The Wife You Want to Be

Laura Perez
Being intentional about your marriage means that you must establish a goal. What is your goal as a wife? A goal is something you want and have the power to make happen.

What kind of wife will I be in 20 or 30 years? Will I be more loving and devoted to my husband? Will my husband still enjoy being married?

I first asked myself these questions when I was at home with three little ones. I watched as my husband, Jody, moved down on my list of priorities, and I soon realized how easy it would be to live my marriage by default.

But I wanted to be intentional; I wanted to be able to say in the end, ”I’ve done the very best I could.”

Being intentional about your marriage means that you must establish a goal. What is your goal as a wife?

As a young wife, I thought I had a goal: to develop a deep intimacy in all areas of my marriage. My problem proved to be that I had my goals and my desires mixed up.

A goal is something I want and have the power to make happen. A desire isn’t something I can plan for, and often it cannot be controlled.

There Is Still Hope for Your Marriage

You may feel that there is no hope for your marriage and the hurt is too deep to restore the relationship and love that you once had. The truth is, your life and marriage can be better and stronger than it was before. In fact, thousands of marriages, situations as complex and painful as yours, have been transformed with the help of professionals who understand where you are right now and care deeply about you and your spouse’s future. You can restore and rebuild your marriage through a personalized, faith-based, intimate program called, Hope Restored.

My goal was really a desire. Although I longed and prayed for intimacy in my marriage, I could not control whether my husband wanted intimacy, too. I could only make choices for me. So my goal and prayer became: Teach me how to be a godly wife.

I took my new goal and formed it into a marriage purpose statement, a written objective reflecting who I wanted to become. Like a rudder on a ship, it has for years been steering my marriage boat.

I used the word faithful as an acrostic to construct my purpose statement. I know other wives who have taken a passage of Scripture such as 1 Corinthians 13 or Philippians 4:8 and personalized it.

In the busyness of life and the disappointment of unmet needs, it’s natural to drift away from the Lord’s design for you as a wife. I implore you, whatever season you may be in, to be intentional in your marriage, thoughtfully considering the kind of wife you want to be. Commit to pray, plan and persevere.

I’ve been married for 47 years now, and my husband and I are reaping the benefits of living our marriage by design. It took thought, time and sacrifice, but it’s an investment that’s proven well worth the effort.

Linda is a missionary, speaker and author of What’s It Like to Be Married to Me?

If your marriage is in trouble, there is hope. Focus on the Family’s Hope Restored is here to help — call one of our counselors at 866-875-2915 or visit

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