Want to Be a Better Husband? Hang Out With Good Friends

By Mike Bechtle
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five different types of men
iStock.com/composite by FOTF/Brian Mellema
If you're not sure that certain friendships are having a positive impact on you, consider the influence these guys have on your marriage. Do they encourage you to love your wife more?

“So, have you guys been treating your wives well lately?” Tom asked. It wasn’t a typical halftime question. When men get together to watch a football game, conversation rarely focuses on marriage. When it does, it’s often a snarky comment someone makes about his wife.

This time was different.

“Well, sure. Of course,” was the common reply.

Question No. 2 followed: “So, what have you done lately to make that happen?” We knew Tom was serious because he was the guy who always challenged us to improve our marriages.

“I’ve started leaving my phone in the car when we go to a restaurant,” one guy said.

“We were having friends over, so I asked her how I could help her get ready.”

“She wanted to talk about something, so I turned off the TV.”

Good friends

This is a group of guys who are committed to the growth of their marriages. When we hang out, we do the normal guy stuff. But we’re intentional about challenging one another to be better husbands.

It’s been said that you become like the five people you spend the most time with. Who are the five guys you connect with the most? Are you a better husband because of these relationships? And are they better because they’ve been with you?

This doesn’t mean you have to eliminate all your friendships with men who are down on their marriages — they need your influence, too. You just should prioritize time with men who cherish their wives. Ask yourself, Is this guy the kind of husband I want to be?

What does your wife say?

If you’re not sure that certain friendships are having a positive impact on you, ask your wife how she feels about the influence different guy friendships are having on you. Listen to her. She sees what you’re like when you return home. Is she noticing something you missed, some destructive words or habits that have rubbed off on you?

Want to be a better husband? Hang out with good husbands. Find someone who’s doing it right and invite him out for coffee. Ask questions and listen to his perspective. You might just “catch” what he has.

© 2019 by Mike Bechtle. All rights reserved. Used by permission. This article first appeared in the June/July 2019 issue of Focus on the Family magazine and was originally titled “The Five Guys Who Are Influencing Your Marriage.” If you enjoyed this article, read more like it in Focus on the Family’s marriage and parenting magazine. Get this publication delivered to your home by subscribing to it for a gift of any amount.


Learn How to Cherish your Spouse and Have a Deeper Connection

Why doesn’t my son listen to me? What does it mean to cherish your spouse? Couples who cherish each other understand that God created everyone different, and as a result they treasure the unique characteristics in their spouse. We want to help you do just that. Focus on the Family has created a free five-part video course called "Cherish Your Spouse". In this video series, Gary Thomas will help you have a deeper level of intimacy and connection with your spouse.
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About the Author

Mike Bechtle

Dr. Mike Bechtle is a writer, public speaker and senior consultant for FranklinCovey. He has authored five books, including Dealing with the Elephant in the Room.