How Content Are You As a Single?

By Glenn Lutjens
Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on pinterest
Share on print
Share on email
Focus on the Family

An important dynamic in any relationship is one’s general level of contentment in life.

As a single, you are somewhere on the range of contentment. You might be extremely content or very discontented, or anywhere in between.

When people marry, their range of contentment can shift in either direction, or it can stay relatively the same as it was when both parties were single.Singles can certainly experience great contentment in their lives, especially if they are seeking God’s heart. (I Corinthians 7:32-35) Yet marriage can amplify the level of contentment or the lack of it. (Proverbs 12:4) If it’s higher post-marriage, then you’ve found the goldmine. If it’s lower, you’ve unfortunately found the landmine! Before marriage, most anticipate that exchanging rings will lead to the goldmine.

Many factors play into which mine you are likely to strike after marriage. If you experienced a low level of contentment as a single, expecting marriage to propel you to marital bliss probably won’t happen. On the other hand, if you are already highly content as a single, you very well may find marriage to be the goldmine. Wherever you’re at right now, if you’re not content, don’t count on marriage to make everything better!

Often there are spiritual and emotional issues that we need to address. If you’ve encountered pain in your life that hasn’t been faced, please take the time to work through it now before marriage. I’m not saying a person who’s struggled in life can’t be a good spouse, but it often takes more work to get there. Wishing away the hurt isn’t going to resolve it. God can help you face the circumstances that were not the way you would have written life’s script. God’s power, your openness, and often the support of a counselor and community, are key in your move toward wholeness. Jesus said in Matthew 5:4, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” Burying our pain only delays the inevitable.

It’s OK to expect your friend to deal with his/her pain before getting married! Imagine two construction workers standing next to the Leaning Tower of Pisa. How silly would it be for one to say to the other, “So when do we start the addition?” The structure needs to be shored up before you can add to it and expect it to survive and thrive over time. Wounds in life happen, often without our vote, but each one of us has a choice about what we do with those pains. If you or your friend needs to work through past pains, do it now before moving forward in your relationship. Needs that either of you have now may look very different after you’ve addressed those emotional wounds.

© 2011 Focus on the Family. All rights reserved.

Share:
Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on pinterest
Share on print
Share on email

About the Author

Glenn Lutjens

Glenn is a licensed family therapist who’s been on the Focus counseling team for 23 years. Prior to joining Focus, he spent time in church counseling and pastoral ministry. He and his wife, Elizabeth, have three young adult children. Glenn loves Jesus, has an affinity for lasagna and cheers for the Oakland Raiders.

Thank you [field id="first_name"] for signing up to get the free downloads of the Marrying Well Guides. 

Click the image below to access your guide and learn about the counter-cultural, biblical concepts of intentionality, purity, community and Christian compatibility.

(For best results use IE 8 or higher, Firefox, Chrome or Safari)

To stay up-to-date with the latest from Boundless, sign up for our free weekly e-newsletter.


If you have any comments or questions about the information included in the Guide, please send them to [email protected]

Click here to return to Boundless

Focus on the Family

Thank you for submitting this form. You will hear from us soon. 

The Daily Citizen

The Daily Citizen from Focus on the Family exists to be your most trustworthy news source. Our team of analysts is devoted to giving you timely and relevant analysis of current events and cultural trends – all from a biblical worldview – so that you can be inspired and assured that the information you share with others comes from a reliable source.

Alive to Thrive is a biblical guide to preventing teen suicide. Anyone who interacts with teens can learn how to help prevent suicidal thinking through sound practical and clinical advice, and more importantly, biblical principles that will provide a young person with hope in Christ.

Bring Your Bible to School Day Logo Lockup with the Words Beneath

Every year on Bring Your Bible to School Day, students across the nation celebrate religious freedom and share God’s love with their friends. This event is designed to empower students to express their belief in the truth of God’s Word–and to do so in a respectful way that demonstrates the love of Christ.

Focus on the Family’s® Foster Care and Adoption program focuses on two main areas:

  • Wait No More events, which educate and empower families to help waiting kids in foster care

  • Post-placement resources for foster and adoptive families

Christian Counselors Network

Find Christian Counselors, Marriage & Family Therapists, Psychologists, Social Workers and Psychiatrists near you! Search by location, name or specialty to find professionals in Focus on the Family’s Christian Counselors Network who are eager to assist you.

Boundless is a Focus on the Family community for Christian young adults who want to pursue faith, relationships and adulthood with confidence and joy.

Through reviews, articles and discussions, Plugged In exists to shine a light on the world of popular entertainment while giving you and your family the essential tools you need to understand, navigate and impact the culture in which we live.

Have you been looking for a way to build your child’s faith in a fun and exciting way?
Adventures in Odyssey® audio dramas will do just that. Through original audio stories brought to life by actors who make you feel like part of the experience; these fictional, character-building dramas use storytelling to teach lasting truths.

Focus on the Family’s Hope Restored all-inclusive intensives offer marriage counseling for couples who are facing an extreme crisis in their marriage, and who may even feel they are headed for divorce.