Father’s Day, When You Are Post-Abortive

A baby holds his father's hand
In a single moment, my heart turned from being filled with hate to being beautifully broken and submitted.

To the father who knows the pain of being post-abortive,

In the aftermath of abortion, we sometimes only see our pain and loss. Self-preservation takes over and, unfortunately, surviving is all we can do. Part of self-preservation is being unable or unwilling to see anyone else’s pain, and it’s easy to assign blame elsewhere. A pivotal point in my abortion healing was when I could identify my portion of responsibility. Never before had I accepted a drop of ownership in my first abortion experience. I placed all blame on my boyfriend, “Tom”.

I vividly remember the day of truly being willing to release my anger to God. There had been such rage and anger in my heart towards “Tom”. All these years, I viewed him as my enemy, the one who took everything from me, the one who had caused the ripple effect of pain and destruction in my life. The mention of his name made my blood boil. I deeply and passionately hated him. 

Healing Post-Abortion

The night it all changed was one that I’ll never forget. It was right at dusk; a sliver of the sun’s warm glow was still peeking through the evening sky. It was dark, just enough that I had to turn on the headlights as I drove into the parking lot where my abortion healing group was being held. I pulled into a front row spot, put the truck into park, and whispered a prayer, something like, “God, I know it’s wrong to hate ‘Tom’. Please, help me to forgive him.”  Instantly, there was a download straight from the Father! An absolute and complete transformation of my heart’s position! God sweetly spoke these words: “He was just a baby too.” 

In a single moment, my heart turned from being filled with hate to being beautifully broken and submitted.

As I surrendered this pain over to God and truly forgave “Tom,” I felt a release like I had never experienced before. For 15 years, I had been carrying the weight of hate and was blinded by it.  That night, because of my surrender, God was able to show me all of the ways that “Tom” had been hurt by OUR abortion experience. How selfish and naive I had been to think that I was the sole owner of the pain. God’s desire wasn’t only to heal my heart, but he wanted to heal “Tom’s” heart too. Every day since that night, my prayer for “Tom” has been “God, show me how to love him as you do.”

As it redirects our focus from our heart to God’s heart, forgiveness transforms us. Many of us will never have the opportunity for a face-to-face conversation with the person that we experienced abortion with, but this doesn’t mean the healing God intended for us is out of reach. So, today, allow me to stand in the gap and represent the mother of your child. Please add in your name in place of “Tom”.

A Letter To A Post-Abortive Father

Dear “Tom”,

Please forgive me. I’m so sorry for the hurt and pain our abortion caused you. I apologize for making you the villain and placing all blame on you. I had no idea how to cope with what we experienced together. 

We were so young, and we had no clue what we were doing. We were just two kids trying to survive the life-altering choices we made. What was lost that day at the clinic is more than can ever be put into words. I’m sorry I didn’t trust you with my pain and allow you to be there for me. I regret that I couldn’t see your pain and wasn’t able to recognize that you needed me to be there for you. I’m sorry for the shame you may have dealt with all these years. I pray for you often, asking God to place people in your path who can help lead you to Him for healing.  

I walked through many years of anger and depression as a result of our choice.  Most of those years were spent with hate in my heart towards you. I’m sorry I blamed you for it all. It was easier for me to make you responsible for my hurt than to accept that I could have any ownership in the decision we made. I know you never meant to hurt me, you were just as scared as I was. Please know I forgive you and, more importantly, so does God. 

Even though we never laid eyes on our baby, you are a father, and on this Father’s Day, I celebrate you and the life of our child. I pray you know how much God loves you and wants to heal your heart. You are loved and seen by our Heavenly Father. 


The mother of your child.

*For abortion healing designed for men or women contact

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