Real Families. Real Hope.
Offer God's hope to hurting families.
Yes, I will help struggling families!

The Husband Whisperer

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on pinterest
Share on print
Share on email
Pascal Campion
Create a heart-to-heart connection, even when your man is reluctant.

I was walking through the Dallas airport when I received a panicked call from an administrator at my 6-year-old daughter’s school. “Is anyone coming to pick up Annie today?” My heart sank! My husband, Greg, and I had talked about this, and he assured me he would pick her up. I frantically called Greg.

“Greg! Annie is sitting in the school office. You were supposed to pick her up today!”

Shocked, he shot back, “No, you told me she was going home with a friend!”

If your marriage is anything like ours, you know how the rest of the conversation went. Defensiveness and accusatory comments, and ultimately a total disconnect. The bottom line: Communication is hard.

I’ve sat with many women who were feeling alone and disconnected from their husband because they couldn’t seem to get him to talk — especially about his feelings. They were tired of hearing him respond with the basic “-ad” emotions — glad, sad, mad — or listening to him reply to “How was your day?” with a meaningless “Fine.”

I totally get it! Greg and I went through years of struggle as Greg developed his “emotional vocabulary” and I worked to help him understand why I hated the word fine. But when I heard the definition of fine expressed as an acronym (Feelings Inside Not Expressed), it all made sense. Fine was such a noncommittal, non-emotional word. And I wanted more. I wanted a deeper connection with my husband. I wanted to engage in heartfelt conversations.

But it has been a journey — one that continues. Greg eventually began to call me “the husband whisperer” because I was so determined to train him to talk to me. I wanted to engage in conversation not just about strategic details, but also about what was going on in his heart.

Wouldn’t it be great if there were a switch to flip and suddenly our husbands could be just like us? They’d be able to quickly go to deep emotional places in conversation; they’d sit and have coffee while empathizing and validating our experiences and feelings; and they’d be able to share freely while “talking to think.” Or would it really be that great? I contemplated this, knowing that Greg brings a lot of balance to me in my emotional states. Although I desire to connect with him heart-to-heart, maybe there’s a better way than having two of me!

Here’s a bit of what I’ve learned:

  1. Embrace the reality that you are different and set your expectations accordingly.
    God made us to want different things within communication. Typically, men want a purpose for conversation (i.e. a problem to solve, a question to answer, something to fix) and many women crave deep emotional connection. Simply embracing the fact that men have different goals in communication can allow women to set appropriate expectations.
  2. Be a student of your husband.
    As I began to study how Greg communicated with others, it gave me keys to communicating with him — offer fewer details, be clear about what I need and what I don’t need, ask more questions. I also learned to watch for Greg’s high-energy times, taking note of what activities helped him come alive.
  3. Get him active.
    Most men will never enjoy the coffee-shop conversation that we love. However, I’ve noticed that Greg has a much easier (and enjoyable) time talking when we are doing something active. Instead of asking him to sit across a table and talk, I’ll ask Greg to go for a walk with me or take a drive together. Men have an easier time talking when they’re doing something side by side with their wife.
  4. Praise him instead of criticizing him.
    Ladies, I’ve learned to use my words wisely. I’m not perfect at this, but instead of offering only criticism, I’ve learned to intentionally praise Greg. Men long to know they are successful not only at work but at home and in their marriage, as well. Praise anything you can possibly praise him for, and always praise your husband before you offer a negative comment.

Proactive and meaningful communication is the lifeblood of any relationship. Taking the time to understand how your husband prefers to communicate will bless your exchanges and strengthen your marriage.

Dynamic CTA Template Below

Your Teen Needs You Most of All

No parent of teens is perfect and even the best can learn how to better connect with their son or daughter. Get practical action steps to better connect with your teenager in 8 Essential Tips for Parenting Your Teen in this FREE video series!

There Is Still Hope for Your Marriage

You may feel that there is no hope for your marriage and the hurt is too deep to restore the relationship and love that you once had. The truth is, your life and marriage can be better and stronger than it was before. In fact, thousands of marriages, situations as complex and painful as yours, have been transformed with the help of professionals who understand where you are right now and care deeply about you and your spouse’s future. You can restore and rebuild your marriage through a personalized, faith-based, intimate program called, Hope Restored.

Understand How to Respect and Love your Son Well

Why doesn’t my son listen to me? Have you ever asked that question? The truth is, how you see your son and talk to him has a significant effect on how he thinks and acts. That’s why we want to help you. In fact, we’ve created a free five-part video series called “Recognizing Your Son’s Need for Respect” that will help you understand how showing respect, rather than shaming and badgering, will serve to motivate and guide your son.
Book Cover: Aftershock A Plan for Recovery

Aftershock: Overcoming His Secret Life with Pornography: A Plan for Recovery

This book is for women who have discovered their husband’s struggle with pornography and other sexual infidelities. Based on biblical principles and psychologically sound advice, Aftershock is designed to help women heal, grow, and receive restoration for themselves, their husbands, and their marriages.

That the World May Know

Join renowned teacher and historian Ray Vander Laan as he guides you through the lands of the Bible. In each lesson, Vander Laan illuminates the historical, geographical, and cultural context of the sacred Scriptures. Filmed on location in the Middle East, the That the World May Know ® film series will transform your understanding of God and challenge you to be a true follower of Jesus.
Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on pinterest
Share on print
Share on email

About the Author

You May Also Like