Unmarried Mom With Kids Feels “Second Class” Around Christians

How does your ministry view unmarried moms and their kids? I'm raising a couple of kids on my own. Up to this point my search for a church home hasn't been too encouraging – I get a strong impression that some Christians don't approve of women like me and our "illegitimate" children. What's your perspective?

We have nothing but the highest regard for moms and dads who are willing to shoulder the heroic responsibility of raising a child without the help of a spouse. We have always been of the opinion that single parents have the most difficult job in the universe. That’s why a significant portion of our ministry is dedicated to the task of coming alongside them and supporting them in any way we can.

It’s important to add that there is no such thing as an “illegitimate” child in the sight of God. The Lord chooses and uses all kinds of people from all walks of life without regard to the circumstances of their birth. It can be argued that the genealogies of Jesus in Matthew 1 and Luke 3 clearly illustrate this principle. They contain several examples, including Pharez, son of Judah and his daughter-in-law Tamar (Matthew 1:3; Genesis 38:29) and Solomon, the child of King David and Bathsheba, wife of Uriah (Matthew 1:6; 2 Samuel 12:24). We feel confident that He has great things in store for your children, and that He will bring those plans to fruition if you continue to raise them in the knowledge of His righteousness, truth and love.

That said, it’s only fair to point out that relevant statistics do indicate that children thrive best in homes with both parents present. Even the Center for Law and Social Policy, a child advocacy organization of distinctly liberal outlook, recently reported, “Most researchers now agree that … studies support the notion that, on average, children do best when raised by their two married biological parents.” And Child Trends claims “An extensive body of research tells us that children do best when they grow up with both biological parents.” These findings cannot be lightly dismissed. At the same time, it’s crucial to remember that a child’s future is not determined by studies and statistical forecasts. It would be ludicrous to suggest that all children born out of wedlock are doomed to failure – just as it would be ludicrous to assert that every child who grows up in a two-parent home will turn out well. In the final analysis, a great deal depends on parental involvement as well as individual choice and initiative.

If you’d like to discuss your situation at greater length with a member of our staff, feel free to call our Counseling department.


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