Marriages and families are in trouble after the challenges of last year.
If it's not too much to ask, would you help equip these families with the resources they need to put Jesus at the center of their home?
Yes, I will help struggling families!
$

Corrosive Influence of Porn on Wives

Share:
Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on pinterest
Share on print
Share on email
lolostock/iStock/Thinkstock
One reason why pornography is more attractive to wives than husbands is its capacity for secretive retribution.

A frustrated and grieving woman in her 20s writes to Focus on the Family: “I’m addicted to porn.… It’s so frustrating to find all sorts of help out there, but only for men…. Are there any articles or studies currently out there for people like me?” Her search is not fruitless, but it will not be as fruitful as a man’s search for answers. Currently, the reasons why husbands turn to porn are better known, discussed and more public than why wives turn to pornography.

The Seven-Year-Itch

Of course, the reasons overlap. Two are boredom and pain. Call it the seven-year-itch if you want, but eventually the home fires begin to dim in the best of marriages. We grow bored with each other’s strengths as well as weaknesses, and for some people such familiarity breeds virtual infidelity. Pain causes both genders to look for quick and convenient sources to salve it, and the deeper the pain, the further we often reach to make it go away.

Loneliness strikes at the heart of both husbands and wives, but tends to plunge deeper into the emotional expanse of women. This is one reason why wives are seduced by “emo-porn,” virtual infidelity that is more emotionally satisfying before it physically pleases. But like salt water, it creates a worsening thirst. With emo-porn, fantasy men perform stunningly between the sheets of conversation, emotional understanding and emotional dexterity. Most mortal men cannot deliver such behavior, the way men do in soap operas and romance novels. Just as wives rightly complain when compared to the artificially created women of Internet porn, men should complain when compared to the artificial men of daytime television. Interesting, isn’t it, how they have such exciting jobs — no Joe The Plumbers. In the real world where real men burn through a lot of emotional battery life to make a real living, being expected to behave like men who don’t exist is more than wrong. It’s cruel.

Emo-porn creates caricatures in the minds and hearts of wives. Most men just aren’t and cannot be that attentive, especially in marriage where responsibilities to provide weigh heavy upon them. Husbands are quietly deemed unresponsive and uncaring when compared to emotionally dexterous hunks of daytime lore, chat rooms, celebrity rags and romance novels. Thus a secretive and snowballing form of marital discontent is born and nurtured.

Getting Even

One reason why pornography is more attractive to wives than husbands is its capacity for secretive retribution. Through concealed romps with other men, wives say they feel like they have “gotten back” at their husbands for hurting them for behaviors they committed or didn’t commit. It’s a passive-aggressive way of handling conflict without going through the difficult work of actually creating resolution.

Wifely virtual infidelity is less visible and more secretive, making it harder to expose and to heal. Some startling statistics to support this claim: Wives more than husbands are drawn to chat rooms and illicit relationships, rather than visual images of porn, though visual porn is still enticing (nearly 30 percent of all visitors to porn sites are women). Women, far more than men, are likely to act out their behaviors in real life, such as having multiple partners, casual sex, even affairs. Seventy percent say they keep their cyber activities secret.

Emotional and physical pleasure through fantasy behave in the most primal ways upon our minds. And when they are associated with someone who is not your husband, it becomes more difficult for him to captivate you. Virtual infidelity does not free you toward greater connection with your husband, but dilutes this connection. And given the secretive nature of virtual infidelity and a man’s more limited ability to notice minute relational cues, he is likely to think that “Everything’s OK” in his marriage when it’s not. Worse, he’s denied the very information he needs to play his role in mending it.

Dynamic CTA Template Below

Your Teen Needs You Most of All

No parent of teens is perfect and even the best can learn how to better connect with their son or daughter. Get practical action steps to better connect with your teenager in 8 Essential Tips for Parenting Your Teen in this FREE video series!

There Is Still Hope for Your Marriage

You may feel that there is no hope for your marriage and the hurt is too deep to restore the relationship and love that you once had. The truth is, your life and marriage can be better and stronger than it was before. In fact, thousands of marriages, situations as complex and painful as yours, have been transformed with the help of professionals who understand where you are right now and care deeply about you and your spouse’s future. You can restore and rebuild your marriage through a personalized, faith-based, intimate program called, Hope Restored.

There Is Still Hope for Your Marriage

You may feel that there is no hope for your marriage and the hurt is too deep to restore the relationship and love that you once had. The truth is, your life and marriage can be better and stronger than it was before. In fact, thousands of marriages, situations as complex and painful as yours, have been transformed with the help of professionals who understand where you are right now and care deeply about you and your spouse’s future. You can restore and rebuild your marriage through a personalized, faith-based, intimate program called, Hope Restored.

There Is Still Hope for Your Marriage

You may feel that there is no hope for your marriage and the hurt is too deep to restore the relationship and love that you once had. The truth is, your life and marriage can be better and stronger than it was before. In fact, thousands of marriages, situations as complex and painful as yours, have been transformed with the help of professionals who understand where you are right now and care deeply about you and your spouse’s future. You can restore and rebuild your marriage through a personalized, faith-based, intimate program called, Hope Restored.
Raising Your Kids to Defend the Faith (1)

Raising Your Kids to Defend Their Faith

“Raising Your Kids to Defend Their Faith” is a series of five short videos, created to get you started in teaching your kids the fundamentals of Christianity, so they can understand it, explain it, and defend it.

Reconnected: The Digital Experience

Reconnected: The Digital Experience is an online study group that offers a 7-part video series designed to help couples discover the characteristics of roommate-like marriages and learn reconnection strategies such as pillow talk, uniting spiritually and dream sharing to break out of boredom and establish deep, heart-felt communication. The Reconnected Digital Experience includes: Seven teaching videos, online study guide and access to additional tools and resources to help you and your spouse reconnect.
Share:
Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on pinterest
Share on print
Share on email

About the Author

You May Also Like