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For the Good of Your Family

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Drawing of Husband and Wife Focusing on their marriage while handling the responsibilities of their family

If you're the parents of children with special needs, there is little doubt that making marriage the top priority is difficult. But you can do a few simple things to strengthen your marriage.

“What kind of vacation would you take if you could?” our family counselor asked. It sounded like a simple question, but even with our combined IQs, my husband and I couldn’t manage an answer. Stress had clearly taken its toll.I paused, then pondered. “It would have to be where the kids all agree. … “

“No, not with the kids,” he interrupted. “A vacation just for you.”

My husband and I hadn’t enjoyed an overnight getaway alone together in 15 years. Like so many couples raising children with special needs (two of our three have autism), our kids’ needs always came first in everything from our finances to our time, while our marriage had become a distant second.

“If you want to have the emotional energy to ensure your children feel more loved, you need to give your marriage permission to be important,” our counselor advised.

There is little doubt that making marriage the top priority is difficult. Between medical bills, therapy and 24/7 care, parents of children with special needs are often emotionally, financially and relationally depleted. So what can we do?

Make time for regular communication

Create regular routines to connect with your spouse. Adrian and I talk and pray before the kids wake, and we set aside 10 to 15 minutes after our kids are in bed to debrief from our day. During these times, we listen to each other, sharing the good and the bad, while also building each other up. We express a dream or hope, and voice something we appreciate about each other.

Lighten each other’s load

Learn to share in the tasks of special-needs care so neither parent becomes burdened as the sole “expert” on your child’s disability. For example, Adrian takes off work when possible to attend school meetings or medical appointments, and we post medication routines in the kitchen so both of us can share in that crucial task.

Remember romance

We have discovered the value of a weekly, stress-free “us” night, when no problem topics are allowed—even if all we do is sit on the porch and enjoy coffee under the stars. And overnight getaways (with help from family, friends or respite care) are our new priority.

We don’t always do these things perfectly, of course. (We have only just taken our first getaway!) But it’s not about perfection. With God’s help, we are creating a healthier, stronger marriage.

If you or someone you know needs marital help, Focus on the Family has resources and counseling to assist. You can contact us Monday through Friday from 6 a.m. to 8 p.m. (Mountain time) at: 800-A-FAMILY (232-6459) or [email protected].

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Your Teen Needs You Most of All

No parent of teens is perfect and even the best can learn how to better connect with their son or daughter. Get practical action steps to better connect with your teenager in 8 Essential Tips for Parenting Your Teen in this FREE video series!

There Is Still Hope for Your Marriage

You may feel that there is no hope for your marriage and the hurt is too deep to restore the relationship and love that you once had. The truth is, your life and marriage can be better and stronger than it was before. In fact, thousands of marriages, situations as complex and painful as yours, have been transformed with the help of professionals who understand where you are right now and care deeply about you and your spouse’s future. You can restore and rebuild your marriage through a personalized, faith-based, intimate program called, Hope Restored.

There Is Still Hope for Your Marriage

You may feel that there is no hope for your marriage and the hurt is too deep to restore the relationship and love that you once had. The truth is, your life and marriage can be better and stronger than it was before. In fact, thousands of marriages, situations as complex and painful as yours, have been transformed with the help of professionals who understand where you are right now and care deeply about you and your spouse’s future. You can restore and rebuild your marriage through a personalized, faith-based, intimate program called, Hope Restored.

There Is Still Hope for Your Marriage

You may feel that there is no hope for your marriage and the hurt is too deep to restore the relationship and love that you once had. The truth is, your life and marriage can be better and stronger than it was before. In fact, thousands of marriages, situations as complex and painful as yours, have been transformed with the help of professionals who understand where you are right now and care deeply about you and your spouse’s future. You can restore and rebuild your marriage through a personalized, faith-based, intimate program called, Hope Restored.
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Understand How to Respect and Love your Son Well

Why doesn’t my son listen to me? Have you ever asked that question? The truth is, how you see your son and talk to him has a significant effect on how he thinks and acts. That’s why we want to help you. In fact, we’ve created a free five-part video series called “Recognizing Your Son’s Need for Respect” that will help you understand how showing respect, rather than shaming and badgering, will serve to motivate and guide your son.

Reconnected: The Digital Experience

Is the love there, but not the spark? Reawaken fun in your marriage and move from roommates to soulmates again with the help of this 7-part online video experience. Learn how to connect emotionally and spiritually as husband and wife using techniques such as dreaming together and establishing deep, heartfelt communication. The Digital Experience includes 7 teaching videos, an online study guide and access to additional tools and resources to help spouses reconnect.
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