Day One:
Rev. Canon J.John: You gotta make sure Jesus is part of your marriage. And within the, the dialogue at the wedding in Cana, I love it where, uh, Mary says, “Do whatever He tells you.”
John Fuller: Well, that’s British Evangelist J.John with an insightful message for how you can strengthen your marriage. We’re so glad you’ve joined us today for Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. I’m John Fuller.
Jim Daly: J.John always brings such great stories, and it was extra special to have his wife, Killy, join us for this show. And we’re so glad they made the long journey across the pond from London to be with us in studio to talk about their 42 years of marriage, which we all celebrate. Uh, we love marriage here at Focus on the Family. We’re actually accused of making an idol out of marriage, and to that we say, “Of course not,” but we want you to thrive in Christ in your marriage relationship, and that’s why we’re here. In 2025 alone, Focus on the Family helped strengthen almost a half a million marriages. I’m so grateful for that.
John: Mm-hmm.
Jim: Those are couples in all stages, whether your marriage is in crisis, your marriage needs a little tune-up, or you’re just looking for ways to love your spouse better. We have resources that will fit that entire spectrum from our Hope Restored Marriage Intensives, our amazing team of, uh, Christian counselors, and our Focus on the Family Broadcast app. Uh, we have something for your family. And I think you’re really gonna enjoy this show.
John: I would agree, and J.John has been here before, always well-received by our audience. Uh, he has an evangelist heart. He’s brought the good news of Jesus Christ to 70 countries, and has written over 50 books, over a million copies in print in 13 languages. And you’re really in for a treat, because Jim, I mean, Killy really brought out-
Jim: (laughs).
John: This wonderful heart for this guy that we’ve known.
Jim: Yeah.
John: Uh, we’ve got more details about J.John and, uh, all the evangelistic work he does, as well as the Focus on the Family resources Jim mentioned on our website. And with that, Jim, here’s how you began today’s program with J.John and his wife, Killy.
Jim: J.John and Killy, welcome to Focus on the Family. It’s great to have you.
Killy John: Of course.
J.John: Jim, thank you for having us. And John, wonderful to be here with you.
Jim: (laughs)
Killy: So fun. Thanks for having us.
Jim: It is wonderful. You know, we’ve aired you on Focus on the Family many, many times, and the listeners love you.
John: Yeah.
Jim: I can just say it that way. You’re always at the top of the responses that people provide Focus, and they just love you. Of course, part of it’s your accent, right?
Killy: (laughs).
J.John: Well, thank you, Jim.
Jim: (laughs).
J.John: It reminds me of, uh, when Jesus rode on a donkey into Jerusalem. You know that the donkey thought it was all about him.
Jim: (laughs).
J.John: And he was so excited and he thought to himself, “Why was I locked up all these years? The people love me. They adore me. They don’t even want me to get my feet dirty, so they’re laying down their clothes.”
Jim: (laughs).
J.John: But we all know, don’t we, what happened to the donkey when the donkey got to Jerusalem?
Jim: That is hilarious.
J.John: You never ever heard of him again.
John: No. That was the end of him.
J.John: And I, we just carry Jesus, don’t we?
Killy: (laughs).
Jim: Yeah, that’s so good, man. Yeah, that’s good. And you guys are here and we’re talking about marriage. And Killy, it’s so good to have you because you’re not always out there publicly, right?
Killy: No, that’s right.
Jim: Yeah.
Killy: That’s right, Jim. It’s an honor to be here and, um, yes, often, uh, you use the analogy of, um… sorry, I’m looking at my husband. (laughs).
Jim: That’s fine. No, that’s fine.
Killy: Uh, use the analogy of there’s a surprised woman behind a successful man.
J.John: Yes.
Killy: (laughs).
Jim: I like that. A surprised woman.
J.John: A surprised woman.
Jim: Jean can feel your pain.
Killy: Yeah.
Jim: And, uh-
J.John: Yes.
Jim: But you’ve been married 42 years.
J.John: We have.
Killy: We have.
J.John: We’ve got the silver medal. (laughs) But we’re going for gold.
Jim: Going for gold. That’s good. And it’s all been wonderful, right?
J.John: Well, 40, 41 happy years.
Killy: (laughs).
Jim: Out of 42?
J.John: Yeah. I think that first year, Jim, was tough. Uh, you know, at Christmastime when you bring a Christmas tree into your home, you have to rearrange the furniture.
Jim: Yeah (laughs).
J.John: But when you bring another person into your life, you’ve got to rearrange a lot more.
John: Mm.
J.John: And it does take time, and it takes adjustment, uh, to do that. Uh, Killy, you, you threw the salad spoons at me.
Killy: Well, yes, that’s not my, uh, finest hour (laughs).
Jim: Yeah, we’re, we’re, we’re kind of just putting all the bad stuff out there right at the front, but did you… Well, I guess the question is, did you strike gold? Did you hit him?
Killy: (laughs) No. No. No, fortunately. I mean, that would be terrible if he has a scar.
J.John: Yeah.
Jim: So you’re not a good thrower of spoons?
J.John: No.
Jim: Yeah.
Killy: No, no.
Jim: Let me, let me start a little back, uh, uh, when you met, and I understand a key part of your courtship was in part you giving your life to Christ.
Killy: Yes.
Jim: Describe that, because that is so powerful.
Killy: Oh, thank you. Yes. So I was brought up in a Christian family, but by the time I sort of hit 17, I was kind of… Well, I put Jesus on hold, I say.
Jim: Yeah.
Killy: You know, that I just, it just didn’t seem relevant at that time in my life. So roll on, I started at college, um, I was doing, uh, hotel management, and my, uh, father in the vacation, he was a pastor actually.
Jim: (laughs).
Killy: He said to me, “Why don’t you open up a coffee shop in the church hall?” Which was right in the center of Cambridge, which is a very busy university town.
Jim: Yeah, brilliant.
Killy: And, um, the one thing he didn’t mention was I would have to share the hall with the international student outreach that goes on in Cambridge where the churches get together to reach out to all the overseas students who are coming to learn English.
Jim: So your dad had a little bit of a scheme there maybe.
Killy: I think he maybe did (laughs). He’s never confessed it.
Jim: Yeah, right.
Killy: So I had to hand the keys over to, to this international outreach, to the leader of the first two weeks of the team. And I think the first thing I couldn’t believe was students my age giving up their summer vacation to tell people about Jesus. I mean, that was the first thing. I was like, “Why would you even do that?” And so we got chatting, uh, with the team leader and, um, one thing led to another. He kept saying, “You know, you must come to one of the, you know, meetings that we’re holding up.” “No, no, far too busy.” You know, “No, no, no, no, no.” And I sat down one evening and I just said to my mom actually, I said, “I’m going.” And, um, I went to this meeting and it was one of those things that, you know, it was the early 80s where you had drama and you had singing and you had… And it all was speaking to me. It was like my life being laid in front of me. And I was the first person, uh, to respond.
John: Mm.
Killy: So, um, I was followed up by my now husband (laughs).
Jim: Now that’s, that’s an important part of the story.
J.John: It is.
Jim: You called it pastoral encouragement follow-up.
J.John: Absolutely.
Killy: Pastoral encouragement.
Jim: I mean, was it as pure as it sounds, or did you have a little scheme going?
Killy: (laughs).
J.John: Well, when I first met Killy, I realized she, she came from generations of missionaries and evangelists and I realized that she was sitting on the fence, and sitting on the fence, Jim, is very uncomfortable-
Jim: Mm.
J.John: … place to be.
Jim: Yeah.
J.John: And if you’re sitting on a fence, you’ve got to electrocute the fence.
Jim: Yeah. Killy, let me ask you this question because so many people listening might have kids in that zone, 19, 20-
Killy: Yeah, yeah.
Jim: … maybe somewhere in their 20s and they’re on the fence. They’re not, you know, they, they’re living where you were living. What encouragement would you give to the Christian parents to say, “Hold fast, don’t give up hope.”
Killy: Yes, exactly that.
Jim: “Do this or that.” What kind of advice would you give them for their wayward child?
Killy: I, I… I would definitely say prayer. Prayer, I think is the key. And, um, there’s that beautiful verse, you know, trust in the Lord, don’t lean on your own understanding. And I think for our kids, it’s so easy to lean on the circumstances that we see them in at this moment. Um, don’t do that. (laughs) Trust God. And, you know, the, the Lord knows, and I love that story of the Emmaus road, where the deci- you know, those two on the road are walking what appears to be away from Jerusalem, and they’re not sort of, you know, they’re not, they should be in Jerusalem waiting, you know, and everything, but they are walking away, but Jesus walks with them.
Jim: Mm.
Killy: And I think sometimes we have to remember that, that although our children appear to be walking away, Jesus is often closer to them-
Jim: Mm. Yeah.
Killy: … than we realize.
J.John: Yes.
Jim: It’s such a good, uh, thing to remember and, and not to lose hope and not to express-
J.John: Yeah.
Killy: Yeah, not to lose hope.
Jim: … that loss of hope to those kids.
J.John: Absolutely, Jim.
Killy: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, no, don’t try and argue with them or anything. (laughs) That doesn’t get anywhere.
Jim: Yeah.
J.John: I’m, I’m re-… I’m reminded of that story, Jim, of this mother who raised her son as a believer, he was super bright, went to university as a teenager and rejected his mother’s Christian faith and got involved in all sorts of philosophies and, uh, alternative lifestyle and his mother just prayed, prayed, prayed. But she didn’t know that he was very intrigued by this street preacher.
Jim: Mm.
J.John: Yeah, interesting, you know-
Jim: Yeah.
J.John: … if you walk past the street preacher, you’re going, “Oh, dear, what are they doing?” (laughs) Uh, but he was intrigued by this street preacher and wanted to go and hear him as often as he could, and the mother just prayed. Anyway, nine years later, he has an epiphany-
Jim: Mm.
J.John: … and he’s totally transformed. And the mother’s name is Monica, and her son’s name is Saint Augustine.
John: Oh. (laughs)
Jim: Way to put that story together. Yeah. I mean, that’s beautiful.
Killy: Yeah.
J.John: You know-
Jim: You know, one of the prolific thinkers and writers-
J.John: Yes.
Jim: … in Christian history.
J.John: Yes.
Killy: Yes.
Jim: Yeah. Uh, J., let me ask you, you grew up Greek. Of course, I saw the film, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, I think it was called, and-
J.John: Yes, it was.
Jim: … is it true, the Windex thing about spraying Windex on injuries (laughs)?
J.John: Well, well, Jim, when that movie came out, it was very popular, and friends of mine said, “Oh, J.John, i- is that what Greek culture is like?”
Jim: (laughs).
J.John: And I said, “No, it, it’s worse.”
Jim: (laughs) That’s funny.
J.John: And, you know, culture, uh, I’m sure many of your listeners, uh, will agree, can be very restricting and can be very suffocating.
Jim: Mm.
J.John: Uh, my mother is a travel agent for guilt trips. So (laughs) you know, I only, I only have to call my mother and, you know, within-
Jim: Is she listening to this program?
J.John: … within a minute or two, she’s making me feel guilty about something (laughs).
Jim: Right. But you’ve managed that so well, but how did that, uh, shape your view of marriage? I mean, you’re a young man, you’ve, living in this Greek family and they have a particular idea of marriage and how marriages come together. And in that context, I mean, the in-law battles can be tough.
J.John: Oh.
Jim: And it sounds like you’re describing a bit of that.
J.John: Oh, they were tough. I mean, when I, when I introduced Killy to my parents, I mean, it was, it was awful, wasn’t it, Killy?
Killy: Uh, it was. It was, um, brutal, actually. (laughs).
John: Mm. Wow.
Killy: But it, but it was, but God’s grace, I think, protected us from not becoming bitter. So they didn’t come to the wedding.
Jim: Oh.
Killy: Um, yeah, no, they didn’t come to anything.
J.John: Because Killy’s English, and they wanted me to marry a Greek-
Jim: Yeah.
J.John: … Cypria.
Jim: And it meant that much to them-
J.John: Yes.
Killy: Yeah.
Jim: … that they wouldn’t even come to the wedding?
J.John: No.
Killy: Yeah.
J.John: No.
Jim: That had to be crushing for you.
J.John: Yeah.
Jim: I mean, really.
Killy: Yeah, no, it is. I, when I think back, I really do believe in God’s grace that He give-
J.John: It is God’s grace. And… Yeah.
Killy: Because we’ve over the years, the relationship has improved.
Jim: Mm.
Killy: So, you know, for those who go through this who are listening, you know, don’t give up hope. And, um, that verse from Romans-
J.John: Yes. God spoke to us-
Killy: Yeah.
J.John: … through this verse in Romans where it says, “As much as it lies within you, keep the peace.” And we felt the Lord said to us, “Don’t judge them for the way they’re reacting to you. As much as it lies within you, keep the peace.”
Jim: Yeah.
J.John: And so we’re like, “Okay, we’ve got to keep the peace. Let’s honor them as best as we can.” And I think the Lord has sustained us.
Jim: Well, I think we have a good basis for the families you’re coming from. Let’s turn into the marriage side of this. Uh, you do talk humorously about being married 42 years and 41 of them being so happy. Let’s, of course, go to that one year you weren’t doing so well.
Killy: (laughs).
Jim: But it’s this idea in the early part of marriage, a lot of traps can be set because you are trying to rearrange the furniture for Christmas and somebody new coming into your life, and it does change people. I think let’s start with the spiritual concept of all this. Why did God do it this way? Why does He bring two different people together who think they have very little difference until they start, you know, brushing their teeth together in the morning and making meals together and you find out, oh my gosh, she is not like me at all.
Killy: (laughs).
Jim: So the why question, why did God do this?
J.John: Well, it helps produce the fruit of the Holy Spirit.
Killy: (laughs).
Jim: Bang, that’s it.
J.John: It refines you. Um, it, it’s like sandpaper. Uh, just kind of refining you and, and it really does. You know, you do, uh, in marriage, you, you learn to exercise peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control.
Jim: It’s kind of where you learn it in my opinion.
J.John: You, I think you… Oh.
Jim: I mean, it’s in marriage, if you’re willing.
Killy: It’s true.
J.John: I think so.
Killy: Yeah.
J.John: I think that-
Killy: I like that if you’re willing.
Jim: Yes.
Killy: Yes.
J.John: Yeah, if you’re willing.
Killy: You actually have to be willing and, um, yeah, no, and I love it. And I’d like to just say that, you know, we are still learning (laughs).
Jim: Sure.
Killy: You know, we, I think we can all testify to that.
Jim: Absolutely.
Killy: But, uh, no, no-
J.John: Yeah, it is. No, couples who are gonna get married often say to Killy and me, “Oh, you know, what advice would you give us? What advice would you give us?” And, uh, we’ve come up with four words, actually, Jim. And, um, the first word is respect. I need to respect Killy. Killy needs to respect me. However, I need to be the kind of person that warrants Killy respecting me.
Jim: That’s good.
J.John: You know, so, uh, oh, wow. So what do I need to do? What does Killy need to do? Uh, the second word we use is responsibility. Uh, many couples on their wedding day, they say, “I do,” and then they don’t.
Jim: Ah.
J.John: You know?
Jim: Man, that’s good.
J.John: Yeah. Yeah. And you’ve gotta, because i- in marriage on the wedding day, you know, we, the minister will say, “Oh, today we witness two becoming one.” And then the day after the honeymoon, we discover which one. (laughs)
Jim: Yeah. That’s for sure.
J.John: No, but you’ve gotta take responsibility, don’t we, Killy?
Killy: No, it’s so true. It’s so true. I mean, and, um, yeah, I think every couple would say this. They’ve got their responsibilities within the house and, you know, and outside of the house and things like that. But then there’s also the responsibility you have together that you w- you know, you work through things together as well. Uh, you can’t just leave it all to one person. (laughs).
J.John: Yeah.
Killy: That’s the important thing.
Jim: Right. It’s so true.
John: Well, approaching the highs and lows of marriage as a team is so important and, uh, you’re listening to Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. We’re talking about several of the themes from the book by J.John and his wife, Killy. It’s called Marriage Works: A 40-Day Devotional to Strengthen Your Relationships. It’s an excellent little resource for you to go through together as a couple. Get your copy today at FocusontheFamily.com/broadcast. And let’s get back to the show.
Jim: To grab the listeners and the viewers on YouTube, pull us into those maybe not so comfortable early years, because everybody’s gonna attach to that, I think.
Killy: (laughs).
Jim: Most people, they’re gonna say, “Yep, that’s what we did too.” What were some of those things dividing you? I mean, the common things. Describe in your situation what was happening that made it not so happy.
J.John: Well, I think, uh, one of us is tidy and one of us wasn’t tidy (laughs).
Jim: That’s a great way to put that. I need to learn from you how to do that
J.John: And, um, one of us found that very frustrating and irritating.
Jim: Mm.
J.John: And isn’t that interesting? ‘Cause in some ways, that’s a minor thing.
Jim: Totally.
J.John: But the minor thing became a major thing.
Jim: Yeah.
J.John: And, uh, it kind of escalated to the point of irritation.
Jim: Mm.
J.John: Uh, do you remember those old pressure cookers? (laughs)
Jim: Oh, yeah. I’m right with you.
J.John: Yeah, because the thing is you’re trying to, you know, don’t say anything, don’t say anything, but you’re getting more irritated and more irritated. I can’t believe it, still does it, you know?
Jim: Yeah.
J.John: And then you find a bit of an explosion.
Jim: Yeah. Like, who put, who leaves the cupboard open?
J.John: Yeah.
Killy: (laughs).
J.John: I know.
Jim: Oh, my wife (laughs), to hit my head on.
J.John: Yeah. That’s right.
Jim: And she’s saying, “Well, I’m going in and out.” It’s a lack of efficiency-
J.John: Yes.
John: More efficiency.
Killy: Open and close it.
Jim: … to keep opening and closing that thing.
J.John: I know. That’s right.
Jim: Yeah.
Killy: (laughs).
J.John: Who doesn’t tidy this away and tidy that?
Killy: We, we can all relate to that one (laughs).
J.John: Yeah.
Killy: Yeah.
J.John: So, I mean, that initially, believe it or not, was a bit of a battle between us.
Jim: Mm.
Killy: Yeah. And actually as well, I think, um, you were traveling quite a lot as well, and I think you can both be really tired, and then you decide to have a deep discussion, and it’s just not worth it (laughs). It’s actually, it’s really-
Jim: Yeah, I really don’t like those, just for the record.
J.John: Yeah.
Jim: (laughs).
Killy: It’s really, it really isn’t worth it.
John: It seems like that’s what married couples are supposed to do, is have deep conversations.
Jim: No.
Killy: Deep conversations when they’re both absolutely shattered.
John: Mm-hmm.
Killy: Do not do it. (laughs) Um, you know, so I think as well, that was a bit of a… You’d be away, and I’d be like, “Right, we need to talk about this.” (laughs) It’s like, you know, actually, hang on, let’s, let’s have a nice, good night’s sleep and have a cup of coffee somewhere and the next day or something. Yeah.
Jim: Well, Killy, that’s really important because you’re describing a bitterness-
John: Mm.
Jim: … a root of resentment that begins to spin in you.
Killy: Yes.
Jim: And it, this can be the husband or the wife, but there’s something going on.
Killy: Yes.
Jim: You know, now you’re not feeling treated fairly, you feel ignored, you feel like you’re not being heard. I know I’m hitting all the hot buttons.
J.John: Yeah. Yeah.
Killy: Can I-
Jim: Through experience (laughs).
J.John: No, no-
Killy: No, that’s a great way, actually, that’s a great way of describing it. And do you know, I had an older woman who was in my life, um, she, wonderful lady, and, um, she came along to me one day and she actually said to me, and I didn’t think I was particularly like this, but she said to me, fairly early on, I think we had young children, but fairly early on in our marriage, “Self-pity is a sin.”
Jim: Mm.
Killy: And I remember being like, “I don’t think I dwell in self-pity.” But you know, that bitterness, that root-
Jim: Yeah.
Killy: … that starts to take place actually is so dangerous in marriage.
Jim: It’s like a weed.
Killy: Yes.
Jim: Yeah.
Killy: And you’re not always aware of it, but it’s there-
Jim: Mm.
Killy: … just building buildings, getting tangled up and-
John: Mm.
Killy: … and then something else comes along and it’s sort of, “Oh, let’s put that in there as well.” (laughs) And, um, so yes, so actually that was my wake-up call when she said that actually. And that was when I thought, no, you have to push into the Lord.
J.John: Yeah.
Killy: You have to kind of, you have to (laughs), keep, you know, focus.
Jim: Yeah, in that regard though, it, to me, it always feels like a Y in the road emotionally-
J.John: Mm.
Jim: … for that person, whether it’s the husband or the wife, and you have to make a choice. You have to decide… A, you have to be aware-
Killy: Yes.
Jim: … that this is in me.
Killy: Yeah.
Jim: So that’s knowing your heart.
J.John: Mm-hmm.
Killy: Yeah.
Jim: B, am I gonna choose to go down this bad path-
Killy: Yeah.
Jim: … or am I gonna find a way to go down a good path?
J.John: Yes.
Killy: Yeah.
Jim: And that navigation is so critical.
Killy: Yeah. Yeah.
Jim: And, and I think a lot of wives, let’s put it in that position, you’re the wife.
Killy: Yeah.
Jim: How do you arrest the weed? How do you pull the weed and move in the better direction with your husband who’s demonstrating all this behavior-
Killy: (laughs).
Jim: … That is really making you angry, and then do it with sincerity and with a Christ-like heart. (laughs)
Killy: Yes. Do you know, looking back, hindsight’s a great thing, isn’t it?
Jim: Oh, yeah.
J.John: Yes.
Killy: But it took me a long time, actually, if I’m really honest. But, you know, it is our identity in Christ actually that I think is the root that once we’ve grasped that, that we are His child, you know, He loves us, we, you know, He adores us, He died for us. Once we’ve really got that and understood it and the whole transforming of the mind, you can relate so much better, whether it’s to your husband or to your, well, any relationship really, but you know, that knowing who you are. So you’re totally secure in who you are, and out of that, dealing with the conflict.
Jim: Well, and so many bouquets are won with that.
Killy: Yeah.
Jim: You know what I mean?
J.John: Yes.
Killy: Yeah. Yeah.
Jim: In a mature Christian attitude-
Killy: Yeah.
Jim: … the relationship changes-
Killy: Yeah.
Jim: … because you truly are not resentful or bitter anymore.
Killy: Yeah.
Jim: You’re not rooted in the, the bad guy’s fruit.
Killy: Yeah (laughs).
Jim: You’re rooted in the good guy’s fruit.
Killy: Yeah. Yeah.
Jim: And that’s a good place to be.
Killy: Yeah.
J.John: And, and sensitivity, Jim, I think is very important. And I remember I came back from being, uh, on a mission and lots of people had come to Christ and even though I was exhausted, I was exhilarated and, uh, so I come back and I, I’m telling Killy all of this and I remember Killy going, “Well, should I tell you what my life was like while you were away? I had three screaming children in the car driving to church and I was shouting at them in the car, ‘Stop doing that. Stop hitting each other.’ And then getting three children out and saying, ‘Hello, God bless you. God bless you.'”
Killy: (laughs).
John: Yes.
J.John: And she said, “That’s my world.”
Jim: Mm.
J.John: And it, it was a wake-up call for me, really. Not that it was inappropriate for me to share what had happened, but to be more sensitive of what was life like for Killy while I was away.
Jim: How, how did… I mean, this is practical stuff for marriage. How did you do that? And men, I’m telling all the women listening, men need to hear somebody say, “This is how you do that.”
John: Mm.
Jim: We don’t intuitively figure it out. How did you do that? What did you say? What, how did she feel heard and seen?
J.John: Again, it’s, I like the word intentionality, Jim. I really, even though I came back from missions exhausted, I really tried to be there, to be attentive and to step up with all the chores that needed doing in the house. How can I help Killy? What can I do? How can I help the kids? How can I just ease the burden and the stress on her? And I really had to work hard at it because I felt so exhausted.
Jim: Mm.
J.John: And that was one thing I would do. And also, we were very good at carving out time. Okay, let’s have tomorrow morning off. Let’s just go for a walk. Let’s just go and have a coffee. We were quite good at that, weren’t we?
Killy: We were. And actually, holidays became a lot more important as well. And, um, I used to call it regrouping. (laughs) So, so, you know, that you have to take time to work at things and not just prioritize ministry or work. You often say that thing about the Lord of the work. If you-
J.John: Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes, I mean, look, we’re all in ministry, but then there’s ministry ministry, but I think those of us in ministry ministry, uh, sometimes the work of the Lord becomes more important than the Lord of the work.
Jim: Mm. Oh, without a doubt.
J.John: You know?
Killy: Yeah.
J.John: And you can have so many irons in the fire that you’ve actually put the fire out-
Jim: Yeah.
J.John: … and you need to stoke up the fire.
Jim: Wow. Those are good, good premise-
J.John: And we wrap our day and our, uh, everything that we do from the morning in prayer to the evening in prayer. The first thing we do when we wake up, we’re, we’re in bed, we wake up, we have a cuddle, that means a hug, hug. We have a hug, and, and then we pray the Lord’s prayer.
Jim: Mm.
J.John: The first thing we do, and then we pray for the family, we pray for the day, and we pray for those who are sick, and we end out night with prayer.
Jim: Well, that’s good advice. And, uh, I think that’s something everybody could apply who believes in Jesus.
John: Mm-hmm.
Killy: Yeah.
Jim: ‘Cause it will, you will see the fruit of the Spirit in your life if you’re doing those things. And, uh, I wanna come back next time and continue the discussion and talk about these things that we can do in marriage that really predicts a great outcome, a happy marriage for a long time. (laughs) Some people are going, “I can’t even imagine that.” But actually, you can.
J.John: ‘Til death do us part.
Killy: (laughs).
Jim: Amen. So we’ll pick up next time if you’re willing to stick it out with us here and, uh, we’ll continue the discussion. Thanks for being with us.
J.John: Thank you.
Killy: Oh, thank you.
J.John: Thank you.
Jim: Well, J.John and Killy are a remarkable couple and such great guests. I love hearing their love for the Lord and for marriage and their great stories. And for everyone listening, Focus on the Family is here to help you thrive in your marriage. And we have amazing resources available to you, like our team of Christian counselors, our Hope Restored Marriage Intensives and so much more. If you need encouragement today, don’t hesitate. Give us a call or stop by the website. We’d love to hear from you. In fact, we just heard from Teresa in Michigan. Her note to us was really remarkable. She said, “Focus on the family has been a steady, God-given companion through my life, guiding me as a young mom, strengthening me through the heartbreak of losing my husband, and shaping the way I raise my children with grace and biblical truth. Through every season, I found encouragement, practical help, and a reminder that I was never walking alone. Looking back, I can see how God used your broadcast to steady my heart, deepen my faith, and keep pointing me and my family toward God’s faithfulness.”
John: Mm. What a tremendous note.
Jim: Yeah, and it’s an amazing testimony. We love to be part of what God is doing here through Focus on the Family, and we’d love for you to join us in this effort. For a gift of any amount to the ministry, we want to make J.John and Killy’s great devotional, Marriage Works: A 40-Day Devotional to Strengthen Your Relationship, available to you. Your donations allow Focus on the Family to minister to literally thousands of families like Teresa’s every day. So donate, get your copy, and let’s do ministry together.
John: Yeah, we’re a phone call away, 800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY, or donate and get this terrific little devotional and learn about other resources that Jim mentioned, uh, at FocusontheFamily.com/broadcast. And thanks for joining us today for Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. I’m John Fuller, inviting you back as we once more help you and your family thrive in Christ.
Day Two:
Day Two:
Rev. Canon J.John: If we don’t live by priorities, we’re going to live by pressures. So it’s making a choice on what those priorities are. Uh, one of the prayers that Killy and I frequently pray is, Lord, guide our steps and guide our stops. Sometimes you have to stop something in order to step into something.
John Fuller: That’s British evangelist J.John and he and his wife Killy join us again today on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. You’re going to enjoy the conversation and thanks for being here. I’m John Fuller.
Jim Daly: John, we were so delighted to have our friends from across the pond here with us in studio, and they always bring such great stories and they radiate the love of Jesus Christ. And that’s what we want to help share with you and to do that through your own marriage. Last time, J.John and Killy laid the foundation for a healthy relationship with your spouse, navigating different personalities, in- laws, and the transformative power of prayer. Today, we’re gonna continue the conversation talking about the secrets to an enduring friendship, keeping the romance alive and so much more. If you missed the program last time, uh, get ahold of us to get an audio copy or you can find the entire episode on YouTube or the Focus on the Family Broadcast app, where you can access all the great content anytime you want.
John: Mm-hmm. Learn more about our guests and listen to yesterday’s broadcast on our website. And let’s go ahead and continue the conversation with J.John and his wife Killy on today’s episode of Focus on the Family with Jim Daly.
Jim: Well, J.John and Killy, welcome back to Focus on the Family. So good to have you.
Killy John: Thank you.
J.John: Thank you so much, Jim.
Jim: You know, you left off last time with something I wanna pick up with, and that is praying together.
Killy: Mm.
Jim: And the research, you know, we’re gonna dig in a little more on that research because we hear so often a couple that is praying together is most likely to avoid divorce. That one thing, if they do it together, compared to all marriage types.
Killy: Mm.
Jim: Secular marriages, Christian marriages, nominal Christian marriage. When you look at it, and if that is a regular practice of theirs, that divorce rate is extremely low compared to every other married type. So in that context, how do you make that practical? Uh, you shared with us at the end, but go back and refresh our memory.
J.John: Sure. Uh, this is something, Jim, that Killy and I have practiced for 42 years. Uh, and I’d like just to say to any listener who’s now feeling guilty, who’s feeling, “Oh my word. Well, we’ve never done that.” And in fact, some friends of ours this week said to us that in the 40 years they’ve been married, they don’t pray together.
Jim: Mm-hmm.
J.John: So look, uh, first of all, I wanna lift off any kind of condemnation on anybody and say, “Well, hopefully in this conversation today, you can start today.”
Jim: Yeah.
J.John: You know, I often say, “When’s the best time to plant a tree?” Well, the best time to plant a tree was 25 years ago. (laughs)
Jim: Right. (laughs)
J.John: But the second best time to plant a tree is today. (laughs)
Jim: Yeah, that’s a good statement.
J.John: You know? So, uh, yeah, I just wanted to kind of diffuse any sense of condemnation if anyone is listening. But we got into this routine and practice of praying in the morning and praying in the evening. And if, if I just quickly run through how we do it. We wake up in the morning, we have a hug, we pray the Lord’s prayer. That’s what we do.
Jim: Mm-hmm.
J.John: And what’s great about the Lord’s prayer in it is that line, “Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.” It’s so good just to kind of make sure there’s no unforgiveness there because unforgiveness is very toxic and we’ve got to make sure that we don’t have it in our hearts. We then proclaim some promises. We then pray for our family, we pray for our team, we pray for those people who are sick, we pray for those who don’t know Jesus, and, uh, we get up, we then do our stretches.
Jim: (Laughs)
J.John: I’m, I’m just letting everyone-
Jim: Oh, this is good. I need to stretch.
J.John: Yeah. Go on, Killy, we stretch.
Killy: We, we stretch. Can I just say to the young families that (laughs) the young parents that are listening in or, you know, young married couples, um, this is our routine now. We’ve always prayed together at the beginning of the day and the end of the day, and that is our recommendation. It doesn’t matter, you know, um, what you’re going through. If you can get that just couple of minutes together to pray, just start with that. But no, we do our stretches now because we’re at that stage in life, we have grandchildren now that you kind of need to, uh, (laughs)-
Jim: I gotta do it.
Killy: … you gonna do it.
Jim: Okay. I’m gonna work on that.
J.John: Stand tall.
Killy: Stand tall.
John: You pray, but also stretch if you can.
Killy: (laughs).
J.John: Yeah, we do our stretches. We then have breakfast and while we’re having breakfast, we listen to scripture.
Jim: Mm.
J.John: So that’s our routine.
Jim: That’s good.
J.John: That’s what we do. So we listen to scripture while we’re having some breakfast and then we get on with the rest of the day and we will frequently pray together during the day whenever a concern or an issue arises, the first thing we, we would do is pray and we always pray before we go to bed.
Killy: Yeah.
Jim: Yeah. You know, I hadn’t thought about it in this way, but again, in the research, we see about 24% of couples in the church are struggling in a marriage that is not doing well. So that’s a fairly high number for the Christian community.
Killy: Yeah.
Jim: But when you think about it, um, you know, you could pay thousands of dollars to do counseling or pray together.
J.John: Yes.
Killy: Yeah.
Jim: It’s a lot cheaper to pray together. (laughs).
Killy: Yeah.
Jim: And things begin to happen. Now, I’m not trying to minimize serious situations-
J.John: Of course.
Jim: … obviously, but, but what a great … It, for those couples that are in that lighter, unhappy zone, I mean, try. Just pray together and see if it changes your heart.
J.John: Absolutely.
Jim: And invite the Lord into your relationship.
J.John: It’s true.
Jim: It will change your marriage and your attitude.
Killy: Yes. And I, I’d just add to that that, um, I quickly realize though, we actually need to have our own time with the Lord.
Jim: Mm.
Killy: You know, as, so as a couple, it’s important to pray together, but also as individuals, because the Lord does such important work in each of us. Uh, we were talking about, um, you know, I was saying about self-pity and things like that, that someone told me it was a sin. And I think it’s so important to make sure that we’re renewing our minds-
Jim: Mm.
Killy: … individually and our relationship with the Lord, because if the Lord’s first in our life and the Lord’s first in our husband’s life, it’s gonna make it so much easier in the marriage-
Jim: Yeah.
Killy: … um, rather than the other distractions-
Jim: Yeah.
Killy: … that we can have.
Jim: Or blaming the other, the partner.
Killy: Yes, that’s it.
Jim: Uh, let me take us back. You mentioned this, Killy. I wanna highlight this for the young parents, you know, those that are struggling with time management. We all have been there if we’ve had kids.
Killy: Mm.
Jim: And, uh, you know, there’s a time where it’s, the pace is ridiculous.
Killy: Yeah.
Jim: You know, you’re ju- if you’ve got two kids, three kids under four or five, that’s a lot of management and, uh, moms typically pick up that responsibility and dads are helping hopefully where they can. But in that kind of season, what do you do to keep communication going? Because by the time you’ve taken care of everything and done all the things that the home needs done, you lay back in bed and it’s basically look at each other and go, “Goodnight.”
Killy: Yeah. (laughs)
Jim: And then you wake up and start the next day in that season. So what can you do for the young marrieds with kids to keep your sanity and do the things that we’re doing and find time to do it?
Killy: Yeah. It’s so important to carve out time to be together. There’s often talk of date nights, and actually they are important. And, you know, it’s easy when you haven’t got children to have a date night, but once the children arrive, it’s, can be a lot harder because you have to maybe get a babysitter or you have to, you know… But the point is, is to be intentional in having that date night, even if it means sitting down with a nice meal when the kids have gone to bed or whatever, and just having time together. So that would be my first kind of thing, you know, date night thing. Um, and then (laughs) I think, you know, just do little things.
Jim: Mm.
Killy: So even if it’s grabbing something, you know, a coffee and just having a sit down and a chat to try and communicate while the kids are playing or whatever, you know, that can help. And I would always say to those young moms, “Look, even if you can only get one verse in your head (laughs) in the day, just try and do that.” There’s loads of apps now. We’re so fortunate that it’ll just ping up a verse of the day or whatever, just try and-
J.John: Or listen to worship in the car.
Killy: Or listen to worship in the car or-
J.John: Mm-hmm.
Killy: Mind you, we used to listen to, uh, Adventures in Odyssey with our kids in the car.
Jim: There’s the impact of Odyssey, that thing is, it’s the most popular thing.
Killy: The cassettes in the car.
J.John: I mean- well, we grew up with those-
Killy: They were like lifesavers (laughs).
J.John: They were.
Killy: (laughs).
Jim: Hey, we’re just releasing a new movie.
Killy: Oh.
Jim: Uh, yeah, it’s gonna be great. Animated.
Killy: Yeah. Great.
Jim: So it’ll be good-
Killy: Oh, amazing.
Jim: … along with more episodes.
Killy: Yeah. So you know, you know, you can have-
J.John: And McGee and me and all those.
Killy: So all those things. But, you know, so the, there can be things that you can be doing that are keeping your mind (laughs)-
J.John: Mm-hmm.
Killy: You know, because otherwise I found myself singing the Thomas the Tank engine-
Jim: Yes.
Killy: … you know, tune when the kids weren’t even in the car.
Jim: Right.
Killy: And it’s, uh, you know, so if you could have on worship or more, you know, uplifting things, it’s just so important.
John: Mm. Well, what we listen to really does make a difference and, uh, you’re listening to Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. Uh, we’re so glad you’re with us. We’re talking about some of the themes from J.John and Killy’s new book, Marriage Works: A 40-Day Devotional to Strengthen Your Relationship. And of course, you can learn more about our guests and their ministry and get a copy of the book and, uh, listen to the entire show. Also, get information about the new Adventures in Odyssey movie, Journey into the Impossible. It’s gonna be awesome. You’ll find it all at FocusontheFamily.com/broadcast.
Jim: Let me, let me ask you, if we move to the midyears, you know, the kids are pretty self-sufficient now.
Killy: Yeah, yeah.
Jim: They may be in, uh, you know, grade 10, 11, 12.
Killy: Yeah, right.
Jim: They’re kind of forming into their, uh, little adulthood. And so there’s an independence that comes with that.
Killy: Yeah.
Jim: How do you two stay together in that phase of parenting and marriage where, you know, you’ve been so committed to the young kids-
Killy: Yeah.
Jim: … and they’ve taken so much time, which is all good. It’s not bad. Yeah. But many couples can drift apart, and some of that drift is accelerated at that point.
Killy: Yes, yes.
Jim: Um, how do you intentionally stay together when your kids are right at the perch of empty nesting, you know?
Killy: Yeah.
J.John: So, uh, such good questions, Jim. Throughout all of this, i- if we don’t live by priorities, we’re going to live by pressures.
Jim: Mm.
J.John: So it’s making a choice on what those priorities are. Uh, one of the prayers that Killy and I frequently pray is, “Lord, guide our steps and guide our stops.” Sometimes you have to stop something in order to step into something.
Jim: Mm-hmm.
J.John: But because frequently we’re all overloaded, there is no space, there’s no time. So I think we do need to have that freedom to stop something-
Jim: Hmm.
J.John: … in order to step into something.
Jim: Yeah.
J.John: Um, otherwise, it’s overwhelming. Yeah. Would you agree, Killy?
Killy: I’d say, you know, if you’ve been trying to do little bits while they’re, the children are so intense and everything, then hopefully it’ll move on into something. But I think if you can even take something up together that you enjoy, you know, something … I mean, I gather pickleball is an absolute-
Jim: Yeah.
Killy: … I mean, I’ve never played it, but-
Jim: Yeah.
Killy: … it sounds amazing, but I mean-
Jim: It’s a big thing.
Killy: Just do something for yourselves, for you as a couple, I think that would be really important. And, um, yeah, I’m sure you guys have got (laughs) got good advice as well.
John: Well, sometimes.
Jim: No, it’s good. You know, one of the things you mentioned in the book is this, and you reference it, starts and stops. In fact, the Lord spoke to you while you were at church about doing something.
J.John: Yes.
Jim: And it fits in this stops and starts place. Uh, uh, what did He in ask you to do and how did you hear that and how did you respond to it?
J.John: Well, we were in church and the pastor got up and he said, “Oh, just before the service, uh, commences, I’m sorry to bring this to your attention, but we are desperate. We’re desperate for more volunteers, uh, to help with the babies, and we need more volunteers to serve coffee.” And I remember hearing him and going, “I cannot believe the pastor is sharing all this kind of stuff just before we’re gonna worship the Lord.” And, um, and I thought, “What kind of a church is this, that people don’t volunteer?”
Jim: You’re digging your own hole. (laughs)
J.John: As I thought that, I felt it, boof, boof, like this quiver in my liver.
Jim: (laughs).
J.John: And I knew it wasn’t the pizza from the night before. (laughs) You know, you just get this-
Jim: Bang.
J.John: … stirring like this. And, and I turned around and looked at the man behind me, and he looked at me like, “Why are you looking at me? ” And I thought, well, maybe the word came from the stage, but you know how you sit in the chairs and sometimes you lean over. I thought, well, maybe I leaned over and I got the word, but it was meant to be him.
Jim: (laughs) Oh, your hoping?
J.John: Yeah.
Jim: … because I don’t wanna do the coffee.
J.John: No. And the whole service, I had this, like, si- little saying, “Sign up for coffee, sign up for coffee.” And I’m like, “Lord, I’m not a barista. I really am not a barista, but I knew.” And at the end of the service, Killy goes, “What is wrong with you? ”
Jim: (laughs).
J.John: “You fidgeted the whole service.” So I said, “Well, Killy, the Lord wants you and me to sign up for coffee.” And Killy goes, “Do you think I’m stupid?”
Jim: (laughs).
J.John: He wants you to sign up for coffee.
Jim: (laughs) Good response.
J.John: And I said, “Well, you can’t let me do it on my own.”
Jim: (laughs).
J.John: And so we went to sign up for coffee. The lady saw us, she starts laughing. She says, “You can’t sign up for coffee, you’re never here.”
Jim: (laughs).
J.John: Uh, because we preach most weekends.
Jim: (laughs).
J.John: And I said, “Well, actually, we are, we go to church once a month because the other three weekends we’re ministering in other churches.” And I said, “Look, we’re here once a month, every month, so we’ll sign up for coffee.” And, uh, we signed up and we realized, “We have to arrive early to set the whole thing up. This is not like gonna happen by itself.”
Jim: It’s getting worse.
J.John: Worse. And then I didn’t like the coffee we were serving. So interestingly, I never had it. And I thought this is not good coffee. So then we started buying our own coffee.
Jim: For the church.
J.John: For the church.
Jim: Yeah.
J.John: And the coffee cups, uh, your fingers got slightly burnt because they weren’t very good coffee cups. So we bought the coffee cups and they didn’t have nice biscuits.
Jim: (laughs).
J.John: And we thought, you know, why are they buying the cheapest biscuits? So we bought our own … In other words, we started investing-
Jim: Mm-hmm.
J.John: … in the ministry.
Jim: You became a barista. (laughs)
J.John: I became a barista-
John: Mm.
J.John: … and we met more people. I met more people-
John: Oh.
J.John: … in three years than I had in the previous 17 years.
Killy: Mm.
J.John: And after three years, I just felt the Lord say, “That’s it. ” And I said, “No, Lord. I, I love doing this. ” And I felt the Lord said, “No, it’s time.”
Jim: Wow.
J.John: And I did it, we did it for three years.
Killy: Yeah.
Jim: Yeah.
Killy: Um, so it’s this idea, Lord, guide our steps, guide our stops.
Jim: Yeah.
J.John: And it was a great thing that something that Killy and I could do together.
Jim: I love the back and forth with that, with Killy you saying, “Yeah, He’s calling you to do that, not me.”
Killy: Yeah.
J.John: But one of the things that Killy and I have done over the years is that we’ve run a home group in our home. And there was one time when, you know, we knew all these unchurched people. So we started a group called Agnostics Anonymous and we would host this group in our home on a Monday night with 16 unchurched people.
Jim: Oh, wow.
J.John: But it was something we did together.
Killy: Yeah.
J.John: We hosted it. Killy prepped the meal, we did all that and, and I think ownership of something together, uh, it can impact you as a couple.
Jim: Mm.
J.John: And we’ve often, over the years, always tried to do some things where it, it was 50-50.
Jim: Right.
J.John: It wasn’t, oh, J.John’s doing 90 and Killy’s doing 10. It was something together we would do.
Jim: Yeah.
Killy: Yeah.
Jim: That’s so good. You know, right at the end here, we touched on the four Rs last time, but I wanna, you know, go a little deeper with the four Rs because that’s really the core of your message, I think, out of the book, wrapped with a lot of great story, but respect, responsibility, romance, resolve. So let’s hit those again. With respect, what are you driving at, J., when it comes to respect in marriage?
J.John: Well, the opposite of respect is disrespect and we’ve noticed how some couples in public will disrespect their spouse, a harsh word, a tone, uh, just m- maybe even misrepresenting them, maybe a put down. And you’re thinking, wait a minute, goodness, you know, we need to kind of say something about this. And I think sometimes our culture allows disrespect to fester in people’s lives, in people’s relationships and marriages. No, we don’t want disrespect. We want respect.
Jim: Let me dig into that a little bit because that, in my read of that, it would be born out of frustration. So that spouse that is sh- showing that disrespect-
Killy: Mm.
Jim: … there’s something core underneath that. Um, how do we as a couple deal with those things? So let’s say you’re at a restaurant and this moment of disrespect occurs and it p- you know, the other spouse is like, “Whoa, where’s this energy coming from?” Uh, what’s a good way to manage the respect, disrespect, conversation like, “Honey, I, I hear you, but this isn’t the exact great spot to be talking about this.”
J.John: Yes. Honesty is the key.
Jim: Yeah. Yeah.
J.John: Uh, there have been many occasions when Killy has said to me, “I don’t like that tone.”
Killy: (laughs).
Jim: That’s good.
J.John: And she’ll say it very softly, “I don’t like that tone.” And it’s like, you know, and, and a pin in a balloon.
Jim: (laughs).
J.John: Just that.
Jim: (laughs).
J.John: And then it’s like, well, then I have a choice. Do I apologize or not apologize?
Jim: Mm-hmm.
J.John: Do I start defending? And that’s a slippery ground.
Jim: Yeah.
J.John: But I think you have to be honest in marriage always.
Jim: Mm.
J.John: You know, what you just said hurt me.
Jim: Mm.
J.John: Did you hear that? What you just said hurt me. And I think we’re not always honest in conveying how we feel to each other and we’ve endeavored, haven’t we, Killy, always be honest, always be ready to apologize and, uh, always be ready to fix anything that appears broken.
Jim: Yeah. And that’s the respect factor. The responsibility, the next R kind of fits that as well. What’s your responsibility in the relationship to fix those things, right?
Killy: Mm-hmm.
J.John: Yes, that’s right.
Killy: Yeah.
J.John: And the responsibility… You know, there are certain things that Killy does, there are certain things that I do, there are certain things I don’t want to do.
Killy: (laughs).
J.John: And so I can be honest about that. I do not want to do the laundry.
Killy: (laughs).
J.John: And I’m not doing the ironing. I, I’m not doing it.
Jim: You gotta coach me.
J.John: Yeah.
Jim: I’m doing the laundry right now for me.
J.John: So, and I’ve kind of compromised with Killy and Killy’s like, okay, I’m very happy to do the laundry and the ironing, but you’ve gotta do this and this and this.
Jim: (laughs) Yeah.
J.John: And it’s like, okay, so I do the trash.
Jim: (laughs).
J.John: I clean all the trash cans. I take all that. I, that’s my job. I do all of that. I clear away the food bin.
Jim: (laughs).
J.John: I do all of that sort of stuff. And I think the thing is, uh, compromise is another word. Honesty is a keyword in marriage. Compromise is another keyword in marriage.
Jim: Mm.
J.John: You have to, you can’t have your own way-
Killy: Yeah.
J.John: … the whole time.
Killy: But yeah, and also I’m thinking, you know, with the respect and the, uh, responsibility, it is treating each other well. You know, in the end, if from the very beginning you’ve been felt like you’ve been put down the whole time, you’re not going to respect the person, are you?
Jim: Mm.
Killy: You’re gonna feel … So you always … I love those verses in the Bible that say, encourage one another, build one another up. You know, if you’re doing that, then that showing respect and the responsibility will flow out of that-
Jim: Mm.
Killy: … that you’re, you know, that you feel encouraged and built up. And it’s not just one of you doing it to the other, it’s both of you doing it to each other.
John: Yeah.
Killy: Um, really important.
Jim: That’s good.
Killy: Yeah.
John: And that kind of lays the foundation for romance, which, uh, you mentioned last time, uh, something to do with, uh, needing more courtship in marriage.
Jim: What’s on your mind, John?
Killy: (Laughs)
J.John: Yes.
Jim: Romance.
John: That’s just the third R, Jim.
Jim: (laughs).
John: It’s just where we are in the conversation. So-
J.John: Absolutely.
John: … talk about the importance of romance and how just in everyday life, especially through the seasons of life, we can be romancing each other.
J.John: Definitely. And, and one of the sayings I like saying is if there was more courting in marriage, there would be fewer marriages in court. And I think it’s this principle of, you know, we romanced each other when we were dating. Oh, we just anticipated the date. There was kind of joy, expectancy, and then you get married.
John: (laughs).
J.John: And, um, you, you don’t have the same anticipation.
Jim: What do you wanna do Friday?
J.John: Yeah.
Killy: (Laughs).
J.John: Yeah.
Jim: I don’t know.
J.John: Isn’t it? I’m gonna watch the game.
Jim: (Laughs).
Killy: (Laughs).
Jim: So sadly true.
J.John: Let’s just get a pizza. Let’s just, you know, um-
Jim: Let’s order out. We’ll bring it home and watch the game together. Okay.
J.John: Yeah. And whereas actually, no, no, no, no. And again, we’ve used the word several times, intentionality. I’ve got to be intentional in wanting to do it, in making time to do it, you know, and enjoy my spouse.
Jim: Yeah, so good.
J.John: Enjoy friendship. Enjoy conversation. And again, compromise. What makes her happy?
Jim: Yeah, there you go.
J.John: (laughs).
Jim: Start with that question.
J.John: Rather than what makes me happy, and she’s just gotta have it.
Jim: Right. Yeah. No, that’s so good. So we covered respect, responsibility, romance, and the last would be my favorite, resolve. (laughs).
J.John: Yeah, resolve. And, and my, my new word, resolve resilience.
Jim: I like that.
Killy: Yeah.
J.John: And, and that threefold chord is not easily broken.
Jim: That’s good.
J.John: And with God, we can make things work.
Killy: Yeah.
J.John: With the Lord, we can face any storm that comes.
Jim: Mm.
J.John: The resolve is you’ve made a decision before a storm has come that if a storm comes, we will rise above it together.
Jim: Yeah.
J.John: You make that decision when the sun is shining.
Jim: Mm.
Killy: Yeah.
J.John: Hence, let us put on the armor of God.
Killy: (laughs). Yes. Yeah.
Jim: Amen.
J.John: Helmet, helmet of salvation, shield of faith, sword of the Spirit, belt of truth, good news of peace on our feet. Yes.
Jim: Thank you. Thanks for being with us.
J.John: Thank you, Jim. Thank you, John.
Killy: Thank you for having us. Thank you to both of you.
Jim: Wow. J.John and Killy are a remarkable couple. You can hear their love for the Lord and each other with every story they tell. Uh, right at the end, J.John referred to that famous passage in Ephesians 6:12-17, about taking up the full armor of God. Uh, here at Focus on the Family, we want to help you take up the full armor of God for your family. We want to help you be the best husband or wife, mom or dad, grandma or grandpa that you can be. And we have amazing resources available to help you. Like our team of Christian counselors, our Hope Restored Marriage Intensives, and so much more. If you need encouragement today, don’t hesitate. Give us a call or stop by the website. Or if you’d like to listen to this great content on the go, download the Focus on the Family Broadcast app. You’ll get access to all the library of articles, broadcasts, and resources, and that’s 24/7 encouragement for your marriage, parenting, and your walk with the Lord. And for a gift of any amount to the ministry, we want to make J.John and Killy’s great devotional Marriage Works: A 40-day Devotional to Strengthen Your Relationship available to you. Your donations make ministry possible here at Focus on the Family. So donate, get your copy, and let’s do ministry together.
John: Yeah, call 800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY, or donate and get this wonderful devotional and other resources that have been mentioned along the way at FocusontheFamily.com/broadcast. And if you’d like to hear more from J.John, we have an entire audio collection you can download for free. It’s our most popular audio collection ever, and, uh, you’ll receive hours of J.John’s trademark humor, his solid biblical teaching, and his amazing stories. This full audio collection is available for free at our website. And coming up tomorrow, a powerful story of how God healed one woman’s heart after an unwanted divorce.
Brandi Wilson: And he stopped me and he said, “Whose voice is telling you those things?” And I had to have some self-reflection of whose voice is that I hear in my head. And He challenged me to replace the voice that I was hearing of my ex-husband and all the things that I, I didn’t think I could do or didn’t believe in myself or that I was worthy of and to replace it with the voice of God.
