Real Families. Real Hope.
Offer God's hope to hurting families.
Yes, I will help struggling families!
$

Perfect Isn’t the Point

Share:
Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on pinterest
Share on print
Share on email
Marta Antelo
Perfectionism isn't healthy for us or our relationships. It feeds discontent. It fosters judgment. So, how do we get out from under the pressure of perfectionism? It all starts with grace.

I was putting the finishing touches on the sweet potatoes when I realized that the Jell-O salad I’d made for dinner didn’t set. The rolls I’d made from scratch weren’t rising, and our youngest son was having a meltdown. Then my husband phoned to let me know he would be home late. My plan for a perfect evening was unraveling.

Many of us long to create the “perfect” family, but more often than not, we fall off the pedestal of our own expectations. We long for quiet, but children are naturally loud. We desire a neat home, but family life inevitably brings clutter.

Too often we set up our husband, our family and ourselves for failure. We have a fantasy picture in our mind of how our day or an event will unfold. When our expectation doesn’t play out, we find ourselves frustrated, disappointed and even angry.

Perfectionism isn’t healthy for us or our relationships. It feeds discontent. It fosters judgment. It causes us to compare our insides with other people’s outsides.

When we expect our kids to be perfect, we become a controlling mom. When we expect our husband to be perfect, we become a criticizing wife. When we expect ourselves to be perfect, we heap judgment on our failures and become our own worst enemy.

So how do we break the chains of unrealistic expectations? How do we get out from under the pressure of perfectionism? It all starts with grace.

God sees the best in us. His grace frees us from striving. It accepts. It heals. And more important, it equips us to give the gift of grace to one another.

Moving from disappointment to grace requires two shifts in perspective. First, we need to shift our perspective from who we think is in control (us) to who is really in control (God). When we trust that God knows what He’s doing, we become more flexible, especially when things don’t go as we planned.

The other perspective change is this: The moment in which we find ourselves is just as important as the moment we planned to be in. We need to embrace “what is” instead of dwelling on “what could have been.” When we allow God to lead and we embrace the moments we’re given, our hearts become compassionate and flexible.

A grace-filled mom handles her kids’ shortcomings with love. A grace-filled wife allows her husband to make mistakes without holding his failures against him. A grace-filled woman sees herself through God’s eyes and resists the temptation to beat herself up when she falls short of perfection. By moving away from unrealistic expectations, we crawl out from under the pressure of perfectionism.

Coming to grips with my unrealistic expectations of a perfect evening, I sat down with my kids to eat our imperfect meal. When my husband got home an hour later, he had dinner as we sat at the table talking together. Then we enjoyed ice cream sundaes with the kids (not a part of my original plan), and the evening was filled with laughter, love and grace.

Continue reading here.

Dynamic CTA Template Below

Your Teen Needs You Most of All

No parent of teens is perfect and even the best can learn how to better connect with their son or daughter. Get practical action steps to better connect with your teenager in 8 Essential Tips for Parenting Your Teen in this FREE video series!

There Is Still Hope for Your Marriage

You may feel that there is no hope for your marriage and the hurt is too deep to restore the relationship and love that you once had. The truth is, your life and marriage can be better and stronger than it was before. In fact, thousands of marriages, situations as complex and painful as yours, have been transformed with the help of professionals who understand where you are right now and care deeply about you and your spouse’s future. You can restore and rebuild your marriage through a personalized, faith-based, intimate program called, Hope Restored.
Emerson-Eggerich4-840w

Understand How to Respect and Love your Son Well

Why doesn’t my son listen to me? Have you ever asked that question? The truth is, how you see your son and talk to him has a significant effect on how he thinks and acts. That’s why we want to help you. In fact, we’ve created a free five-part video series called “Recognizing Your Son’s Need for Respect” that will help you understand how showing respect, rather than shaming and badgering, will serve to motivate and guide your son.
Book Cover: Aftershock A Plan for Recovery

Aftershock: Overcoming His Secret Life with Pornography: A Plan for Recovery

This book is for women who have discovered their husband’s struggle with pornography and other sexual infidelities. Based on biblical principles and psychologically sound advice, Aftershock is designed to help women heal, grow, and receive restoration for themselves, their husbands, and their marriages.
ttwmk-3

That the World May Know

Join renowned teacher and historian Ray Vander Laan as he guides you through the lands of the Bible. In each lesson, Vander Laan illuminates the historical, geographical, and cultural context of the sacred Scriptures. Filmed on location in the Middle East, the That the World May Know ® film series will transform your understanding of God and challenge you to be a true follower of Jesus.
Share:
Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on pinterest
Share on print
Share on email

About the Author

You May Also Like