Fifteen years ago, I celebrated my first Mother’s Day, but it looked a bit different than others. It wasn’t filled with my baby smiling up at me, flowers, or a handmade craft. I was a first-time mother in one way, but also not. I chose life for her. I carried and birthed her. She resembled me in many ways and we still had an unbreakable connection that showed through at each visit, but I was not the one making her bottle, picking out her adorable Sunday dress, or kissing her boo-boos as she learned how to walk. My baby was smiling at her adoptive mother a few hours away.
Instead, it was a Mother’s Day mixed with grief and joy. Joy that I had brought a baby into this world eleven months earlier. Grief that I was missing this moment with her in my own arms.
Yet, the mother of my baby girl still chose to honor me on this day. I slipped out a card from the envelope wishing me Happy Mother’s Day in a few heartfelt sentences. She reminded me once again how much they cared for me. I remember being shocked that she would share this day with me. That’s how they always have been, sharing her with me openly and honoring that connection with. I am so grateful her parents have always made room for my place in their lives! Now our daughter is almost sixteen years old and chooses to celebrate both of her mothers for the different, but equally important roles, we have in her life.
Know that this weekend is hard for birth mothers
Mother’s Day can be a triggering day for birth mothers. It’s a reminder of the children our bodies birthed, and the moments we are now missing out on with them. It reminds us with a deeper prodding in our hearts just how much we miss our children. Time does not always heal wounds fully, days like today may be tough for the birth mother in your life no matter how long it has been.
Sadly, birth mothers can feel forgotten. Without our child physically with us in our daily lives, people may not think to remember us on Mother’s Day weekend. Or, even worse, are told that we aren’t mothers and gave up the right to be called such. Yes, our role in motherhood looks different in our children’s lives, but that doesn’t negate the value this role still has.
Whether you have a birth mother directly connected to your family through adoption or you have a friend online… remember her today.
remembering birth mothers, you are acknowledging our choice, our role, with
both the joys and the heartache included in that. Remind her that she is still
seen and valued!
I encourage everyone to reach out to the birth mother in your life in some way. Send her a text letting her know that you are thinking of her. Plan ahead and send her a card or a small gift. There are so many meaningful gifts out there for birth moms whether it is something personalized to her interests, a journal, a photo gift with her child’s picture, or a piece of jewelry.
Use social media to lift up birth mothers
You may not know exactly who has chosen adoption for their child on your friends list because sometimes it is a secret of shame, especially in older generations before open adoption. Maybe you don’t know someone personally who has chosen adoption; however, everyone knows someone who has adopted! Your prayerful post could be a reminder to remember the birth parent of their child as well. Even if a family doesn’t know who or where their child’s birth parent is, they can still talk about them and pray for them with their child.
Why not make a post honoring all birth mother’s and encourage others on social media to share it? Together we can love on the birth mothers in our lives- and beyond- in even the simplest way of writing a prayer and hitting “send” or “share.”
Here’s an example you can copy and paste to your social media:
Lord, today will be a difficult day for many mothers as we celebrate Mother’s Day. There are mothers who grieve their role of motherhood in one way or another. I lift up birth mothers today who chose to place their sweet babies into the arms of another family. Be with them today. Comfort them in their sadness as You remind them of their value and that they are still seen by You. I pray for open hearts to love them today and every day. You know each birth mother in our world right now, and we know You can reach them right where they are with Your healing love. In Jesus’ name, Amen
You can share your prayer with this graphic: