Let’s be candid: When you first get married, the honeymoon lasts awhile after the trip — you have no problem being all over each other. You constantly hold hands and kiss … and likely have sex more than once a week.
But when you become parents, things start to change for most couples. When you add a baby into the mix, you’re tired — all the time. And that’s only the beginning of the problems surrounding sex after having a baby.
Concerns for new moms
Not only are you exhausted, but as the woman, you’re likely still healing from birth for quite some time. And if you’re breastfeeding, that also makes intimacy less comfortable. Your hormones are up and down like a roller coaster. You have little time to take a shower, let alone put in much effort to look great for your man. Oh, and the leftover baby weight and stretch marks don’t exactly make you feel confident to pursue him in the bedroom either.
Concerns for new dads
As the guy, seeing your wife give birth might have bothered you a little and made sex after having a baby seem somewhat scary. And with your wife’s potentially fluctuating hormones — especially if postpartum depression is in the mix — she might not be the nicest person to you right now, making it difficult to woo her into bed. Even with all the barriers, trying to romance her (once you have been cleared by your doctor, of course) is still important.
You can enjoy sex after having baby
God made sex for marriage as a way to unify a husband and wife and build their relationship. And Satan loves to convince you that God’s design for sex after kids isn’t important. But he’s wrong.
Mark 10:6-9 says, “But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
Here are some ways to help you and your spouse rebuild physical intimacy after your first baby:
- Set aside time and honor it. When you’re a parent, you’re trying to find time to do everything that needs to be done. If you don’t take time, intimacy won’t happen. Putting your to-do list first or prioritizing your child’s happiness can be tempting. But a good marriage is one of the best gifts you can give your child and is better than having a child-centered, always-clean home. Certainly those things need attention as well, but your spouse should be a higher priority.
- Prepare your heart. When you are sleep deprived, seeing the worst in your spouse can be easy to do. But take time to focus on the positive things he or she does, remember why you married him or her, and ask God for a spirit of love.
- Pursue each other outside the bedroom. Encouraging words, small acts of kindness and simply remembering to say “thank you” can go a long way in building emotional intimacy, which will make physical intimacy that much better.
Your honeymoon phase doesn’t have to end the minute your baby is born. You can still have a fun and exciting sex life with your spouse — it will just take a little more work and intentionality than it did before. But that might make it even better than it ever has been!