Domestic Violence in the Church
Marriage 911 is designed to help couples in crisis. What if that crisis includes domestic violence or abuse? In 2018, Lifeway Research asked pastors about domestic violence among church attendees. Nearly two-thirds of pastors agreed that domestic violence and abuse occurs in the lives of people in their congregations. So, before you start a Marriage 911 program in your church, Focus on the Family strongly encourages you to develop a plan of action to deal with reports of domestic abuse and violence.
What Is Domestic Violence?
We define abuse in marriage as behavior designed to gain or maintain power and control over a spouse using physical, sexual, emotional, economic, or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. These actions include behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure, or wound someone.
Marriage Should Be a Place of Safety
God’s design for marriage never included abuse, violence, or coercive control. Even emotional abuse can bruise or severely harm a spouse’s heart, mind, and soul. Violence against a spouse is never justified, always sinful, and often criminal as well. Similarly, emotional abuse, a persistent system of power and control involving the calculated degrading of another person, is destructive and evil. We believe that this severe and ongoing treatment is never God’s intent for marriage. Abuse in any relationship or under any circumstance is never condoned in the Bible. There should be zero tolerance for domestic abuse—it is not God’s will for an abuse victim to stay in an abusive situation.
Dealing with Domestic Violence
Marriage 911 is dedicated to bringing healing and restoration to couples who are struggling in their marriage. However, in cases of domestic violence, Marriage 911 meetings must stop. We urge the victim to seek safety, adopt a zero-tolerance policy toward the abuse, and consult with their pastor and a Christian counselor to determine next steps.
Develop a Contact List
Because domestic violence endangers spouses and families, we encourage your Marriage 911 team leaders to create a local contacts list with phone numbers and websites to various agencies including:
- Local police/sheriff’s departments
- Fire and emergency departments
- Marriage 911 lead mentor and/or church leaders
- The Hotline – The National Domestic Violence Hotline
- State/local domestic violence programs
- Local women’s shelters – especially those who take in women and children
- Trauma-informed Christian counselors
- Housing/Clothing/Food providers
Tools and Insights
Focus on the Family has compiled tools to help you and your church team create a domestic violence policy and strategies to help families in your congregation.
- Is This Domestic Abuse? Definitions and warning signs of abuse
- Dealing with Abuse – Focus on the Family’s library of broadcasts, web pages and FAQs.
- Focus on the Family Counseling – Free phone consultations for church leaders or individuals.
