Focus on the Family Broadcast

Preview:

Matt Chandler: God’s design is so thorough and so effective that you are discipling your children right now. You, you are discipling them. You’re discipling your children. You’re discipling your grandchildren. There’s no way around it. God’s design is so thorough, so good that you are making disciples. The question is what are you discipling them in?

End of Preview

John Fuller: That’s pastor Matt Chandler describing the really important responsibility that God has given every mom and dad to, uh, and grandparent as well to disciple our children. Today on Focus on the Family, we’re going to be looking at how to pass on your faith to the next generation. And your host is focus president and author Jim Daly. I’m John Fuller

Jim Daly: And John we’re in Dallas. And, uh, great to be here.

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: With two good friends and we’re going to address the number one concern that parents contact us at Focus on the Family and that’s, how can I pass on my faith to my kids and help train my kids and disciple my kids in the way of the Lord? You know, Deuteronomy 6 is so clear. Uh, it instructs us, no, it commands us to diligently train our kids. And as parents we’re called to do that, but in the hustle and bustle of life, and I talk to a lot of guys, how do I do that?

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: You know, between everything and everything else going on. So we’re going to put that tool in your hand today. And these gentlemen have written a wonderful book that I want to get into your hands.

John: Yeah. And, uh, let me just say many of us feel inadequate. Uh, we’re too busy. We don’t know how to start. And so, uh, maybe even we feel like I’m not really engaged at church. I’m not sure my kids are engaged. Now what do I do? And so, uh, we are glad to have, uh, a couple of guests with us or were their guests. I’m not sure Jim-

Jim: (Laughs)

John: How that works.

Jim: It is what it is.

John: We’re talking today to Matt Chandler. Matt Chandler is the lead pastor of the Village Church. And, uh, Adam Griffin is lead pastor at Eastside Community Church here in the Dallas area. Together, these, uh, gentlemen have written a book it’s called Family Discipleship: Leading Your Home Through Time, Moments, and Milestones. And we’ll encourage you to get a copy of, uh, this book from Focus on the Family. Uh, our number is 800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY, or stop by focusonthefamily.com/broadcast.

Jim: Matt and Adam, welcome to Focus on the Family.

Adam Griffin: Thanks for having us. So, glad to be here.

Matt: Kind of surreal to be sitting here.

Jim: It’s great-

Matt: Focus on the Family has been such a big deal.

Jim: Well, thanks for hosting us.

Matt: No, happy to do it. Happy to do it.

Jim: Let’s start with that fear and, you know, let me, uh, my wonderful wife, she would be a self-confessed perfectionist.

Matt: Sure.

Jim: And I think it’s in that category where a lot of Christian parents, you know, we can’t do it really well, we may shrink back from doing it at all.

Matt: Yeah.

Adam: Yeah.

Jim: And I can identify that. This idea of discipleship with your kids.

Adam: Yeah.

Jim: We don’t want to mess some up.

Matt: Right.

Adam: Totally.

Jim: So there’s a lot of fear that can be there, but man, we got to jump in, right?

Adam: Yes sir.

Matt: Absolutely.

Jim: So how do we do that?

Adam: Well, I think one of the important things to remember is we’re not trying to raise perfect kids. We’re raising kids prepared to be messed up. Right? All of us have sin in our lives. So if we present a picture to our kids, that you have to be perfect to be a Christian, then we’re presenting something unattainable for our kids. So it’s okay to let our kids see that mom and dad make mistakes too. It’s okay for mom and dad to confess and repent in front of their kids so that our kids can be prepared when they face a problem-

Matt: That’s right.

Adam: When they fall short to go, okay, is normal in the Christian life. This is how a Christian responds to their own personal failure.

Jim: Yeah.

Adam: And a parent demonstrating that actually is really powerful.

Matt: Yeah.

Jim: It’s so good. Why do you think Matt, why do we shrink back from that? I mean, we could probably do that every day-

Matt: Yeah, I-

Jim: multiple times. (Laughs)

Matt: Well, I think we, we’ve probably been poorly discipled ourselves. I think there’s probably a, um, reductionist view and understanding of the gospel. A lot of what Christian Smith called moralistic therapeutic deism has-

Jim: Yeah.

Matt: Uh, kind of leaked into the church. And so it’s, it’s much easier as a parent to just kind of say, “These are the rules don’t break them.” Than it is to, um, see our children through the lens of the gospel on their own journey, like we are. So if I look at my 19-year-old, 16-year-old and 12-year-old, so I’m quite a bit ahead of where Adam is right now in raising kids, I think the most profound, if they could come in today, probably the more profound shaping force of my life, uh, has not been that I’m always nailing it. But those times when I went into their room, after I blown it-

Adam: Yeah.

Matt: And just said, “Hey, all this stuff about Jesus, daddy needs it too.”

Jim: Yeah.

Matt: And what you just saw is that daddy’s not where he, the Lord wants him to be.

Adam: Yeah.

Matt: Or that he wants himself to be. And so I’m, I want to ask you to forgive me. I’m going to try to do better. I’ll probably blow it again, but will you forgive me? I, I think that more than anything else we did and the consistency, yeah, you said you could do it every day.

Jim: Yeah (laughs) right.

Adam: Yeah.

Matt: Um, the consistency at which-

Jim: Yeah.

Matt: We did that created a space of safety for our kids to not hide from us-

Adam: Good.

Matt: When they were struggling or doubting, or-

Jim: Yeah.

Matt: We became a safe container simply because we were willing to own our own shortcomings and failures.

Jim: And there’s so much in that. I can actually remember the first time I did that with Trent.

Matt: Sure.

Jim: And it may have been the reason I remember it was because of his response to it.

Adam: Really?

Jim: He’s 21 now. But I remember he was six years old, and he had done something wrong, and we had the discipline moment.

Matt: Sure.

Jim: And he then went off to bed and he was in his, the top bunk bed. Of course, he’s the older brother-

Matt: Come on.

Jim: So he gets the top, right?

Matt: (Laughs)

Jim: So I’m looking at him kind of eyeball to eyeball, and I said, “You know what? I’m just, I’m sorry. I overreacted to that situation. That was wrong of me.” And he had this big smile on his face. And I was like, “What? What’s so funny.”

Matt: (Laughs)

Adam: (Laughs)

Jim: And he goes, “I didn’t know, parents had to apologize.”

Matt: Come on, see?

Jim: Isn’t that amazing?

Adam: Yeah. It is.

Jim: Do you have that kind of moment?

Matt: Oh, absolutely. Yeah. I mean, like I said, I can think of one in particular where with my oldest daughter, we were in a season that, uh, we were scared. We, we looked like she was heading some spaces that were terrifying to us. There’d somehow… And it’s funny how it happens. Maybe this will be helpful. There felt like there, there became this kind of chasm, uh, between us, where we had been so kind of tightly knit together as a family. And I knew, I mean, I could feel that I was not safe for her.

Jim: Right.

Matt: Uh, I was reading into every little thing as defiance. I was, I, I had kind of grown hardened towards her. Then I just said, “Hey, I know I not a safe place for you right now-

Adam: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Wow.

Matt: “And I need you to forgive me.”

Jim: Yeah.

Matt: And she was like, “Well, dad, what happened?” I was like, “No, no, no, this isn’t about you. I, I don’t want to get into right or wrong. You, we’ll probably see that different ways. I’m saying I’m supposed to be a safe place for you to navigate this season of your life-

Jim: Wow.

Matt: And I have not been a safe place for you and I’m asking you to forgive me.

Adam: Mm-hmm.

Matt: And then she do has grabbed me and we both just wept for about… And that was a significant turning point-

Jim: Yeah.

Matt: In that season where, I think she was anxious and nervous trying to find her way. I was anxious and nervous as she was trying to find her way-

Adam: (Laughs)

Matt: But not finding her way, the way maybe I would like for her to find her way.

Jim: Yeah.

Adam: Mm-hmm.

Matt: And there’s real… Nothing’s more primal in us than our kids.

Jim: Yeah.

Matt: Nothing can tap into that primal kind of protection, fear, instinct like our kids can. Like, nobody has that kind of power over us. And man, I’d played it really poorly and yet owning it, and that I can point to that moment as a significant marker. Not when we agreed about the behavior or the discipline, not when, you know, we kind of made peace about the way she was trying to work through it, simply by me saying, “I’m supposed to be safe and I’m not safe right now.”

Jim: Matt, as you describe that, what I’m sensing is the dad I’ll just-

Matt: Yeah.

Jim: Concentrate this comment on those dads that didn’t recognize that moment. That becomes kind of the bedrock of their relationship.

Matt: Yeah.

Jim: And it’s not a healthy one.

Matt: Yeah.

Jim: And then that little girl is 10 and then 13 and then 15. And if that dad has not rectified that yeah. There’s a whole lot of pain that’s out in front of you. And I think a lot of Christian homes, that’s one of the things I’m trying to say, formulas don’t work-

Adam: Mm-hmm.

Matt: They don’t.

Jim: Because there’s something called free will.

Matt: Yeah.

Jim: I’m sure when Jesus, you know, when God created at Adam and Eve, he was like, uh, the formula didn’t work-

Matt: (Laughs).

Adam: (Laughs)

Jim: Right?

Adam: Sure.

Jim: He’s the, he’s the father of a bunch of teenagers called us.

Matt: Still.

Jim: We all have free will. But in that context, what advice would you give that dad, he’s hearing this right now going, “Wow. I blew that chance.” What would you say to that dad with maybe slightly older kids now? How do you rewind that and say, okay-?

Matt: Yeah.

Jim: I heard something today.

Matt: Well, the first thing I would say is to hopefully breathe for a second and know we’ve all blown it.

Adam: Yeah

Jim: Right.

Matt: And so your, your instinct of, oh man, I’ve ruined this is not a good instinct. It’s the father of lies, it’s the enemy. Like what our God does is redeem.

Adam: Yeah.

Matt: And what is redemption except taking this broken thing, this stupid thing, this moronic thing you said, this, um, compulsion that you gave into rather than being wise and filled with the grace and mercy of Christ and, and now redemption is what? It’s owning it so that the forgiving, transforming power of Jesus through the holy spirit can fill it. Like I know even in our congregation, 60-year-old dads who go back to grown children now-

Jim: Right.

Matt: And say, “Hey, listen, I have just been made aware of this by the spirit. Will you please forgive me?” And, and if I could go back in time, I would do that so different. In fact, here’s how I would do that. If I could go back in time, but I can’t, and I know I hurt you and I should have been a safer place for you. Will you please forgive me?

Jim: Yeah.

Matt: The profound power of that on even a grown child and then on your grandchildren, um, is unbelievable. So you, you will not out sin the cross of Christ.

Adam: That’s right.

Matt: You’re just not going to be able to do it.

Adam: Right.

Matt: And what the enemy wants is for you to hyper fixate on the places that you blew it-

Adam: Mm-hmm.

Matt: So that you won’t step into what God has for you in the now.

Jim: Yeah.

Matt: And so I, I tell every man I can, “Just own it.”

Adam: Yes.

Matt: Just own it. And well, I don’t think they’ll forgive me. You don’t get to control that; we don’t control outcomes. We control faithful obedience. So, don’t worry about the outcome, own it. If they want to hold onto it and hate you for it-

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Matt: They can ultimately, the holy spirit will deal with them in time.

Jim: Yeah.

Matt: But own it and own all of it that you can.

Jim: Yeah.

Matt: And then let the spirit do the Spirit’s work.

Jim: And of course, this is moms too.

Matt: Oh, absolutely.

Jim: I mean, not just dads, but moms too. Let me, let me get into the content of the book. You talk about indoctrination in there.

Matt: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Of course everybody, bristles, you know what indoctrination?

Adam: Right.

Jim: But as Christian parents, we are trying to indoctrinate, to give the doctrine of the gospel-

Matt: Mm-hmm.

Jim: To our kids. It’s not a bad word, right?

Matt: Yeah.

Adam: For sure. I, I think there’s a, a cultural sentiment that says you’re not parenting well, unless you’re letting your kid make decisions about their faith-

Matt: Yeah.

Adam: For themselves.

Jim: Right.

Adam: And when the reality is what kind of parent who calls himself a loving parent, wouldn’t tell their kid something they know is true or protect them from something they know is damaging. And so, as Christians, when we know that there’s a way, truth, and life, and it’s only through Jesus Christ, it would be so unloving-

Matt: So true.

Adam: Of the Christian to say, mm, indoctrination sounds like brainwashing to me.

Jim: Right.

Adam: So I’m not going to tell them the truth of Jesus Christ. When the reality is, everyone else is going to be trying to tell them the truth. Everyone else is going to be trying to something, trying to tell your kid something, counter to the gospel, something that will drag them away. And so for you, when you’re following the command of Christ to be the one loudest voice in their life-

Jim: Yeah.

Adam: To say, here’s, here’s where your foundation is, everything else is sinking sand and be unloving to give them anything different.

Matt: That’s right.

Jim: When you’re doing that, talk about volume.

Adam: Yeah.

Jim: You know, because some of us as parents, we can really raise the volume and think we’re being successful.

Matt: Yeah. Yeah.

Jim: I will say it louder and I would say it more often, but that’s not really what you’re saying. You got to connect to the heart.

Adam: Totally.

Jim: You got to, you got to disciple on the move. You got to do it in a way that’s engaging, not talking at them.

Adam: Well, something that Matt touched on that is crucial to this whole conversation, is that so much of what we want to talk about when it comes to content or what we talk about when it comes to theology, it should all be rooted in our efforts to cry- to try to create a safe relationship with our kids-

Matt: Yeah.

Adam: Where anything can be talked about.

Jim: Yeah, that’s good.

Adam: And there’s not a fear of confessing sin. There’s not a fear of saying here’s what I’m struggling with or here’s a word I don’t know what it means. I just fostering that kind of conversation from a very young age-

Matt: That’s right.

Adam: Is foundational to what we’re trying to do and discipling our kids.

Jim: Okay. Let me ask though-

Adam: Please.

Jim: For the parent that may not have that kind of relationship, what environment do I need to lay out there for that child to trust that they can say anything to me, and I will still love them.

Adam: Yeah.

Jim: Because I think that’s a risk-

Adam: I think cultivating-

Jim: For the child.

Adam: Absolutely. That’s why cultivating personal vulnerability is really important. And having a clear grace filled home where we can say, are there going to be consequences for mistakes? Sure. There’ll be consequences, but there’s going to be forgiveness as well.

Jim: Yeah.

Adam: Forgiveness and consequences are not mutually exclusive.

Jim: That’s right.

Adam: We can say, because this happened, we’re going to do this as a family-

Jim: Yes.

Adam: But my love for you is not at risk.

Matt: Yeah.

Jim: Right. That’s true.

Adam: The Lord’s love for you is not at risk. I am still with you for you. I’m trying to help you navigate difficult things. And it’s because of my love for you that we’re going to do these things. And then also to share vulnerably, mom and dad also have made, do make, will make similar mistakes that you have.

Jim: Matt, here is the golden question. You’re ready, John? This is it.

John: I’m ready for it.

Jim: You’re going to solve this. So-

Matt: Oh wow.

Jim: Jean and I with the kids, um, she did chemistry major. She makes pancakes precisely one cup-

Matt: Okay. (Laughs)

Jim: of flour, precisely a quarter cup of water, whatever. I’m like throw it together and it kind of looks right and put it. Yeah. So we, I mean, it’s funny, but that’s kind of how we approach family devotions. She wanted a 30-minute time together. Seven o’clock we’re going to do five minutes of songs.

Matt: Yeah.

Jim: We’re going to do five minutes of reading.

Matt: Using planning center.

Jim: Some Q&A-

Matt: (Laughs)

Jim: And then we’re going to wrap it in prayer and I’m like, uh-oh (laughs).

Matt: Yeah.

Jim: And it’s good. That stability is good. That is understanding is good. But having two boys, you got to know your kids too. They’re kinetic energy, right?

Matt: Oh absolutely.

Jim: Oh man-they’re going off the wall. So I, I’m like saying Jean, I think we got to kind of do it on the move. You know?

Matt: Yeah.

Jim: Let’s go outside. Let’s I’m doing that when I’m driving them to school-

Matt: Yeah.

Jim: Talking about the Lord, that’s our devotional time together. But you know, couples can get into a bit of a problem here-

Matt: Oh, absolutely.

Jim: Because one spouse wants devotions this way, the other wants, so okay. Solve the problem.

Matt: That’s great. Thank you.

Jim: (Laughs)

John: (Laughs)

Adam: (Laughs)

Matt: Um, I didn’t realize we were talking about marriage on this one.

Jim: Well it kind of does [inaudible]

Adam: Yeah, no it really does.

Matt: So, I, I think there can be, and Adam can speak to this also. Um, I think there can be a kind of hybrid, um, experience where what you’re looking for is, um, as best you can, the consistency to actually have some sort of devotional and what both parents, regardless of, I like it a little bit more free willing to, I got it down to the seconds, need to realize is the number of times that it comes off like you hope it comes off is rare-

Adam: Right.

Matt: And they’re hearing you more than you think they are.

Adam: Amen.

Jim: Right.

Adam: Yeah.

Matt: And so, one of the things when Adam and I were working on this, when he was actually here at TBC was, was this kind of fun conversation around like sometimes my goal in family devotional was just to be able to finish it before I had to send somebody to the room or hand out a whippin’-

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: (Laughs)

Adam: Right. Right.

Matt: Uh, I mean, it was just the goal. Like how can, like, all I want tonight is to actually do this and feel like anybody’s with me except our dog Woodrow-

Jim: (Laughs)

Matt: Who thinks that my Bible’s a snack.

John: Yeah.

Matt: Because no one else seems to be paying, not even Lauren, I lost Lauren (laughs).

Jim: (Laughs)

Matt: When did I lose Lauren? I thought this was good stuff. And so, but what I found over the years is they heard so much more than I thought they did.

Adam: That’s right.

Jim: Right.

Matt: And, and so I think it matters less, although I do think it’s good to know your kids-

Adam: Yeah.

Matt: The stage that they’re in, um, they’re kind of bents and compulsions. Uh, if there are better spaces, mornings, evenings, if there are times where they’re a little bit more quiet. My kids got, the closer we got to bedtime, the wilder they got, it felt like they wanted, like-

Jim: Right.

Matt: I will not sl- they were going to fight sleep. And so, evenings were terrible for us. They, because nobody would sit still because to sit still is to feel tired and to feel tired is to go to bed.

Jim: Yeah.

Matt: And my kids all have what they got from their mama, a bad case of FOMO. What happens when we go to bed?

Adam: Yeah. (Laughs)

Matt: What are we missing out on? And so, evenings weren’t great for us.

Adam: Yeah.

Matt: So we had to find other times and other places and spaces and, uh, but-

Jim: What I’m hearing is flexibility.

Matt: Flexibility’s huge. And I do think you’re going to be frustrated if you think revival’s breaking out-

Jim: (Laughs)

Matt: Or that there’s going to be weeping and repentance in your family devotional.

Jim: But I like that idea of going in the same direction over a long haul.

Matt: Yeah. That’s it.

Jim: And saying, you know, these things that your kids will catch over time.

Matt: That’s right.

Jim: Even if you don’t think they’re listening to-

Matt: That’s right.

Jim: You at the moment. Adam, you also, you, you speak the book about choosing life versus for your kids.

Adam: Yes sir.

Jim: I, you know, I’d done that for myself. I never thought about that for my kids.

Adam: Yeah so-

Jim: That’s a great idea.

Matt: That’s a good idea.

Adam: Well, people, we started asking questions from people from the time our kids were infants, how can we disciple a kid who’s illiterate and doesn’t speak yet and all he does is scream at me, you know?

Jim: (Laughs)

Adam: And so-

Jim: And other things.

Adam: And other things. Yeah, you got to clean him up in every way. Uh, so we picked some verses for our sons. I have three boys and we started saying those verses over those kids, even before they could speak-

Jim: Wow.

Adam: And praying them over them now, and now they memorize them, recite them. And now even in moments of discipline, they’re what we rely on. So, I’ll just use my oldest son, for example. We talk about from the book of Corinthians, how he’s to be on the alert and stand firm in the faith, act like a man and be strong and let everything you do be done in love. And we come back to that all the time with, “Hey, do you feel like what you just did was done in love?” When we’re talking about his behavior.

Jim: Yeah.

Adam: When we’re talking about things that are around. Are you on the alert? Are you looking for the fact that every inclination of your heart may not be the wisest thing to pursue?

Jim: Yeah.

Adam: Beyond the alert, and then we’re going to stand firm in the faith? So it’s a verse we say over him as a blessing every night, but it’s also something we build his life upon. My words you guys know will pass away-

Jim: Yeah.

Adam: Anything that Matt and I put in this book will pass away. Except for those words of the word of God.

Matt: That’s true.

Adam: So we want to build our discipleship on for our kids.

John: I love the authenticity and the vulnerability. And we’re talking today on Focus on the Family with Matt Chandler and Adam Griffin. Uh, they’ve written a book, Family Discipleship: Leading Your Home Through Time, Moments, and Milestones. Uh, contact us for your copy. Uh, you can stop by focusonthefamily.com/broadcast or give us a call 800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY.

Jim: Uh, Matt, you mentioned, uh, the power of spiritual lessons and milestones speak to the recognition as parents. How do we, uh, stay perceptive to that moment-

Matt: Yeah.

Jim: Identify a milestone and then I’ve done it.

Matt: Sure. So I, I think our hope in the book is to let any parent anywhere just to whisper in their ear, you can do this.

Adam: Amen. Yeah.

Matt: Like you can, this is not something that’s been set up for the spiritual elite. You, you can do this. And so, there are already built into your life as a person, significant milestones.

Jim: Right.

Matt: And so, what we did is look at the already milestones that are there and, and now let’s just build around it. And so, two that are most consistent for us is one, uh, I had, uh, terminal brain cancer that hadn’t been so terminal, uh, about 13 years ago.

Adam: Praise God.

Matt: Uh, and so we have like any, I had a go, I still have to go, I just went and got a scan on Monday. I have to go in and get scans still, uh, as they look to see, is this thing coming back or how do we keep an eye on this? And, and then my family is always on clear scan night, always had like a big kind of celebratory feast. So, where do you kids want to go? Where do you… And we just talk about the goodness of God and lengthening days-

Jim: Huh.

Matt: And his faithfulness. And so, that, that’s a milestone that’s just distinct to my family.

Adam: Right.

Matt: We all feel the anxiety of the scan. We, we all know what’s at stake. And so, to feast and to rejoice together over clear scans, or if it ever comes about which we don’t think it will, we think Jesus healed me, but the, if we ever get to that day of lament, then we’ve already got a rhythm of now we’re going to gather we’re going to lament.

Jim: Oh, that’s great.

Matt: We spent 13 years celebrating.

Jim: Yeah.

Matt: And now we’re going to lament. But a huge one for us that actually has kind of become a part of our church family here now is, what, what’s been a true rite of passage party for our kids. So when my children have 13 years old, we have their party with their friends and do that whole thing. And then we have a rite of passage party that’s just grownups.

Adam: Mm-hmm.

Matt: And with my daughters, it’s, uh, a bunch of grown women that have been around them since they were born or know them best in this season. It can be either one of those.

Jim: Right.

Matt: And then I’m, I tend to be the only man. And then when my son turned 13, it was a bunch of men and then hit, you know, his mom, Lauren was the only woman in the room. And we want to take time that night to just speak into that child, the distinct God given beauty that God’s put into them. And they’re going to just call out, write in a letter, what they see in her and call it out. So, for my son, it was you are very aggressive, and you are very tender and please don’t ever one of those over the other.

Jim: Wow. That’s good.

Matt: And every man that’s spoken to his life had some version of that.

Jim: Yeah.

Matt: Don’t fold into one or another to be a man is to have both. Now, here’s what’s crazy. He’s 16 right now. And at 15 he was just going through some struggles.

Jim: Yeah.

Matt: So, I literally had him stand in the living room in front of me and his mom and read through three of those 10 letters that were written to him by men in his life. And you could watch him as he read, you could watch his chest come back out as he read. And he was reminded, this is you, Reid Chandler.

Jim: Yeah.

Matt: This isn’t like, wherever we put you, this is what you’ll do.

Jim: I like that.

Matt: You are aggressive. And that shouldn’t be tamped down, be aggressive. And you’re kind and tender. Be that kind of man. Don’t let the world, the world’s going to want to take one of those from you.

Jim: Yeah.

Matt: Don’t let them ever take either one from you. And then we always close either with a specific gift or a lot of times, like with Reid, I just had him hold open his hand, and I just had all the men come and grab his hands, look him dead in his face and say, I’m on your team. So, Reid’s big into sports. And so, like, I’m flanking you, I’m on your side.

Jim: Right.

Matt: Let me know how I can serve you. And then we lay hands and we bless him.

Adam: Mm-hmm.

Matt: And not only have we done that now with our three kids, but all of our friends have done that. I’ve used that as an illustration from the stage multiple times. I’ve put it in the book and here at the Village, it’s kind of become a normal, um, hey rite of passage is 13. And then we, we have other ones, but that’s probably enough to get an idea of-

Jim: Oh, yeah.

Matt: Thirteen’s like you’re becoming a teenager.

Adam: Right.

Jim: Right.

Matt: So let’s mark that because being a teenager is different.

Jim: Right.

Matt: Um, it’s way different than being a third grader.

Adam: Yeah.

Matt: Or a fourth grader. I mean, there’s all sorts of biological things happening, hormonal things happening. They’re all sort of things happening. You do feel the pull of independence-

Jim: Yeah.

Matt: And the constraints of childhood.

Jim: Yeah. That’s so well said because that’s where a parent is at, you know?

Matt: Oh, absolutely.

Jim: And controlling parents will struggle.

Adam: Mm-hmm.

Jim: In that moment. So you’ve got to let go.

Matt: Oh, absolutely.

Jim: And then at the same time that child needs to take on that responsibility.

Matt: And to be able to a say in a time of peace and celebration, we’re going to get in some fights.

Jim: Yeah. And that’s normal.

Matt: And you need to know, I love you and we’re going to, we’re going to make our way through it.

Jim: Yeah. That is so good. Man the time has flown by, uh, this has been so good (laughs). That was like, wow, that’s a dose of parenting 101. And, uh, man, what a great book, Family Discipleship: Leading Your Home Through Time, Moments, and Milestones. And we just barely scratched it.

Matt: Come on.

Jim: So I hope folks will get a copy of the book and uh, you know, we’ll make that as easy as possible. Join us in ministry. Uh, we’ll send it as our way as saying thank you. If you can’t afford it, we’ll get it to you. I’m trusting others will cover the cost of that.

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: So just get in touch with us. And uh, we believe in the resource and what these gentlemen have done to-

Adam: Oh, thank you.

Jim: Encourage parents to do the best job they can do in discipling their kids. Which as I said at the beginning is job number one.

Matt: Yeah.

Adam: Yeah.

Matt: And you can do it. Parents, you can do it. You can do it.

Adam: Yeah.

Matt: You can, I don’t care what your background is, what you’re struggling with right now, how much of a mess you feel, you can do this.

Adam: Amen.

Jim: You can do it. And if you’re struggling, call the counseling line.

Matt: Come on we’re here.

Jim: We also have counselors.

Adam: That’s right.

Jim: So call them and say, “Hey, I’m struggling.” And then they’ll give you some great ideas on how to move forward.

John: Yeah. Wherever you are in your parenting journey, uh, give us a call our number is 800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY. 800-232-6459. Or stop by focusonthefamily.com/broadcast. And Jim, we should also, uh, mention our Live It Challenge, uh, campaign that we have here at Focus on the Family.

Jim: Yeah. This is connected to bring your Bible to school, which is the first Thursday of October.

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: And we’ve done it for several years and hundreds of thousands of kids participate. And the Live It Challenge is just to help these kids live it 365 days a year-

John: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Not just one day. So they can go to the website and learn more about that.

John: Yeah. So stop by the website, give us a call, donate as you can, and know that, uh, Focus on the Family is committed to helping you be the best parent you can be. Once again, our number is 800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY.

Jim: Matt and Adam, it’s been great. Thanks for being here. Thanks for letting us come into your church here at the Village.

Matt: Oh, come on. Thank you, guys.

Jim: What a impressive facility.

Matt: Really?

Jim: Yeah.

Matt: Okay. I’ll take that.

Jim: (Laughs)

Matt: Not many people, not many people have said that, but we’ll take it (laughter).

John: Well on behalf of Jim Daly and the entire team, thank you for joining us today for Focus on the Family. I’m John Fuller, inviting you back as we once again help you and your family thrive in Christ.