A baby's life depends on you.
The value of human life is under attack and today expectant mothers face life-and-death decisions. Will you help save a baby’s life? A gift given to Focus on the Family’s Option Ultrasound will spare mothers and babies from the pain of abortion. Become 1 of our 710 donors needed TODAY to save innocent lives.
A baby's life depends on you
The value of human life is under attack and today expectant mothers face life-and-death decisions.
Yes, I’d like to become
1 of 710 needed TODAY to save
innocent lives before it’s too late.
$
FOTF-Logo-Stretch-Color.png
Search

Focus on the Family Broadcast

Helping Engaged Couples Become More We-Focused

Helping Engaged Couples Become More We-Focused

Drawing upon the lessons she's learned from her marriage of more than 35 years, Lucille Williams offers young couples practical advice for building a strong marital foundation in a discussion based on her book, From Me to We: A Premarital Guide for the Bride-and Groom-to-Be.
Original Air Date: December 27, 2018

Woman #1: Planning a wedding is hectic, it is cumbersome.

Man #1: I think my favorite part was the cake testing.

Woman #2: We found her dress on a sale rack at the bridal store

Man 2: At the wedding rehearsal, I decided that it’d be really fun if I could walk out to the Iron Man theme song

Woman #3: The day before our wedding it snowed a foot and a half

Woman #4: But it’s also a very joyful time. It’s one of those stressful, joyful times.

John Fuller: Well, planning a wedding can be exciting and crazy and busy and an adventure for the engaged couple and their families, managing all those details and solving problems. And hopefully, you find ways to get along with everybody and you experience God’s presence and peace in the process. Uh, we’re gonna be talking about weddings to the day on Focus on the Family, uh, with your host, Focus president and author, Jim Daly. I’m John Fuller.

Jim Daly: John, I don’t know how things went for you and Dena, but for Jean and I, uh, we had planned our wedding in a matter of weeks. Uh, it just came fast and because we had this opportunity where we could present these drug and alcohol abuse shows around the country, but we had to get married. It was crazy. We didn’t have a date yet set, and, uh, we’d been engaged for about a year. And then I get this phone call from a friend one night and, uh, I was at my brother’s house. Jean was over, having dinner with us and I put the phone down. I said, uh, could we get married in six weeks and head off on this long work tour? She was like, can we call him back tomorrow? It was funny. You should have seen the look on her face. Uh, you know, she’s a planner, so we prayed about it and felt like it was the right thing to do. And man, God bless Jean for being spontaneous in that moment. Uh, maybe in hindsight, it wasn’t the smartest decision, but it really did work out well for us. And we spent nine months together, uh, traveling the country. It was great.

John: It was a good start for a long-term marriage.

Jim: It was, uh, when couples start that planning process, it’s like a rollercoaster of emotions and decisions and stress like you heard in the clips. Uh, one danger is putting all that time and energy into the ceremony, but not really preparing well for the rest of your marriage. Uh, that’s so important, not only for the couple getting married, but also for parents and friends and other family members to think about, so that you can support and encourage this couple in the years ahead. And that’s why we want to explore this topic today with our guest, Lucille Williams

John: And Lucille is the women’s director at Shepherd of the Hills Church in Porter Ranch, California. Uh, she’s married to Mike and he’s one of the pastors there. They have three grown children and three grandchildren, and Lucille has written a book that will be the basis for our conversation today. It’s called From Me to We: A Premarital Guide for the Bride- and Groom-to-Be. Check that out at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast. And Jim, here’s how you began the conversation with Lucille Williams on today’s Focus on the Family.

Jim: Lucille, great to have you here at Focus.

Lucille Williams: Thank you. I’m so excited to be here.

Jim: Now, first of all, I’m gonna tell you, uh, you are too young to be a grandmother. I mean, my goodness, that’s crazy.

Lucille: Thank you.

Jim: It’s so funny.

Lucille: Okay. Well, thank you very much. I can go now, that’s wonderful.

Jim: John and I are not grandparents and we’re jealous. I mean, I have teenagers at home. What are you doing? You must have married really young.

Lucille: I did. I did. I was 19, two weeks after my 19th birthday-

Jim: Okay.

Lucille: … took a stroll down the aisle.

Jim: I was saying, you know, or it’s divine intervention, something here, because I’m sure you get that a lot. You, there’s no way you’re a grandmother of three. Um, but talk about those chaotic early years. I mean, a lot of people now, especially in the Christian community, our former board member, Al Mohler, who’s the president of Southern Seminary, he has blogged and talked a lot about the importance of lifting marriage up to our young people. You know, so many young people are waiting to their late 20s and it’s hard to control those passions. The scripture even talks about that. And he says, and I, I tend to agree, don’t let that burn inside you, get married younger. It’s a beautiful thing. The gift of marriage is the right thing. So you obviously chose that path. How did you and Mike meet and how’d you get together?

Lucille: We got together when, um, I was actually in the high school. I, we went to the same high school, and he lived across the street from the high school that I was attending.

Jim: Yeah.

Lucille: I was 17 years old, and I used to get outta my last class and run to his apartment.

Jim: Well, now you gotta clarify, what was going on?

Lucille: Well, you need to know we were not Christians and not even close to being Christians.

Jim: Okay.

Lucille: And so at 17, I had a boyfriend who had a good job and a car, and he was great, and he was fun, and he had his own apartment, and we would hang out regularly at his apartment.

Jim: So not long after, I mean, obviously within two years, you guys got married. That was a good decision, by the way, for all listening, that’s the right way to do it.

Lucille: Yes, it’s the right way to do it.

Jim: And, uh, when, when did you make that commitment to Christ? Did you do that as a couple? Or when did that happen for you and Mike?

Lucille: That was later. We had been married for about five years and it was rough. Lot of fighting, terrible things were happening in our marriage. I mean, I understand when couples come in and they’ll say to me or my husband, we’re in a rough marriage, it’s tough. We get that. We know what that feels like. And it, it’s, it’s horrible. It’s, one of the worst things you can be is be in a bad marriage. And we were in a really bad marriage.

Jim: So when you talk about, From Me to We, I mean, this, this is deep, this isn’t just a high-level kind of fun thing. You guys had a transformation in your lives, your hearts and your marriage.

Lucille: Completely. When we got married, it was, it was all me. I was trying to get what I wanted. He was trying to get what he wanted. I was pursuing a career and I told him, don’t get in my way, buddy ’cause you’re gonna get kicked aside if you… Well, what if you have to go? Then I go, and he’s like, what do you mean? And so he was trying to control me, and I was nasty, and we were always fighting. Sometimes we would fight for two weeks and not talk to each other for two weeks. It was, it was, I don’t know how we even stayed together for those five years.

Jim: I’ve gotta ask you. So today when you have a disagreement, what’s it look like as believers? (laugh).

Lucille: Oh, it’s, well, we’re talking 35 years later.

Jim: Yeah.

Lucille: So it’s completely different. And we have learned to diffuse each other really quick, really, really quick.

Jim: That is so wonderful. I mean that to me is life. What you’re describing there, this is the way it should be, and especially if you’re a non-believer and we have a number of, of non-Christians that listen to the program. We wanna encourage you to get on the track with, uh, knowing who Christ is and where He can take you. And your testimony is part of that. Um, in that regard, talk about the, the desire to reach young people and to help them do it better. What do you are the key things when it comes to doing a wedding and all that planning in a better way?

Lucille: I think that right from the start, when from dating and from, when the, from the time when couples are engaged, it’s that groundwork for what the marriage is gonna look like later. Things that are said, can’t be taken back. That period of time is just a short period of time but your wedding, uh, the wedding day is one day and then your marriage is forever.

Jim: Right.

Lucille: So don’t sacrifice a planning period and one day for what your forever future is.

Jim: Yeah. In fact, you and Mike had a pretty interesting wedding, right?

Lucille: Yeah.

Jim: When you go back to it, what went right and what went wrong?

Lucille: We had a lot of things go wrong on our wedding day.

Jim: Describe it.

Lucille: I was at my house. He was at his house. Uh, just tensions were flaring. He and I got on the phone. We got in a big fight-

Jim: On your wedding?

Lucille: On our wedding day. We’re screaming at each other, ho- terrible things were said, vulgarities were said to each other. We were just slinging words like crazy. And, um, all of a sudden, my brother-in-law gets on the phone, my husband’s brother.

Jim: Older brother?

Lucille: Uh, older brother-

Jim: I knew it was the older brother.

Lucille: … gets on the phone, Christian, older brother.

Jim: Oh, good for him.

Lucille: We weren’t a Christian at the time, but he was.

Jim: Yeah.

Lucille: And he talked to me, and he calmed me down. And I remember saying to him, I’m not gonna marry him. He’s a big jerk. And my brother-in-law just calmed me down. And next thing you know, my husband was back on the phone. Of course, he wasn’t my husband at the time.

Jim: Right.

Lucille: And the wedding was back on.

Jim: Well, in a few hours. (laughs).

Lucille: Yeah. It was, he was gonna be in a few hours. Yeah.

Jim: That’s crazy. Most people are going, why did you not say, stop the ship, stop everything? Uh, you still went through, and you got married.

Lucille: We did, the way our life was, that was normal.

Jim: That normal.

Lucille: I mean, even like when we were engaged, that was just the way we interacted with each other. We didn’t know that there could be any other way.

Jim: Okay. Is there anything else that went wrong on your wedding day other than the two of you telling you that you didn’t wanna get married to each other? That’s a big one.

Lucille: Yeah. My dad’s tux didn’t fit.

Jim: (laugh).

Lucille: Um, we had a stop on the way to the wedding. We had to stop and get him a new tux. And then, um, his dad had gotten us our limo and I wanted to let my mom and sister be in the limo with us because I didn’t, I was a people pleaser. I didn’t know how to say no, this is for me and dad. So it was my mom and me and my sister and my dad. And so my husband’s, uh, dad was a little disappointed that I did that ’cause he set that up for us so that it would be a special time. And then we get to the reception and my mom and my husband’s mom didn’t get along. And my mother-in-law was yelling at me while I was in my bride’s room. And she’s like, don’t worry, we’re not gonna bother you. And she passed, she’s now, uh, passed away. She had dementia and it, it, uh, it was a long, difficult story and sad. Uh, but on the wedding day, yeah, it was crazy.

Jim: Speechless. (laugh). I’m like, okay,

Lucille: It was a crazy day.

Jim: I don’t feel bad, not our wedding day.

John: And, well, all I can think of Lucille is that paved the way for a pretty usual and difficult several years together as a couple, right?

Jim: Well, wait a second though, I wanna get to the honeymoon, there, there had to be more fireworks on the honeymoon.

Lucille: Okay. Well, something actually happened on the honeymoon that my husband-

Jim: I can’t believe it.

Lucille: Yeah.

John: Yeah, who’d have thought?

Lucille: My husband told me, he said, don’t ever tell anybody that this happened.

Jim: Well, let’s tell six million people.

Lucille: Yeah, exactly. He made me promise. He’s like, no one will know. We never even told our children.

Jim: Do you need to call him right now and get permission?

Lucille: Well, actually, it’s, it’s in the first chapter of my book because-

Jim: Okay. So Mike, this is already out there, don’t, don’t call me.

Lucille: It’s already out there. So he, yeah, but before I could write it, I called him and I said, honey, I, I have this opportunity. I’ve gotta write that story. I just gotta write that story.

Jim: What was it?

Lucille: And he had to pray for a day. And then he finally said, okay, go ahead. So what happened, we took a cruise for a honeymoon, and I mean, cruises are wonderful. They do everything for you. We were having a great time. We were dancing at night. We were seeing the sites during the day. It was wonderful. And then the last night we were there, they wanted our luggage. So I thought I’d be-

John: They, you prepare the luggage and you put it outside the door.

Lucille: Exactly, so I thought I’d be brilliant. And I told my husband, hey, we’ll just keep the clothes on that we’re wearing and then tomorrow morning we’ll just put the same thing on, and we’ll have less things to carry around. He wasn’t too sure about it. He was like, all right, you know, let’s do it. So that night we were, we were with friends ’cause we had a, a lot of other honeymooners and, and, um, we were sitting at this table, and it was oval shaped. And we were the, we were inside the oval. So it was people to his side, and it was people to my side. And he and I were real close because you know, it’s our honeymoon, so we’re sitting close and holding hands and all of that. And all of a sudden, he put his head back and he started vomiting.

Jim: (laughing).

Lucille: Like a volcano, like an eruption and-

Jim: As one of those cruise ships.

Lucille: And you thought it was, yeah, you thought it was over and it just kept coming

John: Oh my word.

Lucille: and it just kept coming and it’s falling all over him. It’s falling all over me and, and, and-

John: And people are scattering.

Lucille: Finally, yeah, we think he’s done, but then he’s not done and more comes out and we’re just… And so then finally it’s done and we’re sitting there, and it was just like that, oh.

Jim: laughter

Lucille: And we are so humiliated. We’re both just sitting there just, and everyone’s looking at us.

Jim: What do we do now?

Lucille: No one said a word, not one word, no snicker, nothing. And so he and I just kind of like sat there and the people got out so that we could get out. And so we walk out, and we go up to our room and now we’re covered in vomit. He vomited but it was on me, and it was on him. It was on both of us, even though he’s the one that vomited, it landed on both of us. And I was like, wow, this is what marriage is like, I guess.

Jim: laughs

Lucille: And, and so I had to find some soap and, um, I went into the bathroom, and I had our clothes. And I remember looking at these vomited clothes.

Jim: Yeah.

Lucille: Clothes with, I,-

Jim: Yeah, we got it.

Lucille: … looking at these clothes with vomit all over them and they’re, they’re sitting in the sink and I’m trying to wash it out and I stopped. And at 19, I looked down and I thought to myself, this is marriage. This is what marriage is.

Jim: Oh wow.

Lucille: ‘Cause you don’t know what marriage is until you jump in. And all of a sudden, I was just hit with that reality, this is marriage. It was like, Uuuuuhhh.

Jim: Uh, oh.

Lucille: What now?

Jim: Yeah. What now? You gotta tell us the end of story, what happened? What’d you do? Clean that that stuff up and-

Lucille: We cleaned it up.

Jim: … put the clothes back on?

Lucille: We cleaned it up. We hung up our clothes. The next morning, our clothes were still wet, but we had to put them on. And, you know, fun fact, your clothes dry quicker when they’re on your body.

Jim: That’s a, that’s a horrible story.

Lucille: Yeah. It was horrible.

Jim: (laugh). Okay. Let’s talk as a parent. Uh, it’s a little daunting, I I’m talking to Trent and Troy about it, but I don’t know that I’ve had the right conversations with them other than, about keeping themselves pure for marriage and for their future spouse.

Lucille: Yeah. Those are tough conversations. What happens is, you know, we, we fall in love and it’s like, we’re on drugs and,

Jim: (laughing) That’s true.

Lucille: and you cannot think straight. You cannot think straight. You have to have people around you that can think straight and help you. So just recently, I put on lusays.com, my site, L-U, says, and it’s, uh, the marriage material quiz. And I’m getting a really great response there because people need to know, is this person gonna be an Ephesians 5 husband or wife? And so I put this quiz on there so they can just kind of evaluate because sometimes, you know, as parents you can go, I don’t know. I, I, I’m not sure that this person would be a good spouse, but they’re in love and they’re in the clouds and they’re, everything is so wonderful. So sometimes they need another voice coming in and going, did you consider this? Did you think about that? Do you have any idea what this means in the long run?

Jim: Yeah.

Lucille: And people sometimes don’t realize that. So that’s why I have that on my site, on lusays.com so that people can go and say, okay, I’m gonna take this quiz and see if this person I’m dating is marriage material.

Jim: But now let me ask you though, Ephesians 5, you said that very quickly.

John: Yeah.

Jim: But d- kind of fill that out, what is Ephesians 5 talking to us about? What does that mean to someone who may not be familiar with Ephesians 5?

Lucille: Well, right out of the gate, as a woman, it says, be subject to your husbands. Ladies, be submissive to your husbands. The Bible tells us that over and over. And I remember as a young bride, when I first became a Christian, well, I wasn’t a young bride ’cause I was five years in when we became Christians, and-

Jim: You were 24?

Lucille: Uh, yes.

Jim: (laughs).

Lucille: Young, a person.

Jim: Go ahead.

Lucille: And I remember when I first read that I was so angry. I’m like, I’ve been fighting with this guy all these years and now I have to be submissive to him. Are you kidding me? There’s no way that’s gonna happen. And I got so angry. I would get mad with God ’cause when I would read scripture, then I knew I had to do it. And so I was like, I’m not doing this one. And I would get so mad. But then I said, okay, okay God, this is what you say, so I’m gonna give it a try.

Jim: I’m gonna give it a try. (laughs).

Lucille: And what I learned is that yielding is love.

Jim: Huh.

Lucille: We yield out of love. You yield because you love them and you’re saying, okay, well, it’s just considering them.

Jim: Yeah.

Lucille: It doesn’t mean you’re under or less than, or somehow, um, not up to par, it means that you love them and you’re willing to yield.

Jim: Lucille, you’re on, and probably one of the most volatile aspects of scripture in our modern age. I mean ’cause many, many young women struggle with this, and so do many young men, because they don’t know what it means to lead.

Lucille: Mm-hm.

Jim: And fill that in a bit more. I get that, that is beautifully and wonderfully said. But you are right there at the crossroads of culture where it is hard to say, okay Lord, describe for us what that meant to submit to Mike. What, so many people that I talk to in the media, for example, they don’t get this. They don’t understand it. It’s, they’re in that anger spot. They think what is this. But describe how that works in modernity. What does it mean for a couple to really submit to one another?

Lucille: Yes. Yes. When I have young ladies come to me and they say, my husband’s not a leader, he’s not a leader. I always look at them and say, you know what the definition of a leader is? It means someone’s following them. So if they’re not a leader, maybe you need to be a better follower. And we’re so quick to put it on the men, oh, he’s not a spiritual leader. He’s not doing this, he’s not doing that, he’s not doing… And I say, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold it. What is he doing right? Tell me what he’s doing right. Tell me what you love about him. Now, follow that man. And the more you follow him, the better leader he’s gonna be. And women miss that, they miss that. But in scripture it tells us that as a wife, you submit to your husband and, but what does it say to the husband? Love your wife as Christ loved the church.

Jim: Now, that feels impossible at times. I gotta tell you from the male perspective, it’s like Lord-

Lucille: What’s harder?

Jim: … you’re perfect, I’m not.

Lucille: Exactly. So what is harder? You tell me, to be submissive to your husband or to love your wife as Christ loved the church? I mean, that’s an impossible task. And so what I like to do when I’m frustrated with something my husband is doing, I like to go to Proverbs 21 where it says, “The King’s heart is like channels of water in the Lord’s hand, He directs it wherever He wishes.” And what I do is I take the word king and I put Mike in there, and I say, okay, God, he’s yours.

Jim: Yeah.

Lucille: I’m listening to him and I’m following him because I follow, and I try you. So basically when we trust God, we can trust our husbands.

Jim: Wow, it, I mean, I’m with you. And that is what the scripture says. I just think so many women right now, especially single women and just married women are going, are you sure Lucille? You don’t know my husband. (laugh). But you’ve heard it all, you’ve heard the excuses.

Lucille: And I get that, I do get that. And you know what? You don’t know my husband.

Jim: (laugh).

Lucille: I mean, he’s, he is a wonderful man and I love him, but he’s a man and men are men. Women are women, we’re all broken, we’re all broken. And we need to learn how to be broken together and give each other kindness and forgiveness and just be willing to say, okay, let’s start over.

John: Some great advice from Lucille Williams, our guest today on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. And Lucille has a wonderful book called From Me to We: A Premarital Guide for the Bride- and Groom-to-Be. You can get that and an audio copy of this program when you call 800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY, or stop by focusonthefamily.com/broadcast. And now, here’s more practical help from Lucille Williams on today’s Focus on the Family.

Jim: Lucille, you mentioned, uh, in essence, those expectations for, uh, uh, couple that’s, uh, engaged, let, let’s lay those out. Let’s go back there, to, what are healthy expectations for an engaged couple to expect in marriage? Do you have a, a tick sheet that you can give us two or three? What are those things they really need to remember from the day of their wedding on forward?

Lucille: When you get married and you choose one person to spend the rest of your life with, you now love them so much. And with that love also comes the ability to be hurt. And so what happens is we get married to someone who we think is always gonna fill us up, always gonna make us feel great, always gonna do the right thing and do what we want from them. And then all of a sudden, they hurt us because they can hurt us more than anybody else.

Jim: That vulnerability and intimacy.

Lucille: Exactly.

Jim: Yeah.

Lucille: Exactly, and that’s gonna happen. That’s one of the things that you need to be prepared for, which is why we need to safeguard the marriage before it starts and read books like From Me to, We, to help safeguard your marriage so that you are ready. And in From Me to We, there’s 88 discussion questions.

Jim: Give us some examples of those 88.

Lucille: Well, one of them is if your spouse turned you down for sex, how you feel? That’s something you wanna talk about before you get married. Another one, did you grow up in a home where it was easy or difficult to share your needs and desires? We need to be able to share what we need and what we desire from our spouse. It doesn’t mean they’re always gonna say yes and they’re always gonna do what we want or what we think we need. But we, we need adults and be able to say, this is what I need from you. So often couples get married and they don’t know how to express what they need from each other.

Jim: Well, that is so true, and that does take maturity. Uh, you compare marriage to a pile of dirty laundry, you gotta tell me how?

Lucille: Well, when, when you get married, all of his stuff, all of your stuff, all the dirty stuff, all the stuff you’ve got buried, it’s like, it’s like, you have a floaty in the pool and you’re trying to hold it down and you can hold it down through the engagement process, but you can only hold it down for so long. And then all of a sudden, it’s just gonna shoot up and all that stuff that you try to hide about yourself, all the things that you don’t wanna tell anyone, all the things in your past that you are like, I don’t wanna talk about this. If they knew this about me, maybe they would reject me. You’ve got to let that out and talk about those things and let them love you.

Jim: Well, and that goes along with another concept in the book where you talk about not keeping secrets as a couple, that can be, you know, when I first read that there’s counselors that’ll be on both sides of that and we need to recognize it. Not that you want to keep secrets from each other, but some would say discretion is important especially for your past life and all those kinds of things. But give me your philosophy on that and the biblical connection to it.

Lucille: Secrets are not good. And when I got married, I had a big secret and obviously I couldn’t hide it anymore because I was married. And my secret was that I had an eating disorder, and I was making myself vomit throughout the day and I had no control over it at all.

Jim: And then Mike was seeing this.

Lucille: And so Mike noticed it and I convinced him at first, oh, it’s no big deal, honey, it’s just the way I keep my weight down. It’s fine. So he bought it at first, but then he did a little research on his own, which was hard to do, cause it was back in that ’80s era when people didn’t really talk about that. And most of the women were like skinny, skinny, skinny, and the eating disorders, people didn’t really know about eating disorders at the time. And then he realized, oh, this is serious. And so he came back, he’s like, you could die. This is serious. You, you cannot do this. You have to stop. But I couldn’t, I had no control over it, I couldn’t. So then he went and he told my friends, he called all of my friends and he told them, do you know what she does? He called my parents. He told them; they had no idea. He called his parents, anyone that cared about us, he told them because he didn’t, he didn’t know what to do, so-

Jim: What was your initial reaction to that? Were you offended?

Lucille: I wasn’t, like for some reason, I knew that it, he was trying to get me help and he didn’t know what to do, and so he was trying to save me. And I had one friend who kept calling me and she said, Lu, you have to get help. That’s what you need to do, you have to get help. And she was a Christian friend, I wasn’t a Christian at the time. She was a Christian friend, and she was right. So I had to go get help. And so I went into therapy for a couple of years, and it was at the end of my therapy that I actually accepted Jesus Christ.

Jim: Oh my goodness. So that was a, a, a pathway to you accepting Christ?

Lucille: It was.

Jim: So that’s an example, a powerful example of not keeping things from your, your new spouse. I mean, talk about these things before you even get married.

Lucille: Absolutely. And I, I think he saved my life. I was on a road of complete destruction and, and I believe that he saved my life.

Jim: What a beautiful spiritual picture of the way it should work.

John: Only the Lord, right?

Lucille: Exactly.

Jim: Lucille, this has been so much fun. And, and if I could ask you really to summarize From Me to We, what is the goal? What are you trying to say?

Lucille: Me to We is a book that helps couples get on the same page. We need to not be me-focused and self-centered, if you’re gonna go into marriage and you’re gonna be self-centered and me- focused, you are in for a lot of pain. And not only you in for a lot of pain, but you’re gonna cause your spouse who you’re vowing to love and honor for the rest of your life, you’re gonna cause them a lot of pain. Marriage is about sacrifice. It’s about being willing to say, okay, I blew it. I blew it. I was wrong. Please forgive me. Let’s start over. God lets us start over. And we need to let our spouses start over as well. We need to apologize. We need to forgive. We need to start over. We need to start fresh, and we need to leave room so that God can work, and we need to leave room so that our spouse can grow and become the person that God intended for them. Because my husband is not the man that I married. All my girlfriends tell me, Lu, he is not the man you married. But I believed if I just trusted him and followed him and was his cheerleader, that God would make him, that husband that I needed to follow. And now, it’s not hard to follow him. He’s such a godly man. It’s, it’s very easy.

Jim: Wow.

Lucille: And I have so much respect for him.

Jim: Wow, that, that is well said, in every way, uh, you’ve experienced it, no one can take that away from you. You and Mike both have experienced from being lost in your first five years of marriage, not knowing the Lord, coming to Christ and then submitting. I use that bad word.

Lucille: Exactly.

Jim: I mean that it’s a beautiful story. This is one of those resources you really need on your shelf. You need to read it, not only for yourself and your marriage, but for your kids and for mentoring those around you who really need help in understanding what a healthy marriage looks like. I’m telling you what folks, we can do everything we can do here at Focus to do this, but we need you. You need to be part of the army corps of marriage, you know, to be out there in your churches, in your neighborhoods mentoring couples, helping couples, living it in such a way that they say, how do you do it so well, and that it’s real? And this is one of those resources from Lucille Williams, From Me to We, that you need. And, uh, we’ll make that available and our way of saying thank you, if you simply give a gift to Focus on the Family, we’ll send it to you. And it’ll be one of those great resources in your tool chest.

John: Lucille’s book really is a wonderful tool to share with an engaged couple or a single adult who’s thinking about marriage in the near future. Uh, our number here to get your copy is 800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY, or donate and request that book when you’re at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast. Coming up next time, Pastor Brian Noble describes how to navigate difficult relationships with difficult people.

Preview:

Brian Noble: So whoever pays the bill is who will experience the reconciliation, so that you have reconciliation through Christ because He paid the bill for you, and you have Shalom or peace. And when I come to my senses and say, okay, now I want Christ to pay the bill for me, now we have a reinstated relationship, where we’re friends again.

End of Preview

John: On behalf of Jim Daly and the entire team, thanks for joining us today for Focus on the Family. I’m John Fuller, inviting you back as we once again, help you and your family thrive in Christ.

Today's Guests

From Me to We

Receive Lucille Williams' book From Me to We for your donation of any amount!

Recent Episodes

Focus on the Family Broadcast logo

Understanding Your Spouse’s Emotions (Part 1 of 2)

Drs. David and Jan Stoop discuss the concept of emotional intelligence – the ability to understand your emotions, as well as your spouse’s. The Stoops explain how bettering that understanding can help you improve and strengthen your marriage. (Part 1 of 2)

Focus on the Family Broadcast logo

Celebrating the Journey to Becoming a Dad

After a successful football career in the NFL, Benjamin Waston has turned his attention to celebrating fatherhood by encouraging first-time dads to be the man their wife and children need them to be. Benjamin speaks into the crisis of fatherlessness and the necessity for men to step up and take responsibility. A father’s role is a cornerstone in the family, and men must be ready to be physically and emotionally present. Benjamin walks through practical steps that dads can follow during the pregnancy all the way to raising newborns. Parenting kids is a full time commitment and can be chaotic at times, but Benjamin reminds us that all children are a gift from God.

You May Also Like

Focus on the Family Broadcast logo

A Legacy of Music and Trusting the Lord

Larnelle Harris shares stories about how God redeemed the dysfunctional past of his parents, the many African-American teachers who sacrificed their time and energy to give young men like himself a better future, and how his faithfulness to godly principles gave him greater opportunities and career success than anything else.

Focus on the Family Broadcast logo

Accepting Your Imperfect Life

Amy Carroll shares how her perfectionism led to her being discontent in her marriage for over a decade, how she learned to find value in who Christ is, not in what she does, and practical ways everyone can accept the messiness of marriage and of life.