Catch all the foxes, those little foxes, before they ruin the vineyard of love, for the grapevines are blossoming! (Song of Solomon 2:15, NLT).
What are married roommates? The phrase “married roommates” can look very different depending on the couple. Extensive research was done to understand the subtle differences to help couples pinpoint what is really going on in their relationship and to identify roommate-like behaviors—the little foxes—that have found their way (or could find their way) into their vineyard of love.
- Exhausted: You’re too tired, sleep-deprived or burned-out—you have nothing to give or energy to connect.
- Busy: Hectic schedules and demanding responsibilities leave little time for each other.
- Business-Like Relationship: Most of your communication is around “administrating” your marriage—talking about to-do lists, schedules, kids, finances, etc.
- Gentle Neglect: You or your marriage is constantly taking a back seat to the cell phone, social media, jobs, kids, friends, housework, hobbies, etc.
- Disengaged (separate lives): Your marriage feels like two individuals going in separate directions.
- Complacency: The romantic spark has faded, and the marriage feels predictable—boring even.
- Spiritually Disconnected: You don’t connect together at a deep spiritual level.
- Conflict Avoidance: You or your spouse avoid difficult conversations or sweep negative issues under the rug.
- Sexlessness: 15 to 20 percent of married couples report that sex is routine, dutiful, infrequent or non-existent.
- Feeling Unsafe: Your marriage is not a safe haven where you feel unconditionally accepted and loved.
- Visionless: You don’t have a vision of how you will use your “oneness” to serve God and bless others.
Roommate marriages are lonely. Loneliness is in stark contrast to God’s design for marriage. God created us as relational beings. We long for connection and intimacy—to know and be known by another at the deepest level. It goes against our heart’s desire to feel alone or isolated. As loneliness spreads, divorce enters the picture. Reconnect with your spouse and journey from married roommates to soulmates.
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES
Take the Focus Marriage Assessment – Discover your strengths
Reconnected: The Digital Experience – A 7-week study for church groups and couples
Learn how to enjoy shared activities – Three ways
