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Who Gets Divorced?

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Research shows the majority of marriages ending in divorce have average levels of happiness and conflict. Instead of ending, these marriages could be improved over time if the spouses stayed together.

Bill was a pillar in his small farming community, Melissa the faithful housewife. They were a good Christian family, and she was looking forward to their upcoming 25th wedding anniversary. Melissa was in shock the night Bill came home and told her he had found “the love of his life” and was moving out. She literally spent the next year crying, unable to care for their 16-year-old daughter.

Unfortunately, Melissa’s story is not uncommon. While the divorce rate in America has leveled off and even decreased slightly in the past few years, (source) the divorce rate per 1,000 people was still 45 percent higher in 2016 (source) than it was in 1960 (source). It’s estimated that for couples marrying for the first time today, the lifetime probability of divorce or separation remains around 50 percent before one partner dies, (source) although this percentage is significantly lower for those who marry after age 25, graduate college (source) and are religiously committed (source). In 1988, the last year the Centers for Disease Control stopped gathering this type of data, more than one million children a year experienced their parents’ divorce, and that number is estimated to have risen (source). Almost everyone knows someone who is either divorced or is a child of divorced parents. In fact, it seems rare to find young adults whose parents are still married. Divorce has become widely accepted. The growing acceptance of divorce has made it seem easier and all the more tempting.

Research shows the majority of marriages ending in divorce have average levels of happiness and conflict (source). In other words, these are not deeply troubled, physically or emotionally abusive relationships, although even those are not always irreversibly broken. In short, most of the marriages that end in divorce are just plain average, or “good enough.” Instead of throwing in the towel, these average marriages could be improved over time – if the spouses stayed together.

Is your relationship one of these normal but – at least at this time – unhappy marriages? Could it be improved and saved from divorce? Before you say, “No way!” please continue reading.

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