Glenn Lutjens

Glenn is a licensed family therapist who’s been on the Focus counseling team for 23 years. Prior to joining Focus, he spent time in church counseling and pastoral ministry. He and his wife, Elizabeth, have three young adult children. Glenn loves Jesus, has an affinity for lasagna and cheers for the Oakland Raiders.

Character Red Flags

Controlling Your friend can manipulate in many ways: guilt-inducement, threats of abandoning you, threats of self-harm, yelling, physical aggression, isolating you, pouting, interrogating you, etc. It may be obvious; it may be much more subtle. You mig …

When You May Need to End a Relationship

Even if we’ve confronted a concern in the best possible way, if we stay in the relationship, it’s hard to tell if change has occurred and for what reason. It’s like trying to repair a car while driving down the highway. You don’t owe it to your friend …

Addressing Red Flags in a Relationship

At this point you might be wondering, like the disciples did in Matthew 19:10, “If this is the case, maybe it’s better not to marry.” That is an important decision. Depending on the severity of the red flag, a friend may be able to address them while r …

Interpersonal Red Flags

Non-Affectionate This is not the problem for most couples. Often there’s a need to restrain the passions that run so strong at this point in a relationship. Setting the flames of romance aside for a moment, is your friend comfortable with giving and re …

Ask the Tough Questions About Your Relationship

Questions to Ask Yourself Am I ready for a relationship? Are there issues I need to address in my own life first? Have we shared enough varied experiences to know what each other is like? Have you seen him when he’s hungry or tired? Have you seen her a …

What to Look For in a Relationship

Sometimes when it comes to addressing red flags, it can be equally as important to know what you are looking for; to identify the green lights. Government officials responsible for uncovering counterfeit money spend a lot more time looking at the real …

a woman looks worried as a man talks to her

Red Flags in a Relationship

When we’re excited about a relationship, it’s easy to overlook the red flags that at least need to be explored.

Emotional Red Flags

Angry I’m not talking about one’s ability to experience the feeling of anger; all of us should be able to identify that God-given emotion in our lives. I’m talking primarily about frozen anger — resentment. When we hold on to anger and don’t …

woman in white shirt standing in field smiling

How Content Are You As a Single?

If you experienced a low level of contentment as a single, expecting marriage to propel you to marital bliss probably won’t happen.

Spiritual Red Flags

Divorce If your friend was married before, it’s vital to consider what happened in that former relationship and what factors were involved that caused the commitment to be broken. Society views remarriage as a given, but the Bible speaks to this import …

A couple holds hands on an autumn afternoon.

Viewing Your Husband in a New Light

After the wedding, it’s common to view your spouse in a new, perhaps disappointing light. Here’s what you can do about it.

two hands holding black rocks in shape of heart

Why Isn’t Marriage the Way I Thought It Would Be?

The fairytale wedding is over and the realities of married life are sinking in. Are you missing the “happily ever after”?

Heart lock on steel cable in front of lake

Are We Falling Out of Love?

Sustaining the emotional excitement of romance can be difficult at best.

Why Isn’t My Husband the Person I Thought He Was?

When you were dating, he was attractive and neat. Now he doesn’t even pick up after himself. What should you do?

Wife ponders whether she married the wrong man as he sleeps in background

Did I Marry the Wrong Person?

Marriage is not primarily about finding the right spouse. It’s about being the right person.

How Can I Change My Spouse?

Before you married, you saw shadows of irritating behaviors, but figured you’d get used to them over time. Well, you haven’t.

Living with healthy grief. Teen girl crying

Living With Healthy Grief

Learn how to deal with the grief that comes from the death of a loved one or from divorce. It includes the stages of grief and provides teens with ideas on how to walk through the process of grief after a loss.

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