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Quick Pecks and Flirty Texts

By Greg Smalley
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© Lumina/Stocksy
Build strength in your marriage through loving routines

I sometimes find it difficult to connect with my wife, Erin, throughout the day. Not that she and I have drifted apart emotionally; it’s just that my brain is compartmentalized. When I’m at work … I’m thinking about work. So I’ve actually taped two little words to my computer monitor — Text Erin — to remind me to connect with her throughout the workday.

One day while I was at my computer, I noticed the note and grabbed my cellphone to create a quick connection with Erin. I started off the text thanking her for making breakfast. But then I remembered that our kids all had activities that would leave us alone together for a few hours that evening.

So, I got specific with several ideas of how we could spend our “alone time” together, hoping that my flirty text might set the mood for later on. 

After hitting send and putting my phone down, I started working again. In just a few seconds, I heard my phone vibrate. A new text from Erin!

I quickly picked up the phone and just as quickly felt mortified. The text was from my boss!

“Please tell me you meant this for Erin!” was his reply. 

I learned a valuable lesson about making sure I’m texting my wife before sending out a flirty text

We all want and need to spend quality time with the people we love, and it’s especially important to spend time with our spouse. If we keep that core relationship strong, it makes all the other relationships around us stronger.

But as any athlete knows, building strength requires ritual: You need to run or swim or lift weights regularly. If you train only now and then, you won’t see results.

Building strength in your marriage is a little like that. Don’t underestimate the power of daily rituals. Those pecks on the cheek and saying “I love you” are important for building a strong, lasting relationship. Other rituals include:

  • praying and reading the Bible together
  • going on walks together
  • doing chores together
  • cooking meals together

And, of course, you can text or call your spouse during the day just to check in. You’ll find that over time, these regular moments — daily rituals — strengthen your love.

This article first appeared in the June/July 2020 issue of Focus on the Family magazine. © 2020 Focus on the Family. All right reserved.

Learn How to Cherish your Spouse and Have a Deeper Connection

Do you cherish your spouse? Couples who cherish each other understand that God created everyone different, and as a result they treasure the unique characteristics in their spouse. We want to help you do just that. Start the free five-part video course called, “Cherish Your Spouse”, and gain a deeper level of connection with your spouse.

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About the Author

dr greg smalley vp of marriage
Greg Smalley

Dr. Greg Smalley serves as the vice president of Marriage at Focus on the Family. In this role, he develops and oversees initiatives that prepare individuals for marriage, strengthen and nurture existing marriages and help couples in marital crises. Prior to joining Focus, Smalley worked for the Center for Relationship Enrichment at John Brown University and as president of the …

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