark: Right.

Jim: … and you’re feeling lighter, if I can say it that way. But the victim, the spouse that’s, you know, been betrayed, they’re just starting into that mess of, “How do I figure this out and what do I do and where do I go?”

Mark: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Did you experience that dynamic in your relationship-

Jill: Oh, my goodness.

Jim: … the messy part? Like he-

Jill: Oh.

Jim: … you were feeling and you’re feeling like, “I don’t know what I should do with you at this moment.”

Jill: Well-

Mark: My arrogance and confidence rose off the charts.

Jill: Mm-hmm (affirmative). Yeah, I would agree with that, which was … I’d never really seen that side of you-

Mark: Mm-hmm.

Jill: … because I think the other dynamic that happened was you were passive, passive, passive, passive, passive, until you said, “I’m done and I’m out of here,” and then I saw this side, wa-, there was no more passivity and I didn’t even know what to do with that.

Mark: Mm-hmm.

Jill: Um, which we see that in a lot of the couples that we coach and that we encourage and that we help, uh, you know, in what we do now.

Jim: Let me … ’cause I, I understand that. Describe that though, Mark, what … why do men behave that way? We, we cocoon, we hide emotionally-

Mark: Mm-hmm.

Jill: Yes.

Jim: … and we just let everything kind of go, “Okay, that’s fine,” and then the monster comes out-

Mark: Right. Right.

Jim: … the confident monster.

Mark: I think, uh, it doe-, I think that goes back to Genesis, that we, when a man doesn’t know what to do, he does nothing, and that’s not a good decision on his part and so we cower and we hide and we think that we need to be silent and it’s really important that a man find his voice-

Jim: Yeah.

Mark: … and not wait until that blowup.

John: And it’s a dynamic I’ve seen in couples where there is a strong woman.

Jill: Yes.

John: Jill, you are a strong woman.

Jill: Yes.

Mark: Yes.

John: Um, does that make it harder for a guy to express his voice?

Jill: Yes, absolutely (laughs).

Mark: Right.

John: It’s kind of a rhetorical question, I guess (laughing).

Mark: Yeah. Yeah.

Jill: Absolutely. And that was, that was one of the-

John: Is that because, is that because you would, you would try and she would shoot you down or, or shut you off?

Mark: Absolutely. I would try to voice my thoughts or my opinions and then, finally, you go, “Eh, forget it.”

Jill: And so that was a place where I had to focus on my own growth.

John: Mm-hmm.

Jill: I realized I had misused my strength and I needed to learn how to leverage it in a way that honored my husband, in a way that, um, didn’t minimize his voice. And remember when we talked yesterday about that we went to lunches together?

Jim: Right.

Jill: Well, I was beginning to change the way that I was using my voice at those lunches.

John: How so, I mean, practically?

Jill: Um, he would make a statement and, instead of squashing that statement and telling him what I would think, I would ask a question and ha-, ask further. And so I was drawing him out, I was using reflective listening, “So what I hear you saying is this.”

Jim: Did you know to do that? Was that formulaic or was it coming naturally?

Jill: Um, I was ac-, I had actually, uh, read a book that was, um, uh, very powerful for me. It was called The God Empowered Wife and it was a book for strong women and how strong women can … the funny thing is the subtitle, I think, is How Strong Women Can Help Their Husbands Become Godly Leaders, which is really-

Mark: Infuriated me.

Jim: It’s like it’s up to her to help you.

Mark: Right.

Jim: Yeah.

Mark: Yeah. We’ve been doing that our whole life.

Jill: Uh-huh. But it was written, it was written to draw that strong woman in and want to read the book, right?

Mark: And she addresses that in the intro. Yeah.

Jill: She totally does. So I’m reading it and I’m applying it and I’m going … I’m starting to use my strength in, uh, a different way. And so week after week, I’m making changes, which, at first, he goes, “Eh, you’re manipulating me.” But I’m really-

Mark: We’ll see, yeah.

Jill: … I’m realizing, no, I have to change this again, whether our marriage makes it or not, I have to change this. I have misused my strength.

Jim: And that is so good for people to hear and I think, again, today, we want to concentrate on equipping the people that are kind of where you used to be.

Mark: Mm-hmm.

Jim: And in that context, uh, Mark, yesterday, you mentioned kind of your mentality at the moment was, “Let’s just get it over. Let’s get this done with. Let’s keep moving.”

Mark: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm

Jim: “Let’s get the divorce. Let’s figure out what we’re going to do with the kids.” Now it’s almost like typical male problem-solving-

Mark: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … you know, “We got to figure out who gets the kids when and …” But something pulled you back from that. I’d say it was the Lord.

Mark: Right.

Jim: But explain why couples who have gone through this and are willing at least to have hope, maybe, again, we know trust is broken-

Mark: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … but, uh, for that guilty spouse to commit to a long-term recovery and not just go into problem-solving mode and to relieve the pain by going through with divorce. You know, so often, the data shows that, when a divorce occurs, especially I’d see this data in light of men, you know, they then remarry and the very same problems crop up again because you’re not dealing with the core issues.

Mark: Right.

Jill: Yes.

Jim: It’s you. It wasn’t your, your first spouse-

Mark: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … and now you got the same problems in your second marriage or your third marriage-

Mark: Right. Right.

Jim: … and those typically don’t go well either.

Mark: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Um, so speak to that long-term commitment. That’s really the question-

Mark: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … that transition that you made from, “Let’s just end this, end the pain. I’ve got this other thing going. It’s far better right now.”

Mark: Mm-hmm. Right, right (laughs).

Jim: But you pulled back, and I give you, you know, kudos for that.

Mark: Mm-hmm.

Jim: You did pull back and say, “I’m going to commit to a long-term process.”

Mark: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Obviously, if I could I say it, eyeball to eyeball to you, Jill deserves a lot of credit in this whole thing-

Mark: Oh, absolutely.

Jim: … ’cause she was faithful.

Mark: She was faithful.

Jim: And then she stayed faithful to you.

Mark: Mm-hmm.

Jim: So man to man, I mean, that’s part of it, but-

Mark: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … you deserve credit for pulling back.

Mark: Mm-hmm.

Jim: And a lot of men wouldn’t do that.

Mark: No. They’d keep going. Uh, for me, uh, the process of a long-term commitment was more one-foot-in-front-of-the-other commitment.

Jim: One day at a time.

Mark: One day at a time.

Jim: Yeah.

Mark: And, uh, my first huge decision was surrender. I had made such a mess and, as a man, we’re fixers and I realized there was not one thing I could do to fix this, which was a beautiful moment for me because it was the moment that God became so real that the only hope I had, which was abundant, was that God would fix this.

Jim: Huh.

Mark: That was His promise to me, that. And then the picture I had … in fact, on my phone, I have a picture of, of a road with a yellow line down the middle that I would take the hand of God, my dad, and walk on that yellow line, “Dad, where are we going? What do you want me to do?” And, uh, part of my commitment to my family and to Jill was I met with every person who I knew I had hurt, I asked forgiveness, and I worked to make it right with my family, uh, being in ministry, uh, hundreds of people. I spent the whole next year just really working to clean up the mess that I had made as God led me into that situation. That was-

Jim: That’s powerful.

Mark: Yeah. It was important.

Jim: It really is.

Jill: Yeah. And one thing I would add, you know, um, back to your question a little bit ago about, um, the affair is now out in the open, it’s off his chest, but the other spouse is now like reeling.

Jim: Yeah, you’re just beginning to process, right?

Jill: Totally. And I think that is something that’s not understood in affair recovery, uh, all the time, and that is that he knew what was going on for, in essence, it was a year, uh, total, because so much of it started even before the physical affair, I didn’t. And so what happens is now you have to go back, and you have to relive, and you have to reframe it. So I’ll give you, uh, a specific example. The summer that he started the emotional affair was my parents’ 50th wedding anniversary and they wanted to gather the entire family at a beautiful place up in the Wisconsin Dells. So we’re all there and we’re all, you know, enjoying this time. And he excuses himself every once in a while and I think that he is taking care of his construction business back home, but I later learn he’s having conversations with this person.

Jim: Yeah.

Jill: And I learn that nine months later.

Jim: Right.

Jill: Now I have to go back and I have to go, “W- w- w- w- wait, wait a minute,” and I have to recognize, “You mean this is what was happening?” So that happens over and over again when you’re recovering from infidelity and, to Mark’s credit, uh, he stayed steady through that-

Jim: Yeah.

Jill: … because that is a lot to have to wade through again.

Jim: Well, this is your turn-

Mark: It is.

Jim: … if I could say it that way.

Jill: Yes.

Jim: It feels dark, but it’s your turn to start-

Jill: Yes.

Jim: … your emotional response.

Mark: And I-

Jill: And thankfully-

Mark: … and I had to be steady and stable and not reactive.

Jill: Yes.

Jim: Le-, it does lead to the next question I had, which are the questions that the offended spouse needs answers to.

Mark: Right.

Jim: How do you determine where to go with that? Because that can be a bottomless pit, it can be a arming up of the offended spouse so they can, you know-

Mark: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … whale back at the one who had the affair, and, you know, again, we’re always balancing our fleshly response from our spiritual response.

Jill: Mm-hmm.

Mark: Mm-hmm.

Jim: We’re at war within ourselves. But how did you guys manage the questions? Uh, you’re touching on that, Jill, but-

Jill: Yeah.

Jim: … when was enough enough?

Jill: Well, and I think, I get asked that question a lot, um, I think it depends on your personal wiring.

Jim: Yeah.

Jill: Um, one of the things I talked about in the last program is that I’m a thinker. Uh, that means I deal in facts.

Jim: Right.

Jill: I deal in data. Um, I can gather data and not get as emotional about it. If there’s a woman who is a feeler, she’s got to be careful about how much she asks-

Jim: Oh, yeah.

Jill: … because that’s going to really … that can cost her-

Jim: There’s wisdom in that. That’s, I guess, the key point.

Mark: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Jim: You’ve got to be wise enough to know you need, you need some reconciliation on data.

Jill: Yes.

Mark: Mm-hmm.

Jim: You need some reconciliation, but there may come a point where you need to feel, “I know enough. I don’t need to know more.”

Jill: And I actually would say to myself, “Do I really need to know this question?”

Jim: Right.

Mark: Mm-hmm.

Jill: Like I would think about it. And sometimes you ask questions from slightly different angles too, you have to understand that, and that’s where I think some couples go wrong, in rebuilding trust, is the offending spouse will go, “When are you going to stop asking me … you’ve already asked me that question.”

Mark: Right.

Jim: Well, you’re on trial constantly-

Jill: That’s what it-

Jim: … so let’s figure this out. Are we going to stay in court or are we going to move along? I mean, that sounds horrible.

Mark: Right.

Jim: I mean, you were the offender, um, but you-

Mark: Right. Well, and my … I think, as a surrendered man, you don’t … my commitment as a surrendered man was to answer every question and to stay steady and to learn to love Jill through my answers and responses and not to get angry.

Jim: Yeah. I mean, you guys are both growing in this.

Jill: We are.

Jim: That’s what’s so amazing-

Mark: Yeah.

Jim: … spiritually.

Mark: Yeah.

Jim: And isn’t that the awesome gift of God-

Mark: Oh-

Jill: Yes.

Jim: … that you’re going to leave this earth-

Mark: … it’s huge.

Jim: … so much better off-

Mark: Yeah.

Jim: … than where you used to be-

Mark: Yeah.

Jill: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … in your relationship with Christ, in your relationship with each other.

Jill: Yes.

Jim: That’s the beauty of this portrait.

Mark: Mm-hmm.

Jim: It’s not the offense. That’s ugly.

Jill: Yeah.

Jim: That’s horrible.

Mark: Right.

Jim: But God picks up the pieces and creates, uh, a masterpiece-

John: Mm-hmm.

Jill: Yes.

Jim: … in your marriage. I mean, that-

Mark: Yeah.

Jill: Yeah.

Jim: … it’s awesome.

Jill: He does.

Jim: Mark, you speak to this idea of the gift of accountability, so let’s move through that.

Mark: Mm-hmm.

Jim: You guys, you know, you’re in a better place. What is the gift of accountability now?

Mark: Well, I think an unhealthy view of accountability is that someone is there to police another person’s life and that’s incredibly unhealthy. The gift of accountability is that I would stay, I would push information to Jill about where I was going, what I was doing, not out of defensiveness, but out of love.

Jim: Huh. That is big.

Mark: That’s huge. It was totally a brain changer for me. I had to make trips back to our home where both of our families lived and where this, uh, person that I had the affair with lived and, uh, I would first ask Jill to go with me, like if I had to help my mom on the house, “Would you go with me?” And if she couldn’t go, then I always had, in my back pocket, somebody who would go with me, and Carl, he was my go-to guy and he [crosstalk]-

Jim: Just a good friend?

Jill: Mm-hmm.

Mark: Good friend and-

Jim: Wow, good for him.

Mark: … I did, I did that so that, for my family’s security, uh, but also for myself, that I didn’t want to have to answer questions about where I was. I wanted to create a safety for my family and for me.

Jill: I never had to ask him to do that.

Jim: Right. And, and another good sign of change-

Mark: Yeah.

Jim: … and that’s good. Jill, speak to that, uh.

Jill: It was huge, um, because I didn’t … he opened his phone up. He said, “Here’s my phone. You have access to it anytime.”

Jim: And that was different?

Jill: Yeah.

Mark: Oh, yeah.

Jill: Well, yeah, ’cause it was locked down after … especially after I found the-

Jim: Yeah.

Jill: … the first text.

Mark: Computers were locked down, everything.

Jill: Everything was locked down. And he gave me a master key to his life and said, “I have no more secrets.” That was very trust-building.

Jim: Yes.

Jill: Um, it takes time because, to rebuild trust, it’s changed behavior over time, and so it was a consistent opening and that made all the difference-

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Jill: … in the world.

Jim: Jill, you know, we’ve got only a few minutes left and I want to come back to both of you on some really important aspects of this and that is forgiveness.

Mark: Mm-hmm.

Jim: I mean, we, we’ve touched on it, but we’ve really got to hear from you, particularly, Jill, obviously, the depth of that forgiveness. How do you find it, where did you go, and is it deep and real?

Jill: You know-

Jim: Are you trying to just live, you know, what you’re supposed to do?

Jill: Here’s what I learned, Jim, about forgiveness and I think it is something that it is not as widely understood as it needs to be. Forgiveness isn’t once and done. I didn’t just forgive the affair and then we moved on. I had to forgive dozens, hundreds, of things. I’ll give you an example. I drove by a hotel that I learned that they had met at, okay? I drive by that hotel and I am grieved.

Jim: It’s a dagger.

Jill: Yeah, and I am grieved. I’m grieved at the deception, I’m grieved at the betrayal, and that day, as I drive by there, I have to go, “Lord, I need to deal with this in my heart and I have to forgive the deception and the betrayal as it relates to that hotel.” But the next day, I drive by the hotel again and, that day, I am grieved at the financial mess that this made in our lives.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Jill: And so I have to forgive the financial mess. And so I think, a lot of times, we think that it’s just this one-time thing. It is … you have to forgive layers and layers and layers and layers. So when those things raise up, you’ve got to deal with them in your heart then and there. And sometimes I would communicate that forgiveness to Mark and sometimes that was just between me and God-

John: Yeah.

Jim: Sure, of course.

Jill: … you know.

Jim: Uh, Mark, let me ask you to pray for those couples right here-

Mark: Yeah.

Jim: … at the end.

Mark: Yeah.

Jim: Give that word to the Lord to use this program, to use the story God has given you and Jill-

Mark: Absolutely.

Jim: … to touch lives.

Mark: Father, I pray right now, on my heart is the couple that, uh, aren’t even together and maybe they’re hearing this program and they’re weeping and angry and confused. Father, uh, reach into their mess-

Jill: Yes, Lord Jesus.

Mark: … and the hand of a loving father and just help lead them out of that mess.

Jill: Yeah.

Jim: Yeah.

Mark: And, Lord, pour out hope.

Jill: Yeah.

Mark: Use this program to breathe life, redemption, uh, direction. God, you, your grace, your love is abundant.

Jill: Mm-hmm.

Mark: Your mercy is endless. Lord, pour it out today.

Jill: Mm-hmm.

Mark: In Jesus’ name, amen.

Jim: Amen.

Jill: Amen.

Jim: Mark and Jill, again, thank you for laying it out there.

Mark: Yeah.

Jim: I mean, this is hard to do-

Mark: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … and you’re moving down the road and the Lord’s given you this message now. You got to keep coming back to the biggest trauma you’ve ever experienced (laughing)-

Mark: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … and talking about it, so.

Mark: Mm-hmm.

Jim: But thank you for doing it.

Mark: Yeah.

Jim: Thank you for helping others see-

Mark: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … the better way to go. And, Jill, thanks for capturing it in this little book, uh, Your Next Steps.

Jill: Mm-hmm.

Jim: If you need a copy, get ahold of us. We’ll get it to you. If you can help support the ministry so we can touch more lives, uh, do that, but we don’t want, you know, a gift to be in the way. Just get ahold of us so we can get this booklet into your hands to help save your marriage. If you’re at the end of your rope, uh, and you can say, from your heart, that you do believe God can work a miracle in your marriage, give us a call.

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: There’s a place that we can begin to restore it together.

John: Mm-hmm. Yeah, and last time, uh, we mentioned Hope Restored, where we provide intensive counseling over several days to hurting couples and, uh, maybe there’s been infidelity or so much conflict you just can’t handle it anymore, or maybe you’ve just drifted apart, learn how Hope Restored can transform your relationship and, uh, get in touch. When you do, we’ll also tell you about Jill’s book, Next Steps: What to Do When Your Spouse Is Unfaithful. Our number here, 800, the letter A and the word FAMILY, 800-232-6459, or visit focusonthefamily.com/broadcast. And coming up next time, Deborah Pegues offers some great encouragement to women in leadership.

Teaser:

Deborah Pegues: And so I challenge women who are already in the culture, who are already excelling, don’t let the culture dictate your values and your priorities. You can have a career, you can have it all, but I say all is what God wants.

End of Teaser

 

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When Trust is Hard: Overcoming Betrayal and Broken Relationships

Connecting with another person is a unique and special blessing. And when you come to know that person and rely on them, you place trust in them. So what do you do when that trust is shattered? Lysa TerKeurst shares her personal stories of her divorce and friendships lost due to broken trust. She’ll help you learn how to have healthy and godly perspectives about trust and relationships so you can get on a path toward healing.

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Shouting the Worth of Every Person

Heather Avis shares her motivational story of adopting three children – two with Down syndrome – as an encouragement for listeners to consider what they can do to advocate for the God-given value of those who are often overlooked or neglected by society.

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Equipping Your Child to Be On Fire For Jesus

Mom of four Janel Breitenstein identifies some spiritual life skills your child needs to become a disciple who is “on fire” for Jesus. She explores concepts like prayer, studying God’s Word, worship, self-control, service, and resilience. You’ll get an idea of some solid spiritual foundations and ways you can nurture those in your child’s life.

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A Legacy of Music and Trusting the Lord

Larnelle Harris shares stories about how God redeemed the dysfunctional past of his parents, the many African-American teachers who sacrificed their time and energy to give young men like himself a better future, and how his faithfulness to godly principles gave him greater opportunities and career success than anything else.

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Accepting Your Imperfect Life

Amy Carroll shares how her perfectionism led to her being discontent in her marriage for over a decade, how she learned to find value in who Christ is, not in what she does, and practical ways everyone can accept the messiness of marriage and of life.

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Affair-Proof Your Marriage (Part 1 of 2)

Pastor Dave Carder offers couples practical advice for protecting their marriages from adultery in a discussion based on his book Anatomy of an Affair: How Affairs, Attractions, and Addictions Develop, and How to Guard Your Marriage Against Them. (Part 1 of 2)