Greg Smalley

Praying for a friend’s marriage doesn’t require eloquence, but it does guard that marriage against the demonic forces trying to dismember it.

Many couples today are asking whether they should live together before marriage. At a recent marriage conference, one young man asked Greg Smalley that very question — honestly, directly, and with a desire to do what’s right. His answer, shaped by Scripture, research, and decades of working with couples, offers a perspective most people never hear.

Ephesians 5:23 calls men to be leaders in the home. “For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior” (ESV).

Pornography — whether used infrequently or as an addiction — is a big deal. It sacrifices true intimacy, forsakes a real relationship for a lying imitation, and twists the true purpose of sex. Porn rewires the brain to focus on “you” — not on intimacy.

Since people are getting married less often, it’s important to understand the reasons to get married. There are practical reasons, like the fact that marriage creates stable societies, is the best environment for raising children, and greatly benefits each spouse. There are also spiritual reasons, such as becoming more Christlike and reflecting His love for the Church.

When pressure to have the perfect holiday builds relationship tension, we need to change our unrealistic expectations. We need to accept that we cannot change our relatives. But we can set boundaries and not take things personally. Once we do this we can better appreciate the time spent connecting with family members.