Leading Your Family When Chaos Is the Norm

By Daniel Darling
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Illustration of a dad remaining calm while surrounded by chaos
Chris Sandlin
Sometimes it's hard to keep calm and be the dad.

“I honestly don’t know what to do,” I said to my wife over the phone. Crisis always seems to strike when I’m out of town for business, and Angela sounded desperate. Our son was battling asthma attacks. Our oldest daughter was struggling with schoolwork. And, now, to make it a hat trick, our minivan was failing.

Should Angela buy a van? Could we afford it? I was trying to answer these questions
while hurrying between speaking engagements. This was not the image of fatherhood I envisioned before I became a dad.

In our family, parenting amid chaos and crisis never seems to be an anomaly, but the norm. Yes, we try to establish good, healthy habits. But I’ve recently had to embrace two realities: Crisis is an unavoidable part of leadership, and admitting to my weakness is
essential to good parenting.

Calm leadership

As Christians, we know that the world is broken, but we’re often
surprised when the brokenness shows up in our homes. If we expect no problems, we can become
irritable and impatient when the inevitable chaos arrives — and we don’t lead well.

If we’re continually shocked when bad things happen, we’re not equipping our kids for their futures. We’re training them to be shocked by brokenness, to panic in crisis.

I have to regularly remind myself that being a dad means stepping into chaos with calm leadership and grace.

Graceful humility

Nothing has humbled me quite like being a father. All the bravado, the
know-it-all attitude and the dismissal of my own parents’ decisions have quickly evaporated. I
cannot do this on my own. I need supernatural help.

God has intentionally allowed me to have
more than I can handle so that I’m forced into deeper dependence on Him. The truth is, I’m not
clever enough or wise enough for this parenting job. Understanding my limitations frees me to put my trust in God’s limitless power and wisdom. It allows me to live out my faith in front of my family. When I come to the end of myself, I arrive at a divine opportunity to see God’s grace show up amid >the chaos.

Copyright © 2018 by Daniel Darling. Used by permission.


Understand How to Respect and Love your Son Well

Why doesn’t my son listen to me? Have you ever asked that question? The truth is, how you see your son and talk to him has a significant effect on how he thinks and acts. That’s why we want to help you. In fact, we’ve created a free five-part video series called “Recognizing Your Son’s Need for Respect” that will help you understand how showing respect, rather than shaming and badgering, will serve to motivate and guide your son.
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