Focus on the Family Broadcast

Preview:

Julie Reuschel: There were days, in that year after, where it wasn’t okay. And I wasn’t okay. And could’ve easily gone the other way. And now, four or five years later, we see God in those moments. But, in that moment, you don’t see God.

End of Preview

Jim Daly: Right.

Julie: You know? And so, it takes years and still days where it’s very hard. But it takes years to see that. Okay, God, maybe there were little things in her death that are now okay. Like-

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Julie: Look at all the families we’re able to help. And, but in the moment, and for those families going through it, they, it is okay-

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Julie: … to not be okay.

John Fuller: That’s Julie Reuschel. And she and her husband, Chris, join us today on Focus on the Family. Your host is Focus president and author, Jim Daly, and I’m John Fuller.

Jim: You know, John, having a baby is a time of great excitement and joy. Um, but sometimes things don’t go as well as we’d hope. And what should be an exciting time turns into a devastating experience. Uh, tears of joy turn to tears of grief. But in the midst of it all, you know, God is there. He’s in that valley with us. Uh, he shows up, reminding us of the beautiful miracle of life, uh, no matter how brief it may be. I’m reminded of one of my favorite verses in the scripture, Psalm 34:18, and it says, “The Lord is near to the broken hearted and saves those crushed in spirit.” If you’ve suffered the loss of a pregnancy, or an infant, or maybe, you know someone who has, we wanna help you find hope and healing in community and in Christ. And our guests today have just that story.

John: They do. And, as I introduce them, let me just remind you that Focus on the Family is here to help. If we can be of any service to you, we have caring Christian counselors, and resources. Um, we’d be happy to connect you with whatever might, uh, serve you. So give us a call. Our number’s 800-A-FAMILY or stop by focusonthefamily.com/broadcast. And as I mentioned, Chris and Julie Reuschel are with us. Uh, they have a ministry called Faith45 to help families through pregnancy and infant loss. And they’re from Holland, Michigan, and have two young children, Elliot and Sophie.

Jim: Chris and Julie, th- it’s great to have you here. Thank you.

Julie: Thank you.

Chris Reuschel: Yeah, thanks for having us.

Jim: Um, how long were you married before you learned you were going to be parents?

Julie: So, it was about four years.

Chris: Four years, yep.

Julie: Yep. Four years.

Jim: So four years in, and you realize you’re pregnant, obviously.

Julie: Yes.

Jim: You did the test, right?

Julie: Yes.

Chris: Mm-hmm.

Julie: (laughs).

Jim: And, about 20 weeks, you go in for the ultrasound. What, what did you discover?

Julie: Um, well at our normal, just 20-week ultrasound, it was very exciting. And all of the first time feels, obviously. And then we didn’t really know. Our pediatrician was a little bit, or my OB was a little bit worried. And so she’s like, “You know, we’re gonna send you to a specialist.”

Jim: Right.

Julie: Which, of course, as first-time parents-

Chris: Yeah.

Julie: … you’re like, “Uh, what?” (laughs). A specialist? So, we had to go to Grand Rapids. Um, and we found out that she was quite sick.

Jim: Yeah.

Julie: Um, she wasn’t moving as much as she should’ve been, like a normal baby. And just a lot of abnormalities.

Jim: So now, at 20 weeks you get this diagnosis, uh, you still have a long way to go. Uh, what were those conversations like? What were you saying to God?

Chris: Um, y- went through a lot of range of emotions. Um, every emotion that you could come up with a definition before, is essentially-

Julie: (laughs).

Chris: … what I, personally, went through. From anger to, you know, hope, and faith, and frustration, and literally just yelling at him, out loud. I remember going into the back, we, we live right next to a playground, and they have a big hill. And I went to the top of that, and I just was screaming, screaming at him. And I was probably waking up neighbors, but I just didn’t know what else to do.

Jim: Yeah.

Chris: Um, so it took me a while to get to a point of, okay, yes, science says she is sick. Science says that she probably won’t survive very long. But my God is greater than science, so now we just start praying.

Jim: Yeah.

Chris: And we pray that we know something’s gonna happen.

Jim: Yeah.

Chris: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Julie, um, I’m trying to, you know, we, we each have our vantage point in that moment. And there Chris is, in the night, yelling from the top of the hill. And you’re, I’m sure you’re seeing him struggle, how is that translating into your own struggle? Seeing your husband struggle so much?

Julie: Yeah, it was, it was crazy. Like, it’s just so many emotions that you never expect, especially as first-time parents. I mean- … you never expect that. And, we definitely learned, throughout the next 20 weeks, and really, (laughs), years after that, that like, we grieve very differently. And me- as men and women, as husband and wife, we just, we grieve very differently. So it was, it was hard for me, but it, I think I more focused on me and what I needed in that moment. And I, I don’t know how to describe it, but we just kind of grieved separately, and then kind of grieved together.

Chris: Mm-hmm.

Julie: So I feel like you really more took care of me than I took care of you, I think.

Chris: Yeah. (laughs).

Jim: And really, what the doctors, after the 20-week checkup were telling you, was basically, your baby, most likely, would not survive outside the womb. Is that-?

Julie: Ye- Yeah. They were shocked she had made it 20 weeks. To be honest.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Julie: So, yeah, they said-

Jim: And what was the diagnosis?

Julie: Uh, Trisomy 13.

Jim: Okay.

Julie: Yep. So-

Jim: Uh, let me ask you for the person, you know, that may wobble on this. They have a faith in Christ, I don’t want to, uh, judge that at all, but here they have a medical diagnosis. And, you know, they’ve been told the baby is not going to survive, may not survive even in utero, in the womb. How do you talk to friends that might be experiencing that that are considering terminating that baby because of the, you know, the weeks of carrying a child, I don’t know what that would be like, Julie? To carry a child that you know is not going to live.

Julie: Yeah. It, I mean, it was, it was tough. It was definitely a very hard 20 weeks to keep that faith.

Chris: Mm-hmm.

Julie: And…

Chris: Yeah, and I think, you know, once you get to that point of, depending on where you are, deciding to have an abortion or not, um, if you do go the route of abortion, you’re essentially taking God out of everything.

Jim: Exactly.

Chris: You’re saying, “Okay, you couldn’t do anything. So now, me, who you created, is going to take matters into my own hands.” And that- that’s never gonna be the answer for me, because why would I want to, uh, b- uh, I don’t wanna put God on the bench.

Jim: Yeah.

Chris: I want him as a starter. You know, all the time. (laughs).

Jim: Well, I so, I so appreciate that. And you- you’re a young couple. And I’m, I’m just so encouraged that you have that conclusion. Um, as you moved through the pregnancy, um, you come to the birth moment. I mean, I can’t imagine, Julie, and Chris, what emotions had to be going through-

Chris: (laughs).

Julie: (laughs). It was crazy.

Jim: … knowing this is, uh, uh, oddly, you, the experience is happy, but the outcome is not gonna be happy.

Julie: Yep. Yep.

Jim: How did you process that? And what was that moment like?

Julie: It was, I, it, remember it vividly. I was at work and my water broke. And it was like, uh, okay, here we go.

Jim: Wow.

Julie: And it was early, but it was, I mean, she had made it to 37 weeks, which they never thought was possible. So, I was like, “No, this isn’t supposed to happen yet. But she’s made it to 37 weeks.” So it was just so many different emotions of, yeah, excitement-

Chris: Mm-hmm.

Julie: … and just terrifying, (laughs)-

Jim: Right.

Julie: … just everything in between. So-

Jim: Yeah, how ’bout you, Chris?

Chris: Yeah, I was currently, uh, I was in a meeting with-

Julie: Right.

Chris: … a bunch of other youth pastors, ’cause I was a youth pastor at the time. Uh, and I was like, “Right, here we go, say a prayer.”

Julie: (laughs).

Chris: Whoop. And then I, there I went.

Jim: Yeah.

Chris: And, you know, a- again, it all, it always comes back to faith. That whole time, I was just, I did not think, in my heart of hearts, that she wasn’t going to live. There was never a moment where I was, where I threw in the towel. Up until they gave the, you know, time of death, I was fully anticipating her being fine.

Jim: So she’s born, uh, describe that, you know, physically. What was that experience? How long did she live? Uh, and what were you feeling in that moment? I mean, you see your baby and-

Julie: It was kind of like a hurry up and wait moment, (laughs), because like a lot of first-time parents, it was 26 hours of labor, so it was… And that whole time, not knowing whether she was gonna be alive, you know?

Jim: Right.

Julie: So that was, it was just a-

Chris: Yeah, she literally could have passed at any moment.

Julie: Yeah. Yep.

Jim: Sure.

Chris: During, while we were in the hospital.

Jim: Of course.

Julie: Yep.

Chris: So-

Julie: And, uh, we later found out that she actually was born without a heartbeat, but what was it, seconds, milliseconds later-

Chris: Yeah.

Julie: … she gasped for breath.

Chris: Mm-hmm.

Julie: And she was alive for 45 minutes.

Chris: Mm-hmm.

Julie: So-

Jim: 45 minutes.

Julie: Yes. Yep.

Chris: Yeah.

Jim: And you had 45 minutes with her in that, uh, hospital room.

Chris: Mm-hmm.

Jim: And, yeah, I can see that emotion in you.

Chris: Made, made little cooing sounds, actually-

Jim: Yeah.

Chris: … you know, opened her eyes, which was w- yeah. I mean, it’s indescribable. Um-

Jim: Yeah.

Chris: And then that comes back to, you know, God did wh- what we had prayed for o- originally.

Jim: Yeah.

Chris: It shifted at some point from, “God, have her live and live a long life.” At some point, while she was still in the womb, it switched to more of a “Your will be done.” Sort of scenario.

Jim: Mm-hmm. Phew, that’s a step-in maturity.

Julie: Well and it, yeah, it was, for me it was like, just let us meet her.

Jim: Yeah.

Julie: You know that she’s-

Chris: Mm-hmm.

Julie: … born, that we can spend some time with her. So…

Jim: Mm-hmm. Man.

Julie: And he gave us that, so.

Jim: Yeah. I so appreciate your momma’s heart. I mean, um, I thought that would be there. These are tough things to go through, and yet you, um, you know, I think the perspective that you have is so right on. I mean, this is all in God’s hands. You can’t control it. But you have to have faith in it. I’m sure he was pleased with that faithfulness that you had. That desire to please him.

Chris: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Um, Julie, I just gotta, sorry, I keep coming back to you. I can imagine your little child. Um, in heaven, with the Lord.

Chris: (laughs).

Jim: I mean, do you ever think of those thoughts?

Julie: Oh, yes. Every day. Every day. Um, we lost another little one in 2019. And it’s, like, the only thing that got me through, was knowing that-

Jim: Yeah.

Julie: … those two little girls are together in heaven, fully healed, fully healthy.

Jim: Yeah.

Julie: So, yeah.

Jim: Well and, and when I, again, I so appreciate what I’m hearing from you, is you’re, it seems like your faith in God has not wavered. A lot of people would struggle with this. Uh-

Julie: There were moments. (laughs).

Jim: Yeah, and-

Chris: And there still are.

Jim: Yeah.

Julie: There still are. Yeah.

Chris: It’s, it’s never gonna go away. But-

Jim: But it, it hasn’t, it seems like, it hasn’t taken your faith in God away. I mean-

Julie: It was almost like a, y- it had to be a decision of like, I’m so angry that I, you could go either way. Of completely going away from your faith, or it, for us, being the only thing that got us through those days.

Jim: Right.

Chris: We were standing on a razor’s edge.

Julie: Yeah, yeah.

Chris: At one point. And we were gonna fall one way or another.

Jim: Boy. And for tho- that’s where I wanted to take this, in terms of those couples that fall in the other direction, where their anger and their bitterness is so, understandably, deep. You know, when you lose a child like this.

Chris: Mm-hmm.

Jim: I mean, all the why questions that you have.

Julie: Oh.

Jim: Why couldn’t it h- have gone a different way? Why shouldn’t it have gone a different way? Lord, we’re faithful to you, we believe in you, we live our lives for you, how come you would do this? I mean, those are big questions, no matter what your moment is, uh, loss of a child, loss of a marriage, uh, you know, fill in the blank. And this is a really important teaching moment about staying faithful to God, even in that crisis. Even if you have the valleys.

Chris: Mm-hmm.

Julie: Mm-hmm.

Jim: And you have to have that shouting match with him.

Chris: Sure.

Julie: Yeah.

Jim: And I think, I want to hear, if you can, speak to th- those other people that fall in the other direction on that knife’s edge.

Chris: Mm-hmm. Yeah. It, um, when you talk about the people on the, uh, the razor’s edge, falling one way or the other, um, the beautiful thing about our God is, if you fall the wrong way, he’s there to catch you.

Jim: (laughs). Yeah, right.

Chris: And then help carry you back up.

Jim: Wow.

Chris: It’s not gonna be-

Jim: Yeah.

Chris: He’s not gonna catch you and throw you over to the other side right away.

Jim: Or let you fall.

Julie: Yeah.

Chris: Or let you fall. He’s going to be there to catch you, hold on to you, and then journey with you back until-

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Chris: … it’s not a, you’re, you’re never gonna get to a point where you’re like, “Okay, I think I’m good now.” Like, everything’s going to be fine from here on out. I’m, essentially, over whatever the loss is. Whether that’s a marriage or, you know, a spouse, or a child, it’s gonna be a lifetime journey.

Jim: Right. Right.

Chris: And-

Julie: Well, and-

Chris: He’s just always gonna be there with you to help you back to where we need to be.

Julie: I think it’s hard too, because we say this, four or five years later.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Julie: But there were days, in that year after, where it wasn’t okay. And I wasn’t okay. And could’ve easily gone the other way. And now, four or five years later, we see God in those moments. But in that moment, you don’t see God.

Jim: Right.

Julie: You know? And so, it takes years, and still days where it’s very hard. But it takes years to see that. Okay, God, maybe there were little things in her death that are now okay.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Julie: Like, look at all the families we’re able to help. And, but in the moment, and for those families going through it, they, it is okay-

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Julie: … to not be okay.

Jim: Yeah, that’s really good.

John: And if you’re in a journey of darkness, and you’re not sure where God is in all of this, if you’re feeling very alone, give us a call. Uh, reach out to us. Let us know how Focus on the Family can help. We have caring Christian counselors, and we can set up a time of consultation for you. Our number is 800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY. Or stop by focusonthefamily.com/broadcast.

Jim: So you spent that 45 minutes, uh, with her, that bonding, I can’t imagine.

Julie: It was incredible.

Jim: I mean, you’re bonding with her.

Chris: Mm-hmm.

Jim: That moment that she passes away, I mean, what did the two of you do, right at that moment? Hug each other?

Chris: Man.

Julie: (laughs).

Chris: I think-

Julie: We kinda knew.

Chris: Yeah.

Julie: The doctor didn’t come in until about an hour after she was born. And, and then told us, you know, she was gone. But we kind of knew.

Chris: Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Julie: At the 45-minute mark that, or around 45 minutes, that it was like, okay.

Jim: Yeah.

Chris: Yeah.

Julie: You know, she’s gone to be with the Lord now. So-

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Julie: And then-

Chris: I think we, well, I think it was just you, and me, and her laying on the hospital bed.

Julie: Yeah.

Chris: Just-

Julie: Yeah.

Chris: … in silence.

Julie: Yep.

Chris: D- And a, and a weird feeling of peace, actually.

Jim: Yeah.

Chris: Kind of, in that moment. It wasn’t a, uh, there was no anger.

Jim: Right.

Chris: Ever. It was just, like, this is our family now.

Jim: Right.

Chris: However different it’s gonna look, this is our family now. And-

Julie: Hard to be angry when there’s just a-

Chris: Yeah. (laughs).

Julie: … perfect little girl.

Chris: Yeah.

Jim: There was a, a book that really helped you in the grieving process. What was that book and how did it help you?

Julie: Um, it’s called I Will Carry You, uh, by Angie Smith.

Jim: Hm.

Julie: Um, it was, (laughs), just incredible. They have a similar story, um, lost, found out that their baby was very sick at 20 weeks. So it was just such a similar story. And she’s just an amazing writer. How it’s just, you feel like you’re right there with her. And, uh, a song that was written for their daughter called I Will Carry You by Selah.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Julie: Amazing song. It was sang at Faith’s funeral. And, just, an incredible book. I think the, like, subtitle of the book is The Sacred Dance of Joy and Grief. And it’s like-

Jim: Huh.

Julie: … just that, in and of itself, of like, it’s okay to be joyful.

Chris: Mm-hmm.

Julie: She was born, she lived.

Jim: Right.

Julie: It was a miracle. God gave us our miracle, and time with her.

Chris: Mm-hmm.

Julie: And be able to meet her. But man, was there a lot of grief too.

Chris: Mm-hmm.

Julie: So…

John: Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Jim: And then, I want to move to the next time your pregnant.

Chris: Oh, oh, (laughs).

Julie: (laughs).

Jim: I mean, I, I know people just went, “What?” I mean-

Julie: Yeah.

Jim: … you have to face these fears again.

Julie: Sure do. (laughs).

Jim: And what happened in that situation?

Julie: It was a day-to-day struggle. A day, everyday choice, every morning I remember waking up and saying, “We have to choose joy. We have to choose to trust God every day.” And I think the hardest thing that I can speak, for both of us, was that 20-week ultrasound.

Chris: Oh yes.

Jim: Oh, I can’t imagine.

Julie: ‘Cause that’s where we found out she was sick. And we went back to that same specialist.

Jim: Yeah.

Julie: And it was like, literally, holding our breath the whole time.

Chris: Yeah.

Jim: And what happened?

Julie: And he was perfectly healthy.

Chris: He was fine, yeah.

Julie: And, but even hearing that, it’s still every day, until he was born, and, you know, even after that, it’s just, you’re just, you have to trust God that we will be okay if whatever happens.

Jim: Yeah.

Julie: So-

Jim: So talk about Faith45.

John: Hmm.

Julie: (laughs).

Chris: Yeah, that was a-

Jim: And how did that decision happen? And, and-

Julie: It was a while; it was a long while. Yeah.

Chris: About two years after-

Jim: Boy, that doesn’t sound very long, actually. Two years.

Chris: (laughs).

Julie: (laughs). Yeah, that, yeah.

Jim: But you, you, I mean, obviously, the motivation was there. But what does Faith45 do? Who do you engage? And why do they engage you?

Chris: Yeah. So we reach out and help families dealing with miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant loss. So any one of those three, um, horrible, horrible things we provide support and encouragement for those families. Um, kids, mothers, dads. Um, and the main way that we do that is, we send ’em Faith boxes. You can either order one yourself or a friend can order one for you. It’s full of different things, as far as resources, books, the I Will Carry You book is in there. Some journals, some candles. Um-

Jim: Yeah.

Chris: Different things in there to help you with your journey.

Julie: Stuff that helped us with our grief are, are in there.

Jim: Well, we’ll link with that.

John: Yeah, we will.

Jim: So people, uh, can connect to Faith45 in that way. Uh, let me finish the story though, we only have a few minutes and I wanna make sure people hear wh- what’s happened. And, so you had Elliot, and that went well. And then you were pregnant again.

Julie: Yep, number three.

Jim: Same emotions? Or was it different this time?

Julie: Same emotions. I would say, it really is.

Jim: So, uh, still worried.

Julie: Yep.

Jim: But hopeful.

Julie: Yep.

Chris: Mm-hmm.

Jim: And what happened with that pregnancy?

Julie: Uh, at 10 weeks, no heartbeat.

John: Mm-hmm.

Julie: That was our sweet little Esther.

Chris: Yeah. Yep.

Julie: Up in heaven with Faith. So…

Chris: Mm-hmm.

Jim: Wow. And then-

Julie: Yep.

Jim: Again, you did-

Julie: (laughs). Yep. Uh, we-

Jim: And that’s great. I mean, I’m so encouraged that it didn’t derail your desire to be parents. I mean, that’s another outcome of this, where I think, particularly young couples, give up.

Chris: Yeah.

Jim: Because, especially with faith in Christ, they’re saying, “Okay, well, maybe we’re not meant to have children. Let’s buy a dog.”

Julie: (laughs). Yep. Yep.

Chris: (laughs). Right.

Jim: I mean, I’m so tired of that.

Chris: Yeah.

Jim: Uh, kids are a blessing from the Lord.

Julie: Oh, yeah.

Jim: And I’m so grateful that you kept trying. So-

Julie: It’s the number one thing I’ve always wanted to be, is a mom. (laughs).

Jim: … you did lose that child. Um, with your third child, how did that process go? Was it a different process from Faith? Even though you lost that child as well.

Julie: It was different, ’cause it was earlier. But it was a lot of the same emotions.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Julie: I mean-

Chris: Yeah. It was, we went to the normal doctor’s appointment pregnant, and we left, then we weren’t anymore.

Julie: Yeah.

Jim: Right.

Chris: And with Faith, there was a whole lot of other stuff that-

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Chris: … had to be done. Um, funeral arrangements, and, you know, carrying for 37 weeks, that’s huge. And there’s like, baby stuff in the house. With Esther it was just-

Julie: Just felt so sudden.

Chris: … it was just like-

Jim: Right.

Chris: … we didn’t, we didn’t have to do anything. She was there and then she wasn’t.

Julie: Yeah, it was-

Jim: Do you think in some ways-

Julie: … it was very sudden.

Jim: … with Esther, h- what you had to go through with Faith, that made that, um, more understandable emotionally?

Chris: I think it s-

Jim: Like, helped that way?

Chris: It helped me knowing that, with Faith, yes, Jesus was there receiving her, showing her around. Uh, but there’s something different about, uh, being able to be shown around by your big sister.

Jim: Yeah.

Chris: That I thought was, that was very cool. And was helpful to me.

Jim: That’s a great picture.

Julie: (laughs).

Chris: Yeah. Seriously, I’m just like, I don’t know how old you are when you go to heaven or whatnot, but-

Jim: (laughs).

Julie: (laughs).

Chris: I gotta imagine Faith’s a little older, ’cause that’s just how it is.

Jim: Right.

Chris: And just, walking around like, “Hey, look at this. Hey, look over here. This is really cool.”

Jim: Yeah.

Chris: I mean, that’s just-

Jim: That puts a smile on your face.

Chris: … how I like to… It does. It does.

Jim: Yeah.

Chris: And so I think that, uh, uh, that eased it a little bit. Um, for me.

Julie: I feel like the grief process was a little different though, because we didn’t have a funeral, you know? Because we didn’t get that closure, almost.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Julie: You know, it was very sudden, of just like, I n- am not pregnant anymore.

Jim: Right.

Julie: And it’s early, that, so we hadn’t told a lot of people, but it was just, it was different.

Jim: Right.

Julie: But the grief was still the same, you know?

Jim: Yeah. No, that’s good to hear. And then number four.

Julie: Yep.

Chris: Yep.

Jim: Your fourth child.

Julie: (laughs).

Jim: Uh, tell us that story.

Chris: Oh, this is a story.

Julie: Yep. She was, (laughs), she was-

Chris: Go for it, Julie. (laughs).

Julie: … great. She was healthy. The whole pregnancy. It was a dream pregnancy, it really was. God blessed us with that. And she just made her very sudden entrance into the world.

Chris: (laughs).

Jim: (laughs).

Julie: Emergency C section. So that was a-

Jim: Really?

Julie: … an experience in and of itself, but-

Chris: Yeah.

Jim: A little bit early, or-?

Julie: Nope, uh, two days early. But she just wanted to be here.

Jim: (laughs).

Julie: (laughs). And so, but she, once she was born, um, she had a blood transfusion right away and was completely healthy from there on that. So, yeah.

Jim: Oh wow. Okay. And she’s doing well?

Julie: She’s doing great. She really is.

Jim: So you have your-

Chris: (laughs).

Jim: … two here on earth.

Julie: Yep.

Jim: And two in heaven.

Julie: Yep. That’s what we always say.

Chris: Yep, that’s what we say.

Jim: Man.

Julie: Yep, yep.

Jim: You know, as we close here, um, speak to the mom and dad who maybe just received, in the last few days-

Julie: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … a similar diagnosis, that their baby most likely won’t live outside on the womb, or however that is unfolding for them. Um, they’re feeling frightened, angry, like you on the top of that hill, Chris-

Chris: Mm-hmm.

Jim: … when you were shouting out to God. They’re not sure what to do. Obviously, one thing they can do is come to your website, Faith45, and again, we’ll link to that. Wh- Wh- What would you say to encourage them in this moment? It almost sounds like a drop of water hit onto a hot frying pan.

Julie: Hm.

Chris: Mm-hmm.

Jim: But wh- what would that drop of water from you be?

Chris: I would say, this isn’t surprising God. It’s not like he didn’t know this was going to happen. Um, let your emotions be what they’re going to be.

Jim: Be honest.

Chris: Be honest with yourself, be honest with your spouse, what you need from them. If you need to take a couple minutes just to sit in a room by yourself, do it, that’s okay.

Jim: Yeah.

Chris: Um, don’t listen to anybody else. (laughs). It, there’s gonna, there’s a ton of people who are gonna voice their opinion. Um-

Jim: Oh, yeah.

Chris: Just don’t listen to ’em. Just pray. Pray, pray, pray.

Jim: Did you have that experience? A lot of people came up to you to tell you what they thought theologically about your baby?

Chris: Oh. Mm-hmm. Heaven just needed another angel.

Julie: Yep.

Chris: They have enough, A.

Julie: (laughs).

Chris: And B, that’s not how it happens.

Jim: Right.

Chris: (laughs). We don’t become angels. So it’s like, don’t, don’t tell me things like that.

Jim: Wow. That’s a good message.

Chris: Um, so, and that’s why we do Faith boxes, so we can show support and encouragement. Because a lot of times, you don’t know what to say, especially if you’ve never gone through it.

Jim: Yeah. Yeah.

Chris: So that’s why w- this was a big push for us to do that.

Julie: Well, and I think part of the Faith boxes too is, and to answer your question, what my two things would be. It’s okay to not be okay. Like, it is, every emotion your feeling is okay. God can handle it. And then, for those supporting people getting those, is that it’s okay to not say anything. Like, so much of it is just sit there with them.

Jim: Yeah.

Julie: Cry with them.

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Julie: Don’t feel like you have to say the right thing. ‘Cause it’s probably not gonna be the right thing.

Jim: (laughs).

Julie: And it’s, the most supportive thing is just be there for them. And if you don’t know what to say, that’s where our Faith boxes came in. Of like, here’s something tangible that you can do for a family.

Jim: Yeah, yeah.

Julie: And then out of that, I’m just gonna quick plug our mentorship program too.

Chris: Mm-hmm.

Julie: We decided to start a mentoring program. It’s all done electronically, of someone that just can send a text, who has, all of our mentors have gone through loss. So they get it. And it’s just sending a mom a text of like, encouragement, a bible verse, I’m here for you, someone just to listen.

Jim: Yeah. Yeah.

Julie: Who gets it. Because so many people in your life might not get it. Or they may think they get it.

Jim: (laughs).

Julie: Or try to get it. And they just don’t.

Jim: That sounds like what the body of Christ should be, right?

Julie: Yeah.

Jim: No matter what the problem, but, um-

Julie: Yep.

Chris: Mm-hmm.

Jim: It’s so great to here. And again, I’m so encouraged, uh, you’re a young couple. I love it. I love your vibrancy in Christ. And your faithfulness in him. It gives me hope for the future.

Julie: (laughs).

Chris: (laughs).

Jim: We can see a lot of things on the landscape, and kind of, oh. But I mean, I just really am encouraged by you both. Thanks for being with us today.

Julie: Thank you so much.

Chris: Thanks for having us. It’s been a blast.

Julie: Yes. Thank you so much.

John: Well, what a powerful conversation with Chris and Julie Reuschel today, on Focus on the Family. And the story of their little daughter, Faith, is so touching.

Jim: It is. And while it’s difficult, I love how God redeemed that story and has given them a beautiful way to minister to other moms and dads walking through the grief and devastation of miscarriage and infant loss. If you’ve experienced that loss, I hope you’ll get in touch with us. We have numerous resources to help you, including the book Julie and Chris mentioned, uh, it’s called I Will Carry You by Angie Smith. Um, you know, the crucial moment in Chris and Julie’s story was that 20-week ultrasound. That’s when they learned little Faith was not healthy. And when they received the reassurance that their subsequent children, Elliot and Sophie were doing well.

John: Yeah. Ultrasound is such an amazing technology that makes such a difference in someone’s heart when it comes to abortion. Um, so often when a mom gets a glimpse of her baby for the first time on that screen, dads too for that matter, it is a special moment.

Jim: Yes, it is. (laughs). And over 54% of women who have counseling and that ultrasound choose life. And that’s one reason we celebrate and honor life with our annual SeeLife events. In fact, in May, we’ll start a 12-week digital journey that will culminate with a live simulcast event on June 14th at the Focus on the Family campus. And that’s also why we established our Option Ultrasound Program. Through that program, mothers considering abortion can meet the baby growing inside of them and hear that precious heartbeat. Uh, your financial support equips pregnancy medical centers with equipment and training to provide free ultrasounds to mothers considering abortion. Since the beginning of the Option Ultrasound Program in 2004, the number of babies saved is estimated to be more than 480,000. But so many more lives are on the line. Every $60 you give will help save a baby from abortion through our Option Ultrasound Program.

John: And right now, uh, we have a great matching opportunity for you, which means your gift, today, will save twice the number of lives.

Jim: Yes. Because Friends of Focus will match your gift dollar for dollar. $60 becomes $120. And you save two lives. And when you donate, a gift of any amount, we’ll send you a copy of that book by Angie Smith, I Will Carry You, as our way of saying thank you for seizing this pro-life moment and saving babies.

John: Learn more about SeeLife 2022, coming up in June. Our, uh, live simulcast. And donate to Option Ultrasound with that matching opportunity. Get your copy of I Will Carry You, all the details at focusonthefamily.com/broadcast, or call 1-800, the letter A, and the word FAMILY. 800-232-6459. Well, coming up tomorrow, Cheri Fuller gives some tips on connecting with your grandchildren.

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Cheri Fuller: Connect with them of something they like to do, not so much that you like to do. It could be going to a movie. It could be taking them to their very favorite restaurant. I mean, you can reach their hearts through their stomach.

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John: (laughs).

Cheri: You still can.