Focus on the Family with Jim Daly

Preview:

Dr. Josh Straub: And so we say it this way, what’s going on within your spouse’s heart matters more than what’s going on between the two of you. So say that again: What’s going on within your spouse’s heart matters more than what’s going on between the two of you. If I prioritize what’s going on within Christi’s heart, what’s going on between the two of us will take care of itself. Because we will find a way to resolve it. Because she will feel seen and now all of a sudden we’re put on the same team.

End of Preview

John Fuller: That’s Dr. Josh Straub describing how you can be on the same team with your spouse. Welcome to another edition of Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. Today, we’re featuring a panel discussion with Josh and his wife, Christi, and our host, Jim, and his wife, Jean, on the topic of marriage and how to create a better connection between a husband and wife.

Jim Daly: You know, John, over the years here at Focus, uh, we’ve shared, I think, a lot of good conventional wisdom about marriage, uh, like having a regular date night and the importance of love and respect in your relationship. And of course, the classic, communication. And, uh, you’ve got to communicate well as a couple to succeed. All of that is rock solid advice.

But I was fascinated by a recent conversation that we recorded with Josh and Christi where they shared some new insights that I’d never considered before.

We were at the Broadmoor Hotel here in Colorado Springs, which is a great spot to come and hang out if I can encourage you to do that. And, uh, we were at our Focus Marriage Retreat. And as you said, John, my wife, Jean, (laughs) joined us. I laugh because it’s always good, guys, to have your wife at a marriage conference. (laughs)

John: (laughs)

Jim: “Well, Jim, you haven’t said that to me.” All those little fractures in your relationship.

John: Oh, my goodness.

Jim: But, but it’s fun and we enjoy it. And it was a great group of people. And I know you’re going to find this content helpful in your relationship, your marriage, and I’m eager to share it today.

John: Mm-hmm. Yeah. The Straubs are speakers, authors, and marriage coaches. They head up a ministry called Famous at Home, where they teach leaders and organizations and churches and families about the importance of emotional intelligence and family wellness.

Here’s how the conversation began with Josh and Christi Straub and Jean Daly on today’s episode of Focus on the Family with Jim Daly.

Jim: Um, so let’s start with your love story, how you met and fell in love.

Christi Straub: Wow.

Jim: I think that’s a good place to start.

Josh: Wow.

Christi: Wow. (laughs)

Jim: You didn’t expect that angle, I think?

Christi: Do you want the truth or his version? (laughs)

Audience: (laughs)

Jim: I’m waiting for the signal from Josh.

Christi: (laughs)

Josh: (laughs)

Jim: Uh, his version.

Christi: Okay, go for it.

Josh: All right. So the first night we met, she asked me out on a date.

Christi: This is where… See, this is where it starts.

Josh: And-

Audience: (laughs)

Christi: With a lie.

Jim: Wow, it didn’t start when…

Christi: I knew you were going to say that. No.

Josh: (laughs) So all right. So we met, so we were in grad school. We were both, uh, counseling students at Liberty University at the time. And I was working on my PhD. She’s working on her master’s and so we’re both working in, within the counseling department. And afterwards, uh, I was overseeing practicum and internships. And I was there late at night because I had a day job that was, that kept me busy. And then so I would go in in the evenings and I would do my work up there.

And she happened to be up there in the cubicle, uh, near where I was, and she was the only other person. And as I was leaving, uh, she was leaving at a similar time, and so I held the door for her and I introduced myself. And I said, “Hello, I’m Josh.” And, and she, uh, shakes my hand and we proceed to walk down the stairs.

And this is early December. And so, it’s, it’s a little bit chilly outside. But we’re standing there and we have this most amazing conversation outside after we walked outside the door, for about 20 minutes. It was just, it was easy, it was awesome. And she proceeded to ask me, she said-

Christi: (laughs)

Josh: … “I’m going to, uh, the living Christmas tree program at the church tonight. Would you want to go along with me?” And-

Christi: Okay. And let me interject.

Josh: (laughs)

Christi: It was, like, me and, like, all of us counseling students. Like, we were all going together. So it was like, “Would you like to go with us, this large group of people.”

Audience: (laughs)

Christi: “Not just with me.”

Jim: Wait a second. Back to you, Josh.

Josh: Yeah. (laughs)

Audience: (laughs)

Christi: (laughs)

Josh: So I, I, uh, politely declined because I had an-

Christi: You did.

Josh: … early flight the next morning. And so, and I wasn’t really, I mean, I was finishing my doctoral work and I wasn’t super looking. And so I-

Audience: (laughs)

Christi: (laughs)

Josh: … uh, wasn’t super looking for a wife at the time. So I, uh…

Jim: (laughs)

Josh: (laughs) We, we leave that conversation. Two weeks later, uh, I see her at a restaurant, uh, during lunch. And I’m having lunch with some other people. And as I’m leaving that lunch meeting, I get, I, I hear my name called on my way out. And I turn around and it’s a- it’s one of the counseling professors. And she says, “Hey Josh, how are you doing?” And I said, “I’m great.”

And, uh, during this lunch meeting, I had been, I, I saw Christi during the lunch meeting and I kept eyeing her because I thought she was beautiful. Uh, but the night that I met her, she had her hair down and no glasses on. And in the restaurant that day, her hair was up and she had glasses on. And so I didn’t, you know, make the, the connection. Well, as soon as the professor says, “Hey, Josh, how you doing?” I said, “I’m great.” She said, “I want to introduce you.” And she introduces me to Christi’s friend and then she introduces me to Christi. And I go to shake Christi’s hand. And she looks at me and she says, “Actually, we’ve met.”

Christi: (laughs)

Audience: (laughs)

Josh: Uh, with a pretty sassy attitude.

Christi: (laughs)

Jean Daly: (laughs)

Josh: And-

Christi: That part was true.

Josh: … and I was like, and I was like, “I like this girl.”

Christi: (laughs)

Josh: Like, “I, I need to figure out who she is.” And so after that, I went up to her cubicle and I looked for her name so I could find her on Facebook. And that’s kind of how it began.

Christi: (laughs)

Jim: No Christi.

Christi: That part was true.

Jim: Do you agree with all that?

Christi: He didn’t remember me.

Jim: (laughs)

Christi: So those were my first… I just, I s- did stick my hand out and I said, “Actually, we’ve met.” And, um, but I was very impressed with him, honestly, from the first-

Jim: So how long, how much later did you get married? Was it a year, two years?

Christi: Oh, you’re better with that-

Jim: A week?

Christi: … than me.

Josh: Um, let’s see, that would have been in December. It would have been about 11 months.

Jim: Okay.

Josh: Or no, I’m sorry, we got engaged 11 months later, when we actually did our wedding. Well, that’s a whole other story, because she’s Canadian, I’m American. We had to go through immigration.

Christi: It’s a whole story.

Josh: And they really make it complicated to be able to do that when you’re believers. And so we, we actually got legally married in December of the following year, a year later. And then we got married before the Lord…

Christi: (laughs)

Josh: … a year and a half later, so…

Jim: Okay. Well, good.

Christi: Yeah.

Jim: All right, let’s get into it. Uh, you talk about being teammates, right? That’s a big part of the marriage factor for you and how you talk about it in your book. But you guys are kind of competitive. Now, is-

Christi: (laughs)

Jim: … any couple in here competitive with, with each other? Just let me see your hands.

Christi: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Oh, only three of us.

Jean: (laughs)

Jim: How many of you have a problem lying?

Christi: (laughs)

Audience: (laughs)

Jim: Okay, uh, so speak to that competitive nature. What happened? And I think you did a skit at your wedding that-

Christi: Oh, my goodness.

Jim: … illuminated this.

Christi: Actually, the, the cousin who’s getting married this weekend. She did, they did this skit (laughs) because I don’t know how your reputation just precedes you, but apparently everyone knew we were quite competitive and it was this whole skit on, “Anything you can do, I can do better.”

Audience: (laughs)

Christi: You know, the song?

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Christi: And so they’re doing this whole song between my one cousin wearing the Canadian, um, hockey jersey and then the other cousin wearing the American hockey jersey. And it’s this whole thing between anything you can do, I can do better.

Josh: And they lip, lip sync. They did it lip sync.

Christi: It was-

Josh: It was phenomenal. (laughs)

Christi: It was so cute. And they were little girls and now they’re, she’s getting married this weekend. But it was, it’s, I guess, just always been true. Like, we don’t, I think we’ve gotten better, honestly, but then just-

Josh: I think so.

Christi: (laughs) And then just, well-

Josh: (laughs)

Christi: … a few weeks ago we were on this bike ride and I mean, we’re going. Like, we’re, the kids weren’t with us, which was rare, and so it was just the two of us, and we’re, (laughs) we’re going. And I’m trying to keep up. Like, I am, I am trying so hard to keep up. And finally, I was like, “I am… Josh, can you please slow down?” (laughs) And he looks at me, he’s like, “I was just going fast ’cause you were.”

Audience: (laughs)

Christi: (laughs)

Jim: (laughs)

Jean: (laughs)

Christi: Like, that was, yeah, that, that pretty much sums us up.

Jim: Yeah, the competitive nature.

Jean: Yeah. I, I-

Christi: Yeah.

Jean: … can absolutely relate to this.

Christi: (laughs)

Jean: Though I did not know I was competitive until after we got married. And this trip that Jim just mentioned that we were, we were touring for nine months.

Jim: Yeah, Motivational Media, this is actually really cool. PepsiCo put this together. Jean and I, we were engaged, but we didn’t have a date yet. And her brothers kept telling me, “Yeah, she never goes with anybody longer than six months.”

Jean: (laughs)

Jim: So, it’s good to meet you. We’ll see you later.

Jean: (laughs)

Audience: (laughs)

Jim: I mean, that’s- that’s a true statement from one of her brothers. And, uh, I just remember thinking, “Okay, this is good. This is a competitive, uh, opportunity.” But anyway, we, we, a friend of mine called and said, uh, “Hey, do you know any people that want to go out in teams of two, a tour of the country? You go to high schools, you set up this show. It’s got nine banks of… It’s all computer generated, nine banks of slides and a 16 millimeter thing. It’s all set to music and in different things. And we’re, you just got to run it.”

And I said, “Wow, that’d be pretty cool.” And so I said, “Well, what if Jean and I got married and went on the road and did this?” Oh yeah, it’s Christian organization. So you got to get married. Said, “Yeah, it’s only four weeks away.”

Audience: (laughs)

Jim: So (laughs) I put the phone down. I go, “Jean, you want to get married and-”

Christi: (laughs)

Jim: “… go on this tour and run these really elaborate machines?” And what did she say? “Can we tell him tomorrow?”

Christi: (laughs)

Josh: (laughs)

Jim: “Hey, I’ll call you back tomorrow.” So we hung up and then we go on this trip. And I think that’s where…

Jean: No, tha- that’s true. And we had only been married probably a month and we’re working together and we each had a job putting on this huge multimedia presentation. And my job, we would, we probably every other week would, um, switch jobs. And this-

Jim: Cross training.

Christi: (laughs)

Jean: … this week I was on the nine slide projectors and the, uh, the movie projector. And if a bulb went out on one of the slide projectors, you had to change it really quickly because this massive screen would go blank.

Jim: And 2,000 students are looking at it going, “What’s that?”

Jean: So that happened and it did happen. So, uh, the, one of the bulbs went out and I’m going to grab the bulb to replace it quickly. And I see, you know, in the corner of my eye, this blur. Jim comes over like a ninja!

Josh: (laughs)

Christi: (laughs)

Audience: (laughs)

Jean: And he grabs the bulb, and he takes it out, and he puts it in, and he runs back over to his side. And I was so disturbed by-

Christi: (laughs)

Jean: … how I felt.

Jim: By my speed and swiftness.

Audience: (laughs)

Jean: No.

Jim: It’s very disturbing to the average human.

Christi: (laughs)

Audience: (laughs)

Jean: No, I was upset that he came over and did my job.

Christi: (laughs)

Jean: And that upset me that I was upset and I didn’t know I was competitive. That was the first of many things I was to find out about myself.

Christi: (laughs)

Jean: Marriage is very good…

Jim: Well, and I think in that, in that context…

Jean: … for, uh, giving that insight.

Jim: … it’s that competitiveness that then can turn us into opposition teams.

Christi: Right, right.

Josh: Yeah.

Jim: So speak to the idea that you’re not on the opposite team.

Josh: Well, and I think too, you know, one of the things that we talk about often is, you know, in order to teach… You know, we’ll, we’ll coach on communication skills and how to really connect on the same team. But in order to do that, you have to be willing to do that first.

Christi: Mm-hmm.

Josh: And our unwillingness oftentimes is exposed when we’re blaming the other person or, uh, giving up our right to be right when we feel like we’ve been wronged.

Christi: Mm-hmm.

Josh: And I feel like that’s where, for us, is two firstborn type A’s. Very competitive. It’s like, you know, there’s some blame going on, but we will, “No, I’m right. No, I’m right. No, I’m right.” And, and, and it’s like, “No, we’re right.” You know, when we change our language to “we” and “us” as opposed to “I” and “you,” there’s a massive difference. You know, uh, Dr. Carol Rustbelt found, you know, that an us against the world attitude is what leads to great marital, uh, satisfaction.

And so for us, we’re like, “Let’s get on the same team. We are l- we are team Straub. The Lord has brought us together in which every, as Ephesians describes, every family is named under heaven.” You know? And it’s like, we are given this name, we are given this family lineage and, and we’re given it to steward as a team. And I think that purpose and getting on that same team and understanding how we do that is just absolutely critical that we’re not against each other.

Christi: Mm-hmm.

Josh: But when we actually channel that competitiveness together, man, we can do so much good for the kingdom.

John: This is Focus on the Family with Jim Daly, and those are some great insights from Dr. Josh Straub. And he and his wife, Christi, joined Jim and Jean Daly at a recent marriage conference, and they encouraged couples to have a teammate mentality.

Now, one way you can foster that with your spouse is by taking our free online marriage assessment. It’s a tool that’ll help you discover what’s working well, and it might, might reveal an area or two where you can improve. Um, I’m going to urge you to check out our free marriage assessment at marriagemilestone.com. And now, more from our panel on today’s episode of Focus on the Family with Jim Daly.

Jim: So this Catholic priest, it was, uh, Mark Burnett and Roma Downey. Y’all know Roma Downey, “Touched By an Angel”? And then her husband, Mark Burnett, touched by great production ideas.

Audience: (laughs)

Christi: (laughs)

Josh: (laughs)

Jim: But I was with their production, uh, Monsignor, and he, he looked at me and goes, “You know what we believe in the Catholic Church about marriage?” I said, “No. What?” He goes, “Well, this is it.” You know, this is what Lucifer was so upset with when God chose to put his image into human beings and to create the male and female and that the two shall become one flesh. And a third of the angels went with Lucifer because he felt the angel should receive God’s image. Wow. Okay. And he said, every day, a marriage walks this earth, it’s a stench in the nostrils of Satan. Wow, isn’t that a different way to look at that?

Christi: Yeah.

Jim: That every marriage represents a threat to Satan because it’s the very essence of God.

Christi: Yes.

Jim: His image walking this earth, male and female. His image. Isn’t that amazing?

Audience: Mm-hmm.

Jim: But in that context, uh, speak to that idea of one flesh and one heart in the marital bond.

Christi: Yeah. Well, it just, I mean, I’m just struck by what you said. I mean, of course, then why, why are we surprised when the enemy comes after marriage, like he is?

Jim: Viciously.

Christi: Vicious. Like we- we feel it right now in culture. But when we talk about one marital heart, we realized so often when we get in those seasons of self-protection, right? When you get close enough to another person, you realize intimacy really is the willingness to endure the negative feelings we get when we get close to another person. Because they’re going to hurt us. They’re going to do things that, like, “I’m mad that I’m mad about this.”

Josh: (laughs)

Christi: I’m mad that I’m hurt about this. I’m hurt that I’m hurt about this. And that’s what intimacy really is. And what… It’s our willingness, like Josh mentioned, our willingness to endure those negative feelings. But really, when we’re coming together as one flesh, we’re realizing, I’m willing and I’m also recognizing that there is a purpose that God has for us that we couldn’t have accomplished separately.

But that does mean that I have to lay down some of those self-protective mechanisms, those things like that, you know, the back of the brain stem where it goes off, our fight or flight response. And all the crazy ways that we try to protect ourself.

But so often we, we do it and this is just causing this wall or a wedge. Or we’re throwing darts at our spouse. And so, we realized early on that, es- especially because we get to meet with couples, that’s what we do. And you realize that it becomes a protection of my heart versus the marital heart. And if I realize that my job is to protect our marital heart, which means, really, it matters more what’s going on within Josh’s heart than it is even what’s going on between the two of us. Because if I can attend to what’s going on within him, what’s going on between us just sort of sorts itself out.

Because I’m realizing the priority is this one marital heart. The purpose, the vision that God has for this heart is bigger than just mine. Yet, it’s so hard to get out of that self mindset, that self protect mindset.

Josh: Yeah. Proverbs 4:23 says to guard your heart, it’s the wellspring of life. And I like to see, you know, when, when you’re one, when you have that one flesh and you experience that one flesh with your spouse… You know, Tim Keller, uh, Pastor Tim Keller described it this way, is that, you know, everything else in your life, everything in your life could be going really, really well but if your marriage is not going well, you step out into the world in weakness.

Christi: Mm-hmm.

Josh: And you feel that, but the opposite is also true. Your life could be a wreck, but if your marriage is strong, you step out into the world in strength. And I think, you know, that whole idea that we have one marital heart to guard, that whenever I see Christi not doing well, or even if she’s spitting arrows at me, my ability to not take it personally, but to enter into her heart and say, “What’s going on within your heart right now?” “How can I serve you? How can I come alongside you?” And that takes a lot of humility. It takes a lot of repentance. Um, I don’t always get it right, but, uh, but my, the more that I can be mindful of doing that, the more we stay on as a team, as opposed to being uh…

Christi: … enemies.

Josh: … enemies.

Christi: (laughs)

Jim: No, that’s good. I haven’t talked to you about this one yet. I gotta, I have to confess something, so…

Audience: (laughs)

Josh: This is great.

Jim: I hate this part.

Christi: That’s a start. Wow.

Josh: Can we, uh, Steve, can we get some music behind this-

Christi: (laughs) Yeah.

Josh: … confession and some…

Jim: Confession music?

Josh: (laughs)

Jim: No, I mean, sometimes I’ll come home and, uh, I’ll have a great idea. You know, I’ll say, “Jean, we need to hug for 10 seconds.” Let’s get a hug. Hug. Okay. Look me in the eyes for 10 seconds.

Christi: (laughs)

Jim: Now give me a passionate kiss. And she’ll go, “Who’d you record with today?”

Christi: (laughs)

Josh: (laughs) So good.

Jim: So today I had one of those epiphanies. It’s a great idea of mine.

Christi: (laughs)

Jim: And, uh…

Josh: (laughs)

Jim: … it was this. You should be the president of your spouse’s fan club.

Jean: Oh…

Jim: And I was pretty brutal on myself today in the studio because when I heard that, that hit me hard. Um, be the president of your spouse’s fan club. And I told Josh and Christi, I said, “I don’t know that I have the resume for the job.”

Audience: (laughs)

Jean: Mm-hmm.

Jim: You know what I mean? And I, I, to me, when I hear a gold nugget, I catch it. I try to. That was one of them. Think of that. That as the spouse, try to be the fan club president of your mate.

Christi: That’s good.

Jim: Isn’t that awesome? I’m going to take that one all the way to the grave because that’s when I’m… (laughs) I’m going I’m going to try to do it. I can’t believe I’m telling everybody here.

Christi: (laughs)

Audience: (laughs)

Jean: Accountability.

Josh: It’s good accountability.

Jim: Fine. To be the president of your fan club. So, but I thought that was great. Just expand on that a little bit. I know we talked about it this morning, but, um, that idea, that concept, pretty self-evident.

Christi: Well, and I mean, I think, aren’t we all looking for someone to look you in the eye and say, “You’re doing such a good job. I see you.” And I know that gets me. (tearful laugh) I know in those early years for me, of, um… Our, our hardest, what we call our biggest opponent came into our marriage weighing eight pounds and one ounce. And because the opponents don’t al- always, they’re not always bad things. Sometimes they’re good things. Sometimes they’re jobs or change or, um, even progressing up the whatever ladder it is you’re climbing.

But it drives something between you and that’s the opponent. But for me, it was, I was needing someone to tell me that I was doing a good job and realizing that chase for significance. Like, I think we all in the human heart, we just need, it’s like, it’s what we’re searching for from God. To look at us and say, “Daughter, son, I see you. I’m so proud of you. Keep going.”

But I needed to hear it because, goodness knows, culture isn’t going to tell us that. I mean, I’m a, you know, I stayed home with our kids and I was honored to do that, but it’s really hard. And he’s out speaking and doing all the things that get, like, all the attaboys and like he, he would come home telling me about all the great meetings he had and all these exciting projects. And I just felt lost. I felt like I, I didn’t get dressed today, uh, but I got some laundry done. And I, (laughs) and, and no one, no one sees that you held your temper, and you didn’t lose it on your toddler because they were losing it.

Audience: (laughs)

Christi: And so, (tearful laugh) it gets me still, because I realize how much we all need to be told, “You’re doing a good job.” And that’s what basically this came from was if I go out in the world and I start looking for those accolades on Instagram. Or I start, you know, I start a business and I start, you know, getting from the boardroom or from people that work with me or for me. If they start being the ones to tell me, then I’m going to start chasing that for as long as that road will take me.

But if the fans under my own roof who love me, and so sometimes don’t say it in words, that look to me and say, “Well done, mom. Well done.” And so we realized if we’re not doing that for one another, we’re setting ourselves up for a search for significance outside the home. And so, we committed then we will be, “I will be your fan club president. I will make sure that I’m the one telling you when you get off the road, if you’re speaking or you just had a hard day of meetings, that I see you and you’re doing such a good job.” And that’s changed a whole lot for us.

Jim: Man, that, I, I can feel that is still deep in you and, yeah.

Christi: (laughs)

Jim: And the way you said it this morning, just the need to be seen.

Christi: Yeah.

Jim: You know, when Josh came home, it felt like he, he just didn’t even see you.

Christi: Yeah.

Jim: That was convicting to me as a husband.

Christi: Yeah. I think so many wives, so many moms. And I don’t want to overgeneralize, but you sit, when I get to sit with a lot of women, when you hear the story again and again, and it’s, it’s not a very difficult problem to solve, but it, it, it’s very tender. But the, the solution is love and, and to see one. And I think that’s, I mean, isn’t that the same as parenting too?

Jim: Yeah, (laughs) no kidding.

Jean: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Um, Josh, let me catch on something. I think you mentioned this on your podcast, this idea of, uh, communication being overrated in marriage.

Christi: (laughs)

Audience: (laughs)

Jim: Any husband want to say amen?

Christi: (laughs)

Josh: (laughs)

Audience: (laughs)

Jim: I mean, it sounds like an oxymoron because we’re, like, shoving that down everybody’s-

Christi: Right.

Jim: … throat.

Josh: Yeah.

Jim: Communicate, talk, grab her by the face and make sure-

Christi: (laughs)

Jim: … she sees your eyes even if the Broncos are about to score touchdown.

Josh: Yeah, that right.

Jean: (laughs)

Jim: Which is really rare.

Audience: (laughs)

Josh: (laughs)

Jim: That’s why it’s so important to watch because there’s only been three and, uh…

Christi: Oh…

Jim: But yeah, what do you mean overrated communication? That sounds not like what we should be saying.

Josh: Well, there was a research study done recently that talked about what were the most, um… That the, the topics that couples argued about the most. And the number one topic that couples argue about the most is attitude and tone of voice.

Audience: (laughs)

Josh: And so…

Christi: (laughs)

Josh: I know, right? I mean, it’s…

Jim: Well, we have a winner, ladies and gentlemen.

Jean: (laughs)

Jim: Step right up. They’re in it. They’re in it right now.

Josh: Uh, attitude and tone.

Jim: Elbows are flying.

Christi: Yeah. (laughs)

Audience: (laughs)

Josh: But, but it, but it’s fascinating because we’ll meet with couples and, you know, we’ll, we’ll, we’ll talk to them and we’ll say, “Okay. You know, did you have a squabble this week? You know, any, any quarrels or anything like that?” And, and they’ll come to us and be like, “Yeah. Well, you know, we did. We had this moment on Wednesday and…” And I’ll, “Okay, so what was it about?” And they’ll look at each other and be like, “I don’t know. I don’t remember. Do you remember? We just knew we got into an argument, right?”

And so, the thing is, is it’s not the thing that we’re arguing about. And, and it goes back to when we talk about that one marital heart and that one flesh. Now, is that always easy to do? No, it’s not always easy to do. But if we start to begin to just press in just a little bit.

Christi: Mm-hmm.

Josh: Where’s this coming from? What’s your perspective in it? Because there’s, there’s always going to be two stories. There’s the story that I’m telling myself and bringing to it, and there’s the story she’s telling herself and she’s bringing to it. And so, the way that we talk about this is, um, from a communication standpoint, is communicate about how you’re communicating.

If we communicate about, it’s made of communication, if we start paying attention to how we’re communicating with one another, how we communicate about any opponent, any topic, is going to start taking care of itself because now all of a sudden we’re on the same team talking about that as opposed to dividing one another up by the way that we’re, by our tone of voice and attitude.

John: This is Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. I’m John Fuller. And today we’ve been hearing a conversation that Jim and Jean Daly had with Dr. Josh and Christi Straub during a recent marriage retreat here in Colorado Springs. And, uh, so far we’ve heard part one of the conversation. We’ll encourage you to make plans now to join us for part two next time.

Jim: This is such great content, John. And, uh, of course, Josh and Christi, they are excellent communicators about marriage and parenting. Uh, a lot of what they’ve shared with us today comes from their Famous at Home podcast, and they also have a book with the same title.

Uh, we’ll send you, uh, Josh and Christi’s book, when you send a gift of any amount to Focus on the family. That’s our way of saying thank you for partnering with us in ministry and helping to strengthen marriages around the country and around the world.

Uh, you can do ministry through your giving here at Focus. And thanks to the generosity of friends like you, we’re able to help more than a half a million couples build stronger marriages over the past 12 months. I love that statistic.

John: Mm-hmm. That’s great.

Jim: And that’s what happens when we work together. And I want to invite you to become part of it. Be a member of the support team.

John: Yeah. Consider a monthly pledge or a one-time gift as you’re able and, uh, just note that whatever you can give will be a big help to families worldwide. Uh, the place to start is our phone number: 800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY. 800-232-6459. Or donate and get your copy of the book, Famous at Home, at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast.

And I’ll remind you about our free online marriage assessment which is a great way to get on the same team, if you will, with your spouse. Uh, take 10, maybe 15 minutes, and fill that assessment out. See what’s working well in your relationship and maybe discover an area of growth as well.

Uh, details about the free marriage assessment are on the website.

And, uh, coming up next time, we’ll hear more from the Straubs about making better connections in your marriage as they address the conflict dance and why leading with grace is vital in your relationship.

Thanks for listening to Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. I’m John Fuller inviting you back as we once again help you and your family thrive in Christ.