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Adding Some Spice to Your Marriage

Adding Some Spice to Your Marriage

Pastor and author Ted Cunningham combines humor with practical advice for enjoying more connection and intimacy in your marriage.
Original Air Date: September 30, 2016

Excerpt:

Ted Cunningham: Early in our marriage, I had to tell her, I go, “Listen, baby. There’s just not a lot of adventure left for men in the world anymore. Okay. So please let me find my own parking space.”

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: “Okay. I want to do it all by myself.”

Audience: (laughs).

End of Excerpt

John Fuller: (laughs). Well, today on Focus on the Family, Ted Cunningham is going to share some really fun insights into how you can have a more enjoyable relationship with your spouse. Thanks for joining us today. Your host is Focus president Jim Daly and I’m John Fuller.

Jim Daly: And John Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. So this is a great time to share a message from Ted Cunningham because he wants to bring joy into your marriage. That’s a good goal. And I really appreciate that perspective. And I think that mirrors God’s heart for our relationships. Uh, Ted is the author of a dozen books. And in this message, he’s talking to married couples about strengthening every aspect of their relationship, including physical intimacy.

John: And given that last point, if you have younger children nearby, we’d advise using earbuds or listening later, uh, via our daily broadcast app. Well, this message is from Focus on the Family’s Date Night Challenge event. And if you like what you hear today, you can get a copy of the entire date night DVD at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast. Here now is Ted Cunningham, founding pastor of Woodland Hills Family Church in Branson, Missouri on today’s episode of Focus on the Family.

Ted: Well, it is good to be here. Hebrews 13:4 says marriage should be honored by all. And the marriage bed kept pure. Now I grew up in an independent, fundamental pre-millennial King James Version only Baptist Church. And so I really shouldn’t even be here tonight-

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: … because you all got some, (laughs). Anyway, I, I grew up in a church in a home that taught me how to love Jesus, but I grew up in a church in a home that taught me how to honor purity, but not necessarily how to honor marriage. So you can imagine seven years into marriage, one night, my wife was in bed reading a book on how men think, it’s not a real thick book.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: You can read it in about a night.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: And I remember her reading this book and flipping the pages and I could tell she was getting more and more mad.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: Getting more and more frustrated. And I’ve told her for years, the problem with our marriage is you read too much.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: You’d stop reading, we’d have a better marriage. And she’s flipping these pages and she finally sets the book down and she goes, “I have to ask you a question and I need an honest answer.” She said, “Have you ever struggled with lust towards another woman?” Now let me teach you something.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: All right. You start by acting as though you didn’t hear the question.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: Huh?

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: Have you ever struggled with lust towards another woman? Tactic two, you act as though you didn’t understand the question.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: What do you mean?

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: But then I knew we were going there. We are going to have a long conversation about the way men think. And, and for the week as we discuss this, we’d walk into stores and anytime a woman would walk towards me, Amy, would look right at me and I’d have to look right into the ground. That was the-

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: … for the whole week. The, the end of the week, this is a true story, she comes up to me and she said, “I’ve been getting some discipleship. I’ve been reading everything I can get my hands on.” For whose the first person she had to go here, right? She had to find out what Beth Moore said about the subject.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: Because if Beth Moore said it, Jesus believes it.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: And she said, “I’m going to tell you something right now, Ted Cunningham. I will be your only fantasy.” Okay. There’s a Hebrew term for that. You know what the Hebrew term is, [Hebrew 00:04:20].

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: But I think Christians should be leading out in this. Husband and wife, the marriage bed kept pure. We, we can have a lot of creative ideas in the marriage bedroom without bringing anything from the world into it. And all God’s people said-

Audience: Amen.

Ted: You’re like, “I don’t know.”

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: It depends on how far he’s going to go with this.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: I’m going to start with the guys just to help you out. ‘Cause I love you. And I care for you. And this is pastoral, uh, care tonight.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: I want to give you a list on how to prepare your wife for a night of romance. Okay. And if you’re not having taken any notes, this is the time to start.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: And get your phone out and you start writing down because we believe in our home, men are microwaves, women are crockpots.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: That’s number one. We actually got a candle that we call the crockpot candle.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: And when that candle is lit, it means tonight’s the night.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: I taught my kids to play with matches. You guys light that thing anytime-

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: … you want.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: But the candle can be lit, and it means, okay, we have all day. So guys, this is all day. We’re preparing her for a night of romance. Okay. Number one, it starts early in the morning. Number two, give her a non-sexual touch before you leave the house. That’s what we call an NST, okay.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: Dr. Greg Smalley says you need 12 of those a day and it’s not 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6-

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: … 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: You know what a non-sexual touch is, right? It’s the hair over the ear. It’s a hand on the back. Is it the, maybe opening a door and the hand on the small of the back, driving down the road, a hand on the thigh, holding hands, a gentle kiss on the cheek. That’s a non-sexual touch. Okay. Call her during the day is added to the list. Call her during the day for no purpose other than to connect with her, just to say, “Hey, how you doing?” Just calling to say, “I want you to know I’m at work, but I’m thinking of you.” Hmm.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: Get home a little bit early, do something domestic.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: If you beat your wife home, get the dishwasher started. You, the key here is you don’t even need dishes in it. Just get-

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: … the dishwasher started. The sound of the dishwasher going on does something to my wife. I can’t explain it. But when I do any sort of cleaning around the house, she’s like, and when she just looks at me, we don’t even have to communicate with words anymore. She looks at me like you are my man.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: The candle is lit.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: Download a lovemaking playlist. Oh, this is good. We got songs. You got songs. We grew up in the ’80s. We got songs. All I have to do, and if I don’t even play it, if I sing it, it’s even better.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: And I want to give you permission to join me as I start singing this song. Okay. So some of you know, it’s going to be good, but it’s good. Listen, all I have to do is walk into the kitchen and start singing this, (singing).

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: (singing).

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: (singing). And she jumps in the air, I grab her.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: And off we go. Now see, all of this is building, right? And I, I try to help my brothers along in this because they’re like, “Well, we don’t really connect all day. And we’d been tired. And while she’s working and I’m working and we’re doing the kids’ activities and we’re getting home, but, but I always like to go into the kitchen about nine o’clock and tap her and be like, “Hey, maybe you want to go.”

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: And she says, “No-

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: … right? You haven’t prepared me.” Right? For a woman, sexual interest is driven by, by energy. This is why, this is why you have to remove distractions. In our home right now we’ve got a ten-year-old distraction and a twelve-year-old distraction.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: And most light the candles lit, I have to run the house, going, “Stay away from your mother, right? Leave her alone. Go to your room right now.”

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: “I just have to say something to mom.” “No, you’re going to say nothing to mom.”

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: “You’re going to leave mom alone.”

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: “You can talk to her in the morning.”

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: Amy, honestly, after a couple of hours, she’ll come out of the bedroom after taking a bath or something, she’d be like, “Hey, where are the kids?” “They’re safe.”

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: “That’s all you need to know. You focus.”

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: “You stay.” I bet that you guys know what I’m talking about. See, you’ve done all this work, you’ve worked for 12 hours.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: And the kid can say or do something, “I’m not really in the mood.” “You stay focused.”

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: “I’ll take care of the kids.”

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: You gotta bring some candles into the bedroom. And this is where the lady start to go, “I’m kind of insecure about my body.” Well, put a boat in the far corner of the room, make him squint, but get a candle.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: Okay. That’s enough for the guys. Ladies, here’s my list for you on how to prepare your husband for romance. Show up naked. That’s it.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: We don’t need no calls during the day just to see how we’re doing.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: We’re fine. The house doesn’t even need to be clean. You’d be amazed at how dirty it can be.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: Marriage should be honored by all. That, you know, that means every single, every married, young, old, it doesn’t matter. All of us are called to esteem marriage as highly valuable.

John: You’re listening to pastor Ted Cunningham on Focus on the Family and we have a CD or audio download available of this broadcast or the entire date night challenge event is available on DVD. It’s intended for mature audiences given some of the topics they cover. Our number is 800-A-FAMILY, if you’d like to get the DVD or the CD, again, 800-232-6459 or donate if you can and request your copy focusonthefamily.com/broadcast. Let’s go ahead and return now to pastor Ted Cunningham.

Ted: I think we’ve gotten away from this next key, uh, verse in the scripture it’s, it’s found in Ecclesiastes. I, I love the bookends of Ecclesiastes. Ecclesiastes one, life is hard. Ecclesiastes 12, then you die.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: That’s a, that’s why a lot of people avoid that book. But generations come and generations go, but the earth remains forever. And then you get to chapter 12 and it says what? Remember your creator in the days of your youth before the days of trouble come where you say, I find no pleasure in them. It’s old age. Here’s the bookends. Life is hard, then you die. But in the middle of this book is Ecclesiastes 9, 7-9, it says this, go and eat your food with gladness, drink your wine with a joyful heart. We were independent, fundamental pre-millennial King James Version only Baptist. We never did that part. We left that part out.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: It says, eat your food with gladness, drink your wine with a joyful heart. For now God favors what you do, but not the independent Baptist, but God favors it.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: Always be clothed in white and always anoint your head with oil. Speaking there of joy and festivity. And then verse nine says this endure life with your wife, all your miserable days.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: I love going to churches where Bibles are closed. And I misquote that verse like that. I’ll say in your life with your wife all your miserable days, and I’ll always get a few, hmm.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: It’s good. It’s good.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: And I’d say, “That’s not what it says.” You know what it says? And it’s the only place in your Bible where it says enjoy life with your wife, whom you love all your meaningless days, for this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun. In other words, you can enjoy life and marriage at the same time. Part of esteem marriage as highly valuable is reminding all of us that you don’t have to choose between life and wife.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: I want you to think about this for just a second, just a second, eHarmony, Match.com, Farmersonly.com comes on the screen.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: But think about the guy who’s sitting at home right now in a bad marriage or in a stuck marriage, or the wife is in a bad marriage, a stuck marriage. They see the twirling couple on the screen. You’ve seen them. Guy comes on. They found their soulmate. They found, we have an algorithm that all you have to do is take a test to put you with the perfect person and he’s going, “Oh, look how happy they look. They’re enjoying life. I’d like to enjoy life like that maybe again, one day.” I did for our marriage-

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: … but now I’m married. And our problem is we never took a test.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: And you know, our culture really is falling for this idea that compatibility is something you find or something you test for. And that’s just not true. Compatibility is something you create. It’s a, you learn to enjoy one another. You learn to be compatible. My wife and I, we are different. I grew up in a home that taught savings was money you put away for a rainy day. She grew up in a home that taught savings was the difference between the actual price and the sale price.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: Does anybody know what I’m talking about? But with our money, we’re learning to become compatible. She grew up-… the holidays. We weren’t compatible with the holidays. They’re coming up again. My wife grew up in the White House, right? Tree in every room, garland over every door, lights everywhere. My family decorated for Christmas on a commercial break. Does anybody know what I’m talking about?

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: Dad would go over to the crawl space, pull out a three-foot pre-decorated tree and put it on the deal, pull off the garbage bag and we’d sing Joy to the World and back to that’s incredible. That’s how it worked.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: But not my wife. And so you can imagine every Christmas early on, especially by the time I’m getting the 57 box down out of the attic that says Christmas decor. I’m in no mood to celebrate the birth of my Lord and savior.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: Anybody with me? Am I the only one? I’ve ticked off. But we’re finding ways to be compatible. And here’s one of the little tools that we’ve picked up. And actually I’ve picked this up from my friends, Jason Earls and John Branyan they’re comedians. And they have what’s called in comedy, the callback. The callback, it’s what makes your favorite comedian, your favorite comedian. It’s what makes your favorite sitcom, your favorite sitcom. And here’s how it works. Something happens. There’s an event. You put a little space between the event, but then you bring the callback in at a later time.

Ted: It’s Jeff Foxworthy, right? Anytime he says, you might be a redneck, we all die laughing. Bill Engvall: Here’s Your Sign, right? Those are the callbacks those guys have. And we’ve decided we need some callbacks in our marriage in order to enjoy one another. My wife, she, she’s a foodie. Do we have any foodies in here? Let me see the hands of all the foodies. Okay. I’m not a foodie. What a foodie means is you go into a restaurant and you never leave full. That’s the definition of a foodie.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: Small portions, big prices. We’re in New York. She walks me into this restaurant and I sit down like, “Oh, this is going to be bad. I’m not going to get enough food.” Waiter walks over.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: He has a plank and there’s a mint leaf sticking out this side and a mint leaf sticking out that side. And I ask him, “Is that the salad?”

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: “Is this where we’re starting this thing?” And I kid you not. He says, “No, here’s what the chef recommends that you take the mint leaf, you begin rubbing it over your lips and under your nose and on your chin. You just really begin. It’s going to prepare you for the meal.” I look over, my wife’s totally into it.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: I’m still holding mine.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: And I told the guy, I said, “You know, I grew up in Illinois-

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: … where we grew a lot of produce, we just never once thought about rubbing it on our faces.”

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: “And I think of a husband and a wife are gonna rub vegetables on their face together-

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: … I think it should be done in privacy. And you don’t even need to be here right now.”

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: He wouldn’t leave. So ’cause he wouldn’t leave I decided I’m going to wear this mint leaf out. So I’m-

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: … I’m rubbing I hand it back to him and he takes it off. But now watch the callback. ‘Cause my wife knows that is just not a comfortable situation for me. And, and I hear guys say this to me a lot. They’ll say things like, “You know, that’s her thing. It’s not my thing.” But compatibility is her thing becoming your thing and your thing becoming her thing, of finding ways to enjoy it. So here’s the callback on that one. Now when we’re at my favorite restaurant [le 00:17:57] Cracker Barrel-

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: … all I have to do is lean over, grab a piece of her broccoli and go like that a little bit.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: And she’s ready to go.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: We’ve become more compatible in this area too. Early in our marriage, I had to tell her, I go, “Listen, baby. There’s just not a lot of adventure left for men in the world anymore. Okay. So please let me find my own parking space.”

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: “Okay. I want to do it all by myself.”

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: “I want to provide it for my family.”

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: She’d point a spot three spaces in, I drive 20 spaces down.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: And she used to look at me with those eyes said, “You stubborn, stubborn man.”

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: But not anymore. You know what part of becoming compatible requires and enjoying life together requires you have to fire one another as the source of life. Jesus is our source of life-

Audience: Yes.

Ted: … not one another. So here’s what we did. I’m going to ask you, I’m gonna invite you to be a part of doing this with us. I’m going to have you raise your right hand and repeat after me. Go ahead. This is the participatory part of the night.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: Raise your right hand. Repeat after me. I-

Audience: I.

Ted: State your name.

Audience: State your name. (laughs).

Ted: Everybody’s part of the comedy tour now.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: Do hereby resign.

Audience: Do hereby resign.

Ted: As general manager of the universe.

Audience: As general manger of the universe.

Ted: And my spouse.

Audience: And my spouse.

Ted: Okay. Now watch this. This is the best part. Take your finger for the very last time. That finger that has been pointing blame at your spouse for years for your unhappiness, point at your spouse for the very last time. And say these words that will set you free in Jesus.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: Say, you’re fired.

Audience: You’re fired.

Ted: You will no longer suck the life out of me.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: Jesus is my source of life, not you.

Audience: Jesus is my source-

Ted: You don’t have to keep repeating, I’m teaching now.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: But some of you are really getting into that. And I’ll say another thing.

Audience: (laughs).

Speaker 5: Say another thing.

Ted: The way you, okay, so stay with me we’re almost done for the night. So now, because we fired one another as a source of life, no more, you will not do, so now guess what that does, it turns conflict into fun. It turns it into that callback. We’re able to enjoy one another, even in a parking lot. And so now we pull in and she points, I’ve told her the rules of the parking lot have not changed. I can’t, from the foundations of the earth, God set up the rules when a woman points out a spot automatically disqualifies that spot.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: It’s no longer an available spot.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: So I’ve go past her third space in, 20 spaces down in there and I sit. And you know what, she does know when I love it. She leans over and she starts massaging my bicep.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: And she’ll say, “You did this all by yourself.”

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: And I can’t fully explain it, but it does something to me.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: You know what I caught her doing a couple of years ago? She knows those Andes Candies at the end of an Olive Garden meal are like crack to me. I love those Andes Candies.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: She bought a bag of them. She keeps them in her purse for when I do something good.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: And it was in a parking lot I received my first one. She pulled it out.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: She handed it to me. I grabbed that out of her hand. I’m opening up and I realize.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: My wife just gave me a tree.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: She is rewarding my good behavior.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: I, I’m a dog!

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: I was all right. I opened it up and I enjoyed it anyway.

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: That’s turning conflict into a callback. And, and you just have to make the decision, right? The decision to stay married flows from your character. That commitment flows from character and character trumps compatibility. Compatibility flows from your character. And we have received some great callbacks from those out on tour. And one of my favorite ones comes from a guy. He sa- he said, “My wife called me at work one day and the toilet was running. And I, I told her to go over take the lid off the top and look down the chain is probably on the bottom, just reach down, grab the chain, put it back.” And he go- and he’s explaining it to her. And she goes, “Ew.”

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: She says, “I’m not reaching my hand in there. Disgusting.”

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: And he goes, “Honey, it’s clean water. It’s like the water that comes out of the sink.” And he has to talk her into it. So he finally talks her into reaching her hand in there. But right before, (laughs) right before she does, she asked him the question, “Am I going to get electrocuted?”

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: And he came up with the most brilliant callback. He said, “Honey, you have to unplug the toilet first.”

Audience: (laughs).

Ted: Thank you very much, Day Night Comedy Tour, it’s been great being with you. You’ve been a lot of fun tonight. Thanks.

John: We’ve been listening to pastor Ted Cunningham today on Focus on the Family and, uh, what an enthusiastic crowd, Jim.

Jim: Well, what a great way to share encouragement for marriages. And I want to emphasize what Ted there, right at the end, he had everyone resigned from the position of general manager of the universe and-

John: Hmm.

Jim: … my spouse. (laughs). And man that hits me right in the heart. I hope you caught that. Uh, it reminds me of the saying, you can’t be your spouses Holy Spirit.

John: Yeah.

Jim: How many times do we try to do that? Uh, I think this is one of the critical challenges in marriage and Ted said it in a funny way, but it is deeply true. We really, uh, can’t change our spouse, so stop trying. But we can change our own attitudes and behavior toward our spouse, especially with the help of the Holy Spirit. And if we take Ted’s advice, we can relax a bit and accept our husband or wife and their flaws and hopefully they’ll accept ours and work on those things that are within. And John, I got to tell you, this is a real recipe for a peaceful home.

John: And I’m going to have to take this message to heart next time I’m just itching to tell Dena how to-

Jim: (laughs).

John: … load the dishwasher-

Jim: (laughs).

John: … properly.

Jim: Yeah, yeah me too.

John: (laughs).

Jim: Now, Jean and I, I mean, she does most of that and I’m grateful to her and I do chip in.

John: Yeah. I just need to let Dena do it her way. And if I really-

Jim: (laughs).

John: … feel the urge to say something to add in a little humor as Ted might advise you.

Jim: Yeah, that’s right. And you know, humor helps in any relationship, especially when things get tense.

John: Yeah.

Jim: Uh, well you can start improving your marriage by creating your own date night event right there at home. Get the date night challenge DVD from us, put the kids to bed and then watch it together and laugh together. The DVD is over two hours long and is hosted by Greg and Erin Smalley. It features Ted Cunningham’s entire message plus presentations from comedians, John Branyan and Jason Earls. And let me just add a thank you to the faithful givers who support the ministry, allowing us to produce marriage strengthening materials, like the date night challenge DVD. If you haven’t given lately, let me encourage you to join our team today to support marriages in all stages, from engaged couples to those in the retirement years. Here’s just one success story from a listener. She wrote, the Focus on the Family broadcast has helped restore my marriage. I began listening several years ago when we were on the brink of divorce. I’ve been applying suggestions from your program and our marriage is now thriving.

John: Hmm.

Jim: Thank you so much for being a channel for God’s truth. Man, that is good stuff. And that impact is thanks to faithful donors. And of course the Lord working through all of us. And I want you to be a part of this marriage building team. And the best way to do that is by becoming a monthly donor. It doesn’t have to be a big amount. It’s the consistency that really helps us month to month. And when you partner with us with a monthly pledge of any amount, I want to provide you with the date night challenge DVD. And if a monthly commitment won’t work for your budget right now, we understand that we can send the date night DVD to you for a one-time donation of any amount.

John: And you can reach us by calling 800-A-FAMILY 800-232-6459, or donate online and request your DVD at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast. And let me point out that, uh, the DVD is intended for a mature audience. It’s, uh, covering topics of course, of interest to couples. And so if you just want what you heard on the air today, request the CD or the audio download. When you’re online with us, check out our free marriage assessment. It takes just a few minutes and it’s going to help you identify the strengths and maybe a few weaknesses in your relationship. More than a million have taken this free marriage assessment, it’s online at our website. On behalf of Jim Daly and the entire team, thanks for joining us today for Focus on the Family. I’m John Fuller, inviting you back as we once again help you and your family thrive in Christ.

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Dr. Kevin Leman offers advice to help parents transform their child’s behavior. He discusses the benefits of allowing your kids to learn from real-life consequences and describes the importance of understanding your child’s temperament based on his birth order. Featuring Jean Daly. (Part 1 of 2)

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Affair-Proof Your Marriage (Part 1 of 2)

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Affair-Proof Your Marriage (Part 2 of 2)

Pastor Dave Carder offers couples practical advice for protecting their marriages from adultery in a discussion based on his book Anatomy of an Affair: How Affairs, Attractions, and Addictions Develop, and How to Guard Your Marriage Against Them. (Part 2 of 2)