The Power of Healthy Conflict

By Greg Smalley
Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on pinterest
Share on print
Share on email
Healthy conflict can actually take your marriage to deeper levels of intimacy.

Your marriage needs conflict.

And yet, sadly, people rarely believe this. It’s probably because conflict is a topic that makes many of us feel uncomfortable. It can bring fear to our hearts and remind us of past failures and acts of which we are ashamed. Our lives are pockmarked by battles and arguments with our loved ones, like the one I experienced while returning from a date night with my wife.

“You’re speeding,” Erin warned.

“I’m driving the speed limit,” I snapped. “Quit trying to control me.”

“I’m telling you that the speed limit is 35,” Erin shot back, “and you’re doing 45. You’re going to get a ticket!”

“This is a brand-new road in the middle of nowhere,” I argued. “Why would they make it 35? I’m positive that it’s 45. Besides, why would anyone care if I’m going a little fast on a deserted road?”

Apparently someone cared, as evidenced by the blue and red lights flashing behind me.

And before I could give her that look that says, “Don’t you dare,” Erin gloated, “I warned you. But maybe you’ll learn to believe me after our insurance rates go up.”

This was one of those moments when I desperately wanted to run far away from my wife, but I figured that fleeing my vehicle might present a whole new set of problems for me.

“Any way you’d let me off with a warning?” I begged the officer. “The real punishment will be having to endure the ‘I told you so’ all the way home.”

“You want a warning?” the officer said graciously. “OK, I’m warning you that if you go above the speed limit again, I’ll give you another ticket.”

With that, I was done. Unfortunately, Erin wasn’t finished. After she directed some additional choice words and phrases at me, we spent the rest of the drive home in silence.

You may be wondering, “How could an interaction like that be something my marriage needs?” Let me explain.

Keep reading.

Adapted from Fight Your Way to a Better Marriage, published by Howard Books. Copyright © 2012 by Greg Smalley. All rights reserved. Used by permission.

Learn How to Cherish your Spouse and Have a Deeper Connection

Do you cherish your spouse? Couples who cherish each other understand that God created everyone different, and as a result they treasure the unique characteristics in their spouse. We want to help you do just that. Start the free five-part video course called, “Cherish Your Spouse”, and gain a deeper level of connection with your spouse.

Book Cover: Aftershock A Plan for Recovery

Aftershock: Overcoming His Secret Life with Pornography: A Plan for Recovery

This book is for women who have discovered their husband’s struggle with pornography and other sexual infidelities. Based on biblical principles and psychologically sound advice, Aftershock is designed to help women heal, grow, and receive restoration for themselves, their husbands, and their marriages.
Share:
Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on pinterest
Share on print
Share on email

How useful was this article?

Click or Tap on a star to rate it!

Average Rating: 5 / 5

We are sorry that this was not useful for you!

Help us to improve.

Tell us how we can improve this article.

About the Author

You May Also Like

Perfect 10 Marriage
Communication Struggles

Perfect 10

Join the Perfect 10 Marriage Event from Focus on the Family! Saturday, October 10, 8:30 p.m. EST. Premieres on YouTube.

Insert CTA Content in New Section Below

How Healthy is the Conflict in your Marriage?

No matter how much you and your spouse love each other, eventually you’re going to disagree about something. As a result, a lot of people try to shy away from conflict or avoid it altogether. But what if conflict was actually healthy for your relationship? This FREE, 7-part video series from Focus on the Family can help you and your spouse see disagreements differently and use conflict to learn about each other and strengthen your marriage.