Focus on the Family

Hope for When You Feel Discouraged as a Mom

A toddler is buckled into his car seat and Goldfish crumbs are scattered around
FOTF/Brian Mellema
Just because the car seats are coated with Goldfish dust doesn't mean you're a failure as a mother.

Kimberly entered the world,
took one look around and let the rest of us know she was not impressed. She cried, fussed
and acted as if sleep was a complete waste of time. Everyone said she would calm down once she
turned 1.

Everyone was wrong.

On her first birthday, Kimberly threw a fit because I
wouldn’t let her play with the knife I was using to cut up fruit for her party. Maybe fit
is not the right word — more like a blind rage that would drive an experienced hostage
negotiator to his knees.

I felt like a failure as a mom. It seemed as if everyone else got
the secret handbook on how to raise their kids well, and apparently, I skipped class that day.

Feeling like you’re the only mom who thinks she’s a failure is all too common. You take a brief
look at social media
and see fresh-scrubbed kids in perfect outfits, enjoying Pinterest-worthy
birthday parties. What you don’t see are the meltdowns and car seats coated with Goldfish cracker

Most of the moms I know have been discouraged at some point in their mothering. It’s
not just you. I promise. Here’s the good news: There are practical ways we moms can regain a sense
of hope.

Build your team

Isolation is one of the biggest contributors to discouragement. When we
feel alone, our minds play tricks on us. Strange thoughts invade. Thoughts like, You know, I bet
that woman down the street never lets her kids eat chips from between the van seat cushions because
she forgot to pack snacks.

One of the most discouragement-busting things I have done as
a mom was to join a mom’s group at my church. Not only did my kids have a safe place to play and
make new buddies, but I also had a safe place to socialize with other moms who struggled like I did.

Limit the lip

I’ve had to watch my conversations with other moms. It’s easy for mom talk
to turn into complaining or venting sessions. Remember the apostle Paul’s admonition: “Let no
corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the
occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” (Ephesians 4:29).

You may need to seek out some like-minded women who can
encourage you to focus on the positive. A few times, I had to “break up” with someone who was
constantly dwelling on the negative. Hard days will come, but keeping a good attitude and having
godly friends who speak encouragement will help you overcome the struggles faster.

Take a break

I used to think I couldn’t afford a day off each week, but I found that
once I started taking a “Sabbath” (we rest from Saturday evening to Sunday evening), I actually
became more productive. Rest requires preparation and planning, but it’s possible to have a restful
day if you precook meals, use paper plates and schedule household tasks for another day. Take time
to enjoy playing with your kids and savor the slower pace.

Finally, remember that this season
isn’t forever. (Sometimes it will feel like it, but it isn’t. I promise.) You’re in a demanding time
of parenting. But God is not just shaping your child; He’s also shaping you — helping you
become the parent your child needs.

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