She’s Pregnant. Now What?

By Holly M. Duncan
Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on pinterest
Share on print
Share on email

When your daughter breaks the news that she's pregnant, try not to overreact. Your initial response will have a significant impact on your future relationship.

She’s pregnant.

You’re shocked.

When your daughter breaks the news to you, try not to overreact! Your initial response will have a significant impact on your future relationship with your daughter. If you have already blown it, it is not too late to show her that you care.

Yes, it is normal to feel shocked and disappointed. But remember that she, too, is facing an overwhelming situation. Put yourself in her shoes and try to understand her fears.

Bottom line? Remain calm. Don’t burn bridges by saying something today that you might regret tomorrow. More than likely, your family is facing a future none of you had planned. However, that does not mean your world is coming to an end. Though it’s hard to imagine right this minute, good can come from this. Live one moment at a time.

Related article: I’m Pregnant. Now What?

She can’t read your mind

Your daughter needs to hear you say:

  • “I’ll always love you. No matter what.”
  • “We’re here for you and will help you in whatever way we can.”
  • “It’s not what we planned, but it will be okay.”
  • “We will get through this together.”

You may be tempted to say, “Whatever you choose, we’ll support you.” But this could make your daughter feel that she has to chart her course alone. Sharing wisdom gained through your life experiences can be a valuable component in your daughter’s decision-making process.

She needs you now more than ever

  • Reassure her of your unconditional love and concern.
  • Affirm your confidence in her.
  • Avoid blaming or having a condemning attitude.
  • Help your daughter make a pros/cons list of her options.
  • Trust God wholeheartedly.

You can be her advocate

  • Create a non-threatening atmosphere.
  • Listen as she talks about her feelings and plans.
  • Encourage her to make rational, thoughtful decisions.
  • Respect her feelings about the baby’s father.
  • Understand her need for time and privacy.

Support your daughter by offering to tell close family members about her pregnancy. They may have suggestions you did not think of, and they might offer additional love, support and resources. Siblings may offer your daughter unique sympathy because they are closer in age.

As others hear the news, you will receive varied reactions and opinions. However, you are not obligated to act on every suggestion made by others. Concentrate on your family’s future and well-being.

Many parents would say that while the timing of their daughter’s pregnancy was not what they had wished, they found great comfort in knowing that they helped her plan a safe and secure future for her child—their grandchild. Work together to support one another and create a plan that will strengthen your relationship.

Even though your lives have been catapulted into unknown territory, remember that God is big enough to handle your fears, doubts and questions. Pain can be a catalyst for personal growth. Rest in the fact that His love is everlasting and unconditional.

Although this news may come as a surprise, be encouraged—many families have successfully navigated these turbulent waters and come out stronger on the other side.

You can get through this.

Face it together

Many people will offer advice, but it’s important to seek the wisdom and counsel of those who understand the unique dynamics of an unplanned pregnancy. Contact your local pregnancy medical clinic or pregnancy resource center for confidential and compassionate care.

What you are going through is not easy. There are no simple answers. Face this situation together. Talk with each other openly and honestly, but also respect each other’s need for time and space. A family crisis has the ability to drive family members apart or draw them together

It’s not easy – but it’s possible.


If you need further guidance and encouragement, Focus on the Family has a staff of licensed, professional Christian counselors available to talk with you at no charge. Just call 800-A-FAMILY (232-6459)

Copyright © 2009, 2012 Focus on the Family. All rights reserved.

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on pinterest
Share on print
Share on email

Thank you [field id="first_name"] for signing up to get the free downloads of the Marrying Well Guides. 

Click the image below to access your guide and learn about the counter-cultural, biblical concepts of intentionality, purity, community and Christian compatibility.

(For best results use IE 8 or higher, Firefox, Chrome or Safari)

To stay up-to-date with the latest from Boundless, sign up for our free weekly e-newsletter.

If you have any comments or questions about the information included in the Guide, please send them to [email protected]

Click here to return to Boundless

Focus on the Family

Thank you for submitting this form. You will hear from us soon. 

The Daily Citizen

The Daily Citizen from Focus on the Family exists to be your most trustworthy news source. Our team of analysts is devoted to giving you timely and relevant analysis of current events and cultural trends – all from a biblical worldview – so that you can be inspired and assured that the information you share with others comes from a reliable source.

Alive to Thrive is a biblical guide to preventing teen suicide. Anyone who interacts with teens can learn how to help prevent suicidal thinking through sound practical and clinical advice, and more importantly, biblical principles that will provide a young person with hope in Christ.

Bring Your Bible to School Day Logo Lockup with the Words Beneath

Every year on Bring Your Bible to School Day, students across the nation celebrate religious freedom and share God’s love with their friends. This event is designed to empower students to express their belief in the truth of God’s Word–and to do so in a respectful way that demonstrates the love of Christ.

Focus on the Family’s® Foster Care and Adoption program focuses on two main areas:

  • Wait No More events, which educate and empower families to help waiting kids in foster care

  • Post-placement resources for foster and adoptive families

Christian Counselors Network

Find Christian Counselors, Marriage & Family Therapists, Psychologists, Social Workers and Psychiatrists near you! Search by location, name or specialty to find professionals in Focus on the Family’s Christian Counselors Network who are eager to assist you.

Boundless is a Focus on the Family community for Christian young adults who want to pursue faith, relationships and adulthood with confidence and joy.

Through reviews, articles and discussions, Plugged In exists to shine a light on the world of popular entertainment while giving you and your family the essential tools you need to understand, navigate and impact the culture in which we live.

Have you been looking for a way to build your child’s faith in a fun and exciting way?
Adventures in Odyssey® audio dramas will do just that. Through original audio stories brought to life by actors who make you feel like part of the experience; these fictional, character-building dramas use storytelling to teach lasting truths.

Focus on the Family’s Hope Restored all-inclusive intensives offer marriage counseling for couples who are facing an extreme crisis in their marriage, and who may even feel they are headed for divorce.