At the conclusion of each Couples Intensive or Marriage Intensive, Hope Restored therapists recommend to couples that they consider who they might connect with for ongoing support and accountability following their Intensive. At Hope Restored we understand that a Couples Intensive or Marriage Intensive may be only the beginning of a process of change, recovery and healing. We try to be careful not to foster an expectation that time at an Intensive will be the only step necessary to turn the course of a relationship around.
For some couples, ongoing support may come in the form of a caring involved pastor, trusted friend or mentor. Some churches have ongoing support programs for assisting couples in their change efforts. In fact, here at Hope Restored, we have a program that we developed with the help of Joe and Michelle Williams, to train people in how to provide caring support when someone is in marriage crisis.
Joe and Michelle have been helping churches train “first responders” to a marriage crisis for years. Caring support in the first hours and days after a marriage crisis (discovery of infidelity, request for divorce, etc.) can make a huge difference for couples trying to navigate the painful crisis their marriage has become. Much of this support may occur before a couple ever seeks professional help such as is offered here at Hope Restored.
Finding a Therapist or Counselor
Support following an Intensive can be critical to growing the gains accomplished during a Couples Intensive or Marriage Intensive. When couples return home from an Intensive, finding a competent, reputable marriage therapist or counselor can be challenging. Even after finding a professional to work with, figuring out how to make the most of the service may not be obvious. The following considerations may be of some help in locating a professional counselor and forming a positive, productive working relationship with them.
Financial Considerations
Financial considerations often seem to be the first hurdle couples look at when trying to find a marriage counselor. While finances are certainly a factor in whom you ultimately choose to work with, they should probably not be the first consideration. It may be surprising to learn that often, very reputable, competent professionals have the means with which to accommodate and manage the financial cost of marriage counseling/therapy services. Scholarships, discounts, and payment plans all are ways of managing the cost of services. Simply asking, “What will it cost?” may be an unnecessary discouragement at the outset. Quality services will have a price, but this is not the place to begin when looking for a counselor/therapist.
Word-of-Mouth Referrals
Word-of-mouth referrals are often a good indication of who your community considers a competent resource for help with marriage and family issues. Just like with other services you shop for, listening to friends, family and people you trust for recommendations is a good place to begin. A professional’s reputation in a community is a good indication of the kind of service you might receive. It is probably wise to hear from several sources because word of mouth recommendations are also vulnerable to gossip and reactive judgement in some cases. It would probably be unfair to dismiss a potential professional solely on the basis of one negative report unless you had great confidence in the source of the negative report. If someone you trust — like a pastor, mentor, physician or community leader — recommends someone, then they are probably someone worthy of more investigation.
Researching Counselors in Your Area
If you find yourself in a place where there are no recommendations from people you trust, then researching provider lists with health insurance or online may be a next step. The American Association of Christian Counselors website can be helpful in finding one of their members in your community. Focus on the Family provides Counseling Consultations and Referrals on this website that pass the organization’s screening criteria.
Checking a Counselor’s Credentials
Credentials of the professional are important. A masters or doctorate degree and the appropriate licensure in the state where you live indicates that the counselor has met minimum requirements of training and supervised experience to practice their profession. This is not to say that you should avoid pastors, ministers, or lay counselors if they do not possess these credentials. However, when someone does not possess professional credentials, you should be cautious. Untrained but well meaning individuals can do a lot of harm if the recipient of services is not wary. If someone is not credentialed, it’s legitimate question to ask if they at least supervised by a licensed professional.
Health Insurance
Your health insurance may have a mental health benefit provision. With some plans, the mental health benefit provision will cover marriage and family services. Unfortunately, many health insurance plans do not. This, despite research demonstrating that marriage and family counseling/therapy are cost effective and prevent future mental health treatment costs. If your insurance provider does not cover such services, consider sending a letter to let them know you want such services covered. Even if you have some coverage, there may be stipulations which make it difficult for a provider to receive payment from your insurance company. Many counselors and therapists provide their clients with documentation that assists in reimbursing their client rather than billing their insurance directly. This helps the professional keep costs down. You can address all of these considerations when you make contact with a professional.
Making the Most of Counseling/Therapy
You should ask a potential counselor or the office staff some questions about the professional’s orientation and approach to marital counseling/therapy. It is reasonable to ask if the professional is a Christian and if they apply a Christian perspective to their services. If you have special circumstances such as chemical dependency, domestic violence, step-family concerns, childhood trauma, etc., that will affect counseling/therapy, it is a good idea to ask about the professional’s training and experience in those areas.
First Counseling Visits: What to Expect
In the initial visits, expect to spend some time in assessing the challenges, issues and goals you and your spouse have for counseling/therapy. Be direct about any concerns or needs you might have regarding working with the professional. In the beginning, you and the professional are establishing a working relationship, and it is important to assert your needs while considering the counselor’s recommendations for you.
Doing the Work Between Visits
Once you establish the initial assessment and therapeutic agreement, it is important to be prepared to work on your relationship with your spouse between visits. Couples who make the most progress in counseling/therapy are those who take what they learn in sessions and apply it. Don’t be discouraged if things don’t go smoothly at first. Difficulties and challenges probably mean you are addressing the important issues.
Don’t Expect Instant Results
While it is true that some couples experience benefit almost immediately from counseling/therapy, it is probably the exception and not the rule. It is not unusual for counseling/therapy to take several months before the couple starts seeing results. If 3-4 months of working consistently in therapy is not yielding encouraging results, then it is important to discuss the lack of progress with the counselor/therapist. They most likely will have been considering the lack of progress as well. A thorough discussion of the lack of progress might be the jumpstart needed to get relationship recovery back on track.
Please remember, the Hope Restored therapists you worked with during your Couples Intensive or Marriage Intensive are eager to consult with the professional counselor you are working with. We would love to support your post-Intensive counseling/therapy any way we can.
