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Better Ways to Communicate With Your Spouse

Better Ways to Communicate With Your Spouse

In a discussion based his book With These Words, Pastor Rob Flood and his wife, Gina, offer insights on several key communication skills that have healed and revolutionized their once-troubled marriage.
Original Air Date: August 13, 2021

Preview:

Gina Flood: When we come to a conversation with someone, we’re not just bringing our words, we’re not just bringing our tone, we’re bringing that inner narrative with us. So if we are telling ourselves lies, if I’m saying to myself, you know, I’m struggling with I- I’m a lazy wife, I’m not doing this, or he thinks I’m a lazy wife, all of that is gonna come into the conversation as well. And it’s on us to make sure that we’re believing truth.

End of Preview

John Fuller: That’s Gina Flood, describing how easily a husband and wife can slip into conflict, even in the most loving of marriages. You’ll hear more from Gina and her husband, Pastor Rob Flood, on today’s episode of Focus on the Family. Thanks for joining us. I’m John Fuller, and your host is Focus president and author, Jim Daly.

Jim Daly: John, let’s be honest. Uh, communication is difficult. There’s a banner for marriage.

John: (laughs)

Jim: Have you ever had that experience?

John: Mm.

Jim: You say, “Honey, that is not what I was saying.” (laughter). Put your hand up if that’s you.

John: We’ve been married a long time. That’s why I put that little qualifier.

Jim: Exactly.

John: We can’t guarantee it’s gonna be perfect, but we can help.

Jim: I know. And how many times has that happened? And on, you know, both sides. Both spouses usually will have that where they’re misunderstood. And it’s so important that you get through that moment as quickly as possible. Right? Uh, so it doesn’t last for a season. But sometimes, it does. You’re just not communicating the way you want to. And if that’s what you’re experiencing, this program today is gonna be for you. And I’m excited to talk about how to tune up that marriage communication today.

John: Yeah. We have, uh, as I said, Rob and Gina Flood with us. Rob is a pastor, and, uh, he’s in charge of community and care at Covenant Fellowship Church in Pennsylvania. And he and Gina have been married over 25 years. They have six kids, and Rob has written a book called With These Words: Five Communication Tools for Marriage and For Life. And, of course, we have that here at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast.

Jim: Rob and Gina, welcome to Focus on the Family.

Rob Flood: Ah, that’s for having us.

Jim: It’s good to have you. I love the opening question here about day six of your honeymoon.

Rob: (laughs)

Jim: You had some kind of, like, blowup.

Gina: (laughs)

Jim: And so many people have something like that, but honeymoons tend to bring out both the best and the worst in us. What was your day six like?

Rob: Yeah. So we had a, we had a wonderful engagement. It was a very long engagement.

Gina: It was a too long engagement.

Rob: It was a too long engagement.

Jim: Well, give me an idea. How long?

Rob: Uh, 19 months.

Jim: That’s not bad.

Rob: We were engaged. Uh, it was probably 12 months too long. Um, but we used that time to get ready, and we worked through sticky stuff in the engagement, but when it came time to the wedding, we thought we had worked through any challenges. We thought we had worked through any of the communication struggles we were having. And there was an area of sin in our lives and our relationship prior to our wedding that, uh, we had confessed to one another, confessed to God, co- and come clean with friends. And then, uh, we got married expecting happily ever after to begin. Uh, we went to the happiest place on earth, uh, for our honeymoon. We went to Disney World. And, uh, and it was actually there on day six that we got into a conflict. It started very small.

Jim: Wait a second. At Disney World, you got into conflict?

Rob: We did. In a beautiful hotel.

Jim: (laughs)

Rob: Uh, as we were getting ready for a beautiful dinner o- on that, that Thursday-

Gina: On Thanksgiving.

Rob: – no, Thanksgiving. It was actually on Thanksgiving.

Gina: I don’t remember any of it.

Jim: You don’t remember any of it?

Gina: No.

Jim: This is, this is a good thing.

Gina: I remember there was a conflict, but I could- I can- he tells me what it’s about. I don’t remember.

Jim: Well, there’s about a million people right now going-

Rob: Yeah.

Jim: Tell us what it was. (laughter)

Rob: So the, the area of sin prior to our marriage was in physical intimacy, and now that it was sanctified, and it was allowed, I think we just assumed as young people that it- all of that baggage would go away. And when-

Jim: Huh.

Rob: – and it did not.

Jim: Hm.

Rob: And so as we were working through those challenges, uh, it became very tense. So we stepped back from what we started to talk, and we didn’t talk well about it. Uh, we talked in a- accusations about it. That blew up, probably about 45 minutes of a l- maybe the loudest argument we’ve ever had.

Jim: Day six?

Gina: I have no idea-

Rob: Day six, and w- we’re about 25 1/2 years in at this point.

Jim: Yeah.

Rob: And that was the worst argument we had. It ended with her leaving the hotel room. I went to sleep.

Jim: ‘Cause you were distraught? That doesn’t sound like a normal thing that- a person under stress might do.

Rob: We- he- it wa- it was- It was an area, uh, actually the first couple of our marriage, conflict, the stress of conflict in our marriage, I processed by getting very fatigued.

Jim: Oh, interesting.

Rob: And did not press into more communication. I hadn’t learned that about myself on day six yet, uh, that that was a pattern. And so, uh, we had, we went to dinner that night, uh, during a truce. Had a fine dinner, but when we came back, things were just not the same. We didn’t have the same level of trust for one another. We didn’t have the same level of comfort. Just interpersonal intimacy was really awkward.

Gina: I think it’s, it’s worth noting just as an aside, I think there is a myth out there that when you get married, that intimacy should be easy and fine because now you’re married. And I think that a lot of new couples can be really discouraged because it’s not. It- sometimes it is, but sometimes it’s not. And so, I think it’s, it’s a good myth to kind of quash and let known that you, you can talk to somebody.

Jim: Let’s move, you know, you’ve done a great job of laying that groundwork and what conflict was there. But then you, uh, later… and I don’t know how much later. I wanna hear that. You began to think maybe I married the wrong person. Was that both of you, or just one of you?

Gina: That might have been day six?

Jim: What’s that?

Gina: That might have been day six.

Rob: That was day six.

Gina: (laughs)

Jim: That, that thought entered your mind. And then how did you process that? And how did you… obviously, you’ve been married 25 years now, so you found your way through that doubt.

Rob: Mm-hmm. We did.

Jim: But d- explain that, that process.

Rob: Yeah. That first year, I would say, we went through quite a bit of second guessing, distancing from one another. We lived together. We were f- we func- the house functioned, but we didn’t really function relationally. Uh, about 15 months later is when we started to put this back together. But it was in one of those conversations that we discovered, right about the nine-month mark of our marriage, we each had begun in our own way, privately praying that the Lord would either take me, or the Lord would take her. Because, we, we had this strange, Christian conviction that divorce wasn’t permissible. That’s not the strange, Christian conviction. But since divorce wasn’t permissible, the only way out of this was for one of us to die. And we were praying that before our first anniversary. And so, fif- now we’re 15 months in, and we’re confessing these things to one another.

Gina: I think it’s worth noting that in this time, we were, we were functioning in the church. We each had ministries that we were either leading or participating in, small groups we were participating in, and you know-

Jim: Right.

Gina: – people would say, “How are the newlyweds?” And nobody really wants to hear, “We’re so bad. We’re in such bad shape.”

Jim: Mm.

Gina: They, you know, the traditional response would be, “It’s great. It’s wonderful. It’s everything I’ve dreamed.” And so, we would answer affirmatively, but inside it, it wasn’t.

Jim: Yeah.

Gina: And I think, again, I think there are a lot of new couples who find themselves in a similar situation.

Jim: Well, and if you could role that tape back with the wisdom that you have today, what would you say to that first year, newlywed couple where it’s not great? Should they say to somebody they can trust, “You know what? It’s not good. We’re in trouble.”

Gina: Yeah. I, I would say that. I would say, you need to do it in community. You need to live that out in community, particularly, I would think, that an older couple who’s further ahead of you would be really beneficial in that, because they have worked through seasons of trial and difficulty, and seasons where they were further apart than together.

Jim: I’m gonna a- I don’t wanna jump ahead, but did that happen for you? Did you find a couple who was willing to stand with you, or that somebody you could trust? Or did you have to kind of, you know, trunch this on your own? Kind of the marriage jungle, if I could call it that?

Rob: In the rebuilding process, what we discovered were some ministries that are, that intentionally build marriages. And they, they… in fact, uh, they taught us truths that we first started to apply to one another. Well, this is what the Bible says you should be doing. This is what the Bible says you should be doing.

Jim: (laughs) How’d that go?

Rob: Well, it went-

Jim: (laughs)

Rob: -it kept, it kept things in a very bad place. (laughter)

Gina: That’s so true.

Jim: I was gonna say. (laughs) Whoa.

Rob: Months later, we started to take those same truths and apply them to ourselves.

Jim: Right.

Rob: And that’s when we started to see the grace pour into the relationship. That’s when we saw one confession lead to forgiveness for 10 different things. And God just put a wind to our back.

Jim: Mm.

Rob: And as he was putting us back together, he simultaneously gave us a desire to be used of God to help marriages avoid, or at least work through, the very thing we had to walk through.

Jim: You know, it’s interesting there, what hopped into my mind when you said that was, it’s not truth that’s nullified. It- truth is active. It’s your misappropriation of the truth.

Rob: That’s right.

Gina: Yeah.

Rob: Mm-hmm.

Jim: That’s a pretty powerful statement.

Rob: Yes.

Jim: You know, applied to yourself, that seems scriptural, right?

Rob: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Look at your own heart before you look at your spouse’s heart.

Gina: We say, go into our marriage with a rake, where you’re raking in God’s truth, rather than a shovel. You’re shoveling-

Jim: Interesting.

Rob: Mm-hmm.

Gina: – the truth onto your spouse.

Jim: Yeah. And that’s a good way to envision that. You also mentioned something called, you called, the foolish marriage.

Rob: Yes.

Jim: Um, and how people, uh, need to recognize, I guess, what the definition of a foolish marriage is. What is it?

Rob: Yeah, well f- the, the chap- that chapter flows out of Proverbs 18 where there’s all of these characteristics of a fool. And after 12 years of marriage counseling, you start to see these patterns, uh, develop in the couples that you care for. And we saw it in our own relationship as well. The, this is where the fool is, is contentious. He’s looking for an argument. He doesn’t look how to overcome, or to overlook an offense. He looks how to take one up. And if we can help couples, whether it’s a husband or a wife, sometimes it’s both. If we can help them just realize, their responses to their spouse are what really throws the gasoline on the fire.

Jim: Oh, yeah.

Rob: That i- if they would just respond with a gentle word, right? Proverbs 15:1. If they would respond without looking for a fight, then what you’d have is a sin that fell to the ground. And it’s not an offense that got picked up. And you have peace in the home, and the Gospel continues to reign in the relationship.

Jim: Rob, y- you have a knife analogy I want to make sure we get to that. W- What was the knife analogy, and what can we learn from that?

Rob: So, one of the things that’s very important to realize is when, uh, when, if your wife, or your spouse, ends up sinning against you, that can land on you as a wound. Right? And nothing you’re gonna do is gonna undo that. What we need to be conscious of is, is we don’t take a knife and, and then hurt our spouse back. What that ends up doing is, she cuts me the first time with her comment. If I cut back, that only adds another wound to the marriage. It adds, it adds another thing that has to be forgiven, another thing that has to be healed. So now, because of my retaliation… it’s not a response, it’s really a retaliation. We’ve now got two things we’ve gotta deal with. We h- we’re, we’re further damaged. And so, it’s important as someone who’s being sinned against that we realize, okay. I’ve not just been sinned against. The marriage has been. Let me not further damage this-

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Rob: – by adding another sin, or another offense to the problem.

John: Well, I appreciate the heart and wisdom, and the vulnerability as well of our guests, uh, on Focus on the Family. We have Pastor Rob and Gina Flood with us, and Rob has written a book, With These Words: Five Communication Tools for Marriage and Life. And we’ll encourage you to get your copy by calling 800-A-FAMILY or stopping by focusonthefamily.com/broadcast.

Jim: L- let me pick up on this same theme because, you guys really experienced this where one of you was saying something that was misunderstood, and it… describe an example or two of how that impacted your relationship. Gina?

Gina: It can still happen. (laughter)

Rob: No. It still happens?

John: You wrote the book and it still happens.

Jim: ‘Cause it’s true. I- it’s, there’s no perfection on this side of heaven, right?

Gina: Right.

Jim: So we’re gonna stumble. Hopefully we have longer periods of time where we can run the good race.

Gina: That’s right.

Jim: But somewhere along the line we do trip a little.

Gina: I think the tools that are in Rob’s book are excellent. They’re tools that we use a- in our communication regularly. The tools that we’ve either heard about along the way, read about along the way, developed. And those tools, I think, are really the foundation.

Jim: They really are. One is mirroring. What we’re getting at, Rob, when you talked about mirroring.

Rob: So, this is wonderful. Let me give an example from that first year of our marriage, and how mirroring would have helped. We had a disposition of judging one another. We were not being gracious. There was not charity we were giving to one another. And so if she would say to me, very innocently, if she were to say, “Hey, Rob, have you taken the trash out?” What I’m hearing is, you think I’m lazy and negligent. Okay?

Gina: You can see, that’s gonna go well.

Jim: Right. I love the reminder. (laughter) So-

Rob: If I said to her, “Hey, what time is dinner?” She’s thinking, oh he doesn’t think I’m gonna cook for him tonight. There, there was this, this judgment we’re adding-

Jim: Oh.

Rob: – but not voicing, right? So the tool of mirroring there, for a couple that’s looking to work through some of these misunderstanding. She says, “Have you taken the trash out?” The best response is for me to say, “Oh, no, I haven’t. Thanks for the reminder.” But if I’m in a bad place, and I’m, I’m offended by that otherwise innocent comment, if I want our marriage to press towards Godliness, I need to respond by saying, you know, “Hey, Sweetheart, did you mean to judge me as lazy? What did you mean when you said that? Were you just asking me to take the trash out?”  That kind of clarifying question that, uh, mirrors back to her what it is that I heard her say. And now she gets to say, “Oh, no, no, no, no. That’s not what I meant at all.” And in the tool, in the chapter on that tool of mirroring, one of the most important pieces of this tool is that, the person who originally made the statement, in this case it would be Gina, she gets to decide what she meant, and didn’t mean.

Jim: Right.

Rob: Right? So she says, you know, “Did you take out the trash?” When you say that, Gina, are you, are you meaning to judge me?” “No, no, I’m not.”. “Well, yes you are.” Well now, I’ve just obliterated the tool because I’m committed to conflict. I’m the fool in that moment, committed to conflict. But she gets to decide what she meant. If I say something, if we’re talking through a significant parenting conversation and I, I suggest that we don’t discipline this way, but this way. She could think, well he doesn’t wanna discip- he doesn’t wanna punish the kid. All she has to say is, “So here’s what I’m hearing you say.” And now I get to say, Yes, that’s what I’m saying.” We get to move forward without misunderstanding. Or, “No, no, no. That’s not what I meant.” I get to decide what I meant, and then I clarify and we move on. That’s when the tool of mirroring really helps.

Jim: Yeah. I know that. And it’s really good. I like that. And every couple at every stage of their marriage can employ that. The earlier you do it in, in your marriage, the better off-

Rob: Yes.

Jim: – you’re gonna be.

Gina: As you’re describing this, something that pops into my mind is, when we come to a conversation with someone we’re not just bringing our words, we’re not just bringing our tone, we’re bringing that inner narrative with us. So if we are telling ourselves lies, if I’m saying to myself, you know, I’m struggling with I- I’m a lazy wife, I’m not doing this, or he thinks I’m a lazy wife, all of that is gonna come into the conversation as well. And so it’s on us to make sure that we’re believing truth.

Rob: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Absolutely. I- let me, uh, touch on something you also mentioned in you book, With These Words. And that is the, “The different behavior we tend to express between work and home.” I mean, work, we’re very polite. I mean, I can get… I understand that. I mean, even back when I worked with International Paper. I mean, you’re, you’re always treating people with deference, you know? “Did you happen to get that order in correctly that I need by next week?” (laughs)

Rob: Right.

Jim: But at home, we can put on a different attitude which is, “Where’s that thing we talked about getting? I thought you were picking that up. How come you didn’t take that dry cleaning in?” Or, you know, whatever it might be. But there seems to be less generosity, I guess is the right way to say it. Why wouldn’t we reverse that, or not reverse it necessarily, but be kind to all? That’s what the scripture calls us to do.

Rob: One of- well, that’s a good question. Why? The reasons could vary. One of the, the primary reasons that I’ve, I’ve discovered is, people feel the consequences of being ungenerous at work immediately. Y- th- you’re concerned the consequences would bear-

Jim: Right.

Rob: – would bring a bad result in your life. And at home, the consequences often happen gradually.

Jim: Mm.

Rob: And so we give ourselves all of this slack at home, where we don’t when we’re talking with church members, or in our small groups, or at work. Um, there is a… and w- w- the dichotomy that, that this shows is not just intended to, to make the person feel bad. Well look, you’re duplicitous. That’s not what we’re, we’re after. What I’m after in pointing it out is that you really can do this. You can be gracious if you’re spoken to harshly. You do it at work all the time. You can ask a clarifying question to make sure you get what’s being said so your work reflects the, the directions you’re being given. These are skills and tools that you can do. So now let’s do it in the most important relationship in your life.

Jim: Yeah, and that’s so good to remember. You should never treat your spouse worse than you would treat somebody at work.

Rob: Absolutely.

Jim: I mean, that, I mean, it sounds simple.

Rob: Mm-hmm.

Jim: You should be treating them far better.

Rob: That’s right.

Gina: Yes.

Jim: I mean, that’s the point. I mean, this is your cherished spouse.

Rob: Mm-hmm.

Jim: And it’s a good reminder in that regard. Uh, my wife and I can relate to something you also mention in the book, and that is the night owl, the morning person.

Rob: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Gina, I think you’re the morning person.

Rob: I am.

Jim: Which I am as well. And Jean’s the night owl. And-

Rob: That’s me.

Jim: – Rob, that’s you.

Rob: That’s me.

Jim: So, uh, i- i- one of the pictures I could paint here is, you know, it’s 10, 11:00 at night. I’m ready to go to bed. I can’t even put two words together. And I lay down and Jean says, “Can we talk for a minute?”

Rob: (laughs)

Jim: And I’m like, w- w- what?

Gina: It’s never goin’ anywhere but down the toilet. (laughter)

Jim: I mean, “Are you listening to me? I can’t believe you fell asleep last night when I was tellin’ you about my girlfriend.” (laughs) But Gina, you’ve experienced that, right?

Gina: Yes. Yes, we have. We discovered pretty early on that if there was going to be any kind of serious conversation that it needed to happen before 10 p.m.

Jim: Yeah. That’s a good rule.

Gina: There was this one night when we were in bed, and he (laughs) we’re, we’re in bed, the lights are out. He’s, like, starting to unburden to me something he’s struggling with. A real struggle. Something that we would typically have a conversation with. Now, we had been married several years at this point. We had worked through a lot of the rough spots, so that should be said. But I (laughs) had nothing left. So I was like, “Honey, do you want me to draw you out, or can I just tell you what your sin is?”

Jim: (laughs) ‘Cause I’m really tired.

Rob: That’s right.

Jim: Let’s finish this. Cut to the chase.

Rob: She wanted to be helpful. I knew it was, like, 11:30, right? And so, b- it’s burdening me. Just tell me my sin, G. Just tell me. I I need your insight. Um, but that’s n- I wouldn’t start relationships there.

Gina: No.

Rob: Uh, you wanna build to a place of confidence and trust.

Jim: Sure. Of course. This is the comedy of it.

Rob: That’s right.

Jim: And then knowing each other well enough to know when to pop this big point and, you know, want some feedback. That’s, that’s really knowing your spouse well enough to know when will get the highest response rate possible?

Rob: Right. And that’s part of the tool of proper timing. Here it’s just knowing one another. Sometimes it’s reading the person who’s had a really, hard day. And, you know what? This can wait ’til tomorrow, or this can wait ’til the weekend so that I get him or her at their best. Uh, just applying that tool of proper timing really avoids so many unnecessary places of conflict.

Gina: Right. And you’ve just, you’ve established healthy communication habits so it can be done expediently.

Rob: Right.

Jim: Right.

Gina: And you, you can kind of go past all of the, um, the guardrails that you’ve put up to make sure that the communication goes well and you can just, you can just get to it. But you’re on the same page.

Rob: Right.

Jim: Yeah. Right at the end here, Rob and Gina, I wanna ask both of you, uh, to s- kind of circle back to those early years and those difficulties. Uh, prayer, which I said probably is the most important. But a s- close second would be forgiveness.

Gina: Yes.

Jim: And I can only imagine many people listening right now, if they’re in the, um, you know, the pit of despair with their marriage. They’re not communicating well. They’re kind of where you were on day six. There’s gonna be some people listening right now who are in that spot. They’re thinking, “I married the wrong person.” Everything you both thought about 25 years ago.

Rob: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Um, how do you apply forgiveness effectively rather than superficially, if I could say it that way. And to be honest, I’ve done it both ways where I, you know, you’re forgiven, John. That’s okay. Fine. But I haven’t really done it. There’s something bubbling still, but I don’t wanna deal with it. And in marriage, that can happen frequently. Let’s just get past it. You’re not really forgiving. And then there’s true forgiveness where, “Honey, uh, I, I didn’t, you know, I didn’t take that offensively.” So speak to that dynamic and really that specific person listening right now who’s dying in their marriage.

Rob: Mm.

Gina: If you have t- the time to do it, the best way to go about it is to deal with your own sin first.

Rob: Mm-hmm.

Gina: Because if you can come to a place where you realize that I will never need to forgive my spouse more than what I have been forgiven in Christ. Then you can come to a place where you can extend forgiveness and be genuine about it.

Jim: Gina, let me push you a little on that. That wife that is saying, “You don’t know my husband. He’s probably far worse than Rob was, ever.” And, and again, I’m just trying to tease out that person listening that has that hard heart to even say that. It may even be true.

Gina: Yeah.

Jim: But you have to, um, grapple with that and understand that, like you said, Jesus has died for each one of us.

Gina: Yeah. He has. And I, and you may be in a worse place than we were, and your husband may be much worse than we are. And you may be in a place where you may be in danger and you need to seek shelter and safety before you can do any of these things.

Jim: Yeah.

Gina: Um, but I want to encourage women who might be in a position like that to, to not give up hope. You have a God who has created the universe, who is holding everything together for Him and by Him. Your body is being held together by His will. He can do a work in you. We, you know, we don’t even have to be willing. He says in his word, we just have to want to be willing.

John: Wow.

Gina: And then He will work. See, you don’t even have to get yourself to a place of willingness. You just have to get yourself to a place of, I want to be willing, Lord, to see where my sin is in this situation. I want to be willing to forgive my husband of all of these things that feel so unforgivable and unsurmountable. I want to be willing, Lord. And you lay that out before the Lord, and that is like a feast.

Jim: Yeah.

Gina: And he can do so much with that.

Jim: I so appreciate that. And, of course, the shoe can be on the other foot. We’ve talked about the wounded wife, but you know, husbands can have their wounds as well. And I wanna make sure we recognize that. But Rob and Gina, what a great discussion. I’m so glad… you know, when you think about it, your desire to stay committed. The fact that divorce was never an option for you. I so appreciate that. And now, 25 years later, you know, your marriage is in a much better place. And that’s one of the things I was talkin’ to Jean just yesterday, uh, about couples that I know that have given up so early because they hit a valley and didn’t have the capacity to get through that valley and, uh, to see the next mountain top. And there are gonna be those kind of vacillating mountain top experiences and valley experiences in marriage. And for young, married couples I’d say, “Hang in there. Do not give up.” Because i- the longer you stay together in a Christ oriented relationship, the deeper it goes, the better it gets.

Gina: Yes.

Jim: And it’s hard to see that when you’re in that difficult spot.

Gina: Yes.

Rob: Yes, it is.

Jim: But it’s true. And you guys have done a great job expressing that today. Let me say to the listeners. If you’re in that position and you’re really wanting to do the deeper gardening of your relationship, your marriage, get the weeds up. Uh, I just used all the metaphors. This is a great book, With These Words. I- it’s not complex. It just helps you to understand communication and the idea that you need to avoid that responsive nature that’s in our flesh, and be more Christ-like in how you respond to your wife or your husband. Pretty simple, but hard to do.

John: Yeah. Uh, get in touch and get a copy of this book, With These Words: Five Communication Tools for Marriage and Life. And when you’re online or have us on the phone, ask about our free, marriage assessment. It will help you see some strengths and maybe an area or two to grow in. Uh, that’s immediate, and you can access that online. Our website is focusonthefamily.com/broadcast or call 800 the letter A and the word FAMILY.

Jim: And also, let me just mention as we often do, uh, if you can send a gift of any amount to Focus on the Family to be part of the ministry, we’ll send you a copy of Rob’s great book, With These Words, as our way of saying thank you for partnering with us at Focus on the Family. If you can’t afford it, we’re gonna trust others will cover the cost of that. It’s such a good, basic, marriage tool-

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: – that we wanna get it into your hands. So let us know either way. Uh, become a partner with Focus a- and we’ll send you the book to say thank you. If you can’t afford it, we’ll trust others will get it. We’ll trust others will provide for you.

John: And our number again, 800 the letter A and the word FAMILY.

Jim: Rob and Gina, thanks for being with us.

Rob: Thank you for the conversation, and thanks so much for havin’ us.

Gina: It’s been a privilege. So great to be here. Thank you.

John: Well, we sure hope you have a great weekend with your family and your church family as well. And then, join us on Monday for encouragement from Jill Savage about the empty nest years.

Preview:

Jill Savage: Oftentimes people have been waiting for the kids to leave so long that they’ve forgotten that maybe it actually could be different.

Today's Guests

Cover image of Rob Flood's book "With These Words"

With These Words: Five Communication Tools for Marriage and Life

Receive Rob Flood's book With These Words for your donation of any amount!

Recent Episodes

Promotional image for Focus on the Family broadcast "Reigniting Your Passion for Jesus"

Reigniting Your Passion for Jesus (Part 2 of 2)

For those of faith whose passion has waned over time, Kim Meeder will reinspire you in your relationship with Jesus Christ as she tells powerful, true stories about God that will spark renewed joy in your heart and encourage you to share the Gospel with others. (Part 2 of 2)

Promotional image for Focus on the Family broadcast "Reigniting Your Passion for Jesus"

Reigniting Your Passion for Jesus (Part 1 of 2)

For those of faith whose passion has waned over time, Kim Meeder will reinspire you in your relationship with Jesus Christ as she tells powerful, true stories about God that will spark renewed joy in your heart and encourage you to share the Gospel with others. (Part 1 of 2)

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Remembering the Gospel This Christmas

Allison Pittman inspires listeners to make Christmas more meaningful as she shares insightful parallels between the Bible and Charles Dickens’ classic novel A Christmas Carol.

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Focus on the Family Broadcast logo

Affair-Proof Your Marriage (Part 2 of 2)

Pastor Dave Carder offers couples practical advice for protecting their marriages from adultery in a discussion based on his book Anatomy of an Affair: How Affairs, Attractions, and Addictions Develop, and How to Guard Your Marriage Against Them. (Part 2 of 2)

Praying Scripture Over Your Child’s Life - Part 2

Jodie Berndt loves to pray for her children. She’s been doing that for the past thirty years. Now she helps other parents to talk to God, asking for the salvation of their kids, and for wisdom, self-discipline, purpose, a future and much more. She offers fun and practical encouragement that moms and dads can put to work immediately in their daily lives as they prepare their children for a life in Christ.

Headshot of Focus on the Family broadcast guest Jodie Berndt

Jodie Berndt

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Praying the Scriptures Over Your Children

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Headshot of Focus on the Family broadcast guest Jodie Berndt

Jodie Berndt

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The Spiritual Battle for Your Marriage

God designed marriage to reflect His love to the world; and because of this, the enemy wants to destroy God’s beautiful design. Based on his book, Defending Your Marriage, Dr. Tim and Noreen Muehlhoff share about the reality of spiritual warfare against marriages, and how to combat the enemy’s lies with the truth of God. Couples will be encouraged that they’re not alone in the fight for a godly marriage and better equipped to be a shining example for the world around them.

Tim and Noreen Muehlhoff Cropped

Dr. Tim and Mrs. Noreen Muehlhoff

Dr. Tim Muehlhoff is a professor of communication at Biola University in La Mirada, California where he teaches classes in family communication, interpersonal communication, apologetics, gender, and conflict resolution.  Tim and his wife, Noreen, are both on staff with Biola’s Center for Marriage and Relationships  where he is a co-host of The Art of Relationship podcast. 

Defending Your Marriage

Is your marriage under attack? Sometimes it can feel like the world is trying to tear your marriage apart. Internal conflicts or external pressures might make you wonder if something sinister is going on. How can you tell if you’re facing spiritual opposition? And what can you do about it? Tim Muehlhoff provides a straightforward resource for protecting your marriage from the threats of the evil one. He looks at what Scripture says about spiritual warfare and how our everyday struggles have deeper spiritual realities. And he provides practical steps for guarding our marriages with the whole armor of God.

Effective Habits to Embrace in Parenting

To be an effective parent, you must be a leader in your child’s life, guiding with a gentle hand and setting a solid example. Dr. Randy Schroeder provides the insight you need to be a leader-parent. As he explores the foundational Rs—relationship, routines, responsibilities, and rules—you’ll better understand the role you play in your child’s life. You’ll learn great phrases to employ such as “Either/Or/You Decide” and “When You/Then You”. While there is no perfect parent, this nuts-and-bolts material will equip you to lead your child in a loving, confident manner.

Headshot of Focus on the Family broadcast guest Dr. Randy Schroeder

Dr. Randy Schroeder

Dr. Randy Schroeder has spent more than four decades writing, counseling, speaking, and teaching. For nearly 25 years, he was Vice President of Student Personnel Services, Dean of Students, and a professor of pastoral counseling at Concordia Theological Seminary in Fort Wayne, Ind. He’s also led a successful counseling practice helping individuals, couples, and families to thrive in their lives and relationships.

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Simple Habits for Effective Parenting

Effective parenting is now within your grasp! With this inspiring how-to comprehensive book, achieve extraordinary results in raising a child to be self-assured, self-reliant, and responsible! You will be able to successfully lead and lovingly encourage your child toward a Godly life!

Reigniting Your Passion for Jesus - Part 1

For those of faith whose passion has waned over time, Kim Meeder will reinspire you in your relationship with Jesus Christ as she tells powerful, true stories about God that will spark renewed joy in your heart and encourage you to share the Gospel with others.

Headshot photo of author Kim Meeder

Kim Meeder

Kim Meeder and her husband, Troy, are the co-founders of Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch, a non-profit organization in Bend, Oregon, that rescues abused horses and pairs them with hurting kids for mutual healing. Kim is a popular motivational speaker and the author of a half dozen books including Hope Rising and Bridge Called Hope, which feature inspirational stories from her ranch.

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With enthusiasm that will set ablaze your passion to reach the hurting, Kim Meeder encourages you to let the holy fire of God’s presence fill your heart, soul, mind and strength. As your fear and pride melt away, those around you who are losing their battle for hope will be transformed by encountering His redeeming love in you. This–this is revival rising.

Reigniting Your Passion for Jesus - Part 2

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Headshot photo of author Kim Meeder

Kim Meeder

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Revival Rising

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Mothers and Sons: Being a Godly Influence - Part 1

Rhonda Stoppe describes her early motherhood challenges of raising a son, which was intimidating to her. She found help through group of older women mentors. She urges moms to see their role as ministry in shaping sons to be good and godly men. Rhonda outlines several practical suggestions to moms about spiritual training, how to communicate with boys, and supporting the father-son relationship as a wife.

Headshot of Rhonda Stoppe

Rhonda Stoppe

Drawing upon 35 years of experience as a mentor, pastor’s wife, and homeschool mom, Rhonda Stoppe offers encouragement and guidance to women as an author and public speaker. She is popularly known as the “No Regrets Woman,” as she is especially passionate about helping women live life without regrets. Rhonda’s books include Moms Raising Sons to Be MenReal Life Romance, and The Marriage Mentor, which she co-authored with her husband, Steve.

Cover image of Rhonda Stoppe's book "Moms Raising Sons to be Men"

Moms Raising Sons to Be Men

Mothers of boys have the special calling to shape future men of God. Popular speaker Rhonda Stoppe, mom to two sons, knows this opportunity is a challenge, a joy, and probably the most important work of a woman’s life. Drawing from years of experience, this inspirational resource will revive the faithfulness and fortitude a woman needs to partner with God as they shape the character and heart of a future godly man.

Mothers and Sons: Being a Godly Influence - Part 2

Rhonda Stoppe describes her early motherhood challenges of raising a son, which was intimidating to her. She found help through group of older women mentors. She urges moms to see their role as ministry in shaping sons to be good and godly men. Rhonda outlines several practical suggestions to moms about spiritual training, how to communicate with boys, and supporting the father-son relationship as a wife.

Headshot of Rhonda Stoppe

Rhonda Stoppe

Drawing upon 35 years of experience as a mentor, pastor’s wife, and homeschool mom, Rhonda Stoppe offers encouragement and guidance to women as an author and public speaker. She is popularly known as the “No Regrets Woman,” as she is especially passionate about helping women live life without regrets. Rhonda’s books include Moms Raising Sons to Be MenReal Life Romance, and The Marriage Mentor, which she co-authored with her husband, Steve.

Cover image of Rhonda Stoppe's book "Moms Raising Sons to be Men"

Moms Raising Sons to Be Men

Mothers of boys have the special calling to shape future men of God. Popular speaker Rhonda Stoppe, mom to two sons, knows this opportunity is a challenge, a joy, and probably the most important work of a woman’s life. Drawing from years of experience, this inspirational resource will revive the faithfulness and fortitude a woman needs to partner with God as they shape the character and heart of a future godly man.

Identifying Triggers in Your Marriage Part 1

They were both convinced they had married the wrong person. From almost the very beginning of their marriage, Amber and Guy Lia experienced various tensions and personality clashes related to house cleaning, backseat driving, workaholism, and intimacy. In this two-day Focus on the Family broadcast, Amber and Guy discuss how they bravely faced the triggers head-on, and committed to working on their own relationships with Jesus. As you listen to the Lia’s story, you’ll feel hope that you, too, can see real marriage transformation!

Headshot of Guy and Amber Lia

Mr. and Mrs. Guy and Amber Lia and Mrs. Jean Daly

Amber Lia is a work-at-home mom, blogger, public speaker, and co-author of two best-selling books. Her husband, Guy, is a former TV, feature film, and VFX development and production executive who has worked on popular TV shows and films. Guy and Amber own Storehouse Media Group, a faith- and family-friendly TV and film production company based in Los Angeles,

Cover image of the book "Marriage Triggers" by Guy and Amber Lia

Marriage Triggers: How You and Your Spouse Can Exchange Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses

A husband-wife team offers practical advice for married couples to end the cycle of reactionary arguments by examining the most common issues that trigger disagreements and apply God’s Word to radically transform relationships.

Identifying Triggers in Your Marriage - Part 2

They were both convinced they had married the wrong person. From almost the very beginning of their marriage, Amber and Guy Lia experienced various tensions and personality clashes related to house cleaning, backseat driving, workaholism, and intimacy. In this two-day Focus on the Family broadcast, Amber and Guy discuss how they bravely faced the triggers head-on, and committed to working on their own relationships with Jesus. As you listen to the Lia’s story, you’ll feel hope that you, too, can see real marriage transformation!

Headshot of Guy and Amber Lia

Mr. and Mrs. Guy and Amber Lia and Mrs. Jean Daly

Amber Lia is a work-at-home mom, blogger, public speaker, and co-author of two best-selling books. Her husband, Guy, is a former TV, feature film, and VFX development and production executive who has worked on popular TV shows and films. Guy and Amber own Storehouse Media Group, a faith- and family-friendly TV and film production company based in Los Angeles,

Cover image of the book "Marriage Triggers" by Guy and Amber Lia

Marriage Triggers: How You and Your Spouse Can Exchange Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses

A husband-wife team offers practical advice for married couples to end the cycle of reactionary arguments by examining the most common issues that trigger disagreements and apply God’s Word to radically transform relationships.

What to Do When You're Not Okay - Part 1

Life can be pretty stressful. Between work, relationships, and other obligations, the pressure builds, and we lose sight of who we are. Counselor Debra Fileta helps you better understand your emotions, assess your mental, physical, and spiritual health, and intentionally pursue a path to wellbeing. In dealing with anxiety, depression, and panic attacks, Debra understands the importance of self-examination as well as the benefits of seeking professional help. She offers biblically-based advice, tools, and encouragement to help you get on a path toward healing and wholeness.

Author Debra Fileta in the Focus on the Family broadcast studio

Mrs. Debra Fileta

Debra Fileta is a licensed professional counselor specializing in relationship and marital issues. She is also a public speaker and the author of multiple books, including Married SexChoosing Marriage: Why It Has to Start With We > Me, Love in Every Season, and Are You Really OK: Getting Real About Who You Are, How You’re Doing, and Why It Matters. Debra’s popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, and her Love + Relationships podcast reach millions of people each year offering guidance on topics including love, sex, and marriage. Debra resides in Pennsylvania with her husband, John, and their four children.

Are You Really Okay?

Are You Really OK: Getting Real About Who You Are

In Are You Really OK? author and licensed counselor Debra Fileta challenges you to get real with who you are and how you’re doing spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically so you can recognize where you need growth and healing.

What to Do When You're Not Okay - Part 2

Life can be pretty stressful. Between work, relationships, and other obligations, the pressure builds, and we lose sight of who we are. Counselor Debra Fileta helps you better understand your emotions, assess your mental, physical, and spiritual health, and intentionally pursue a path to wellbeing. In dealing with anxiety, depression, and panic attacks, Debra understands the importance of self-examination as well as the benefits of seeking professional help. She offers biblically-based advice, tools, and encouragement to help you get on a path toward healing and wholeness.

Author Debra Fileta in the Focus on the Family broadcast studio

Mrs. Debra Fileta

Debra Fileta is a licensed professional counselor specializing in relationship and marital issues. She is also a public speaker and the author of multiple books, including Married SexChoosing Marriage: Why It Has to Start With We > Me, Love in Every Season, and Are You Really OK: Getting Real About Who You Are, How You’re Doing, and Why It Matters. Debra’s popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, and her Love + Relationships podcast reach millions of people each year offering guidance on topics including love, sex, and marriage. Debra resides in Pennsylvania with her husband, John, and their four children.

Are You Really Okay?

Are You Really OK: Getting Real About Who You Are

In Are You Really OK? author and licensed counselor Debra Fileta challenges you to get real with who you are and how you’re doing spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically so you can recognize where you need growth and healing.

Navigating a Toxic Culture with Your Daughter - Part 1

As a pediatrician, Dr. Meg Meeker has seen thousands of girls come through her office through the years. They struggle with eating issues, sexual identity, social media…and many other challenges in this toxic culture. Dr. Meeker will encourage parents to invest love and time in their daughters and develop their character to give them the best opportunity for a bright future, all rooted in a spiritual foundation. The discussion also includes healthy feminism vs. toxic feminism

Mrs. Meg Meeker

Dr. Meg Meeker is a pediatrician who is widely recognized as one of the country’s leading authorities on parenting, teens and children’s health. With appearances on numerous nationally syndicated radio and TV programs, her popularity as a an expert on key issues confronting families has created a strong following across America. Her work with countless families over the years served as the inspiration behind her best-selling books which include Strong Fathers, Strong DaughtersStrong Mothers, Strong Sons and The Ten Habits of Happy Mothers

Cover image of Dr. Meg Meeker's book "Raising a Strong Daughter in a Toxic Culture"

Raising a Strong Daughter in a Toxic Culture: 11 Steps to Keep Her Happy, Healthy, and Safe

Meg Meeker has been a pediatrician for more than thirty years, is a mother and a grandmother, and has seen it all. She knows what makes for strong, happy, healthy young women–and what puts our daughters at risk. Combining that experience with her famous common sense, she explains the eleven steps that will help your daughter–whether she’s a toddler or a troubled teen–to achieve her full human potential.

Navigating a Toxic Culture with Your Daughter - Part 2

As a pediatrician, Dr. Meg Meeker has seen thousands of girls come through her office through the years. They struggle with eating issues, sexual identity, social media…and many other challenges in this toxic culture. Dr. Meeker will encourage parents to invest love and time in their daughters and develop their character to give them the best opportunity for a bright future, all rooted in a spiritual foundation. The discussion also includes healthy feminism vs. toxic feminism

Mrs. Meg Meeker

Dr. Meg Meeker is a pediatrician who is widely recognized as one of the country’s leading authorities on parenting, teens and children’s health. With appearances on numerous nationally syndicated radio and TV programs, her popularity as a an expert on key issues confronting families has created a strong following across America. Her work with countless families over the years served as the inspiration behind her best-selling books which include Strong Fathers, Strong DaughtersStrong Mothers, Strong Sons and The Ten Habits of Happy Mothers

Cover image of Dr. Meg Meeker's book "Raising a Strong Daughter in a Toxic Culture"

Raising a Strong Daughter in a Toxic Culture: 11 Steps to Keep Her Happy, Healthy, and Safe

Meg Meeker has been a pediatrician for more than thirty years, is a mother and a grandmother, and has seen it all. She knows what makes for strong, happy, healthy young women–and what puts our daughters at risk. Combining that experience with her famous common sense, she explains the eleven steps that will help your daughter–whether she’s a toddler or a troubled teen–to achieve her full human potential.

Embracing Your Role as a Spouse

As a spouse, you have three roles to play—a friend, a partner, and a lover. On this one-day Focus on the Family broadcast, Pastor Kevin A. Thompson explores those different roles and challenges you to live them out by investing emotionally, physically, and mentally in your relationship. As friends, he suggests we learn to play and laugh together. As partners, he equips us with solid ways to handle conflict and communication. As lovers, he offers some thoughts on how to bring back the sizzle. He shares five keys to saving your marriage: humility, respect, mercy, communication, and resilience. You’ll be encouraged to intentionally invest in your marriage.

Headshot of Kevin Thompson

Pastor Kevin Thompson

Kevin A. Thompson (MDiv, Beeson Divinity School) is lead pastor at Community Bible Church, a growing multi-site church with four locations in western Arkansas. Every year he meets with nearly one hundred couples with a range of needs, from pre-marital counseling to navigating the most serious betrayals. A marriage and parenting conference speaker, he and his wife, Jenny, have two children and live in Fort Smith, Arkansas. He blogs at kevinathompson.com.

Cover image of Kevin Thompson's book "Friends, Partners & Lovers"

Friends, Partners, and Lovers: What It Takes to Make Your Marriage Work

With engaging stories and clear, simple language, pastor Kevin Thompson shows how to live out three distinct roles in marraige. Using solid biblical principles, he helps you and your spouse grow your friendship, be supportive partners through the good times and the bad, and develop a healthy and satisfying sex life.

Cherishing Your Spouse Every Day

Do you love your spouse, or do you truly cherish them? Gary Thomas encourages couples to make a daily effort to go beyond the ‘duty’ of love, and combat the natural inclination to drift apart, by choosing to see the best in their spouse.

Mr. Gary Thomas

Gary Thomas is an international speaker and best-selling, award-winning author whose books include Married SexSacred Marriage and Sacred Parenting. He has also written numerous articles for several prominent national magazines. Gary and his wife, Lisa, reside in Texas and have three children. You can learn more about Gary by visiting his website, www.garythomas.com.

cherish front cover

Friends, Partners, and Lovers: What It Takes to Make Your Marriage Work

“Most marriages survive by gritting teeth and holding on. But marriages can and will not only survive but thrive when husbands and wives learn to cherish one another.” Those are the powerful words of bestselling author Gary Thomas in his newest book–Cherish. And in a world desperate for marriage redemption, it is needed now more than ever. Thomas shows that although there are a countless number of marriages consisting of two people just going through the motions, there are real ways this pattern can be reversed: when husbands and wives learn to cherish one another in proven, loving, and everyday actions and words.

Sharing Your Faith with Grace and Purpose

You can confidently and lovingly share your faith—you just need to learn some new tactics to do so! In this Focus on the Family Daily Broadcast, apologist Greg Koukl outlines the “Columbo” tactic of asking questions, the “self-defeating argument” tactic to find holes in your opponent’s arguments, and other specific methods for engaging in faith-building conversations with others. Greg pulls from his over 30 years of experience debating atheists and agnostics to help you share your faith with grace and truth.

Mr. Greg Koukl

Greg Koukl is a writer, public speaker and talk show host who’s spent 30 years advocating for and defending the Christian worldview. Greg has written or contributed to 15 books, including The Story of RealityTactics, and Precious Unborn Human Persons. Greg has published nearly 230 articles and has spoken on 80 college and university campuses in the U.S. and abroad.

Tactics front cover

Tactics, 10th Anniversary Edition: A Game Plan for Discussing Your Christian Convictions

In a world increasingly indifferent to Christian truth, followers of Christ need to be equipped to communicate with those who do not speak their language or accept their source of authority. In Tactics, 10th Anniversary Edition, Gregory Koukl demonstrates how to artfully regain control of conversations, keeping them moving forward in constructive ways through thoughtful diplomacy. You’ll learn how to stop challengers in their tracks and how to turn the tables on questions or provocative statements. Most important, you’ll learn how to get people thinking about Jesus.

Giving up Sugar, Tasting God's Goodness

As a latchkey kid, Wendy Speake turned to sugar for comfort. Every Friday, she would pedal to the candy show and use her allowance to fill her bag with candy. And one day, when she was older and a mom of three young boys, she came to realize that she was still “pedaling” away from her stress and using sugar as comfort, instead of turning to Jesus. She was joyless, worn out, tired, and in need of a change. In this interview, Wendy will challenge Christians to take 40 days to focus on fasting from something they turn to instead of Jesus for comfort. She invited people to break free from a dependence on sugar and taste the goodness of God.

Author Wendy Speake smiling as she holds up her book "The 40-Day Social Media Fast"

Mrs. Wendy Speake

With a background in Hollywood as a trained actress, Wendy Speake ministers to women as a bible teacher by applying the power of drama, poetry and comedy to the study of Scripture and real-life application of biblical truths. She has co-authored two books with Amber Lia titled Triggers: Exchanging Parents’ Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses and their latest, Parenting Scripts: When What You’re Saying Isn’t Working, Say Something New. Wendy is also the co-author (with Kelli Stuart) of Life Creative: Inspiration for Today’s Renaissance Mom.

Cover image of the book "The 40-Day Sugar Fast"

The 40-Day Sugar Fast: Where Physical Detox Meets Spiritual Transformation

Welcome to the 40-Day Sugar Fast, a fast that begins with us giving Jesus our sugar and ends with Jesus giving us himself–the only thing that can ever truly satisfy our soul’s deep hunger. On this 40-day journey you’ll learn how to stop fixating on food and other things you use to fill the voids in life and instead fix your eyes on Christ. Anyone who runs to sugar for comfort or a reward, who eats mindlessly or out of boredom, who feels physically and spiritually lethargic, or who struggles with self-control will discover here not only freedom from their cravings but an entirely new appetite for the good things God has for us.

Understanding the Root of Your Child's Misbehavior - Part 1

Often, children act out because they are used to getting attention through bad behavior. Dr. Kevin Leman offers advice to help parents transform their child’s behavior. He discusses the benefits of allowing your kids to learn from real-life consequences and describes the importance of understanding your child’s temperament based on his birth order.

Dr. Kevin Leman

Dr. Kevin Leman

Dr. Kevin Leman is an internationally known family psychologist and an award-winning, New York Times best-selling author. He is also a popular public speaker and media personality who has made countless guest appearances on numerous radio and TV programs. Dr. Leman has written more than 50 books including The Birth Order BookHave a New Kid by Friday and Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours.

Bundle of Why Your Kids Misbehave

Why Your Kids Misbehave and What to Do about It

Tantrums. Talking back. Throwing toys or food. Meltdowns. Slamming doors. Kids know just how to push your buttons. You’ve tried all sorts of methods, but nothing seems to work. In this book, Dr. Kevin Leman reveals exactly why kids misbehave and how you can turn that behavior around with practical, no-nonsense strategies that really work . . . and are a long-term win for both of you.

Understanding the Root of Your Child's Misbehavior - Part 2

Often, children act out because they are used to getting attention through bad behavior. Dr. Kevin Leman offers advice to help parents transform their child’s behavior. He discusses the benefits of allowing your kids to learn from real-life consequences and describes the importance of understanding your child’s temperament based on his birth order.

Dr. Kevin Leman

Dr. Kevin Leman

Dr. Kevin Leman is an internationally known family psychologist and an award-winning, New York Times best-selling author. He is also a popular public speaker and media personality who has made countless guest appearances on numerous radio and TV programs. Dr. Leman has written more than 50 books including The Birth Order BookHave a New Kid by Friday and Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours.

Bundle of Why Your Kids Misbehave

Why Your Kids Misbehave and What to Do about It

Tantrums. Talking back. Throwing toys or food. Meltdowns. Slamming doors. Kids know just how to push your buttons. You’ve tried all sorts of methods, but nothing seems to work. In this book, Dr. Kevin Leman reveals exactly why kids misbehave and how you can turn that behavior around with practical, no-nonsense strategies that really work . . . and are a long-term win for both of you.

Loving Your Spouse Through the Seasons of Marriage - Part 1

Debra Fileta has identified the four seasons of marriage that correspond with our natural seasons – spring (new life and new love), summer (things get hot!), fall (showing our true colors), and winter (long days ahead). In this interview, she will help couples better understand the four seasons of healthy relationships, what to expect during each one, and how to carefully navigate them for a stronger marriage.

Author Debra Fileta in the Focus on the Family broadcast studio

Debra Fileta

Debra Fileta is a licensed professional counselor specializing in relationship and marital issues. She is also a public speaker and the author of multiple books, including Married SexChoosing Marriage: Why It Has to Start With We > Me, Love in Every Season, and Are You Really OK: Getting Real About Who You Are, How You’re Doing, and Why It Matters. Debra’s popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, and her Love + Relationships podcast reach millions of people each year offering guidance on topics including love, sex, and marriage.

Love in Every Season: Understanding the Four Stages of a Healthy Relationship

Every relationship goes through four life-changing seasons: Spring. Summer. Fall. Winter. Each season plays an important role in taking your relationship to the next level. And depending on how you navigate each season, your relationship will either flourish and grow, or it will slowly die. Whether you’re single, dating, engaged or married, join licensed professional counselor and relationship expert, Debra Fileta as she takes you on an eye-opening psychological and spiritual journey through the four seasons that she has observed in every healthy relationship.

Loving Your Spouse Through the Seasons of Marriage - Part 2

Debra Fileta has identified the four seasons of marriage that correspond with our natural seasons – spring (new life and new love), summer (things get hot!), fall (showing our true colors), and winter (long days ahead). In this interview, she will help couples better understand the four seasons of healthy relationships, what to expect during each one, and how to carefully navigate them for a stronger marriage.

Author Debra Fileta in the Focus on the Family broadcast studio

Debra Fileta

Debra Fileta is a licensed professional counselor specializing in relationship and marital issues. She is also a public speaker and the author of multiple books, including Married SexChoosing Marriage: Why It Has to Start With We > Me, Love in Every Season, and Are You Really OK: Getting Real About Who You Are, How You’re Doing, and Why It Matters. Debra’s popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, and her Love + Relationships podcast reach millions of people each year offering guidance on topics including love, sex, and marriage.

Love in Every Season: Understanding the Four Stages of a Healthy Relationship

Every relationship goes through four life-changing seasons: Spring. Summer. Fall. Winter. Each season plays an important role in taking your relationship to the next level. And depending on how you navigate each season, your relationship will either flourish and grow, or it will slowly die. Whether you’re single, dating, engaged or married, join licensed professional counselor and relationship expert, Debra Fileta as she takes you on an eye-opening psychological and spiritual journey through the four seasons that she has observed in every healthy relationship.

How a Former Abortion Doctor Became Pro-Life

As an abortion doctor at Planned Parenthood, Dr. Patti Giebink believed she was helping women. Later, she began reading scripture and God gradually changed her heart on the abortion issue. Patti tells the story of her long journey from abortion doctor to pro-life and encourages listeners to share the message of life with compassion.

Headshot image of Focus on the Family broadcast guest Dr. Patti Giebink

Mrs. Patti Giebink

Dr. Patti Giebink is an OB-GYN who serves on the board of the Alpha Center, a well-known pregnancy center located in Sioux Falls, S.D. She also travels intermittently to work in mission hospitals in Pakistan and other countries. After completing her medical training, Dr. Giebink worked for Planned Parenthood from 1995-1997, during which she was the only abortion-provider in the state of South Dakota. She eventually experienced a radical change of heart on the issue of abortion after receiving God’s grace, forgiveness, and love, and she is now a passionate advocate for the pro-life movement.

Cover image of the book "Unexpected Choice: An Abortion Doctor’s Journey to Pro-Life"

Unexpected Choice: An Abortion Doctor’s Journey to Pro-Life

Unexpected Choice is told from the perspective of a doctor who actually performed abortions through Planned Parenthood. The book chronicles her journey from being a pro-choice physician to someone speaking on behalf of the pro-life movement.

Reconciling Faith and Science in a Medical Crisis

Dr. Lee Warren is a neurosurgeon who has faced many heavy challenges in his life – from serving in the Iraq War to removing deadly brain tumors to experiencing the loss of a teenage son. He’ll share about his difficult quest to find answers to some of life’s toughest questions, while holding onto his faith in God and the sure hope of heaven

Headshot of Focus on the Family broadcast guest Dr. W. Lee Warren

Dr. Lee Warren

W. Lee Warren, M.D., is a brain surgeon , inventor, Iraq War veteran, and author of I’ve Seen the End of You: A Neurosurgeon’s Look at Faith, Doubt, and the Things We Think We Know, winner of the Christian Book Award®. His previous book, No Place to Hide, was included on the 2015 U.S. Air Force Chief of Staff’s Recommended Reading List. Dr. Warren has appeared on The 700 Club and the CBS Evening News, and his writings have been featured in Guideposts magazine. His Dr. Lee Warren Podcast, which is heard in more than 60 countries, helps listeners use the power of neuroscience, faith, and common sense to change their lives.

Cover image of Dr. Lee Warren's book "I've Seen the End of You"

I've Seen the End of You: A Neurosurgeon's Look at Faith, Doubt, and the Things We Think We Know

This gripping inspirational memoir grapples with the tension between faith and science—and between death and hope—as a seasoned neurosurgeon faces insurmountable odds and grief both in the office and at home.