Modesty in the Home

When should my husband and I stop showering with our toddler-age children and changing clothes in front of them? Can you give us some guidelines for modesty in the home?

Unfortunately there isn’t a hard and fast rule for dealing with this issue. Most pediatricians and child development experts agree that when a child begins to express a desire for privacy when naked or going to the bathroom, that’s the time that parents should begin to express more personal modesty. This typically occurs around the age of three or four. For some kids it may be a little later.

What’s most important is that you begin to instill a healthy, biblical view of sexuality in your children from an early age. You should start when they’re toddlers, using age-appropriate concepts and language.

For example, when a young child asks questions about where babies come from, answer their questions in a positive straightforward manner. You might say something like “God made a special way for mommies and daddies to have babies. He uses a tiny little seed from Daddy and a tiny little egg from Mommy. The seed and the egg come together inside Mommy’s tummy, and then God does a miracle and makes a new baby.” This kind of explanation is typically sufficient for most kids. You don’t need to go into a detailed description of human physiology.

Most experts also recommend using accurate names for male and female genitalia. Cutesy names or code words can be confusing to a child, and can unintentionally lead to shame and embarrassment down the road, especially with other children.

If you’d like to discuss this subject at greater length with a member of our staff, feel free to call Focus on the Family’s Counseling department. They’d be pleased to assist you in any way they can.


If a title is currently unavailable through Focus on the Family, we encourage you to use another retailer.

The Focus on the Family Guide to Talking with Your Kids about Sex: Honest Answers for Every Age

Secure Daughters, Confident Sons: How Parents Guide Their Children into Authentic Masculinity & Femininity

Why Are Boys and Girls Different: For Boys Ages 3-5

Why Are Boys and Girls Different: For Girls Ages 3-5

Modeling Healthy Behavior

Toddlers and Sexual Discovery

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