"Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
“A watched pot will never boil.” I remember hearing my grandmother say that phrase over and over again, reminding me to have patience and let things play out. I hated that phrase because it always meant that what I wanted wouldn’t come quickly, and waiting was not (still isn’t) my strong suit. As I’ve walked alongside my daughters, God has also had to remind me often that “a watched pot will never boil.” I want healing for them. Now. I want success for them. Now. I want a good attitude from them. Now. Parenting, for me, is a never-ending lesson in patience.
Parenting With Patience is a Lifelong Journey
I’ve had to remind myself that life is long and the road to healing is a lifelong journey—for all of us. I’m still healing and facing things from my own childhood. Why would I expect my girls to have it all together as teens? They won’t. This also means that some of my expectations for “behavior change” in them may be unreasonable.
As I look back on my girls’ lives, I see that so many things that I tried to “fix” when they were in my home didn’t and couldn’t get fixed until they were older. Proverbially, I wanted my girls “boiling” to be done before they left my home so that I could feel good about myself for putting this “well-cooked” young adult out into the world to make a difference. I wanted to watch that pot, stir it, boil it, and serve the completed and whole dish. Why? Because it reflected on me as the cook.
A Marriage Story of Patience and Healing
Several years ago, one of our girls was preparing to get married. She came into our family at 18 and shortly after began a relationship with a lovely young man, whom I’m proud to call a son today. In the six months between the engagement and the wedding, I think my daughter and I had far more trauma conversations than we did wedding planning conversations. Grappling with trusting her life to this man, for life, after being so broken by “family” repeatedly, was such a difficult transition. Who would be at the wedding wasn’t nearly as difficult or painful as who wouldn’t be at the wedding. Hours and hours of discussion—all of it was beautiful, yet even in the beauty, there was deep brokenness.
We spent hours upon hours in conversation—and in tears. Then, one day, I overheard her talking to a friend. She was sharing about how hard it was to face the reality of her childhood, but how grateful she was to be healing. She said, “You know who’s helped me the most?” My ears perked up as I waited, expecting her to say, “My mom.” Nope.
She said her fiancé’s name. “He’s shown me how to trust again, and he’s so patient with me, even when I’m being extremely difficult.” For about half a second, I was slightly offended. I mean, c’mon!
The Value of Others in Parenting
Then I paused to reflect on my own journey and realized that there have been many people along the way who’ve helped me to heal. My own husband, friends, pastors, bosses, and even random strangers on TikTok have said or shown me things that have led to profound growth and healing.
The same will be true of my girls’ lives. I cannot and will not be the sole person God uses to shape them into His design for their lives. If I take that burden upon myself, I’m making the same mistake Eve did in the Garden—trying to be like God. My job is to be patient and trust God with His process in their lives. It takes time—His time. Relying on God and trusting Him to bring the right circumstances and people into our children’s lives for their sanctification, edification, and growth is hard. The most holy things in life are usually the hardest.
The Impact of Patience in Parenting
Patience and trusting God have allowed me to watch my girls be set free from addiction, find careers that they love, settle down with spouses who delight in them, have children that I delight in as a Nana, buy houses, find deep and meaningful friendships, discover their own deep and abiding love for Jesus, and so much more. Almost none of the things on this list had anything to do with me outside of the fact that I had the joy of standing on the sidelines of their lives with a giant posterboard that read, “YOU’VE GOT THIS. I’M YOUR BIGGEST FAN!”
Patience is more than just waiting; it is an active perseverance that shapes our character and faith. James 1:4 reminds us that patience, or perseverance, is essential for our spiritual maturity and completeness. In the context of parenting, this means trusting God’s timing and process, even when the progress seems slow or invisible. Patience allows us to lean into God’s wisdom and plan, understanding that He is at work in ways we may not immediately see.
Short Prayer
Heavenly Father, thank You for the gift of patience and the work it does in our hearts. Help us to stand firm in patience, trusting in Your perfect timing and plan for our families. Grant us the strength to persevere through challenges and the grace to provide a stable and loving environment for our children. May our patience with parenting reflect Your love and bring healing and growth to our homes. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
