Greg Smalley

Before you can begin to talk over the conflict like reasonable, loving adults, you have to pry your closed hearts open again.

Dr. Greg and Erin Smalley share today about their own struggles and joys in connecting in marriage. They emphasize having first of all, a relationship with God, which enables true spiritual connection with one’s spouse. The Smalleys outline some great practical ways in which spouses can better relate on a spiritual level.

Celebrating an anniversary shows that marriage is a priority in our life. It gives us a chance to pull back from the daily grind and relive a moment that changed our life forever.

Planning for “the day” or for a lifetime? Dr. Greg and Erin Smalley discuss the benefits of preparing for marriage and the beauty of God’s design for marriage.

How will I know that I’m ready to wed? Dr. Greg Smalley is often asked this question by engaged couples, so he offers his personal insights on how couples can better understand love.

We’d be wise to listen to those who have been married for a long time. They have important information for us. These five lessons can help us build a strong foundation for a life-long marriage.

It’s not an exaggeration to say that sex is an integral part of the marriage relationship. God designed sex that way! For a husband and wife, the sexual act is the focal point, the symbol, and the physical expression of the leaving, the cleaving, and t …

Someone just “pushed your buttons” and you’re ready to push back. That’s the Reactive Cycle. But is there a better way to handle conflict?

Refer a Marriage 911 mentee to a licensed Christian counselor when you believe their well-being requires specialized support.

Shared responsibilities are a key to a successful marriage. Dr. Greg and Erin Smalley describe how they came to realize that household chores was a bone of contention in their marriage. After identifying the problem, working together, and communicating expectations, they were able to resolve a lot of conflict. Host Jim Daly’s wife, Jean, highlights common reasons for a couple’s “chore wars” and shares additional insights for creating a positive home environment, communicating expectations clearly, and reaching a win-win situation for both spouses.

Praying for a friend’s marriage doesn’t require eloquence, but it does guard that marriage against the demonic forces trying to dismember it.

If you’re intentional and purposeful, you can use social media to honor marriage and promote positive messages about it.

Along with a couple’s relationship with God, it takes a supportive community of friends to keep a marriage strong.

Knowing what to say when a close friend goes through a divorce is difficult, yet there are several ways you can ease your friend’s burden.

At some point, our Christian culture has rewritten the greatest commandments from loving God and others as yourself to loving God and others instead of yourself.

God wants us to have friends. And that can include having opposite-sex friendships. But those friendships should come with boundaries.

What questions should you ask a young man who wants to marry your daughter? Answers to these 12 big, important, overarching questions might hold the key to your daughter’s future happiness.

No marriage is perfect. Sometimes, the marital struggles you’ve had to overcome make your help all the more valuable.

There’s a reason traditional marriage vows have endured for centuries. Take a close look at what they say.

Catch all the foxes, those little foxes, before they ruin the vineyard of love, for the grapevines are blossoming! (Song of Solomon 2:15, NLT). What are married roommates? The phrase “married roommates” can look very different depending on the couple. …

What COVID Taught Me

Why is marriage more than a formal declaration of love and commitment between two people? Learn about nine good reasons to get married.

A marriage insight from Dr. Greg Smalley

It takes intentionality to overcome the tendency for talk with your spouse to morph from meaningful to administrative. Deep, meaningful conversation is a must for couples hoping to stay connected.

It’s hard to describe the pain of walking through your child’s divorce. Here are some ways to deal with the hurt and be a safe place and a firm foundation for them.

Political issues can be challenging in any relationship, but they’re especially challenging for a married couple. No matter how serious your political differences may be, those differences should never impact your marriage covenant.

During those moments when your spouse is acting rude, can you extend grace in spite of how they’re showing up? Can you protect your marriage by not reacting or not engaging in an unkind way?

Pornography — whether used infrequently or as an addiction — is a big deal. And it can have a major impact on a marriage.

I wasn’t fully on board with my wife’s dreams to adopt. But we finally found ourselves on the same page. We have some suggestions for aligning your dreams so that you’re headed toward the same goal.

Many couples are experiencing marriage burnout because of pressures and daily aggravations related to the pandemic. Some people mistakenly start to think that something is wrong with their marriage.

The number of people pursuing divorce was 34 percent higher during the period of March through June 2020 compared to the same time the previous year. But by following eight straightforward guidelines, most marriages can thrive.

What could be the impact of sharing intimate details about your spouse without their blessing? And what can you do about it after it happens?

Many people in our culture believe that fatherhood isn’t important or is obsolete. But a husband and a father can make a great difference in their family by using the strengths and skills God has given them.

What will marriage be like in the future after the coronavirus? The impact of the pandemic stress on couples will either strengthen or weaken their marriage.

It’s time to start gradually getting back to normal. What are your and your spouse’s expectations for this next stage? And how do you readjust — yet again?

God desires for you to deeply grasp your wife’s value. Here are some ways to cherish your wife and to recognize her value.

Many couples are dealing with difficult issues caused by the coronavirus. But it’s possible to build a stronger marriage by adopting new habits.

Some marriage challenges seem too big to handle. If you’re facing giants in your marriage, here’s a battle plan to help you defeat them.

Build strength in your marriage through loving routines

It’s never easy to manage conflict in a marriage. The coronavirus has added even more challenges. Learn how to work through the conflict.

Being quarantined together doesn’t help some couples grow closer. The added strain makes existing problems worse.

Love is a sacrifice. We should treat our spouse as someone of great value and care for their needs. But sacrifice should be motivated by love, not fear.

Whenever we experience loss, we become vulnerable to getting stuck in the grief process. We need to grieve to restore balance. A husband or wife can provide healing for a grieving spouse.

The next several weeks won’t be easy. But there are things you can do to lower the stress level and find peace during the coronavirus quarantine.

When you show your generosity, you’re expressing an important underlying message that your spouse needs to hear: ‘You matter. You’re valued.’

Whether you or your spouse recently confessed extramarital affair, we want to help you recover from the affair amid this overwhelming pain.

Saying “Just relax” might be the worst thing a husband can say to his wife. Why? Because she hears: “I’m not taking you seriously.”

To determine marriage health, couples need to monitor their relational fitness to catch problems they might miss. Here are some questions to help you.

Active listening is important when you’re talking to your spouse. Here’s how to focus on your spouse’s feelings and deepen your relationship.

We need the encouragement of friends and family — not just when a marriage begins, but to keep it from ending. Our loved ones can make the difference between relationship life and death.

Our kids are constantly watching us, and how we treat our spouse is probably how our children will treat their own spouse someday. Your marriage is your child’s blueprint for intimacy and relationships.

Building a shared spiritual relationship can feel like a roller coaster ride. But Dr. Greg and Erin Smalley have discovered three key experiences to help strengthen a couple’s spiritual connection.

Kim and Randy learned to live independently while Randy was traveling for work, but they lost the sense of unity that’s critical for a marriage. Here are tips to fix the troubles caused by travels.

The goal of a great marriage conversation is to affirm what your spouse is doing right, to exchange ideas and to offer suggestions for the future. Use these questions to get that process started.

One of every six boys is sexually abused. And men carry the impact of abuse with them long afterward. Without a safe space to process his story, a man may simply shut down and lock away his memories.

God has placed passions in your heart—and also in your spouse’s. Encourage each other in following dreams, even if you have to step out of your comfort zone to do it. You’ll enjoy a richer marriage.

Why are we unhappy in marriage? How can we repair our broken relationship? We can find healing through commitment, communication and Christ.

Being a better husband doesn’t mean that you can fix everything, it means being emotionally responsive. And there are three components to that: accessibility, responsiveness and engagement.

Taking time to rest—physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally—is in the best interest of you and your marriage. God doesn’t want you to be an empty, exhausted person with nothing to give.

Is your husband moody, angry or fearful? He may have difficulties at work. Dr. Greg Smalley offers practical methods that his wife, Erin, has used to help him navigate these work-related challenges.

We’re too busy. Instead of waiting for long, uninterrupted blocks of time to strengthen your marriage, take advantage of key moments that happen every day.

All couples fight. And it feels as if we’re fighting about something. But when we look at our conflicts, they can sound pretty insignificant. Big things don’t ensnare us as often as the little things.

Maybe you never learned teamwork. Maybe you came from a broken home. Or the dynamics of your marriage may make it difficult to connect. Whatever the reason, loneliness in marriage can be overcome.

Just as a flavors can spice up a dish, differences improve our marriage. While differences bring variety, they also create challenges. So how can a couple use their differences to strengthen their marriage?

Painful wounds can cause us to forget who God made us to be, and we start believing lies that affect what we think about ourselves and how we relate. That’s especially true in how we relate to our spouse.

A serious illness or the death of a loved one can shake a Christian’s faith to the foundation. So when your spouse has a crisis of faith and stops praying, what can you do to encourage him or her?

Explore ways to make worshiping with your spouse more meaningful. You might try serving together or reading a book related to faith. Even small steps can help you to worship more intimately as a couple.

Health scares can test the strongest of marriages. So, when someone — or everyone — in the family becomes sick, what are the best ways to manage the marriage relationship and remain a strong team?

Family and friends have an active role to play in marriages. What can you do to build a community that encourages healthy relationships for husbands and wives?

Every popular romance story portrays a loving bond so special it comes just once in a lifetime. How can you ensure that your own romance has a lifetime filled with those happy-ever-after endings?

True romance is more about being captivated by your spouse than buying flowers or chocolate. And captivation is all about curiosity and interest — being allured by your spouse.

Scripture indicates that one virtue — love — has supreme value above all other virtues. But when you don’t feel particularly loving, you don’t have to try to muster romantic feelings for your spouse.

When pressure to have the perfect holiday builds relationship tension, we need to change our unrealistic expectations. Then we can better appreciate the time spent connecting with family members.

Appreciating our husband’s or wife’s emotions can be difficult. But we can give our spouse a special gift by seeking to thoroughly understand him or her before reacting.

Although he wasn’t willing to admit it at first, Dr. Greg Smalley felt that God was making him aware of how selfishness causes issues in his marriage. Greg shares some of the things he’s learned.

Complacency and routine can push out the small, but important, acts of kindness in a marriage. But it’s not too late. You can start showing kindness to your husband or wife today.

So many marriages end in divorce because husbands and wives simply give up. They lack grit. Couples who wish to succeed in marriage need passion and perseverance.

Lying is almost always about protecting self.  When we’re tempted to lie, we can ask ourselves, What does this fib do for me? Then we can ask, What are the personal and relational costs of this lie?

After years or even decades of marriage, how can you pursue your spouse? Three things — understanding, action and serving — can help you get on the right track.

When we find the love of our lives, we don’t want her or him to get away. We woo. We chase. We cleave. But we often stop our pursuit when we get married.

The key to a great marriage is communication. What kind of communication? Dr. Greg Smalley recommends couples have four key marriage conversations.

When your wife says there’s something wrong with your marriage, guess what, there’s probably something wrong with your marriage. And for the sake of that marriage, a husband would do well to listen.

It’s time to look at some of the real-world issues that may be preventing you from reaching your full sexual potential as a couple.

The bottom line is this: physical intimacy is an incredibly important component of any marriage.

The phrase “yada, yada, yada” is used to indicate that something was predictable, repetitive or boring. But the Bible intended to communicate something very different through the Hebrew word yada.

The smartphone has become a “third wheel” in many marriages, causing husbands and wives to feel they are competing with their spouse’s phone for time and attention.

All the excitement about Valentine’s Day makes it easy for us to spend a day focusing on romantic love, but committing to act in love all year long is more difficult.

What do you do when you’re stressed out? When you deal with stressful events in unhealthy ways, you create new problems in your relationships. But there are ways to constructively deal with stress.

God created us to be in relationship — with Him and with others. This is why we need to be intentional about regularly connecting with other like-minded couples. We need a strong community surrounding us.

Good communication is the lifeblood of a successful marriage, so when spouses stop talking at a deep level, their marriages slowly die. A marriage will only be as good as a couple’s communication.

When you share the chores with a teammate mentality and when your goal is to out-serve each other, you can bring an end to the chore wars in your home.

Date night is a fantastic way to make sure you and your wife are connecting positively and enjoying each other’s company on a regular basis. It doesn’t have to be expensive or elaborate.

Grace believes the best about your spouse. It fights through the messiness of a particular moment or behavior and remembers that your spouse is a son or daughter of the Most High King.

This date idea will give you the opportunity to invest as a couple in the well-being of someone else. You’ll likely experience a deeper marital bond and sense of intimacy through serving together.

There are many culturally perpetuated stereotypes about men: They’re tough, highly competitive and obsessed with sex and sports. But what does Scripture teach about true masculinity?

One of the most sacred times in a marriage relationship is from the time that you and your spouse get into bed until you fall asleep. You can be intentional with this time at the end of each day.

Dr. Greg Smalley hated making the bed but realized his resistance had become selfish. Read how he decided to serve and sacrifice for his wife.

It’s not only possible to survive a crisis, but difficult times can also be redeemed by God and transformed into experiences that will help make your marriage stronger. 

Sex is a wonderful gift given by God to a married couple as a means of experiencing a sacred union.

When we express contempt, we can become truly mean and disrespectful. But the antidote for contempt is to see the positive — what is true about your spouse.

The way we tell our past story reflects how we feel about our present marriage relationship.

A mentor is someone you can turn to for wisdom and support — and someone who can help you make the most of your marriage.

What does spiritual leadership mean to you? When preconceived notions are inaccurate.

In marriage, honor involves recognizing the worth of your relationship and putting that appreciation into action.

Commitment is a passionate decision to be with your spouse for a lifetime and to proactively build a future. A husband and wife must decide to love each other for a lifetime.

Every marriage has a mortal enemy, a mighty nemesis named selfishness. Dr. Greg Smalley offers insights on how to win the battle in your marriage without fighting each other.

Dr. Smalley encourages couples to find a cause that they’re both passionate about, and then trust the Lord to use them and their marriage in the new year

Pride leads to conflict in marriage, so what are you doing to nurture humility in your own heart?

Some marriage advice is helpful and given with the best of intentions. Unfortunately, other well-meaning counsel is misguided and useless. Here’s a summary of the worst marriage advice I’ve heard.

The word cherish implies a specific attitude and means that you recognize your mate’s incredible value. You have the opportunity every day to choose to see how incredibly valuable your spouse is.

The best way to understand how you can nourish your marriage is to ask your spouse to finish this statement: “I feel loved when …”   The answers are a gold mine of  information.

When we feel threatened, we build emotional walls that don’t allow our spouse into the deepest parts of our hearts and minds. The emotional distance can cause marital problems.

Infidelity is a pain that’s far too common to far too many. If you’re dealing with a cheating spouse or admitting that you are a cheating spouse, there’s still hope for restoration in your marriage.

Maybe you’re thinking, How did I get here? Or maybe you deliberately sought comfort outside your marriage. Here are tips to help you pursue healing in your marriage after being unfaithful to your spouse.

A husband should care for his wife with the same intensity he nourishes his own body. So husbands must spend time every day doing things that help a wife feel loved. 

It’s that time of year again — changing leaves and cooler temperatures. Football season is here. Does your spouse feel like a football widow?

Forgiveness is vital in marriage. The key is to seek an apology after we truly understand our spouse’s heart. Here’s a four-part process to a sincere apology.

True listening requires you to be fully present — clearly and intentionally focused on your spouse. Intent focus shows that your whole heart, soul, mind and body are present.

Focus on the Family’s marriage experts have found that genuinely thriving couples typically excel in twelve key areas of marital life.  One of those areas is mutual nourishing.

Empathy is more than feeling sorry that your spouse is burdened or troubled. Empathy takes place as you carry your spouse’s burdens.

Instead of judging or ignoring your spouse’s emotions, you have the opportunity to be curious about his or her feelings. Curiosity leads to understanding.

Validation is safely allowing your spouse to share his or her thoughts and feelings. The message is that it’s OK to think and feel the way he or she does.

Healthy conflict can facilitate communication, understanding, trust and respect if we choose to manage our differences and disagreements in nourishing ways.

The great commandment teaches that self-care is not selfish — it’s actually foundational to a healthy marriage.

Challenges, stress and painful trials are going to be part of your life together. The key to a thriving marriage is to learn how to manage the crises that are inevitable.

By developing a healthy pattern of coping with stress and change, you’ll be more likely to deal with issues as a married couple.

In John 5, Jesus heals a crippled man and then tells him to pick up his mat and walk. Can our “mats” help us be grateful to and dependent on God—even in marriage?

Working together as a couple to conquer back-to-school stress.

When conflict arises in a thriving marriage, both partners win when they remember that, ultimately, they’re on the same team.

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How can a couple keep the fires of sexual passion alive in the middle of the humdrum, day-to-day routine of the average marriage? Believe it or not, this is a fairly common question. If it’s come up recently between you and your spouse, take heart. You’re not alone.

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Your spouse’s heart will open only when it feels safe. But what does feeling safe really mean?

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What is a marriage? It’s a question well worth pondering.

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The parallel between romantic love and God’s relationship with His people is a theme that runs all the way through Scripture, and it has a great deal to teach us about the spiritual dimension of marriage.

Spiritual intimacy can be a confusing issue for many couples. Dr. Greg Smalley offers personal insights on how husbands can be spiritual leaders and wives can see beyond basic spiritual disciplines for intimacy at home.

We can’t emphasize enough (both from research and personal experience!) how important it is to have the support and encouragement of a veteran couple to walk alongside you!

If you’ve been unfaithful in your marriage and you’re wondering what to do now, Dr. Greg Smalley explains 10 reasons to have a talk with your spouse.

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The best research indicates that healthy marriages are always built around a solid core of open, honest, and empathetic person-to-person conversation.

Sex should always join two people together in love — it should always strengthen a relationship and not weaken it. Sure, sex involving bondage, dominance, sadism and masochism might be legal as long as both people give their full consent — but it is anything but beneficial for a marriage.

This Valentine’s Day, use flowers, chocolate and cards to heighten your romance, but spend your time being curious and asking questions.

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The way to stay excited about being together is to sprinkle in a judicious pinch of spice now and then.  It’s all about “getting outside the box” every once in a while.

Be sure to take this guide with you on your date!

We live in a culture that has either forgotten or rejected the idea of marriage as a covenant.  Couples who want to go the distance in their relationship need to rediscover it.

What is the key to surviving the holiday family road trip with your spouse?

Ecclesiastes says that there is a time and a season for everything.  December is the season for singing.

If cherishing is to be pushed to an even higher level in a couple’s present experience of marriage, it will happen because they find ways not only to keep in touch with the past, but to project the past into the future.

In a marriage there is no such thing as a win/lose scenario when you are on the same team.

Spiritual friendship is eagerly helping each other know, serve, love, and resemble God in deeper and deeper ways.

Whether you realize it or not, you are living every day of your life in the presence of a precious hidden treasure.

When was the last time you and your spouse truly viewed yourselves as a team?

“To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with.‚” Mark Twain

Is it possible to keep a healthy sense of mystery alive in a familiar, long-term relationship?

10 keys to help make your relationship with your spouse more loving.

Every couple knows that sexual intimacy, celebrated regularly and passionately, is vital to any healthy marriage. What many don’t understand is that sex is more than just sex.

NFL coach Mike Shanahan has said, “Individual commitment to a group effort—that’s what makes a team work, a company work, a society work, a civilization work.”

God, the grand Creator par excellence, is inviting the creatures who bear His image to join Him in the ongoing work of creation.  And He’s asking them to do this together.

Studies show that the average couple spends only four minutes per day engaged in meaningful conversation. Four minutes! Can couples really expect to foster intimacy with so little time devoted to positive communication?

Sometimes, the sweetest, most tender memories are those that happened during moments that were unplanned and that may seem unremarkable to the casual observer.

“When two people always agree, one of them is unnecessary.‚”

Looking for ideas to use when getting to know another couple? Take a look at these double date tips.

Thriving couples need to be intentional about treasuring, honoring and cherishing one another. Do these things characterize your relationship with your spouse?

Did you know that making it a priority to regularly go on dates with your spouse can lead to increased satisfaction in your marriage?

The blessing is what we all long for – acceptance and affirmation.

Couples with thriving relationships make it their goal to function as a team, because the most important thing is how they work together, not what other people think.

Since our mate is always growing and changing, we need to maintain the mindset of a lifetime learner.

Healthy conflict can actually take your marriage to deeper levels of intimacy.

When you treat your spouse with compassion, it creates a safe environment to share your deepest thoughts and feelings.

Cultivating romance and fostering spiritual growth with your beloved takes discipline and intentionality

With the mindset of marriage being an adventure in which husbands and wives stick together through thick and thin, the words “until death do us part” take on a whole new meaning.

A marriage that can ascend to the heights of intimacy requires careful navigation and routine maintenance.

Rather than making it our goal to resolve arguments, we must learn how to manage our conflicts.

Relationships change over time. In the context of marriage, this means that there will always be something new for you to learn about your spouse

Thriving couples cultivate common hobbies and undertake shared adventures through regular Date Nights!

As the weather cools and the seasons change, we couldn’t pass up talking about a critical component of your thriving marriage — mutually satisfying physical intimacy.

Marriage encompasses the spiritual and physical act of two lives becoming one. But can that union truly thrive if one or both of the individuals involved is feeling unfulfilled?

Conflict doesn’t guarantee intimacy, but it is an open door to discover our spouse’s most important feelings and needs.

Healthy conflict can actually be a pathway to deeper intimacy in your marriage.

Developing common interests and hobbies can decrease conflict in marriage and strengthen the idea that you and your spouse are a team.

This month’s Date Night will give you the opportunity to take a break from the holiday grind—the stress, the worries, the overcrowded schedules, the race to find the perfect gift, and other stressors—and invest as a couple in the well-being of someone else.

It’s important that you take time alone with your spouse to tell him or her directly why you’re thankful. This should involve not only thanking God, but also thanking your partner—directly and specifically—for the things he or she does that bless and enrich your life. Not only at Thanksgiving but throughout the year, we should make a concerted effort to express gratitude for our spouse and to our spouse!

Honor isn’t based on behavior or subject to emotion. You grant your spouse value whether they want it or deserve it. Honor is a decision you make and a gift you give. This is exactly what the apostle Paul encouraged the early Christians to do when he wrote, “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor” (Romans 12:10).

If we avoid conflict or pretend it doesn’t exist, the greater the problem will become.

Deliberately call to mind the highlights of your life together.

Whether we’re talking about Date Night, or any other time that you and your spouse have time together in the car . . . it’s not just about the destination, it’s about the journey!

This date’s focus on community affords you the perfect opportunity to phone up another couple — or couples — and enjoy a group date.

A working definition of nourishing is demonstrating your love. It involves a conscious resolution to identify your spouse’s strengths and find creative ways to stimulate them.