Parenting a Child With Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

Our daughter’s behavior is consistently obsessive-compulsive. For example, she won’t go to bed before checking the front door at least 10 times to make sure that it’s locked. She’s always anxious and worried, and her actions are driving us crazy!

ANSWER:

NOTE: This article gives a brief overview of a complex topic. If you or someone you know is struggling with signs of obsessive-compulsive disorder, don’t try to self-diagnose. Instead, call our Counseling team at 1-855-771-HELP (4357) for a free phone consultation. They can give you a list of referrals to licensed therapists in your area who specialize in treating OCD. You can also find resources through the International OCD Foundation’s website (iocdf.org).

Living with someone who has OCD can be very hard. Many parents of children with obsessive-compulsive disorder simply deny the condition’s existence. Others give in and let the obsessions define the child’s personality and shape the entire family’s way of life. However, both extremes are harmful.

You’re wise to recognize and address your daughter’s concerning behavior. Managing OCD in relationships requires patience, understanding, and a willingness to seek professional help when needed.

What is obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)?

Obsessive-compulsive disorder is an anxiety disorder that involves both thoughts and behaviors. (However, a person with OCD can sometimes have obsessions without compulsions, and they can have compulsions without obsessions. This makes the disorder complicated.)

• Obsessions are persistent, unwanted thoughts about specific topics.
• Compulsions are behaviors a person uses to try to get obsessive thoughts out of their mind.

In short, someone with OCD often has intrusive, anxiety-producing obsessive thoughts. And to try to get rid of these unwanted thoughts, an individual with OCD often acts on compulsive behaviors (repetitive actions or rituals). They could also be gripped by a thought (urge) that they should do something — even if they don’t follow through.

For example, excessive handwashing is one of the best-known examples of a compulsion. The initial obsession that can lead to such behavior is ongoing, anxious thoughts about germs. Your daughter’s all-consuming concern with locking the doors is another typical manifestation of OCD.

How does OCD develop?

The origins of OCD are complex and vary for every individual. In some cases, the origin is genetic. In others, environmental factors also play a role. For instance, OCD may develop in a child whose circumstances require them to take on a greater degree of responsibility than is age-appropriate (though we’re not suggesting that’s what’s happening with your daughter).

How to help your child manage their OCD

Someone who struggles with obsessive-compulsive disorder sees the world differently from the rest of us. In a way, they experience another reality. That’s why using logic won’t work; their OCD will always win. Instead, you can help break the pattern by questioning their reality and challenging false perceptions.

Encourage your daughter to stand up to the OCD.

Help her reframe her perceptions and thoughts. Let her know that anyone can have silly, strange, or scary thoughts; we all just need to learn whether they are important.

So when she’s on her way to check the door for the fifth time, say, You don’t need to do that again, honey. We already know that the door is locked.

Don’t get angry if she contradicts you.

Instead, gently hold your ground, yet show compassion by empathizing with her emotions. Say something like, You might feel like the door is still unlocked. I understand that those feelings make you anxious. But there’s no reason to be afraid. Then, prove your point by taking her to the door and trying the handle yourself.

Repeat the process as often as needed, and consider using humor to turn the issue into a joke.

You could say with a gentle smile, Don’t tell me — did that door just unlock itself again? Individuals with OCD often realize that their fears are unreasonable yet still find them irresistible. Humor can sometimes provide an objective point of view to help break the cycle.

Objectify the obsessive-compulsive disorder by separating it from your daughter’s personality.

In other words, teach your child to separate herself from the OCD. One way to do this is by giving the OCD a funny name. Then, call the OCD by that name whenever it tries to “bully” your child.

For a young child, you might do this by letting them choose a stuffed animal from the toy box and naming it “Mr. Worry.” When the child says, Do you think I should go back and check the door? you can respond, No, that’s Mr. Worry talking. You don’t need to listen to Mr. Worry anymore.

For an older child, you could say, You know that those fears aren’t valid. They’re the voices of your OCD, and you have the power to tell them to go away and leave you alone.

How can I find professional help for my child with OCD?

Getting counseling is an important first step in helping children with OCD. (And it’s a necessary step toward medication as another treatment option. But choose that approach only if you and your spouse agree it’s necessary after a thorough evaluation from a qualified and licensed Christian psychologist or psychiatrist.)

Call our licensed or pastoral counselors at 1-855-771-HELP (4357) for a free phone consultation. They’d be happy to talk with you about your daughter. They can also give you a list of referrals to psychologists in your area who specialize in treating OCD.

And for more information, visit the International OCD Foundation’s website, and read Brain Lock: Free Yourself From Obsessive-Compulsive Behavior. (Please note that both the website and book are secular, so we can’t guarantee that all their stances align with Focus on the Family’s Christian worldview. However, their content can be helpful.)