“Do you have any hobbies?” asked a sweet white-haired lady at an event where my husband, Tim, was speaking. We hadn’t been married long, and our schedules didn’t always make it possible for us to travel together. This was one of the first times Tim and I were in public as a married couple.
The woman continued, “How are you going to keep yourself busy on the road seeing that you are married to such a busy man?”
Suddenly, I understood what she was asking. She was seeing me only as “Tim Tebow’s wife.” And today, years later, I can look back and see how that encounter became a defining moment for me. I started to ask myself:
What is my role as a wife?
What is my responsibility?
Am I a bad wife if I pursue my own career?
What is my life supposed to look like with this new role I have taken on?
That innocent question from a stranger caused me to take these questions to God.
Ultimate purpose
As I’ve deepened my relationship with my Maker, He has opened my eyes to the temptation of being defined by a label someone else placed on me and misplacing my ultimate purpose in it. But being labeled “the wife of Tim Tebow” wasn’t the first time I was tempted to find my identity somewhere other than in Christ.
In 2017, I started to believe that my Miss Universe crown was the pinnacle of my identity and purpose. Certainly, that temporary title opened doors I never could have imagined. But what I’ve learned is how that opportunity was purely a vessel for carrying out God’s will. And I’ll suggest that the exact same thing is true of other careers or of being a wife or a husband or mother or father. Our circumstances are vessels through which we can live out our God-given purpose.
No matter who you’re married to—Tim Tebow, a grocer, a doctor, a pastor—there can be a temptation to find your identity in your spouse and in the purpose that God has given him or her. But when your identity is firmly rooted in Christ, God has a unique purpose for you.
Shared purpose
In the U.S., many people know who my husband is. But in South Africa, where I grew up, few watched American football. So before I received an email from Tim, I had no idea who he was.
Tim contacted me about his foundation’s work with the disabled community, making me immediately intrigued. The Tim Tebow Foundation was hosting their first Night to Shine event in South Africa, which is a worldwide celebration for those with special needs and disabilities. This is a night where the red carpet is rolled out for these honored guests who are all crowned as Kings or Queens of the prom.
Tim had heard me do an interview about my little sister, Franje, who lived with a disability, and the ways that being her sister had deepened my faith. Franje was born without a cerebellum; throughout her life she was nonverbal and unable to control her muscles. Tim was inviting her to be involved in the special evening he and his team were planning. In response to my questions, he offered to set up a quick call. This 10-minute call lasted 2 hours 24 minutes and 6 seconds. But really, who’s counting?
Before Tim and I met, we already had a shared purpose. In different ways, both of us were committed to honoring the lives of people with disabilities. That shared purpose and greater perspective have helped us put the small annoyances that may surface in any marriage—leaving the toilet seat up or dropping a wet towel on the floor—in perspective. I was grateful that this shared purpose brought us together, and I’m grateful for it today.
Uncertain purpose
My sense of purpose hasn’t always been clear to me. At the height of my beauty pageant success and modeling career, I based much of my purpose on worldly standards. After handing over my Miss Universe crown, I entered a season in which I felt unworthy, unloved and unwanted. I had lost my identity.
I also felt adrift as a believer. I’d grown up in church, I knew the Bible, and I had a relationship with Jesus. Despite that solid foundation, a part of me didn’t really believe the truth of who my Maker says I am.
I can point to a specific moment when that shifted. Tim and I were onstage at a church doing a Q&A interview. On that day I was happy to let Tim answer the questions. My plan was to just squeeze his hand to signal that he should take the lead, and then I’d chime in to participate. But there was one query I couldn’t escape.
The interviewer looked into my eyes. “Demi, you’re known for your beauty. You’re known for winning these pageants. I see a culture that sends messages to women of all ages saying they’re not enough. I’d love for you to talk about what true beauty is and how you see that.”
I completely froze. I knew how to respond with the “right” answer, but I wanted to give the audience an honest answer, not a pat memorized response. As I spoke, the Lord reminded me of how loved I am. As He gave me Scriptures and words to share, I wasn’t just answering the interviewer’s question. I was answering the question that was deep in my own heart. It was this beautiful, personal experience where God convinced me that He had a plan and a purpose for me.
Evident purpose
I confess that when I no longer had access to the Miss Universe platform, I may have felt insignificant. Although I could certainly make an impact, I wasn’t able to make the same kind of extravagant impact anymore.
Living out our purpose happens right where we are. I think of the story of Ruth and Naomi, where Ruth is obedient—in the most unlikely circumstances, widowed and caring for her mother-in-law—and did what God asked of her. God uses us exactly where He’s planted us.
If you’re caring for kids at home, that’s where God will use you. If you’re running a company, that’s where God will use you. Whether you wear a crown or a chef’s hat, God will use you. The Lord uses anything or anyone He’s chosen for His purpose. We join Him in this work when we’re willing to say, “Lord, here I am. This is what I have.”
I encourage you to tip your eyes to God, place your identity in Him and make yourself available for the work He has for you. Maybe, like Tim and me, you’ll experience a shared purpose. Or maybe God has designed each of you to impact the world in different ways. What I know for sure is that you will live out your unique purpose right where you are.
Identity and purpose
When that precious older woman asked about my hobbies, her vision may have been shortsighted. When God doesn’t see my value as being rooted in the man—the wonderful man!—to whom I’m married. God sees the ultimate purpose for which He made me. When God looks at you, He sees the purpose for which you were made, as well.
Maybe you’re in a season of waiting. In a waiting season our unique purpose might not be clear to us, so we turn our eyes to the One who knows exactly what’s coming next. Or maybe right now you’re at the top of your game, and you’re wearing that proverbial crown. Whatever opportunity God has given you is not about you. So offer God your “crown”—or position, or relationship—as a vessel for His purpose through you.
We can often be tempted to place our identity in something other than God, so I am encouraging you to turn your face toward His and let Him define you. And when He calls you to fulfill the purpose that is uniquely yours, you can answer, “Lord, here I am.”
