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Sexual Healing

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The bottom line is this: physical intimacy is an incredibly important component of any marriage.

Gary Thomas once wrote, “Done well, marital sexuality can be a supremely healing experience.” And Marvin Gaye basically said the same thing in his infamous hit single.

What about you — is sex a healing experience in your marriage? For many married couples, regular sexual connection is something that can easily fall by the wayside in the hustle-and-bustle of careers, appointments and raising kids. When it happens at all, it’s just another thing to check off the “to do” list. It’s not an opportunity for connection. It’s not fun. And it certainly doesn’t rise to the level of “healing.”

If physical intimacy is a challenge in your marriage, take heart. You’re not alone! In fact, among the 150,000 folks — and counting — who have taken Focus on the Family’s Online Marriage Assessment to date, physical intimacy is the number one area in which they feel like they’re struggling.

Perhaps it’s not surprising that sex is one of those things that can be difficult for couples to get “on the same page” about. In a number of subtle and not-so-subtle ways, our culture tries to persuade us that sex is most potent when most isolated from the rest of our day-to-day experience. We’re led to believe that the most exciting encounters are those that take place outside the circle of the familiar and the mundane. Intimacy with your “old lady” or “old man” is assumed to be about as thrilling as a bowl of cold oatmeal.

But Scripture adopts an entirely different point of view. According to the Bible, sex is all about knowing the other person inside and out and in all kinds of contexts. The Hebrew word used is yadaand it means a thorough, exhaustive knowledge that embraces complete mutuality and total sharing in every area of life. I think that’s what Gary Thomas means when he says that marital sex can be a “supremely healing experience.”

But it’s easier said than done, right? It doesn’t just happen. Great sex takes careful thought and planning ahead of time. You have to prime the pump of passion by keeping full-fledged romance alive at the center of your relationship. Broadly speaking, you can do this through date nights, candlelight dinners and generous amounts of heart-to-heart conversation. This is a truth that our X-rated society rarely recognizes and hardly ever acknowledges: the flames of truly enjoyable and meaningful sex derive their heat not from wanton sensuality, but from the gentle, human touch of tender romantic love.

The bottom line is this: physical intimacy is an incredibly important component of any marriage. You probably realize this already, and that’s why you’re feeling a bit deflated after taking the Online Marriage Assessment and realizing that you could use some improvement in this area.

Thankfully, there are some practical things you can do to help correct the course. The first order of business is to gain a deeper understanding — or at least have a refresher — about God’s design for sex. We’ll explore that in the next article. Then, we’ll consider the issue of communication between husband and wife. Many of the obstacles you’re facing can be overcome if you’ll just make the commitment to sit down with your spouse and talk about the sexual aspect of your relationship. And finally, once you’ve gotten in the practice of talking honestly and openly about your sex life, you’ll want to have a game plan for tackling the barriers and problems that may be impacting that aspect of your relationship.

Does all of this sound like a lot of work? It’s not. But even if it is — it’s worth it! With prayer and perseverance, you and your spouse can work together on making your sexual relationship the enriching, rewarding, fulfilling and healing experience it was designed to be. We’ll get started in the next article by exploring God’s design for sex.

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Marriage can have its twists and turns, but the detours don’t have to lead you off course. The 12 essential elements outlined in the Crazy Little Thing Called Marriage are biblically based and chart the course for a romantic adventure that will last a lifetime.

Focus on the Family has resources and counseling to help you and your family. You can contact us Monday through Friday from 6 a.m. to 8 p.m. (Mountain time) at: 800-A-FAMILY (232-6459) or [email protected]

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There Is Still Hope for Your Marriage

You may feel that there is no hope for your marriage and the hurt is too deep to restore the relationship and love that you once had. The truth is, your life and marriage can be better and stronger than it was before. In fact, thousands of marriages, situations as complex and painful as yours, have been transformed with the help of professionals who understand where you are right now and care deeply about you and your spouse’s future. You can restore and rebuild your marriage through a personalized, faith-based, intimate program called, Hope Restored.

There Is Still Hope for Your Marriage

You may feel that there is no hope for your marriage and the hurt is too deep to restore the relationship and love that you once had. The truth is, your life and marriage can be better and stronger than it was before. In fact, thousands of marriages, situations as complex and painful as yours, have been transformed with the help of professionals who understand where you are right now and care deeply about you and your spouse’s future. You can restore and rebuild your marriage through a personalized, faith-based, intimate program called, Hope Restored.

There Is Still Hope for Your Marriage

You may feel that there is no hope for your marriage and the hurt is too deep to restore the relationship and love that you once had. The truth is, your life and marriage can be better and stronger than it was before. In fact, thousands of marriages, situations as complex and painful as yours, have been transformed with the help of professionals who understand where you are right now and care deeply about you and your spouse’s future. You can restore and rebuild your marriage through a personalized, faith-based, intimate program called, Hope Restored.
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Understand How to Respect and Love your Son Well

Why doesn’t my son listen to me? Have you ever asked that question? The truth is, how you see your son and talk to him has a significant effect on how he thinks and acts. That’s why we want to help you. In fact, we’ve created a free five-part video series called “Recognizing Your Son’s Need for Respect” that will help you understand how showing respect, rather than shaming and badgering, will serve to motivate and guide your son.

Reconnected: The Digital Experience

Is the love there, but not the spark? Reawaken fun in your marriage and move from roommates to soulmates again with the help of this 7-part online video experience. Learn how to connect emotionally and spiritually as husband and wife using techniques such as dreaming together and establishing deep, heartfelt communication. The Digital Experience includes 7 teaching videos, an online study guide and access to additional tools and resources to help spouses reconnect.

Next Steps: Marriage Assessment

We want your marriage to be thriving and healthy. Take the free Marriage Assessment from Focus on the Family to learn how to strengthen your bond with your spouse and get the tools to help you need to grow closer together. 

Next Steps: Fruit of the Spirit Devotionals for Couples

The Fruit of the Spirit Devotional is a free series of nine short videos to get you into God’s Word and inspire you to seek the Holy Spirit’s help in loving your spouse.

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