Focus on the Family

Dot-To-Dot: Connecting With God and Your Spouse

Praying hands of married couple on Bible
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Just as we follow the numbers in a dot-to-dot puzzle, we need to follow our Creator’s direction for our marriages. God’s direction will help us stay connected to our spouse as we try to follow the divine dot-to-dot for our lives together.

Do you remember dot-to-dot puzzles — connecting dots based on a sequence of numbers? As you connect one dot to the next, you create lines that eventually reveal a picture. As a child, I was very fond of those puzzles. I couldn’t wait to see what image would be revealed: a tree, flower, car, dolphin or bird. The puzzle designers must have had great foresight to ensure each dot was precisely positioned so that a beautiful picture would be the result of following the correct steps.

Just as we follow the designer’s numbers in a dot-to-dot puzzle to reach the lovely outcome, we also need to follow our Creator’s direction for our lives and marriages since He wants what’s best for us. God’s direction will help us stay connected to our spouse as we both try to follow the divine dot-to-dot for our lives together.

But staying connected to God and your spouse isn’t always easy.

Connecting to God

To stay in connection with God, we need to follow the Holy Spirit’s guidance. Where He moves, we should move. It’s our responsibility to pursue that connection.

Jesus says, “I am the true vine … Abide in me, and I in you” (John 15:1,4). When we’re connected to Jesus, we “bear much fruit” (John 15:5).

But sometimes it’s difficult for us to follow God’s direction. We can lose our way when life’s dot-to-dot includes the obstacles of hardships and grief. That’s when Jesus so lovingly reveals himself to us. There are many examples of Jesus reaching out — figuratively and literally — to reconnect with someone.

When Mary Magdalene grieved the loss of her Savior as she sat at the empty tomb, He revealed himself to her and reestablished the connection she thought she had lost (Matthew 28:1-10).

The apostle Peter stepped out of a boat in faith and walked on water with the storm raging around him. He began to sink when he momentarily lost connection with Jesus … who stretched out His hand and rescued Peter from drowning (Matthew 14:22-33).

Know that Jesus is always there to reach out His hand to you and your spouse in difficult seasons and help you maintain your connection to Him. He is able to guide you to the next fruitful dot in the picture of your life and marriage.

Connecting to your spouse

To maintain a healthy relationship, husbands and wives not only need to pursue connection with God, but also with each other. Connection in your relationship creates a bond that provides a strong foundation of trust, love, intimacy, security and purpose. It gives you a sense that you’re working toward the same goals.

In any marriage, there will be times of joy when moving from dot to dot together seems effortless. And when the dots are connected in the right order, a beautiful picture of the marriage journey emerges even amid adversity.

There will also be moments in your marriage when you’re struggling to find purpose. Or maybe when you’re trying to reconcile past hurt and disappointments. In those times, you might start to question the connection with your spouse. The connecting lines start to look distorted. But if you continue to pursue connection with each other and connection with God, you can rest in His word that, “In him all things hold together” (Colossians 1:17).

Yet, many couples try to connect the dots in the manner that suits them — at times leaving them frustrated or lost.

My husband and I have been married for 28 years, and there have been times during our marriage when there was a lack of connection. We weren’t moving in the same direction. In those seasons, the dot-to-dot picture of our marriage looked like an abstract drawing: The lines weren’t coming together to create a realistic picture.

To get back into synch, we had to work on ourselves, which meant getting connected with God by praying and asking Him to change our perspectives, change our hearts and bring us closer together. Sometimes the change and the connection happened relatively quickly. Other times, it took more work.

Staying connected to Jesus gets us through those out-of-synch and difficult times and allows us to experience a fruitful, joyful life. In Jesus, we can persevere, endure hardship together and experience intimacy fueled by connection. So, trust that God sees the whole picture. It’s up to us to stay connected to Him and to our spouse — and to follow the path He designed for us. If you try to connect the dots of your life only in your own understanding, the picture will look distorted. When you follow God’s direction, your marriage picture can be beautiful.

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