Focus on the Family with Jim Daly

John Fuller: As a mom or a dad, you make a big impact on your child’s ability to succeed academically and then in all of life. Now, it does take some observation on your part. And here’s our guest today on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. Uh, Cynthia Tobias has a challenge for you.

Cynthia Tobias: Focus on strengths. What’s good about your child? What do they do well? Where are they? You don’t have to be an expert to know what is their learning style? How am I gonna figure it out? Just be the observer that you are as a parent. Where are they happiest? When are they most successful, when they’re playing and when they’re relaxing? And how can we transfer strengths like that to the tasks that they’re gonna have to learn to do in school?

John: We’ll help you answer some of those questions about your child today and to help you navigate some common school year scenarios. We wanna help you position your child for success this year, and our host is Focus president and author Jim Daly. I’m John Fuller.

Jim Daly: Uh, John, here at the start of the school year. We do want Focus on the Family to be a place for you to come, um, and get that support that you may need. And we wanna be a resource for you to help you raise spiritually and emotionally healthy children. Uh, that’s one of our core goals here at Focus, and we wanna provide you with some of those ideas on how to achieve that, especially in this academic arena.

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Uh, and last time we started a great conversation about how our kids learn. And Cynthia Tobias is the best at this. I mean, I love her and she-

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … is wonderful at helping us better understand how our kids are thinking. Um, if you missed any part of the program last time, get a copy of it. Contact us here at Focus on the Family, and we’ll get that off to you.

John: Uh, Cynthia Tobias is the author of a fascinating book. Um, this conversation was based on the book called The Way They Learn: How to Discover and Teach to Your Child’s Strengths. Now, Focus president Jim Daly and I sat down with Cynthia. We had some friends in the room as well. And, uh, let’s hear the second part of that discussion with Cynthia Tobias on today’s episode of Focus on the Family with Jim Daly.

Jim: Cynthia, it’s great to have you back at Focus on the Family.

Cynthia: Oh, thanks. It’s always wonderful to be here.

Jim: Cynthia, we talked, uh, about the styles. Let’s hit those again real quickly. Uh, what are the learning styles of children?

Cynthia: The three pieces of the puzzle for remembering the auditory, needing to talk about it, needing to hear the sound of your own voice, the visual, the needing to picture it or to see it or to be shown something and the kinesthetic needing to do something with it, needing to put things into action.

Jim: Do, roughly, do you know percentage of child population? How does that break down roughly?

Cynthia: Y- you know, the research is, I haven’t seen anything real recently, but through the basic research with Walter Barbe and, and Raymond Swassing saying it was about 25% auditory seems like it’d be more, but I think they just talk a lot. So you think it’s more. About 30% to 35% visual and over 40%-

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Cynthia: 40% are more kinesthetic at which-

Jim: 40%?

Cynthia: Right. So-

Jim: That seems high to me.

Cynthia: And in any time that you’re in front of a group, you’re gonna probably be talking to about that percentage, a cr- a cross section unless you’re in a very specialized area, you’re probably gonna be doing that.

Jim: Now, is it possible that a child possesses more than one (laughs)?

Cynthia: A- almost always. And especially adults. We almost always have a couple that are bigger and one that’s not so much s- ’cause they’re really puzzle pieces. And even though you possess one in a big way, you know, you have all three. And so you can kind of go back and forth. In fact, in a way it’s good to kind of encourage stretching out on purpose, stretching out of your comfort zone to do the other.

Jim: And in, in addition to the learning styles, you also talk about how we process. There’s two u- unique ways that we process. Talk about that.

Cynthia: Right. The cognitive process, which means how your mind interacts with information. And that is when the information comes in, the more analytically wired person, the analytically wired learner is wired to focus on detail. Details are important. Focus on specifics. The 50, other 50% of the population wired more what we would call global big picture learner wiring. So it’s very important to the global learners instead of before we focus on specifics to get a whole picture, I’m gonna see the whole forest. Where are we, what are we doing? And how do I know how it applies to anything I care about or know about? And so those two are equally intelligent, but they’re at odds with each other sometimes, especially in a school system, if you’ve got a highly global child, the chances are good that you’ve got a child who struggles in school. And it has nothing to do with intelligence, has nothing to do with capabilities. It has everything to do with how my mind is trying to figure out information that’s given in a way that’s opposite to how my mind is wired.

Jim: So sometimes as a parent, if your child is struggling in school, uh, look to that because that could be, it could be a process issue.

Cynthia: That’s right.

Jim: Uh, not an intellectual or a capability issue.

Cynthia: We can take down a lot of lines of first defense. And if you think about it, you know, who gets to decide what’s normal, right? I, I mean, what if we’re medicating the wrong kids all along? (laughs). In a way, you know, you think it’s… there are neurological and, and physiological learning disabilities, but for every one of those, I’m more convinced than ever after 25 years doing this, I’m more convinced than ever that for every one that is legitimate, there might be eight or nine kids who, well, they just talked too much or they kind of-

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Cynthia: … daydream and, and because they asked too many questions and they just kind of didn’t get it ’cause we didn’t give them enough context. And informally talking to special ed teachers, often I find that 80% of a lot of those special ed classrooms are globals.

Jim: Hmm.

Cynthia: And so even if they do have a learning disability, if we could just help reach them with the way that their mind is wired, we have much, much more success.

Jim: Last time we mentioned this, and I think it’s good to restate it today, you talk about the question a parent should ask is, what’s the point?

Cynthia: That’s right.

Jim: What’s the point of that? (laughs).

Cynthia: Yeah, that’s right. What’s the point of?

Jim: Asking what’s the point.

Cynthia: Right, exactly. What’s the point? The point of that is you are in, as teachers and as parents, we are concerned we should be most concerned with bottom line accountability. If we’re gonna be true really to the design, we know the designer and creator personally. So we of all people should know how to reach our kids in different ways. Even in Deuteronomy 6 where it talks about teaching your kids, you know, tie a string around their finger, teach ’em while you’re crossing a bridge. I mean, have all kinds of ways in order to teach them the truth. The truth doesn’t change, but how they get there. And one of the things that we don’t do in education is make them wanna keep coming back. And if you teach them in a way that they understand and make sense to them, then the rest of their life, they wanna keep on learning. But if learning is just you have to sit and do it a particular way that never has made sense to you, they can’t wait to escape. And I, you know, I work with corporations as well as schools and adults in the workplace will come up and say, you know, I know I’m stuck in a boring dead end job. I’d rather stay here forever than ever go back to school. ‘Cause they remember how uncomfortable they were, how stupid they felt, how unvalued they felt. So here we are, we have this whole workforce, sometimes of, of incredibly intelligent adults who never felt in school that they were very smart or very capable.

Jim: And you’re talking there, you know, it’s such a, a critical point in terms of, uh, how we develop as children into adults. And we carry those things into our marriage as we-

Cynthia: Sure.

Jim: … kind of joked about that last time. But so much of what you’re talking about in training a child up in the way he or she should go, uh, we carry those behaviors and those patterns into our marital relationship and we can push each other’s buttons and-

Cynthia: That’s right.

Jim: .. and make those things happen. Uh, let’s talk, we didn’t talk about this last time, uh, let’s talk about how we perceive and order information. You touched on a little bit, but how is it, how do we, uh, perceive and order the information?

Cynthia: Well, here, you, you have two or three different models that can kind of overlay each other. There’s this aspect of the analytic who’s perceiving and ordering information in an organized way.

Jim: Concrete. Uh-

Cynthia: So, and, and so sometimes it’s in a very concrete way saying, “Here’s what it is, black and white. No doubt.” Sometimes it’s in a more abstract way. If you have an analytic mind, it’s very abstract. It’s not so obvious. You read between the lines. There’s more to it, much more concept than actual practice. Whereas the concrete person wants to go, “Yeah, yeah, fine, just tell me what to do.” The more abstract one is going, “Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. I, I can’t do it yet. I don’t understand it.” Um, and again, that correlates just a little bit with that analytic global kid going, “Well, I don’t know how I’m supposed to do it without understanding it.” And the concrete person says, “Look, if you do it, you get an A, just do it.” And then e- as far as organizing it, you know, there’s the sequential part of a person that says, I need things in order. You go one, two, three. And then there’s the random person who goes, as long as we get it done, why does it matter? I mean, I’m very random and I’m very global and my… some of my analytic friends are very horrified that on good mystery books, a lot of times I’ll read the first couple of chapters and then just read the last one to make sure I like how it ends. Because I will go back usually and read if it ends-

John: That’s wrong. You shall never do that.

Cynthia: I know its- I know.

Jim: That’s just cheating.

John: (laughs).

Jim: It’s just cheating right from the get-go.

Cynthia: But, but you know, for instance, Disney’s movie, the Eight Below, the one with the dogs, you know, I could not watch that movie in Antarctica. I could not watch that movie till someone could tell me how many dogs die. I don’t need to know who they are or how they die. I just need to know in my mind, ahead of time how many die. Two. Okay. I can deal with that then. And as I’m watching the movie, I can enjoy it more because I have a context and because I, you know, and I got outta order. So the, the analytic and sequential people are going, “You can’t do it out of order.

Jim: (laughs).

Cynthia: You can’t do it out of order.” And I say, “But life is full of things that are out of order.” I mean, you gotta realize that there are jobs of course, that being a random and a global person is ideal for, and other jobs that you could never survive if you were that. You have to be more analytic and more sequential. And again, we go back to this idea that, well, you do it my way because I know what works and this is how I am, and I’m the parent, I’m the boss. I’m the one in charge. And we forget to value and to recognize those strengths could also get to the same bottom line, but in the most incredible way.

Jim: Okay. Now, the question, I mean, I think this might be the million-dollar question.

Cynthia: Oh, good.

Jim: And I mean, no disrespect, uh, in to anybody with this question, especially the Lord, why-

Cynthia: (laughs).

Jim: … did He wire us this way?

John: (laughs).

Jim: I mean, it would’ve been much easier if we were all wired the same way. Don’t you think?

Cynthia: Well, you know, maybe. But it would be really boring. Don’t you think?

Jim: (laughs). It would be boring, but it would be e- efficient.

John: It’d be easier though. (laughs).

Jim: Sequential.

Cynthia: Yeah. But don’t you think that from the very beginning, I bet Adam and Eve were not the same.

Jim: Oh, I’m sure they weren’t.

Cynthia: Because she was supposed to be a help me, right?

Jim: Right.

Cynthia: But, but it would be really boring if you’re the same. You need a right hand and a left hand. You can’t get anything accomplished with two right hands or two left hands. In fact, if you spend your whole life trying to get the right hand to do what, what the left hand does, even if you succeeded, then you’d just be, it would be unnatural. I think God created us to be complimentary to each other. And He gave us each our own things to do and our path to find that has to do with our strengths. And the more we discovered that, the more confident we can be. Now, that doesn’t mean that your kids don’t have to learn to do things that are difficult, but I’m fully convinced-

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Cynthia: … that as we teach our children what they need to know, we need to be teaching them how to learn what they need to know. And in other words, so if I have taught my child about his strengths and they’re different than others, he can go into a classroom or a situation, look around and go, uh-oh, none of this matches me. None of it. So he can… then he has a choice though. He can say, “I quit.” Or he can say, “Uh-oh, I better, this is not gonna work. I better study in the morning and I better get a study buddy.” And I mean, he can go through his head a list of things he knows about his own learning style and figure out if I’m gonna succeed, this is what I need to do. Now, if we can do that for our kids, it doesn’t mean that life’s gonna accommodate you. It means that nothing in life will defeat you if you know what your strengths are and how to use them. And I think that’s a key.

Jim: Mm-hmm. Uh, let’s get to the other big question. Let’s talk about how these things apply to the strong-willed child and the compliant child, because those are two big buckets generally that our kids temperamentally typically fall into. So let’s talk about that strong-willed child.

Cynthia: Well, let’s think about this. If you’ve got a strong-willed child and a compliant child, and I tell you this is how you need to do it, and you’re the compliant child and that’s really not your way, but you wanna please me and you wanna see if you can’t accommodate, then you’re probably gonna try harder. You’ll may have a lot more stress, whatever. But if I’m the strong-willed child and you say to me, this is the way that you do it and this is how you need to do it, and none of that makes sense to me, the chances of my doing it without arguing with you are almost zero. ‘Cause I’m going, uh-uh, well, what’s, I don’t, I don’t get it. Well, why can’t we do it this way? Well, this works too. Why can’t you? And so, as the strong-willed child, I’m gonna constantly push you on the, what’s the point? If I already know what the rule means, why do I have to follow it exactly if I can get-

Jim: (laughs).

Cynthia: … to the same point, right? And so I’m gonna fight the system more sometimes as a strong-willed child, and I will not usually suffer silently. Whereas the compliant child may suffer silently. And in a way that’s worse because they may never tell you-

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Cynthia: … that they suffer.

Jim: Talk to the parent that has perhaps one of each or both. I think in our case we have one of each. Um, but you can lose hope in either direction because, uh, with that strong-willed child, you probably go to bed exhausted thinking, will this ever improve? Um, speak to the parent about, yes, it can improve. Here’s what you need to do.

Cynthia: Right. Choose your battles, you know, choose your battles. And when it comes to homework, for example, homework’s a big issue. And I think more parents fight more often about homework than anything else. And it’s exhausting. I’ve already, as a kid, I’ve been in school for six or seven hours already, and as soon as I get home, the next thing you want me to do is to do another two or three hours of school at home. How is this fair?

Jim: You’re sounding like my kid right now. (laughs).

John: (laughs).

Cynthia: (laughs). And when you think about it, you know, what’s the point of homework?

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Cynthia: Um, well, the point is, you can’t get grades. Well, as a strong-willed kid, I go, “Well, what if I don’t do homework? Who cares? I, I’ll get a C, big deal.” Um, and then the parents go, “Oh, you can’t get a C because then you can’t get a scholarship.” And, but you’re saying all these things. And as a kid I’m going, “I just don’t wanna do it.” And I don’t see ahead I can’t see down the road. So again, you know, you go back to some of the questioning techniques saying, you know, what would make it easier for you to do homework, for example?

Jim: Right.

Cynthia: You know, for, again, when you have different kids in the home, the more analytic kid, like my Mike, he needed quiet and he needed to work by himself, and he needed a concentrated amount of time. Rob, who’s a lot more like me as a, as a global, I just have to, if, if somebody’s having more fun than I am, I can’t do homework.

Jim: (laughs).

Cynthia: Um, so if I’m distracted, and what we found with Robert is if all of us could just use that concentrated time, okay, you work too. You don’t have to do my work, but you read your book or you do your homework, and if everybody’s working then as a global kid, I’m so much happier and I can get through it faster.

Jim: Hmm.

Cynthia: I mean, we can fight it constantly or we can actually ask our kids what’s gonna make it easier for you.

Jim: Hmm. We actually did that with, with Trent, our oldest, because he was coming home complaining about getting the homework done. And it was distracting because there’s so many fun things to do at the house, you know, play with his toys or go outside on the trampoline and whatever.

Cynthia: Yeah.

Jim: And, uh, I suggested to Jean, I said, “It might be good to go from school to the library and talk to him about that process.” That we want to give you an opportunity to get your homework done quickly so that you’ll actually have more time to play.

Cynthia: Right.

Jim: And he has latched onto that.

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: He thinks it’s the greatest thing. To go-

Cynthia: Because nobody’s playing at the library.

John: (laughs).

Jim: Because nobody’s competing with them at the library.

Cynthia: That’s right. Or sometimes-

Jim: Where at home he’s distracted.

Cynthia: … sometimes if you have a highly kinesthetic kid, you know, you just let him blow out a little energy after school and then settle down and work. So again, the key is not in, you know, finding the way for all your kids. The key is finding what works for you. And let’s experiment with it a little.

Jim: Hmm.

John: This is Focus on the Family with Jim Daly, and we’re listening to a conversation with Cynthia Tobias. And, uh, she has a terrific book about this topic, The Way They Learn: How to Discover and Teach to Your Child’s Strengths. Um, you need a copy of this to really better understand your child. And, uh, we’ve got the book here. So give us a call today and we’ll tell you more, 800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY, or stop by focusonthefamily.com/broadcast. Let’s go ahead and continue the conversation. Here’s Jim Daly.

Jim: Um, Cynthia, let’s talk about some practical advice. You’ve been really good at delivering that, but, um, let’s get down to it. Where some parents are really struggling. Let’s say they’re a little guy. Um, you know, he is getting that poor grade, he’s a bright little boy, you know that he can do it. Or little girl, you know that they can get the work done, um, but they’re not responding to your techniques.

Cynthia: Right.

Jim: Um, what can a parent do to get ahold of that? Because now it’s moved from, uh, kind of y- yellow into the red zone.

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Where there is worry because it’s been consecutive semesters where they’re getting Ds.

Cynthia: Right.

Jim: And maybe even a couple of Fs and they’re not motivated anymore. What should a parent do? Steps one, two, three.

Cynthia: Well, as parents, we tend to get a lot more wound up than the kids do about it, obviously. But one of the things that you can do right away is just back off for a minute and take a deep breath and do some observation. And one of the things you, you can figure out right away about your kids is listen to how they talk and how they ask questions. For example, your auditory child uses a lot of words like, “Well, can I talk to you for a minute? Well, can I just say one thing? Well, let me just tell you this.” I mean, a lot of auditory words, you’ll hear them say that. So you’re thinking, okay, then I need to give them a chance to talk. Let’s talk about your homework. Here, I’ll quiz you back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. Now, your visual kids aren’t gonna say, can I talk to you for a minute? They’re gonna say, “Can I see you for a minute? Can I just show you? Would you look at this for just a minute? Well, I just can’t see that happening.” I mean, they’re gonna use a lot of visual words. And one of the things we do is we tend to communicate with other people the way we want them to talk back to us. Now they’re doing the same thing. So if we don’t actually stop and on purpose, tune in, then we’re never gonna get to the level playing field. Your kinesthetic is not so hard to figure out then, but they’re gonna say things, well, let’s just do it then. Well, let’s just go. Well, well, so what then? I wanna… well, lemme just try it. I haven’t even talked. And listen, we’re, we’ve got a lot to talk about here before you can try this.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Cynthia: Ah, the kinesthetic is gonna do… use a lot of action words and they want to… And so as a parent, you back up and you think, okay, okay, so how… what, you know, how are we gonna do this? And just listening and just observing and asking, you know, from your, your kids from about third or fourth grade, you can actually ask them those questions.

Jim: Hmm.

Cynthia: “Um, what would the ideal study spot be for you?” And they say, “Well, if I could be, you know, in a hot tub.” And you go, “Well, nice try, that’s not gonna work, but let’s think of something else.” And, you know, you can deflect some of the outrageous things. And pretty soon when they realize you’re serious, they go, “Well, I just, I hate studying at a desk. I wish I could just study, you know, on my bed.” And you go, “Okay, you know, if you can prove that that works-

Jim: Right.

Cynthia: … and you want prop your laptop up,” like that’s what I do when I’m working. I can prop my laptop up. You know, my husband would fall asleep if he was doing that, but I’m the opposite. So your kids are that way too. And just asking and exploring some ways saying, “Well, if you had a choice, if you could do anything, um, where would you study? Um, what time of day would it be?” And just asking some of those questions can, can take down again, the lines of first defense. What if I’m too cold? What if I need to eat or drink? What? There might be some really small detailed things.

Jim: Uh, Cynthia, I’m also thinking of that 15-year-old boy or girl who is really struggling. She might be or he might be with the wrong crowd at school. Uh, there’s a lot more going on there than just the things we’ve talked about-

Cynthia: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … the last couple of days. Emotional issues, they’re feeling detached from mom and dad. It’s possible dad’s not even in the picture. Uh, with the number of households in America today that are experiencing that, um, how do you go beyond the simple learning styles and what you’ve seen and experienced and your expertise? How does a parent, uh, with that kind of, um, situation begin to unravel some of that emotional tension that probably started with the concepts that we have talked about?

Cynthia: That’s right.

Jim: Children becoming distant from mom and dad because of their styles and now it’s much further down the road and it’s careening down to a horrible situation.

Cynthia: Well, number one, of course, you and I both know his prayer. I think supernaturally, uh, God has to really help us with the grace and wisdom. But number two, you know, you focus again on strengths. Even if you can find the smallest one. I mean, if you think about it, who would you rather hang out with? Somebody who keeps pointing out what you’re not doing well and what you need to improve in. Or somebody who says, “You know what I like about you is,” I mean, as a kid and as a troubled teenager, I’m gonna go where I’m not constantly hassled with all the things that I’m inadequate about.

Jim: Right.

Cynthia: I, I want a parent who, who says once in a while, wow, that’s one of the things I like best about you. If you could start with that. ‘Cause I’m gonna… if you don’t understand me, I’ll find somebody who does. And-

Jim: That’s the issue right there.

Cynthia: That’s the issue. That’s right.

Jim: And that’s what kids are seeking is acceptance.

Cynthia: And, and yeah, just to be valued and understood for who you are. If you start there, like a lot of times we’ll say, you know, awareness is half the battle. And there’s nothing wrong with saying to me, I know this is hard for you. I know this is so frustrating, but, and then just you recognizing that it’s frustrating for me encourages me and helps me want to do it more because at least you recognize and you appreciate and you value who I am.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Cynthia: And that it is difficult. But that I’m trying.

John: Uh, practically speaking, in light of what you’ve helped us understand about learning styles and such, let’s say Jim and Jean have a, they’ve got a handle on this now for their oldest. Um, how actively should they be managing that homework process? Uh, because I think one of the biggest challenges a lot of parents, particularly of early teens struggle with is trying to continue to manage that homework load, um, and not letting the child own that themselves.

Cynthia: Right. One of the things that I recommend, especially to middle school parents is the reminder that, you know, your kids always need you, but how they need you changes.

John: Mm-hmm.

Cynthia: And so now they don’t need you to hover and to constantly monitor, but they still do need you to monitor. And it becomes go- more of a question of how do we teach them responsibility? How do we keep them accountable? And there are times when you can’t do the homework for them. And when you say, do you think it’s gonna be worth a getting a D by not doing the homework? And then as a kid, I’m gonna have to say, “Yeah, it’s worth it,” or “No, I guess not.”

John: Mm-hmm.

Cynthia: But then you shift as much responsibility as you can.

Jim: Mm-hmm

Cynthia: Because they’re learning to be a teenager and then an adult and they have to figure it out. Um, more than just, if you don’t get the homework done, this doesn’t happen and this doesn’t happen and this doesn’t happen. Well, that, that doesn’t actually help me. But as a kid, if I understand why the homework is important, even if I think it’s stupid, even if my parents think it’s stupid, they say, “You know, I know it seems like it’s pretty pointless. But the bottom line is, if you don’t get this part done, you probably won’t get that A. Is it important to you to get the A,” you know, just to get to shift that responsibility makes a difference.

Jim: Cynthia, as we wrap up, this has been wonderful, number one.

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: It’s just been great. I’ve really enjoyed it. I know you have, John.

John: I have too, I’ve been writing notes fu- furiously here.

Jim: Furiously right there, and I’ll get a copy of those later.

John: Yeah, I’ll share those with ya.

Jim: Uh, but Cynthia, the way that we think, especially again in Western culture and as Christians, uh, we value rules and we value doing things correctly and we value performance in that regard. These are high standards that we have. Speak to the parent who is struggling with that because they can see when they lay their head on the pillow at night and they have pillow talk with their spouse, they’re saying, I’m worried, I’m worried about our little boy or I’m worried about our little girl because they have all these expectations and it’s coming through their relationship with their child and the child feels it. But speak to that parent about turning that around tomorrow morning when they get up, how would they do it?

Cynthia: Again, you go back to, well, I would start the first thing in the morning asking your child, “Do you know what I like about you?” And they almost always will say, “What?”

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Cynthia: And then you think what? I mean, surely you know, and we know… the kid… your children know that you love them. Do they know what you like about them? Do they know what you have actually focused on that says this is a strength of yours? I understand that it’s hard for you because it doesn’t match this, but I love this part so much. I wonder how can we use that to help you overcome what’s frustrating you in class.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Cynthia: So that you start again with what God has given me, with what strength I have and whether or not it matches valuing it. Because I truly believe that the greatest compliment you can give your child or any human being is that of being understood and valued and saying, “Knowing the Creator and Designer the way I do, He made an awesome person in you.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Cynthia: How can we figure out how to get you where you need to be?”

Jim: Boy, being understood that sounds just like what, uh, Jesus would say.

Cynthia: That’s right.

Jim: And express, that the empathy and that desire to know you.

Cynthia: That’s kind of where I learned it. How about that. (laughs).

John: (laughs).

Jim: (laughs). Yeah, that’s good. Uh, Cynthia Tobias, thank you for being with us on Focus on the Family, your book, The Way They Learn: How to Discover and Teach to Your Child’s Strengths. It’s been wonderful to have you with us. Thank you.

Cynthia: It’s great to be here. Thank you so much.

John: Well, what a privilege we have as parents to get to know our children and shepherd their hearts and set them up for success. And I learned so much from Cynthia. Every time, uh, we talk to her or I read one of her books, uh, there is so much more to the conversation in her book, The Way They Learn: How to Discover and Teach to Your Child’s Strengths. Get a copy of that from us here at Focus on the Family. Make a monthly pledge of any amount to support the work of Focus, and we’ll say thanks for joining our support team and, uh, making a difference through that donation, uh, by sending the book to you. And that monthly pledge really kind of evens out the budgeting process for us. If you’re not in a spot to do that, we certainly appreciate a one-time gift of any amount as well. Uh, either way, make a donation today and we’ll send the book to you. You can, uh, make that contribution when you call 800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY, 800-232-6459 or donate online at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast. And I mentioned this last time, we have a free download for you called Equipping Parents for Back to School. It is a terrific resource. It’s free and it’ll help you do just that. Get ready for Back to School. Uh, look for the link on the website. And coming up next time, Pastor Ted Cunningham offers insights about finding a godly community to support your marriage.

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Ted Cunningham: Who is it that you’re letting into your marriage and into your life? That’s why I’m grateful for Focus on the Family being a good backup singer to marriages. Who leads your duet off-key? Don’t just turn ’em down. Maybe you need to mute ’em all together

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John: On behalf of the entire team, thanks for listening to Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. I’m John Fuller, inviting you back as we once again help you and your family thrive in Christ.