6 Things About Marriage I Wish I’d Known Sooner

By Nancie Lowe
Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on pinterest
Share on print
Share on email

Ladies, do you find yourself being snarky to your husband way too often? I’ve done that — and worse. If I could go back and sit down with my newly married self, here's what I would tell her.

I am writing this article not as a marriage guru, but as a marriage guinea pig.

Let me explain. For 17 of our 23 years of marriage, my husband, Ted, has studied marriage and helped other married couples through his ministry MarriedPeople.org. I, on the other hand, have not. I am an accountant and a mom. Excel spreadsheets are my jam. Uber driving our three teenagers is my comfort zone. I’m ashamed to admit the only marriage books I’ve ever read are my husband’s.

But Ted has often field-tested his ideas on our marriage. Some of his “experiments” have profoundly changed our relationship. Not surprisingly, the ones that have had the biggest impact were ones I wish I had understood sooner. If I could go back and sit down with my newly married self, here’s what I would tell her:

  1. You are snarky to Ted way more than you realize. (The sooner you get some self-awareness, the better.)
  2. You are making big deals about little deals. Stop it. (You’ll learn what big deals are in years three, nine, 11 and 22. Later you’ll be embarrassed that you pouted for a day because he didn’t like Boyz II Men.)
  3. He is never going to [insert anything here] just like you. (Stop being amazed that he loads the dishwasher all wrong and his feelings get hurt easily. He’s great at so many other things.)
  4. Be friends with women who are for you and your marriage. (It’s easy to find people who say you’re always right. You need a friend who calls you out on Nos. 1, 2, 3, 5 and 6.)
  5. Take care of yourself. A better you makes a better marriage. (It may be as small as going for a run or taking time every morning to pray. You are nicer when you are not depleted. See No. 1.)
  6. Be full of grace today. You’ll need it tomorrow. (His trying out new clippers on your son’s hair the week of your sister’s wedding is no worse than your tearing the sliding door off the track of your 2-week-old minivan.)

These six things can be wrapped up in two words: Be kind. I wish I’d learned these things sooner; I also still wish he liked Boyz II Men as much as I do.

Based on research and experience from Dr. Greg and Erin Smalley, Focus on the Family has created valid and reliable questions that evaluate the strength of your marriage. Take our free assessment now. 

© 2018 by Nancie Lowe. Used by permission.

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on pinterest
Share on print
Share on email

You May Also Like

Thank you [field id="first_name"] for signing up to get the free downloads of the Marrying Well Guides. 

Click the image below to access your guide and learn about the counter-cultural, biblical concepts of intentionality, purity, community and Christian compatibility.

(For best results use IE 8 or higher, Firefox, Chrome or Safari)

To stay up-to-date with the latest from Boundless, sign up for our free weekly e-newsletter.

If you have any comments or questions about the information included in the Guide, please send them to [email protected]

Click here to return to Boundless

Focus on the Family

Thank you for submitting this form. You will hear from us soon. 

The Daily Citizen

The Daily Citizen from Focus on the Family exists to be your most trustworthy news source. Our team of analysts is devoted to giving you timely and relevant analysis of current events and cultural trends – all from a biblical worldview – so that you can be inspired and assured that the information you share with others comes from a reliable source.

Alive to Thrive is a biblical guide to preventing teen suicide. Anyone who interacts with teens can learn how to help prevent suicidal thinking through sound practical and clinical advice, and more importantly, biblical principles that will provide a young person with hope in Christ.

Bring Your Bible to School Day Logo Lockup with the Words Beneath

Every year on Bring Your Bible to School Day, students across the nation celebrate religious freedom and share God’s love with their friends. This event is designed to empower students to express their belief in the truth of God’s Word–and to do so in a respectful way that demonstrates the love of Christ.

Focus on the Family’s® Foster Care and Adoption program focuses on two main areas:

  • Wait No More events, which educate and empower families to help waiting kids in foster care

  • Post-placement resources for foster and adoptive families

Christian Counselors Network

Find Christian Counselors, Marriage & Family Therapists, Psychologists, Social Workers and Psychiatrists near you! Search by location, name or specialty to find professionals in Focus on the Family’s Christian Counselors Network who are eager to assist you.

Boundless is a Focus on the Family community for Christian young adults who want to pursue faith, relationships and adulthood with confidence and joy.

Through reviews, articles and discussions, Plugged In exists to shine a light on the world of popular entertainment while giving you and your family the essential tools you need to understand, navigate and impact the culture in which we live.

Have you been looking for a way to build your child’s faith in a fun and exciting way?
Adventures in Odyssey® audio dramas will do just that. Through original audio stories brought to life by actors who make you feel like part of the experience; these fictional, character-building dramas use storytelling to teach lasting truths.

Focus on the Family’s Hope Restored all-inclusive intensives offer marriage counseling for couples who are facing an extreme crisis in their marriage, and who may even feel they are headed for divorce.